Disclaimer: The Yu-Gi-Oh! series belongs to Kazuki Takashi, Konami and 4Kids. I take no profit from this story, I just like to mess with the characters for fun.

Summary: Yami's problem was that the list of his relationships contained his friendship with Jou, coffee beans and books. He just didn't understand people. So it's not surprising that when Yuugi walks into his shop, Yami's in for one hell of a crash course. YxYY.

AN: Right, hello! It's been ages, I haven't updated anything since 'Stakeout' and wow, that was December! I have actually, finally, finished my degree, just waiting for results now. But now I have that amazing thing called free time! It's an awesome thing that so hopefully there will be a lot more writing. This story is something I actually started about two years ago now, heavily inspired by Dylan Moran and Black Books, it doesn't follow any of the shows plot (if you could call what they have in the show plot instead of what it actually is, a huge pot full of awesome crazy) and Yami basically just has some of Bernard's characteristics. The characters in this are English! Yes, I have made them English. I've done it before and I will probably do it again. Also, Yuugi is the top in this. Because it's my head-canon now! Have you seen him in GX? That man is ripped! Guh!

This was meant to be a birthday present for Auster last year, it just never happened. I'm sorry about that, Auster, but I've become obsessed with this once more, so worry not! Also, I hope you guys love this as much as I do, seriously, this is like my baby and I love it.

Chapter One:

The Inner Romantic is Strong with This One

The smell of musty books surrounded Yami as he sat behind the counter of the small independent bookshop. He adjusted his thin-rimmed glasses before flipping the page of the hardback novel in his hand.

"Sir, I'd –"

Yami tried to ignore the chattering person by his ear, almost succeeding until the person touched his arm. He sighed, glaring at the man from behind his spectacles before taking a peek at the title of the book. Yami scoffed. He reached onto the floor and put a sign on the counter, carefully positioning it so the customer could see the printed letters on it.

Counter closed – Go away

Yami returned to his book, trying to get lost in the words only for the person to bother him once again. Yami rolled his eyes in exasperation. Tilting his head slightly, he looked at the man, not even trying to hide any of his frustration as he spoke through gritted teeth.

"Yes?"

"Sir, it's just that there aren't any other counters, this one is the only one in the whole shop! I just want to buy this book."

Yami reached for his cigarettes, quickly opening the pack and putting the white, cylinder shaped object in his mouth. He patted his pocket for his lighter, sighing in relief when he felt the cold metal through his jeans. Bringing it up to his lips, the lighter burned furiously and lit up his eyes temporarily, making them glow with just as much fire. Inhaling deeply, Yami scowled at the person.

"Then you're just going to have to wait until I'm off my break, yes?"

"This is the worst service I've ever had. And honestly, smoking inside a bookshop!"

Yami smirked, "My shop, my rules. If you don't like it, go to a proper bookshop."

And just because the man had pissed him off, Yami blew smoke in his face. He took great satisfaction in the way the man's nostrils flared in anger, slammed the book down and turned on his heal and left his shop with a resounding slam and chime from the bell above the door.

Yami stood up, carefully putting his book aside, he grabbed onto the book left by the man. He sneered at the title.

"How did you even get in here?" Yami spoke to the book with intense disgust lining his voice. With the cigarette hanging from his lips, Yami moved to the dustbin, dumping the so called novel into it. He took a deep drag from the cigarette, and grinned evilly when he saw his leftover yogurt smear the cover and pages.

The bell above the door distracted Yami from his daydream of spreading different types of milk products on all of Dan Brown's horrendous creations. He turned to glare at the new potential customer, only for it to falter when he saw who it was.

Oh, it was him. Yami quickly turned back around, fixing his hair in the reflection of the dusty window and debated taking off his glasses, until he realised he would probably look more foolish bumping into things and talking to the plant rather than his favourite customer without the glasses.

Though 'favourite customer' would imply that he actually liked any of the other people that frequented his shop, which was not so. Their choices in books were so idiotic. He wished he could just keep the books he wanted rather than what they bought but he liked his apartment and didn't fancy the idea of living in a box, where his roommate was an oversized rat that ate better than him, mostly because it was feasting on his toes.

Turning around once again, finding himself presentable enough, he strode to the counter. Yami saw the taller man in his favourite part of the store. It was filled with early editions, all hardbacks, all classics, and all of Yami's favourites. The man (Yami still didn't know his name) would always pick a book from there. Yami had been besotted ever since he had brought an earlier edition of Crime and Punishment to the counter and had flashed him a bright smile as Yami bumbled over his words.

Yami waited impatiently at the counter. He stubbed out the remainder of his cigarette and played with the lighter that was left on the counter, flicking it open repeatedly. So nervous was he, that he didn't realise the man was now waiting for his attention.

He glanced up only to see violet eyes staring at his sign in amusement, Yami felt his face heat up as he sheepishly moved the sign out of the way and onto the floor once more.

Yami felt his knees go weak when he saw the title of the book. Oh, scrap that, he almost came on the spot.

"That's a good book you have there."

The man smiled and fondly ran two fingers along the thick spine.

"Great book. One of my favourites too, so I decided to treat myself to an early edition."

Yami had to have this man. He bit his lip.

"Would you –" Losing his nerve, he cut himself off with a cough and smiled tightly, "I'll just ring this up for you."

Waiting for the receipt to print, Yami sneaked a glance at the man, surprised to see him staring at him unashamedly.

"Would you like to have coffee sometime?"

Yami was sure he looked very unattractive with the way he was gaping at the man.

"Y-yeah, yes! Coffee, coffee's good, I like coffee. Love it actually, it's great. And I'm going to shut up now." Yami clamped his lips shut. And felt a blush rise to his cheeks again when the man laughed lightly at his ramblings.

"You're cute. I'm Yuugi."

A name! He finally knew his name. Yuugi held out his hand and Yami hesitantly put his in the cupped hand, feeling the soft, pleasant warmth coming from it and spreading all the way into him like some sort of chemical reaction. His inner cynic all but kicked his inner romantic for that thought.

"I-I'm Yami." He stuttered again, increasing the blush by what felt like ten-fold.

"Yami," The name rolled off Yuugi's tongue with ease, as if he had said a million times before and Yami's already weak legs almost gave out when his name slipped through sensuous lips, his eyes connecting with Yami's intensely. With Yami's hand feeling pleasantly warm in Yuugi's, and the prolonged eye contact, Yami wondered if this is what people called 'a moment', and if it was, he also wondered if he could extend it until the end of time.

"Shall I come by at eight? We can go for dinner instead."

Yami choppily nodded his head in agreement, too breathless to actually say anything.

He saw Yuugi smirk, his mauve eyes darkening.

"I can't wait." Yuugi gave his hand a squeeze, something he felt down to the tips of his toes, before letting go.

Yami stood there in shock, whole body tingling from a hand squeeze, barely registering the wink the man gave as a goodbye. He came out of his stupor, however, when the bell echoed across the room. He quickly turned his head, trying to capture Yuugi's body in his vision once more, only seeing fluttering coat tails before the door closed.

He couldn't wait either.

Yami puffed quickly and continuously on the cigarette, large streams of smoke twirled around his head before disappearing into the quickly growing stale air around him. His strides were smooth and quick as he paced in front of the counter, pausing only to tap away the trail of ash into the overflowing ashtray.

Why was he so nervous? It wasn't like he hadn't had a date before. Wait... was it even a date?

Yami paused his pacing, looked at the counter and snatched the half-drunk glass of wine from its surface, gulping the rest of the liquid down.

It could just be a dinner, it could just be a friendly dinner. But the hands and the touching and the eye-fucking; it had to mean something.

Yami whimpered. God, he was so confused. Give him books and he was in his element, they were his people. The words weaving, creating worlds and situations that were so similar to life and yet so displaced from it was something Yami could actually wrap his head around; give him strangers and he'd be able to mock them with the best of them, he didn't do well with actual real people (Jounouchi wasn't a real person in his mind) but give him romantic relationships and he was entirely hopeless.

He puffed on the cigarette, trying to calm his ever increasing nerves. He grabbed the bottle on the counter and gulped another mouthful of red wine down. He needed to be smashed before his 'date' arrived. He'd be much more docile that way, no snappy remarks or nervous twitches! Though... he'd probably jump Yuugi the first chance he got if he was off his face. So tipsy, then! Tipsy worked! But either way he wasn't going sober! Sober, around someone he actually liked, would probably lead to Yami choking on his words and by the end of the night he would wish that he had choked on a piece of dinner instead because of the embarrassment he would feel of not being able to speak to his... companion.

Yami stubbed out his fifth cigarette of the night and pulled at the hair he had meticulously prepared an hour earlier, making his hairstyle spike out in even more directions than it did usually.

He had too many thoughts at the moment, ricocheting every which way in his mind, making his empty stomach churn wildly and bringing the beginning of a migraine to his already swimming head.

Yami sat heavily on the chair by the counter, setting the bottle on it. He inhaled deeply through his nose and held it in. The exhale of air was almost explosive but it left Yami with a relaxed feeling. His eyes glazed over behind his glasses as he stared at the row of books.

"Maybe I should take him a book. He likes books. And I can't stand roses, so clichéd... but he asked me out, he should get me something, right? Wait, am I the girl here?" Yami narrowed his eyes in thought, he wiped his clammy hands against his black trousers and he gulped, "I feel like a girl." He sneered at nothing in particular before deepening his voice and grunting, "Not a girl, all cock here."

Yami's straight posture deflated pathetically like a balloon against the counter. Resting his head against the smooth, cool surface, the glass and metal of his spectacles clinking against it, he said, "Still feel like a girl."

"Right Yami, you will not fuck this up. You'll try and act more normal than usual. Just, you know, make polite conversation and don't go into why squirrels should have the right to vote on the light pollution laws. Yeah, oh God, don't even go into Mother, no one needs to know about that. And why are you talking to yourself again? You've finally lost what little mind you have left, haven't you?" Yami paused, frowning at the counter, "Lovely."

Yami was just about to contemplate the killing of himself in his own crazy or bashing his head repeatedly into the counter and letting Jounouchi take care of him for the rest of their lives when there was a knock at the door, followed directly by it being opened.

The sound of the bell above the door rung ominously through the shop.

Yami scrambled from his perch on the end of the chair, almost tripping over his own feet in the struggle to stand. He faced the entrance of the shop with what he hoped was a stunning smile and not a look of utter constipation, his smile froze when he was presented with the picture of male perfection.

Yuugi was standing there in an immaculate suit, the dress jacket and trousers hugged his form, showing off what, really, had to be a body that Yami would sacrifice himself to a volcano to touch. The white Oxford shirt had the top two buttons undone, giving Yami a peek of the suicidal-thought-inflicting chest.

Oh, dear Lord almighty... Yami bit his lip as he blatantly ogled the man that was taking him to dinner. Why did this man ask him out again? What was wrong with Yuugi? Something had to be wrong with him if he was asking Yami out.

Yami frowned and looked down at his outfit. He didn't think he was dressed appropriately in his casual white button-down long-sleeved shirt and trousers.

He ran an unsure hand over the front of his shirt, picking at invisible lint as if that would suddenly make his attire that tiny bit smarter.

Yuugi was giving him a look of expectation, making Yami realise that he had been staring at the man for what seemed like an age.

He smiled shakily and gave an awkward little wave, "Hi."

The breathtaking smile he received in return almost made Yami give into a sudden need to sit down, just to stop his legs from shaking and his heart to stop beating like it was about to do a fast Salsa on the shop floor.

Yuugi came and stood in front of him, the smile had yet to leave, making his amethyst eyes sparkle intensely, "For a second there, I thought there was something wrong with what I was wearing." He casually slipped a hand into his trouser pocket and leaned his hip against the counter.

"Um, no, you look..." Yami trailed off on the thought of 'lickworthy' and twiddled with his fingers distractedly, surreptitiously inhaling Yuugi's scent, "But I think there might be something wrong with what I'm wearing, I didn't know where we were going so I went for smart-casual." Yami paused, bit his lip and offered, "I can go change, I live right down the street, it wouldn't take long at all."

"Why would you need to change? You look gorgeous." Yuugi said boldly.

Yami almost choked on his tongue, he coughed into his hand and smiled slightly through his bright fringe up at the taller man, "Y-you do too."

Yuugi's smile sharpened, his eyes darkening, he licked at his bottom lip almost absentmindedly and seemed to trace his face, Yami's body flushed with desire.

"Shall we go then? We have reservations for half-past."

"Yes, let's go."

Yami moved to start out the door without Yuugi but he almost lost the ability to function his legs when the other man slipped a hand to the small of his back and escorted him out of the bookshop.

As Yami locked the shop up, the feel of Yuugi's hand almost burnt a hole through the cotton shirt he was wearing and only the thoughts of how interesting this night was going to be fluttered through his mind.

AN: Oh my God, I really hope you enjoyed that because I'm really nervous right now. This is my first proper chaptered thing. *Is dying a little*. Right, as you can see, I have made Yami a bit of a twitchy thing, I like them twitchy, I'm sorry. Also, yes, I would never condone smoking in a bookshop, I mean it's a bookshop! And those are early editions! It's like blasphemy! Or maybe I'm just crazy and have no idea how things work. Let's ignore that. Anyway, yes, this will be continued soon. I really hope you enjoyed it and OMG! Guess what? There's actually some sort of plot in this thing. SCORE!

Review, my peeps!