A/N: Credit for this goes to my husband. I edited it a little for clarity but he wrote it. Rated M for a reason!

He wasn't entirely sure how it came about, but he was finally penetrating a woman in God knows how long, and Dick Simmons was euphoric. It had been Sister's idea for them to keep their helmets on. A little kinky, but who cares. He felt like it was his first time all over again.

She was riding him hard and yipping like a cowgirl on a mechanical bull, the scene complete with raucous country music. "C'mon Dickie, show me what you got!"

He banged into her again and again. They hadn't been at it long, but he was feeling that sweet release building.

"Woohoo!" Sister cried.

In his head, he heard mission control begin the much-anticipated countdown. "10…, 9…, 8…, 7…, 6…, 5…, 4…, 3…,"

The music stopped abruptly. "Get off my private!" yelled a husky voice from the doorway. The next sound was a click as Sarge's shotgun cocked.

The couple froze, staring at him in shock. Before either could protest, Sarge shot the mirror just beyond them and Sister took off, screaming profanities.

"That's right you dirty Blue!" Sarge bellowed at her retreating form. Then he turned and approached Private Simmons. "Dear God, boy!" Sarge exclaimed. "What was she doing to you?"

Simmons was shaking. In anger. He had his suit and his gun right next to him on the floor. His hand slowly snaked toward his gun as Sarge stood over him, trying to assess any injury to his still naked body. As soon as he felt its heft in his hand he pointed it upward and shot Sarge in the face, point blank.

"Agh! Simmons, your weapon discharged! Put it down!"

"NO IT DIDN'T, THANKS TO YOU!" Simmons roared, and finished the clip. Sarge collapsed to the floor. Simmons was still not content. He stood up, and grabbed another clip.

Sarge pulled himself up on all fours, then stood on his knees, staring in shock at Simmons who was standing over him, but before he could say anything…

"What the hell?" Grif exclaimed at the scene as he walked in.

~Fade to black~

…..

"Grif! Simmons is about to unload on my face again!" Sarge pleaded.

"It was your sister's idea!" Simmons yelped.

….

"Please…don't tell Donut."