A/N – Well, its been quite a wee while since I posted anything so I thought I'd get this first bit of this up! It'll just carry on into the next bit once I've got that done.
Anyways! As usual, this is the next part of a kinda crack-verse version of VK, and since its part four it'd be a good idea to go back to 'The Shower Attack!' and then work on from there to get an idea of the characters.
Last bit – Thanks once again to all you guys who've been amazing reviewers! I love hearing if you enjoy my stuff. And a special shout out to elianthos (if you're reading this) I hope you enjoy!
Yuuki's First Date
One might feel, quite reasonably, that after all a certain Hunter and a certain Pureblood had suffered they would be entitled to a little bit of peace and quiet. A little bit of relaxation. A little snooze in front of the fire. Maybe even a little holiday!
However, this was not to be the case...
"WHAT!"
The peace of Cross Academy was once again broken by the angry shout of the silver-haired Hunter. This time though it was not because Aidou had made another heart-felt declaration of his love; to the Hunter, the result of a game of 'truth or dare' gone badly, badly wrong. In fact, Zero still felt slightly guilty that the Noble had to go through surgery once again. Not that he would tell anyone of course!
No. The reason for the Hunter's disbelief this time was that his *cough*and Kaname's*cough* precious little Yuuki had just declared her intention to go on a date.
With another boy.
"Zero! Stop over-reacting!" Yuuki's shrill cry was slightly muffled from her having to hang onto Zero in order to keep him from physically castrating every male in Cross Academy.
"Yuuki! You won't even tell me who you're going with!" Zero roared, still trying to shake loose of his little limpet.
"That's because you'll kill him!" Yuuki screeched back, now wrapping her legs around his waist in order to maximise clinging potential.
"I INTEND TO KILL HIM!" Zero finally managed to extract himself from Yuuki's grip but only made it two strides before he heard the sound that struck terror into the hearts of males everywhere.
*sniffle* *sob*
Zero gave a silent groan and turned to face the demon that was Yuuki crying.
"B-but, Zeero-o! I-I juust want-t to-o goo-o on a d-date!"
Yuuki decided that now would be the perfect time to unleash her secret weapon, the 'Bambi Eyes'! Zero was struck physically unable to move at the sight of her sweet brown eyes, blown to twice the size, a single tear trickling down her cheek...
He could practically hear the hunter shooting Mummy deer in the background.
"Alright Yuuki, You can g-"
The Hunter didn't get to finish his sentence as Yuuki magically recovered and smothered him with her small frame, "Oh Zero! Its going to be so much fun! You'll have to help me get ready! I don't know what to wear, I'll have to get out my make-up and my nail varnish and my hair creams and..."
Zero tuned out her now suspiciously happy face and prattle until he heard the words that all men feared, "... You'll let me test my make-up on you right?"
This is an idea of Zero's thoughts in the precise second after Yuuki's evil question:
'What? She went quiet.'
'Oh no, she's looking at me, what did she say!'
'Wait... I recognise that look...'
'!'
SCHHNKKK
The poor Hunter didn't even get a chance to form an escape plan before Yuuki had seized his tie, tightened it round his neck and led him like a lamb to the slaughter.
Zero's last thought was:
'Not again!'
Somewhere else in Cross Academy, not so near and not so far...
Kaname was bored.
That was the simple way to put it. He was bored.
Aidou was off recovering from his second surgery. Kaname had only been lucky enough to avoid the same fate by using the video recording as life insurance. That same video was now being used in vampire households all over the world as an example of what would happen if the good little vampire boys and girls didn't eat their vegetables.
Apparently it was up for an Oscar...
Takuma was off with some family emergency so Kaname couldn't secretly read his manga while pretending to find it beneath his intellectual level.
Seiren was off on some mission somewhere, or was it a holiday? In either case, he couldn't even play his game of 'Sausages' to try and get her to smile.
Shiki and Rima actually had a legitimate excuse for being absent as they had work.
Kain was with Aidou.
Had he forgotten someone?
Kaname turned his head musingly onto his shoulder and turned to look soulfully out of the window.
He was sure there was someone...
Someone who was normally-
"Kaname-sama, may I be allowed to provide you with this bento I have lovingly made for you myself?" a seductive voice interrupted the Pureblood's musings and Kaname realised who he had missed.
Ruka.
Dredging up a sickeningly patient smile, he shook his head at her; hoping she would get the message.
Apparently Ruka didn't speak Kaname language because she saw the smile as an invitation and leaned in closer...
BZZZZ
"you change your mind
like a girl changes clothes
yeah you PMS
like a bitch, i would know
'cause you're hot then you're cold
you're yes then you're no
you're in then you're out
you're up then you're down"
Kaname and Ruka stared at each other in bewilderment, the tinny little noise was coming from... Kaname looked down to his backpack, 'oh'.
"you're wrong when its right
you're black and its white"
'OH!'
Kaname quickly grabbed his bag and pulled out a small silver mobile phone.
"we fight, we break up
we kiss, we make up"
He flipped it open and tried to avoid the looks of his classmates, "Yes Kiryuu?"
Shocked gasps echoed round the room and Ruka looked like she was on the verge of having a manic breakdown.
"Its just a suitable ringtone for Kiryuu!" Kaname roared and then proceeded into the corridor to sulk, leaving behind the shocked room of vampires. Never mind, at least he wasn't bored anymore!
Zero wasn't sure of the best course of action to take but he figured he could use an ally. An ally that was as crazily in love with Yuuki as he himself was. An ally that he could use as a shield for Yuuki's wrath.
Cue evil smirk on the Hunter's face.
An ally that was stupid enough to risk everything to keep an eye on Yuuki's date.
'Kaname'
Secretly Zero didn't want to admit that he didn't have any other friends to help him so the Pureblood would have to do.
Flipping open his mobile, Zero quickly pressed speed dial 7. He wasn't entirely sure how Kaname had actually managed to make it onto his speed dial...
Number 1 was the Chairman... because he pre-programmed it before he gave it to Zero.
Number 2 was Yuuki... for the same reason.
Number 3 was the Pizza Parlour... because no one could realistically survive the Chairman's cooking. He had learned this at a young age and kept his late night pizzas a protected secret, after all, Yuuki was a terrible food hog and if she couldn't figure it out... well... survival of the fittest!
Number 4 was Yagari-sensei... "In case you ever need some pointers about life kid. I don't expect the Chairman to be able to give you the all important life talk, or even explain the best positions to go with it..." At that point Zero had tried to shoot himself and he couldn't remember how the rest of the conversation went. The Chairman tried to convince him later that Yagari had been talking about hunting.
Number 5 was the Mental Health Service... that really didn't need any explanation, anyone living Zero's life would have a few issues.
Number 6 was... well, he wasn't really going to disclose that one. Lets just say it was a number in case he ever needed to have someone removed quietly. It worked. Yagari still wasn't back.
Number 7... well, that was where the Pureblood came in. He thought they'd exchanged numbers and set ringtones at some point during the horrific 'Loveboats' scenario... but that had all become one huge blur in his mind. Sometimes he still had nightmares and he had developed a violent twitch of the eye whenever someone started singing the Titanic theme tune.
Zero could feel his eye beginning to convulse at the mere thought, "Come on Kuran! Pick up already!" He huffed loudly as the ring tone continued.
Click
"Yes Kiryuu?"
"Finally! What the heck took you so lo-" Zero was cut off at the sound of Kaname yelling something at the vampires. Next was a door slamming and then Kuran back on the phone.
"Is there something so urgently wrong Kiryuu that you had to phone me during class?"
Kaname sounded miffed and Zero couldn't resist a smirk, "Oh my! The great and mighty Kuran having to leave class-"
"Did you have problems with the lavatory door again?"
Zero's smirk changed to a scowl, "We talked about that Kuran! Specifically the 'NEVER TO MENTION AGAIN BIT!'"
"Someone's PMSing tonight!"
Kuran sound entirely too pleased with himself so Zero decided to burst the bubble, "Yuuki's going on a date. With a boy. And I don't know who."
"-"
"Kuran?"
"Kuran?"
Zero's only warning was the whoosh of air before he found himself hoisted from the ground and choked by a very angry Pureblood.
It was safe to say that Kaname no longer had any thoughts of being bored.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YUUKI'S GOING ON A DATE?"
"Schhnnnkkk! Ugggggkkk! Iiiccckkk!"
Speech was proving difficult for the silver-haired hunter as he dangled a foot above the ground, supported only by the Pureblood's hand, wrapped around his throat.
Thankfully Kaname seemed to realise that killing his best source of information wouldn't really help the situation, or Yuuki's affections towards him. Besides, something of more importance had approached his attention...
"Kiryuu, are you wearing... make-up?"
Kaname had never been happier that mobile phones had developed camera capabilities, this was even better than the 'toilet door' incident!
It was also fortunate that the Pureblood had learned from Aidou's pain and had been doing extra training since that day in order to avoid permenant bodily harm by the Hunter.
Eventually though, the Hunter stopped trying to strangle the Pureblood with his tie while chewing at his wrist in an attempt to gain the afore-mentioned offending camera phone, and they both set their minds to the greater situation at hand.
"A date!" the Pureblood had passed the denial/anger/bargaining stages and was now at depression.
"Yes Kuran." the Hunter had had plenty of time while Yuuki experimented(tortured) on him to reach acceptance.
"A Date!"
Zero felt his eye start to twitch at the Pureblood's whining tone, "YES Kuran, a Date!"
" A DATE!"
"YES KURAN! A FRIGGIN' DATE!"
But surprisingly the Pureblood didn't react to Kiryuu's shout, "She's, really... going on a date... without one of US!"
Zero sighed and replied in a slightly more subdued tone, "Yeah Kaname. No us." Wringing his hands in his lap, Zero reminded himself that he had accepted this, accepted this!
"That is unacceptable!"
Zero snorted at the Kaname's indignant tone, "Um, in case you didn't notice Kuran, we don't exactly get a say in this! Its Yuuki's decision."
Kaname fixed a glaring eye on the Hunter, "Excuse me!" Zero looked up in surprise, "We have NO say! We haven't dedicated our lives to making sure our precious petal gets only the best! Is protected from every hardship! Is not so much as allowed to LOOK at another boy without the special services being called in! And your sitting here telling me she's on a DATE! AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH THIS!"
At some point during his tirade Kaname had risen from the ground and now stood with his fist clenched towards the sky, an expression of extreme determination (or constipation, Kiryuu wasn't exactly sure which) painted on his face.
"LOOK AT YOU! GIVING YUUKI UP WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT! MOPING WHILE YOU SHOULD BE OUT THERE KILLING! SLAUGHTERING THAT GUY WHO THOUGHT HE COULD TAKE OUR YUUKI! RIPPING! SLICING! GUTTING! BITING! KNAWIN-!"
*slap*
A well placed slap ended the tyrannical Pureblood's tirade but his words, however manically worrying, had ignited the fire in the Hunter and he screamed back,
"OKAY! LETS DO IT!"
*slap*
Even-stevens the Pureblood figured.
A/N – Thats all for now! Hopefully there won't be too long a wait if you want to read the next bit!
MrDragon