Well, here's the bonus chapter I promised! This is purely crack, so if you don't want to ruin the mood of the previous chapter, skip over to the bottom and read this later.

Bianca di Angelo walked aimlessly around the underworld, bumping into invisible trees and wondering where the heck she was. Why was she in the underworld? Because she was dead, which kinda sucks. Why wasn't she in Elysium, having fun and celebrating and cooking barbeque with Abraham Lincoln and all that other crap? 'Cause I'm the author, that's why, and I don't think you want to mess with me.

Okay?

Good.

So as I was saying, Bianco di Angelo was walking aimlessly and bumping into invisible trees. However, this time, she bumped into a tree that was not quite invisible and not quite a tree. In fact, it was a signpost, and very much visible. On the sign, printed in big, obnoxious red capital letters, were the words, "HADES'S PALACE." Bianca read the words and thought to herself, "I'll go there, because I want to take a look, regardless of the guards that will probably use pointy objects to stab me if I try to go in!"

So Bianca marched to the palace (because marching is a cooler verb than walking) and arrived at Hades's not so humble abode. It was made of black, shiny obsidian and radiated evil and malignance and all those other words that are synonyms of "bad". Stiff, white skeletons of dead soldiers and pirates and ninjas and penguins stood erect in front of the gate, carrying guns and other explosive items.

Bianca walked past them and entered the palace, because skeletons are inanimate objects and therefore cannot protect anything, regardless of whatever weapon they hold. Silly.

The massive doors creaked shut behind her and she ooh-ed and aah-ed in awe. Sparkly gems adorned the ceiling. Sparkly gems adorned the walls. Sparkly gems adorned the toilet. There were so many sparklies that Bianca should have been blinded and probably incinerated, but I'm the author here, so shut the hell up.

During the annoying space of time that the author was talking to the audience while they were trying to read the story, Bianca walked into the throne room where she saw Hades, sitting on a fancy chair that was just as sparkly as the rest of the palace. (Hades has an extreme sparkle fetish, apparently.) Hades was angsting about his status and how he didn't get enough respect and about his crapload of work, etc and all that, too loudly to hear Bianca's footsteps echo rather loudly through his throne room. Even though his eyes were open and he was facing the doorway when she entered.

He's is a jerk like that. How did a nice lady like Maria di Anglo ever fall in love with that greasy idiot? She must have been, like, drugged or something.

Yeah, probably.

Bianca cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted, "HELLO THERE!" very loudly in an irritating way, because all the irritating angst that Hades was leaking was irritating her. Hades still didn't notice her, which irritated her further, so she reached for an irritating tennis ball that had magically appeared in her pocket due to the author's irritating plothole powers and threw it at him. Irritably.

She missed, but it bounced off the wall behind him and smacked against the back of his head, so everything's cool.

Hades snapped out of his angst and stared at Bianca. Bianca stared back. The staring went on and on so long that most of the readers got bored and went away to read a PJO fanfic with a real plot. (I heard that they actually exist.) After about an hour of pointless staring, Hades leapt out of his sparkly throne and said in his most OOC voice, "BIANCA, MY DAUGHTER!" with tears flowing down his oh-so manly face in happiness.

Bianca had tears flowing down her not-at-all manly face as well, but that was because of the pointless staring. She had forgotten to blink.

Bianca is so smart.

"Oh father," she cried, because at that moment the author used her plothole powers again to make her spontaneously realize that Hades was her father, "I've always wondered who you were! I don't resent you at all, even though you never bothered to visit while my little brother and I were trapped in a magical hotel practically frozen in time for seventy years!"

"Oh my darling Bianca," Hades wept, "I love you so much, even though I originally planned to use you for my own selfish needs and am planning to use your brother instead, now that you're dead! I've dreamt about embracing you whenever I wasn't too busy fantasizing about rising in power and proving to my annoying relatives that I am important, even though I am irritating and greasy!"

They hugged, radiating love and happiness and all those other squishy emotions in a very OOC way. Ew. The author is disgusted.

At that very moment, Persephone stomped in, attracted by all the squishy, pointless emotions that had disturbed her little nap. Needless to say, she was as angry as a polar bear when its dinner is stolen. That is to say, very, very angry.

So she pulled out her evil spoon of doom and ate cereal, because Demeter told her to, and she didn't dare to disobey her father. Oops, I mean mother. Laugh at the author's mistake. Haha, so funny. Now stop laughing. It's annoying.

Now, at this point, all the readers grew tired of the author's pointless butting-in-impromptu-moments habit. They killed her with sporks and other dangerous kitchen utensils (including Persephone's spoon of doom) and dragged her bloody, broken body off to the Place Where Stupid Fanfiction Authors Rest after Being Mauled by Unhappy Readers. So, R.I.P., and all that crap. The author died, and we'll never find out what happens to Bianca and her father, because dead authors cannot write. Therefore, the fic was declared as discontinued, and all the penguins remembered to look both ways before crossing the street. Happily ever after. The End.

Fin.

Now leave me alone.

Are you laughing? Yes? No?

...

I'm thinking of posting a new story soon, so come vote at my poll to choose which story you want to read first. There's more information on my profile.

So, what are you waiting for? VOTEVOTEVOTE!