Disclaimer: The characters in this story don't belong to me. They belong to NBC and Dick Wolf.

This is a really different kind of story, very rated M, so read at your own discretion. No flames please, but constructive feedback is appreciated. A/O is previously established.

I got home from work to find Alex lying on the couch watching television. She got up when I arrived and gave me a shy smile. "I made you dinner."

I looked at her in surprise. Usually, we made dinner together, because neither of us was particularly good at cooking. But then I decided not to ask any questions. Maybe she just wanted to do something nice for me, and I'd make her feel bad if I questioned her motives.

I put away my coat and gave her a hug, planting a chaste kiss on her lips. "Thanks, baby. I love you."

She offered another uneasy smile. "I love you, too."

Now I was worried. Alex usually wasn't so – withdrawn. And then I noticed the dark bruise on her arm and knitted my brows in concern. "You okay, princess?"

She hesitated. "Last night, Liv . . ."

She trailed off, and I tried to remember last night. We'd cuddled together and watched a movie and then – and then what? I couldn't remember. Ugh, I must have had one drink too many. Or I might have been dissociating again. My therapist had explained it to me and how frightening it might be if I l lost chunks of time, but that it might happen, and I had to be prepared. She'd also told me I should tell Alex about it so it wouldn't scare her either, but I hadn't been able to bring myself to. Yet. I would soon.

"What about last night?" I prompted Alex.

She sighed. "Nothing." She buried her head in my shoulder. "I'm fine." She hesitated. "I made you lasagne."

"Aren't you going to have any?"

Alex shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

I just stared at her. "We can wait –"

She shook her head again. "It's okay. You eat."

Now I was really worried. There had to be something wrong. Alex usually didn't act like this. "Are you sure you're okay?" I asked again.

She nodded. "I'm fine."

But she wasn't. Between the purple bruise on her wrist that I hadn't noticed before and her out-of-character behaviour now, I knew there was something wrong. I sat down on the couch and pulled her onto my lap, burying my face in her hair and massaging her rigid back muscles.

She fell asleep in my arms, which was concerning in itself, considering it was only 8:00. Nevertheless, I carried her into the bedroom and lay her down on the bed, covering her with the duvet and kissing her forehead. I lay down beside her and stared at the ceiling, trying to get to sleep but knowing it wouldn't come for a while yet.

The spider had the fly caught in its web. Poor little innocent fly, lying alone in the dark, waiting. Just waiting.

The spider entered the bedroom and whispered its usual meaningless comfort. "Shh, it's okay. We've done this before. It won't hurt, I promise."

But the fly knew the spider was lying through its teeth. And as the spider caught it up, pushing, pushing inside her, all that was there was pain. Hurting, hurting, hurting. The spider lay down beside the fly and rubbed its back, holding it close.

"Mm, baby, that was good. So good. You were so good. Mm. Love you, baby. So much. We'll do this again tomorrow."

The fly stayed perfectly still, trembling and heaving silent sobs as the spider left its room.

I started out of the memory and looked over at Alex, just to reassure myself that she was still there, with me. What had happened thirty years ago could never happen now, because here I was with my Alex, the woman I loved, and I knew she would make sure it didn't.

She was lying on her side, crying softly, the duvet pulled all the way up to her chin, and I wondered vaguely what I'd done to upset her. Had I been crying out? Probably, and she was afraid. I hadn't told her about these memories and the way they sometimes haunted me.

I reached over and wrapped my arms around her. "Hey, baby," I whispered, kissing her forehead. She flinched at the touch, but I held her tightly. "You okay?"

She nodded slightly and leaned back against me, but her muscles were rigid, and I tried to massage away the tension.

"You okay, princess?" I repeated, rubbing her back.

She flinched, then nodded again and started to relax. "I love you," she murmured, clinging to my neck.

I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "Love you, too, baby."

She let out a deep sigh and soon her silent sobs subsided and she'd fallen fast asleep.

I kissed away the remnants of her tears and brushed her hair back from her face. I couldn't sleep. I didn't want the images that had plagued my mind to return.

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