PokeContestIkari Story: I Don't Want A Fighter

Chapter 10: At Long Last, My Lonely Love

The rain had subsided, and now all Hikari could see was the moon.

It majestically shined down upon the two of them, as the morose, yet familiar forest stood behind them. The view of the small town where the two resided in, inhabited by the people who despised them, basked in the moon's glow, the lights in houses and streetlights radiating even more from the vibrant beam of light. Twinkling stars sparkled in front of the moon, almost as if they were marveling at the grandiose occurrence of a full, vivid moon in a dark, navy blue sky. The moon seemed to cast a tranquilizing atmosphere upon the sky, the town, and the young man and woman standing on the precipice. Peace, harmony and serenity had overcome the usual bustling, occupied setting, and that's all Hikari could ever want. The sight of natural, unaltered beauty that the Earth provided was always very moving to her, and nobody knew that better than the tall, ominous man who stood beside her.

Sighing, she closed her eyes, and genuinely smiled for the first time in months. Her hands involuntarily lay upon her heart, the rhythm of her heart being calm and soothing. She was not aware that Shinji was watching her every move out of the corner of his eye. He was silently in awe of her mannerisms, her overall beauty, her presence, but mostly, her smile. That smile got to him every time he saw it, and sadly, mostly due in part to him, that smile just didn't seem to exist anymore. Of all people in the world, he didn't think he would be the one to make her smile by his own doing, but he knew that bringing her to the place— their place—with so many memories, and the sight of the night sky as well, would make her happy. Even if it were just for a few seconds that she'd be happy, as long as she was in that state for some time, that's all that mattered to him.

"It's funny how some things never seem to change." She muttered under her breath, in that scratchy, high-pitched voice that was unique to her.

He didn't respond. He averted his attention to the sky, trying to comprehend why she adored the moon and the stars so much. It would always be a mystery to him, but he didn't have to understand that. It wasn't necessary for him to realize why she liked certain things so much, like chocolate biscotti and cartoons, or why she disliked things so much, like disorganization or unfriendly people; it was only necessary for him to know that she just did.

"…yeah." He later replied in his low voice, still looking at the night sky.

Silence fell upon them, which was not peculiar for the two; many things were unusual between them, but silence was not among one of those things. If they had one thing in common, they both enjoyed when silence fell upon them. Although at this particular time, Hikari wanted to talk to Shinji, not primarily to gain answers, but to just see if she could get the real side of Shinji out, so that he can be the husband that he has wanted to be since they were bound for life, in sickness and in health.

"How long?" She asked, breaking the silence between them.

When he looked down at her to respond, he saw that she had her fist clenched, and held up to her mouth; just like she used to do when she was nervous around him. He mentally smirked at that, but answered her rather promptly.

"How long what."

"How long have you been…you know…"

He continued to stare at her, observing her behavior. She was very fidgety, and he could sense how uncomfortable she was. He did not want her to be uneasy, so he leisurely sat down, and motioned for her to join him. She sat down, but not very close to him. Feeling a tad awkward, they both looked out at the night sky, gaining that feeling of serenity again before turning to face one another again. Before he could answer her, he gazed into her big blue eyes, which were even more beautiful under the moon's rays.

"About a month or two after we got married, so almost a year, really." He answered, looking directly at her, pursing his lips.

"I see…so…for a while." She commented, pursing her lips as well.

"…yeah."

"Shinji—"

"It was all for you."

She stopped herself when she heard him say those words. He did too, for he was shocked that he actually said that out loud to her. Mortified, he looked at his hands, which had involuntarily started shaking a little; when he felt his face become hot with embarrassment, he turned his head completely away from her. He swore he would never admit to her the intent of his actions, for the sake of his own pride and her protection. However, the time had felt right to start admitting things, and to start being truthful to one another since a colossal, continual lie had just been figured out, and that lie had single-handedly caused mass, unfortunate events and pain between the both of them; grueling, unforgiving, unnecessary pain. He looked down at the ground and sighed before looking at her again, paying attention to that familiar sparkle in her eyes.

"I…I, uh…" He found himself stuttering over his usual thought-out, intellectual statements. She watched him curiously, confused as to why he was having such difficulty speaking all of a sudden.

"Shinji?" She asked, purely out of concern. She had never seen him act this way, and perhaps he had taken too many hits to the head, or punched under the chin too many times. (All of these thoughts were not intended to be offensive, but out of worry) Feeling concerned, she shifted a little closer to him, trying to look him in the eye, but he would not let that happen. She was going to touch his shoulder, but she figured he'd probably try to smack her away or yell at her. So, she sat there quietly, waiting for him to say something. A full minute had passed before Hikari had started to feel a bit impatient.

"Shin—"

He held his hand up, issuing for her to be quiet and let him regroup his thinking. After collecting his thoughts, he looked at her once more, and asked her a simple question.

"Are you happy?"

She was sort of taken aback by his question, mostly because of how random it seemed. When she started to ponder on how she was going to answer it, she found herself stuck in a conundrum, for she wasn't so sure herself. He analyzed her as she delved into deep thought, and seeing her do that made him a little apprehensive. The fact that she had to think about whether or not she was happy made him think that he had failed as her protector, and more importantly, her husband. It had taken her more than five minutes to respond to his question, and with every passing second he could feel his nerves tingling more and more.

"I don't know."

His eyes turned stone cold. She noticed, and shifted back from him a little bit. "I mean…" she began, but never finished.

Silence fell upon them again. She timidly looked down at the ground, awkwardly rubbing her arm. He deeply sighed, not being able to take in what she had just said then and there. All of the fighting—the bruises, the broken bones he tried to hide, the blood, sweat—never tears—was all for the sake of her happiness, yet she wasn't sure if she was happy. He wasn't sure what more he could do.

'Teenage girls are INSATIABLE.' He thought to himself, grunting.

"Okay." He coldly states, not being able to look at her.

"…I may not be happy but I'm content."

"Is that supposed to be better?"

She doesn't respond.

"Princess…I may be a scary guy, but I don't fight people. I never thought I would find myself beating the shit out of strangers…hell, I would never let myself do that to anyone. But all I could think about was you—your safety, and keeping you protected. Hiring Haruka and Kasumi...staying away from you all that time…was an attempt to make you happy after all the turmoil you had gone through."

She remains silent.

"Maybe not happy…" he corrects himself, "but…safer?" He continues on, not wanting her to say something that would upset him again. "I want you to be safe, I want you to be happy, but I don't know how…"

'Shinji…' Hikari thinks to herself, perplexed by his hesitation.

"I…I don't know how to…"

He feels a light pressure upon his hand that was grasping at the ground, tearing up grass. He looked to see it was her hand, and when he glanced at her face, she was gingerly smiling at him. The genuine look in her eyes suddenly gave him comfort, and he relaxed the muscles in his face and body. She smiled a little wider, seeing his reaction to her hand upon his. He sighed for perhaps the millionth time that night, and began to gather his words again.

"I don't know how else I can make you happy, kid. I've tried my absolute best…but it's hard."

She stared at him, not being emotionally moved by what he was saying. She was very calm, and taking in every word that he was saying.

"You know I…" he chuckled a little, scratching the back of his head, "I've never been the greatest when it comes to making people happy. Hell I don't even know how to make myself happy…I mean I think I do, but…I never really do."

At this point, Shinji was simply talking out loud, not being able to compile his thoughts into a neat, clear argument like he usually does. Despite the disorganization, Hikari comprehended all of it, and was able to piece it together.

"…People don't like me, and I don't like them. Therefore, I've adapted to the personality of an amoral, insensitive jackass. You know that. But princess…when I first met you…I can't really put it into any other wording but…there was this, like, fragility to you; a type of preciousness that should be preserved and kept under constant watch. I could sense how pressured you were feeling from sources I later learned to be your own flesh and blood, and that touched a part of me I didn't think existed. You have this rare ability to unconsciously affect people, and although you hadn't realized it at the time, I realized it because the way I reacted to you. Never in my life have I wanted to keep talking to another person for an extended period of time, but again there was something about you that just attracted me, and I still can't really put my finger on it…all I know is that you're somebody I need to have in my life, whether I want to accept it or not. I haven't had too many people in my life to know who is special and who isn't, but I can just tell that you're it. You…you…you're just somebody I need, okay?"

Hikari stared at her husband in stunned silence. The words he was saying to her, the sentiments he was exchanging, and the affection he was portraying were things she'd never expect to hear from him. She didn't think these feelings could ever exist in a soul like Shinji's; dark, unforgiving and overall, blasé. Not only did she not think that it existed, she didn't think it would ever exist for someone like her. The way that Shinji was describing her through his eyes was of a caliber she couldn't begin to comprehend; perhaps she'd never fully understand, for his feelings for her were far above anyone's heads. Shinji was truly a deep thinker, but the characteristics he saw in her ignited a bit of self-esteem in her that had been broken down year by year with her mother and the pressures of the contest world.

The idea of a social reject being able to see the beauty in her, while her own mother could not, was something she could not grasp. It was not the way the world traditionally operated, and she, a former follower of the status quo (against her will), would know. Shinji and she were nothing alike, yet for some reason the two of them could see what was most marvelous about each other with one simple glance. Staying with him through all of the agony, secrecy and lies, was enough of a sign that Hikari truly did care for Shinji, and that was because she subconsciously knew what Shinji could see her in a light that no one else could. Besides from seeing the beauty in Hikari that nobody saw before, Shinji needed her; he didn't want her, he didn't long for her…he needed her.

"Shinji—"

He interrupted her again, trying to get in as much as he could. "I normally don't talk like this, and it makes me angry yet happy to think that someone can make me want to talk like this…to express whatever 'this' is so freely. When I call you 'princess' and 'kid'…I'm trying to project 'this' into my jackass-ness, and make it seem like a joke. I don't know how to cope with 'this' and it makes me elated yet my head wants to explode from the confusion…it's just so overwhelming. When I talk and think, I'm usually very collected but ever since I've met you my thoughts have been jumbled, my brain isn't operating correctly, and I'm just not functioning the way I should be."

"Shinji…"

"Regardless, princess, I figured that the only way I could make you happy is to outsource as much as I could. I put advertisements up all over town, made phone calls, asked people in person…I did all I could to get some type of protection. Hikaru, he…he was the only solid response I ever received, and I had to take it. The fighting…I didn't intend for you to find out so soon, because I figured that Haruka and Kasumi would hold you over enough until I saved enough cash from the club to find a nicer place to live, where you wouldn't have to worry about those ignorant motherfuckers talking about you behind your back, whispering discrepancies under their breath as you walk by...I wanted it to all end, because I'm the one who put you into this situation. I ruined your perfect, princess-like world, and I had to repay you somehow, and I did all I could, I really did…all the bruises, the blood, and the head trauma…it was all for you, princess, it was all I could do…and it didn't work…"

Hikari looked at her husband with eyes full of melancholy, seeing him struggle with his own feelings for her.

"What more can I do…?" He desperately spoke out loud, holding his hands up, his eyes closed with frustration.

"Shinji, please relax." She quietly spoke.

When his heart race finally settled down, with the help of her hand squeezing his, he began breathing slower. She scooted closer to him once more, never letting go of his hand. He slightly looked down at her, but quickly looked down at the ground again. He spoke more calmly this time, closing his eyes with a slight smirk on his face.

"It's amazing that I've spent countless hours of my life preparing to eventually win several championships and other worthy accolades, but I can't seem to make the one girl in my life happy, no matter what I do."

He looked down at her, still smirking, to see a small frown on her face. It didn't look good on her, and he wanted it to disappear. "What's the matter with you? Why do you look pissed?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head, as if trying to gather in her head what had just occurred right in front of her.

"Princess—"

"Shinji, you know what my name is." She rather sternly said, looking him straight in the eye.

He stared right back at her, a little stunned by her response. She raised her eyebrows, almost being a little sassy towards him, waiting for him to say her name.

"…Hikari…" He said.

She closed her eyes and smiled, squeezing his hand again. He is completely befuddled by her actions, and curiously waits to see what she says next. When she opens her eyes, she immediately reads his confusion, and begins to talk.

"Shinji…all the stuff you just said…I honestly never believed you had any of that emotion in you to begin with." She started.

He looked away from her and closed his eyes, disgusted by the very idea of such emotions. "Thanks."

She grimaced and moved closer to him. "But you have to know how relieved that makes me feel?"

He snorted. "I guess…"

"Shinji, would you please just listen to me?"

After several tense seconds, he slowly looks back at her, his eyes still as hard as steel. "You have my attention."

She takes a deep breath before speaking. "I'm just terribly conflicted with knowing whether or not I'm happy. I mean, you wanting to protect me, and simultaneously taking the responsibility to try to make a better living for the both of us is definitely admirable. I understand what you were thinking through all of this: my life was perfect before you came along and then you changed everything for the worse, I could've been so much better off without you, etc., etc., but you have to understand that I cannot appreciate you enough for perturbing the artificial perfection that was my life. I had a voice, yes, but it was being lost throughout the omnipresent societal and familial pressures, and my own insecurity. You, in a way, pressured me as well, but in the right way. Without you, I'd probably be the cover girl for those abysmal Pokémon contests, and that's never what I wanted for myself. I wanted something so much more, and starting a life with a mysterious man that had the power to take me away from it all was just what I wanted. But Shinji, being alone in the house all day, no companion, no physical support from you…it…it takes a toll after a while. Sure, Haruka and Kasumi are great; I love them, and they are absolutely perfect for me. But every now and then, I just wanted to see you for more than two seconds, and just know that you're there for me, facing this bigoted, hateful world with me. I know it may sound really stupid to you but actually being here with you is what gives me a feeling that is closest to happiness…"

Shinji took in all of her words, but did not make a physical reaction to her at all. He just let her keep talking, figuring there would be a good place for him to interject and tell her that she's all wrong, and that he just wasn't good for her. He certainly knew that he was no good for her, but that didn't mean that his unparalleled care for her was nonexistent. Sometimes, the person one cares about with all of the soul he/she has, is just better off without that one person. That person who cares, being mature, would have to realize this, and, seeking the better interest for that individual he/she cares about, would let him/her go, in hopes that they will meet someone who will give him/her the world and so much more. Shinji knew that Hikari was definitely more deserving of whatever he could possible give her. He didn't even know what he could give her besides money, a bodyguard, seclusion and a person to argue with. Out of all of those things, to him, only one sounded halfway decent, and at the moment he didn't have too much income from his illegal occupation.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?" She asked, breaking him out of his small train of thought.

He looked at her for a second, grunted, and turned away from her.

"Like you even care…" She muttered, looking away from him.

He snapped his head back at her, instantly furious at those words. "You have GOT to be kidding! You don't think I care?"

"When do you ever care about anything?" She asked, her voice rising.

"Goddamn it you are so stupid…" He angrily muttered, immaturely rolling his eyes.

"I'M stupid?" She asked, her voice getting louder and scratchier by the second.

"Hikari, how can you even begin to think that I don't care about you? You're the only thing I've had in life that is worth caring about, don't you understand? You're the only thing that, after one conversation with me, comes back for more. Do you know how many people just brush me off? They just assume I don't need anybody because of how I act? How do you think I became this way? Fucking PEOPLE, Hikari! People just fucking SUCK, okay? But you…you…you're a person, yet you always stay…"

Hikari relaxed some, noticing a sudden change in attitude from her strange husband.

"Whenever I came home from training, or a fight, you were still fucking THERE…you never left…it's still crazy for me to think about because if I were you, I would've just left and found another good life. You're so goddamn perfect you could easily meddle your way into some rich guy's heart and live a fantastic life without me…the fact that you're still here, someone as gentle, and loving as you…would still want to be in my messed up life…how can I not help but want to care for you for the rest of my god awful life? For God's sakes, Hikari, there is nothing else I live to do than to make sure you're having the best goddamn life one could have."

Hikari felt her eyes begin to water.

"And I failed at that. So that just shows how great of a husband I am." He added, throwing his hands up in the air, causing hers to fall out of his and onto the dirt beneath them. "Why do you have to be so fucking perfect? If you weren't perfect, all I could have done was given you money, sex or even those fucking chocolate biscotti things, whatever, because it doesn't take much to sate an imperfect person. But I feel like I have to do everything in my being to make sure you're happy, and to know that everything in my being isn't good enough, I just don't FUCKING know. Just…I don't fucking know! What the fuck can I do? Go find you another husband? Would you much rather prefer that, Hikari?"

"Shinji, please!" She pleaded, wanting him to stop saying such things.

"Don't 'Shinji, please!' me, Hikari. The only reason you're still here is probably because I'm the only one left, isn't that right?"

"Shinji!"

"And the only reason I'm the only one left is because I'M the one who fucked it up in the first place! You're pretty much stuck with me, aren't you? I mean, that's great for me but it must be pure hell for you! I can only imagine—"

"SHINJI SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Hikari was crying at this point. He had seen enough of her crying tonight, mostly because he just hated the sight of it. "Fuck all of this…" he muttered to himself, turning away from her.

She couldn't take it anymore. All of his accusations were just beyond erroneous, and this was the moment to finally let him know, through all of the pent up feelings of the past several months, and overall, the period of time she had spent with him just now. Seeing him not being able to realize how much she cares for him, and to see him completely confused by his own feelings was actually painful for her to watch, and she just wanted him to be confident in his own feelings and sentiments towards her. She knew that was one of Shinji's biggest struggles, and love was certainly the biggest obstacle for him to overcome, mostly because he just didn't know how to approach it. She muttered his name a couple times, choked by tears.

"…Shinji?"

No response.

"Shinji…?"

No response.

Finally, she closed her eyes, clenched her fists, and passionately screamed out:

"IS IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO BELIEVE THAT I ACTUALLY LOVE YOU?"

His eyes widened, and when he looked down at her, he was completely in awe of her. Tears flowed down her comely face, her sapphire eyes of wondrous beauty shined from the tears, and the moon's radiant beam. What was most breathtaking about the sight to Shinji was that she was staring at him with that familiar sparkle in her eye; that sparkle that appeared after he had kissed her at this exact same spot, under the moon's light, before the day their lives changed forever.

As usual, he didn't respond to her question.

"Is it really that difficult? Are you really that unsure about yourself?" She asked again.

He saw that she was seeking an answer from him, which he did not like. He stuttered, "I—"

"Shinji, I'm not 'stuck' with you. I'm not 'stuck' with anyone. I choose to be with you, and I will continue to choose you over everybody else, because you see me in a different light than everybody else. Why do you feel like you have to give me the world? You don't have to fight people for me, you don't have to seek out others to protect me, and you don't have to buy me a whole other life to compensate for the one you took away from me, because we both know that I HATED that life! Shinji, I just want you, all of your flaws and graces, your aura, personality, just, you, okay?"

She got on her knees, and got in his face. He fidgeted backward, but she grabbed his shoulder, and put her other hand on the side of his face.

"Do you want to know what would really make me happy?" She asked, not expecting him to answer, which he didn't. "I want to be able to talk to you, to hold you, to touch you, to make love with you, to just be with you. I don't need to have Haruka and Kasumi, I just want a fucking husband. That's all I want. I just want someone who will be there with me through the struggle that we created together. It wasn't something that you initiated; I was a part of the process as well. Not being able to do any of that with you this whole year is just unbearable, and I just can't tolerate it anymore. Shinji, I'm not asking you for much, and you don't need to do so much for me. I'm not perfect, I'm really not. You don't need to serve me, I just want you to be with me through it all.

"Most of all Shinji, I just want you to be comfortable with your feelings for me. You see this? Right now?" She pointed at his nonchalant countenance. "You're holding back, because as much as you claim to care about me, you're resisting the urge to just completely splurge your feelings because of the hypothetical recoil. I know you're a good man beneath this tough exterior, Shinji, and I know that you've been trying to be the best husband a man can be, but sometimes being the best is not as complicated as it may seem. Making me happy can be as simple as just sitting next to me on the couch, or getting a cup of coffee with me, it's that easy. Being the best husband for me is to just be with me, and to love me regardless of everything around us. Don't be so afraid, because I know that I love you with all my heart, and I know that because I haven't given up hope on us. We're different, sure, but it's almost as if our differences facilitate one another. Shinji…I…"

For the first time, tears began to form in Shinji Honkuro's eyes.

"I love you." Fresh tears began rolling down her face. "I'm giving you all of me, and I want you to give me all of you."

To her surprise, he smirked. "You talk a lot."

She was instantly confused by his remark, and almost became volatile until he started wiping the tears away from her face.

"Stop crying, it's not a good look for you." He added, rubbing her button nose a little, and then looked back at her.

"Shinji—"

He gingerly took her hand in his, and analyzed his own action of intertwining his fingers with her, one another's digits fitting perfectly together. Her jaw dropped to the ground as he lightly kissed the top of her hand, and when he saw her surprised countenance, he frowned with confusion.

"What?"

"Nothing."

He continued to frown. "I can't do that?"

"No it's just…peculiar for you to do so." She explained, awkwardly looking at the sky, laughing a little.

"Maybe it's peculiar to you because I've never had the balls to do romantic shit like that."

"Perhaps."

The two fell into silence once more, their hands still intertwined. Shinji's thumb slowly started to stroke the back of her hand, and Hikari couldn't help but grin to herself. Involuntarily, she felt her head lean on his shoulder, and her eyes close with exhaustion, and relief. He glanced down at his beautiful, young wife, and started counting his blessings then and there. There were still remnants of the bruises he put on her innocent, plush face, as well as her skinny, noodle arms, and, yes, he did feel awful about it.

But what he saw from that specific instance was that nothing made that girl happier than to just hold his hand.

"…so what now?" He posed, looking down at her.

She didn't respond. He stared at her for several seconds, waiting for her to open those gorgeous blue orbs of sanctity, but she never did so. Amused, he smirked, and looked out at the moon.

All a man ever wants in his life is to find something worth fighting for. Whether it be the career choice of his dreams, whatever it may be, or to just have a companion, male or female, who is always there, waiting for him with a smile, and open hand. For Shinji, that companion was someone he never would presume at any part of his life. A girl, so bright and bubbly, and painfully beautiful, wanting to be with someone so dark, and pessimistic about life, given what life has distributed to him through his twenty-one years of existence…not plausible at all. Perhaps in a fairy tale, yes, but this was the real world, and in the real world, girls like Hikari are told to stay away from dangerous men like Shinji. He is a fighter, and he has found that Hikari is that special someone that he wants to fight for, with all of the power and soul he has left in his body.

Even though he has found what he wants to fight for, she doesn't want a fighter.

And he was okay with that. As long as she stayed.

So ends my first real story on Fanfiction.

I started I Don't Want A Fighter in the summer before my freshman year of high school, and now I'm finishing it in the last few weeks of my senior year. I'm sure a lot of the original readers of the story haven't stuck around to see the ending of this, frankly, messed up story. If you have, thanks so much for your patience, God bless you. (HA!) For new readers, I hope you enjoy it, because the storyline became outdated in my opinion, and I tried to modernize it with new ideas and concepts, as to how a love as twisted as Hikari and Shinji's ultimately reached a somewhat cathartic moment.

Hopefully, now that I've finished this one, I can start on S is For Slaughter again, because I really liked that story, and hopefully I'll jumpstart Light and Dark again. I like the concept of Light and Dark, and even though the subject of rivalry islands has been used before, I'm going to give it a creative twist to make it different than others. I also have an idea for a Contestshipping/Advanceshipping One-shot, or a 1-2 chapter story. It's based on a real-life experience I went through recently, so it should be pretty in-depth. Most of the Contestshipping stuff I plan to do will be based on my experiences because my boyfriend and I remind me of Haruka and Shuu's relationship a lot.

I hope you all stick around...although when I go to college, I probably will have even lesser time to complete stories. ^/^

~AsanganiKalani

If any of y'all are interested, my twitter is: asanganikalani

My instagram is: asanganikalani

I don't do Pokemon stuff on there a lot, but just if you're interested is all.

Okay bye for realz. I need to go study for AP Exams.