…You Were The Only One In The Room
Acepilot

AN – This is a piece that takes place in between Chapter 14 and Chapter 15 of the longer Tertiary story, told (once more) from Phil DeVille's perspective. This story was good fun to write – a lot of it is really just about family and being together for Christmas, but it's also about Phil trying to come to terms with the massive change his life is going through. I hope you enjoy it.

Big, big thanks to Lord Malachite, who in addition to his usual, magnificent beta skills, added a fantastic bit of dialogue to really drive this piece home. I couldn't do it without you.

Incidentally, the title system merges this chapter with the two it lies between – the three chapters run together as But for one crowded hour… …you were the only one in the room and But for one crowded hour… …that would lead to my wreck and ruin respectively.

Disclaimer – for the fun of it – the characters contained within are the property of Klasky-Csupo, except a few mentioned from The Weekenders who are owned by Disney.

8- - - - -8

Broad, sweeping strokes. Bright, bold colours. Think about anything. Anything but her.

It's a miserable failure of a plan, because the minute you admit that the last thing you want to think about is the idea that your girlfriend – is she my girlfriend? – is off convincing herself that being with you will never work, then the only thing you can think about is her, and what she's doing right now.

Maybe she's gushing to her friends that we had a wonderful night and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. That we're perfect for each other and the time is right for us to take the next step in our relationship together.

But it doesn't seem likely. I can't quite comprehend the idea of Lor gushing about, or over, anything.

Broad, sweeping strokes full of bright, bold colours.

Falling in love with Lor has been an experience. Like I told her last night, my attraction to her only really started in April – but, like my past experiences with love, I guess, it was really a case of things sneaking up on me. I met her in unlikely circumstances, and after I went in to see the doctor when she broke my nose, it could have ended there. There are scores of people in my graduating class at university that I've never met, that I wouldn't know if I ran straight into them – she could have just been another one. But I needed a friend, and though it was hardly the most typical opening, it worked for us. I tracked her down at the Caffé and we went from there.

She became part of my life. An indispensable part of my life, someone who I saw every day and who cheered me up when I was sad, who partied with me when life was good. Everyone I had known was gone but that wasn't so bad, because now I had Lor. She became my best friend.

It wasn't until she broke up with Tino that things started to change.

She'll come back. I hope.

"Here you are," Dil's voice comes from the doorway. "Your Mom said you got here an hour ago but she wasn't sure where you'd run off to."

I dab my brush in some turps before acquiring some green paint and slashing it across the canvas. "Yeah, well…I just needed to paint for a bit."

I've been at this for an hour? I gaze at the canvas objectively. Clearly I've been moping, because that's not an hour's worth of broad strokes and bright colours.

"Is everything okay?" he asks, coming up to stand behind the canvas. "I'm getting…vibes."

"Yeah, well…" I shrug, laying down my brush and grabbing an old rag. I was surprised but thankful that I'd left so much of my art crap here, but some of it – like this rag, as I'm discovering to my misfortune – is probably a bit too old and overused to be terribly practical. I couldn't even get the lid off my tube of cyan. "I'm just…stressed."

"Don't stress. It's Christmas. Stress-free time."

"You're Jewish," I point out.

"It works for Chanukah as well. Even better, in fact. Eight days of stress-free time," he tells me. "Now, what's wrong?"

I sigh, wetting down some severely clogged blue paint. "Nothing's wrong, as such. I just…left some stuff on fairly uncertain terms."

His jaw drops. "You had sex with Lor!"

I jerk with surprise and drop my brush. "What?"

"You did, didn't you? Wow! This is great." He pauses at the look on my face. "It is great, isn't it?"

"How did you know I slept with Lor?" I ask when I regain the ability to vocalise. "I didn't even – " I cut myself off. It's Dil, after all. I should know better than to ask dumb questions. "Never mind. Yes, I slept with Lor. Yes, it's great. I think."

"You think?" he asks, clearly puzzled. Not that I blame him. "How can you not be sure?"

I groan. "She kind of…freaked out and took off this morning. I'm just worried that she's going to come back from Bahia Bay and tell me it was all a big mistake, and that we should go back to the way we were."

"And you don't want that, I take it," Dil says, looking me up and down somewhat concernedly, picking up my dropped brush and handing it to me.

"Not as such, no," I tell him. "I don't know if we even could go back to how we were, you know? I mean…I've been waiting for us to take this step for so long, and everything. And now we're here – we've done it. I've told her how I feel about her. I've told her I love her, and she's told me she loves me. And now…what? She might want to slip back into how we used to be? I don't think I could do it."

Dil sighs. "Man, at times I'm glad I don't have much in the way of luck with the ladies."

I grin ruefully. "Someday you'll want it, trust me. I'm not upset I fell in love with Lor, let me tell you. I'm just hoping she comes back tomorrow still in love with me, and wanting to take this further."

"Yeah, well, if you love something, you've got to let it go. If it comes back to you, then it was always yours, if it doesn't, then it never was."

I raise an eyebrow. "Did you just quote poetry?"

"Nah, I saw it on the back of a cereal box," he tells me. "Now, change your shirt and come down. Everyone but Chuckie is here and we're waiting on the two of you to do presents."

I sigh but nod at him, switching out of an old shirt I had found in my closet and back into my nice, presentable Christmas top that I would have gotten murdered for getting any paint on. By the time I'm back to looking as close to my best as I can manage, Dil has headed back downstairs – lured, undoubtedly, by the promise of presents. I head downstairs to face the family and friends on Christmas.

I was the first one here, but apparently a lot can happen in an hour because we have since been joined by everyone – except Chuckie, as Dil noted, although as I come down the stairs I can see his car pulling up in the already overcrowded front lawn. I smile at the sight of everyone – well, nearly everyone – spread out around the lounge room, catching up after months apart, seeing parents for the first time in who knows how long. We used to be like this just as a matter of course – we saw everyone every day, or every second day at the least – it was how we functioned. But now we've all gone our separate ways, and we have been for a while now. Now, it's like this – just special occasions. It doesn't mean we don't still mean as much to each other as we ever did, but now we've moved into our own lives, and we don't live in each others as much anymore. For some people – like Susie and Angelica – moving into your own lives mean intersecting with what you knew, for others – like me – moving into my own life meant finding a new support around which to base myself.

"At last, he deigns to join us," Lil quips from the base of the stairs, seeing me coming down. "Finally remembered it was Christmas huh?"

I jump down the last few stairs and wrap her up in a hug. "I woke up in my old bed and thought it was all a dream," I tell her. I'm not going to sit around with my friends and family and agonise over Lor. I'm not. Because this is my chance to enjoy my old life, and not stress about what might be happening in my new one.

"Little risk of that," she said. "Now come on, present time!"

I get passed around like a parcel for a moment, hugging Tommy and Chuckie and getting a kiss on the cheek from Susie. Angelica looks at me with a yeah-try-it sort of face before I wrap her up in a crushing hug – which she accepts in surprisingly good grace, all things considered – and then I'm at the parents, who I shake hands with, hug and kiss as is appropriate. It's odd – all these years on and I've almost got this down to a routine – Stu gets a hug but Chaz a handshake, Didi a kiss on the cheek but Charlotte a squeeze on the shoulder. I've standardised tailored greetings for everyone, and I'm not sure whether to be impressed or depressed about this. I wonder how Lor manages it with a family as big as hers.

I wish she'd come with me.

No, no moping.

Finally, I arrive at the one person who I am frightened of greeting, if only because I don't know what's appropriate anymore. Everyone, in fact, seems to be watching us at this moment, and I realise that this is the first time we've seen each other in two months, since the day we broke up – I skipped Thanksgiving, after all. The parents are watching, as if waiting for an explosion on one of our parts. But Kimi just stares in my eyes for a moment, smiles at me with her million-watt grin, and throws her arms around me. "I missed you," she whispers in my ear.

I wrap my arms around her as well, lifting her off the ground a little and revelling in the familiar feeling of her. I really have missed her. We haven't spoken all that much since everything that happened – not because I've been avoiding her, but just because we haven't found much time, and – well, maybe I've been a bit unsure of where we stand now. Sure, we broke up on good terms. But how much of that was just words, and how much of it was us willing to make a friendship work?

Maybe I can understand Lor's fears. And I did have a relationship that ended on good terms. Unlike hers. What must it be like for her, when she sees Tino?

"I missed you, too," I tell her, finally letting my arms loose when I feel her hug slacken first. "How's New York?" I ask, leaning back to make eye contact.

"It's incredible," she tells me, leaning back herself. "I've found so much – "

The sound of a throat clearing breaks into our moment, and I realise that we're standing in the middle of all our friends and family, embracing like long-lost friends rather than recent exes. We share a brief chuckle as we take in everyone's surprised faces before I indicate an empty spot on the couch, which she takes and I sit at her feet, Lil next to me, who leans her head on my shoulder. "What was that about?" she asks.

"Catching up," I tell her. "Just catching up."

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen," Dil begins, taking his traditional spot under the tree. "As I remain the youngest, I will be handing out the presents in any order I deem fit. This year, I have decided to distribute them by alphabetical order in regards to the colour of the wrapping paper –"

"Maybe you could just go at random, huh Dil?" Tommy suggests.

"Well, yeah, if you want to be boring about it," Dil retorts. "But, as I sense that this will be the way that has the least arguments, random it is."

Dil is just finishing a round of handing out gifts – we seem to have a lot more to go around these days, since we of the younger generation started giving people gifts as well. We may have to start looking into doing a Pollyanna as there are way too many people involved in this bizarre extended family to be getting presents for everyone. He comes to Charlotte and Drew last, with the first of several parcels wrapped in dark blue that had been placed under the tree. He reads the tag. "Alright, this is for Aunt Charlotte and Uncle Drew, from Susie and Angelica."

There is a slight pause which echoes around the room. I pick up on the reason instantly and share a quick glance with Kimi – she's noticed as well. Charlotte takes the box from Dil as if unsure of its contents. "You two went in together on gifts this year?"

It's a little thing, but little things get noticed – this is the fourth Christmas since they got together but they've always bought separate gifts in the past.

All eyes turn to Susie and Angelica, sat sharing a chair in the corner. Susie blushes a little under the scrutiny but Angelica just shrugs. "Well, you know how it is. Medical school supplies and stuff don't come cheap, so we thought we'd…just start going it together from here on out."

The point is moot, I know, as Angelica being Angelica earlier this year walked out of college and into a high-paying post with a major consulting firm, and their rent is hardly expensive, so Susie could probably go to med school for the rest of her life and the two of them would be fairly comfortable. However, this is a disturbingly mature and astute observation to be coming from someone like Angelica, leading me to believe that something deeper is going on here but I'm not quite sure what. I decide to leave it alone for the moment and watch how the situation develops, but I know that the subtext that has been picked up on hasn't been lost on anyone – only the married couples have ever gone in together on gifts before, and we all know it.

"Alright, everyone got one?" Dil asks, in an attempt to break the tension.

It succeeds – everyone's attention is drawn back to the fact that there is a gift in their hands, which we commence unwrapping. The contentious gift handed to Charlotte turns out to be a very nice set of cups and saucers, while I unwrap a Peanuts UNO set from Lil.

We work our way through presents – everyone likes their pictures, which is good because monetary constraints have meant getting everyone fairly ordinary presents this year, and the pictures were meant to take the edge off that. Angelica is staring at hers trying to work out what it's meant to be – I kind of hope she doesn't work it out until I'm out of the area, as I really don't know what her reaction will be, though I'm sure it would be funny – while Lil gives me a hug.

Stu and Didi have gotten all the members of our generation bits and pieces for making a home – subtle hints, I imagine, to Tommy and Dil that they're expecting them to come home with girls soon. Susie and Angelica's presents vary wildly from home-wear to clothes to video games and I would imagine came out of many hours of stiff discussion and possibly arguments between the two over what would suit each recipient. Dil has gotten everyone hats, handing one out a round, so we all go from being bareheaded to wearing an array of increasingly intriguing bits of headgear – Kimi models a very nice blue noosa wide-brim with glow-in-the-dark piping around the rim while my Dad seems to be trying to work out how to tuck his hair in under the brim of his new white straw hat. I seem to have lucked out with a very sharp black top-hat.

"You need to wear something presentable when you're showing off your art at big exhibitions," Dil tells me as I pull it out of the hatbox. "And you can't go wrong with a nice, classy top-hat."

"No, I imagine you can't," I tell him, slipping it onto my head. "How does it look?"

"You were made to wear that hat," Chuckie observes from his post perched on the arm of one of the lounge chairs, in which Didi is trying to work out how to put the batteries in her new universal remote – a gift from my parents, I suspect after my mother heard too many times about how Stu kept losing the remotes to everything.

"Very stylish," Kimi assures me. "Now you just need a black cape. Wait – you've already got one of those, don't you?"

"Until you stole it," I tease in return, leaning my head back to look up at her. She grins at me.

"You two are the strangest ex-boyfriend/girlfriend combination I've seen in my life," Angelica cuts in on our moment.

I turn to her and shrug. "It works for us."

When the presents have all been handed out, the wrapping paper all unwrapped, the mess all made and the hats all tried on for size, I relax, sitting back in a mess of wrapping paper and surrounded by what was a pretty good haul this year. A lot of it was art supplies, albeit nothing quite as good as the watercolours that Lor got me, and a few bits of the obligatory clothing and stuff from the older members of the family. Kimi's gift to me was a big bag of candles and some holders. "I remembered you saying you were experimenting with candles. I figured if you still were, these would be useful. And if not, then they're great for creating a romantic atmosphere."

I roll my eyes at her implication but let her hug me around the shoulders anyway. "Thanks, Kimi."

"I think it's getting on to time for some food," Mom states, gathering up wrapping paper. "If your last name's DeVille, get a garbage bag and help me clearing up this paper. Everyone else head for the dining room."

Lil mutters, "I knew I should have gotten married." I snort at this – for all her smart-ass comments, my sister would not marry just anyone. If her last name is not DeVille then it's going to be Pickles – but I've learnt the hard way that we don't discuss that issue anymore. She'll make a move on Tommy in her own good time – or wait for him to pull his head out of his ass and make a move on her. With those requirements they'll probably be waiting for the end of time.

"You alright, Philly?" Mom asks as we clear up the mess, just the four of us alone in the lounge room.

Dad's hand lands on my shoulder. "Yeah, Phil. You seem a bit…distracted today."

I resist the temptation to groan. Confiding about my problems with Lor in my parents has not exactly been at the top of my to-do list lately. Lil I've mostly kept abreast of everything, but my parents are not exactly the kind of people I've ever been able to tell these kinds of things to. I learnt this lesson when Susie and I were going out – I was sixteen years old but they had to make a big deal out of it…

Lil doesn't say anything herself, just watches me with a raised eyebrow. I know she's picked up on it. She always does.

"I'm fine," I assure them. "Just some…stuff going on. You know. The life thing."

Mom and Dad exchange a glance suggesting they're worried I've finally cracked. I finally give in and actually do groan. "Look, trust me. I'm okay. I've just got a bit on my mind at the moment."

"If you say so, kiddo," Mom says, but she clearly still doesn't believe me. Lil is still watching me like a hawk and the effect is made a bit unsettling by her new, peak-billed hat-and-veil set.

"Phil, can you come in the kitchen and help me for a minute," Lil finally asks, grabbing me by the wrist and hauling me off with her. I almost drop the bag of wrapping paper I was gathering but keep a tenuous hold. When we're in the kitchen and alone, she turns on me with a look of worry on her face. "Alright. What happened with Lor? Did you tell her how you feel?"

"Yes," I tell her.

"And it didn't go well?" she asks, seeking clarification of why I might not be doing so crash hot after this confession.

"Depends on your point of view," I tell her. "She kind of got a bit…scared, afterwards, and took off this morning for Bahia Bay."

"You know that it's Christmas and her family lives there, right?"

I roll my eyes. "I know, dummy. But it seemed to go really well last night, but this morning she was a bit…worried. About how this effects our friendship. I think she's scared of us breaking up."

She looks at me appraisingly. "And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you afraid the two of you are going to break up?"

"I'm not sure I've got it straight in my head that we're actually a couple, so I'm struggling with the idea that we might break up. You need one before you can have the other. Basically I'm stressed that she's going to come home tomorrow and say that she's changed her mind. That we work better as friends. That maybe we should forget about last night. I don't think I can forget about last night, Lil."

"Did you have sex?" she asks.

I forgot that wasn't actually common knowledge. Dil kind of does that to me. "A bit. Anyway, what am I going to do if she doesn't want this anymore? Just let her go?"

"Well, you know what they say. If you love something, let it go, yadda yadda yadda."

"You read that on a cereal box?" I ask.

"No, my roommate buys quote of the day toilet paper," she tells me. I shake my head in disbelief, but she puts a hand on my arm. "Look, Phil, it's going to be fine. She'll come back and you'll kiss and be happy together, okay."

I nod. This is what I keep telling myself, but I don't seem to be listening. "Alright. If you say so. Tell Tommy how you feel about him, okay?"

She glares at me. "We're not talking about that. I'll tell him. Soon."

"Alright," I say, backing off a little. "As long as it actually is soon, right?"

She shakes her head and indicates the platters of food spread on the benches around the kitchen. "We better get this stuff in for the hungry masses. Can you get the chicken out of the oven?"

"It would be my pleasure," I tell her, kissing her on the cheek before grabbing a mitt.

After we serve up, and everyone is seated around the table, Lil and I join them, me at the foot of the table and her on the corner, and we eat. And my god, do we ever eat. I'm certain that other families can't be like this at Christmas. I mean, admittedly, we're serving up for sixteen people – but still. This is an inhumane amount of food and everyone just sits and packs it away, talking, laughing, joking and eating eating eating. Even Angelica, who maintains a reputation of a bird like appetite – even though we all know better – is unashamed to scarf down food at Christmas.

Susie, this year, however, seems otherwise preoccupied, as she pushes her food around her plate. I'm feeling much the same, so I can definitely empathise. "Hey, Suz, you feeling okay?"

Only Lil sits between us, so I don't have to say it loudly. She looks up at me and smiles softly. "Yeah, Phil, I'm fine. How're you doing?"

"I'm okay," I tell her. "You sure you're alright, though? You aren't eating much."

"I just pale in comparison to everyone else here," she reassures me. "I'll be okay."

I reach around Lil's back and squeeze her shoulder, which seems to be the default manner in which I offer comfort. "If you're sure."

"Hey, DeVille," Angelica's voice comes from her other side, "hands off. You had your chance, she's mine now."

I snort with laughter. "Wanna bet, Angelica? I'll fight you for her."

"Too late for that, DeVille," Angelica smirks.

Susie rolls her eyes at Angelica, but has a loving grin on her face, before turning back to me and raising her left hand above the table, its back to me and Lil – drawing our attention to the diamond ring adorning the fourth finger.

Lil's jaw drops, and I feel mine do the same. "You're getting – "

Susie slaps her hand across Lil's mouth to block the third, inevitable word, but the high-pitched squeal she got out has done the damage and drawn all attention to our little corner of the table.

Lil hangs her head while Susie tips backwards in her chair and pinches the bridge of her nose. With a clear path I smirk at Angelica. "You know, this is really all your fault."

"Yeah, yeah," she mutters. "Well, we were going to tell everyone after lunch anyway, so we might as well get it over with now. Susie?"

All other conversation has paused as everyone looks down the table at Angelica as she stands. Susie is cringing but takes a look in Angelica's eyes and sees something reassuring there – I don't know what, but then there's a whole subset of things that Susie sees in Angelica that are lost on me – because she smiles at her softly and takes her girlfriend's offered hand. Angelica, ever at ease with being the centre of attention, smiles at everyone but is very determinedly looking away from her parents for the moment.

"Everyone," she begins. "We have a bit of an announcement to make. It was going to wait until after we'd finished eating, but apparently the DeVille twins are as good as ever at keeping things to themselves – "

"Hey, it was Lil," I defend myself.

"Hands to yourself, Philip," Angelica points out. "Anyway, as I was saying before I was interrupted, we have something to tell you all. It's pretty important. We were waiting until we had you all in one room at the same time."

Susie seems to be gathering confidence. "Because we really wanted you all to be the first people we shared this with, because you've all been so supportive and the best family anyone could ask for. Even the ones among you we're not related to."

The two young women exchange one, confidence-boosting glance, and even though I know what's coming – I'm sure everyone's worked it out by now – I still feel on the edge of my seat.

"We're getting married," Angelica states. "Sometime early next year."

There is a moment of stunned silence, in which everyone seems to look from Angelica to her parents and back again. Drew looks shocked but Charlotte just nods and smiles.

"We know it's kind of soon," Susie cuts in on the moment. "But there's something else."

They're my friends, and I've been one of the major champions of their relationship, and I know this is a sombre, solemn moment. But there are just some things I can't resist. I gasp loudly and dramatically. "You didn't get her pregnant, did you?"

It breaks the moment very effectively and draws the laughs I was after, from everyone except the couple involved. Angelica flushes red and Susie bites her lip. "Well, actually…"

Silence descends on the dining table.

That joke was meant to be totally hole-proof. I've got to work on that.

"I'm not pregnant," Susie quickly confirms. "Well, not yet. But we've been put on a waiting list for a program. It's meant to take three years or so before we actually get to the practical stage of the program, so it won't be for a while. So, by then, I'll be out of school and we'll be well set up to handle it all, don't worry. But when we were told we got into the program – well, we got to talking about the future. And one of the things we both really wanted for the future was kids, and the other thing we wanted was…well, each other. So we've decided to get married."

Susie has run out of breath at the end of her little speech and her grip on Angelica's hand is causing Angelica's fingers to turn red, but Angelica doesn't let go and merely squeezes Susie's hand in return. Susie is staring at the table. I know instantly what she's thinking about and why it's important that this goes well – with everyone, but especially with Drew and Charlotte.

She's worried about how her parents will take it.

I stand up and cross to where my ex and her fiancé stand, under the scrutiny of the entire extended DeVille/Finster/Pickles clan – a family in all but name – and wrap my arms around Susie in the hardest hug I can muster. "Congratulations, Susie. I'm so happy for you." After releasing her, I turn to Angelica, take a deep breath, and kiss her on the cheek, ducking out of range as she goes to slap me across the top of the head. "I'm sure you two are going to make great parents."

And I'm really sure they will. They're Angelica and Susie – they're nuts, sure, but between the two of them I'm quite certain they won't run into too many surprises raising a child. After my outburst everyone else jerks out of their surprise and joins us, offering Susie and Angelica congratulations, hugs and more than a bit of advice.

Charlotte approaches the pair all but trembling with trepidation. "You're…you're going to have a child?"

Susie flinches slightly but Angelica faces her mother down with a look of determination in her eyes. "Yes. We are."

The older woman breaks into a broad smile. "I'm going to be a grandmother?"

Susie looks up and meets Charlotte's eyes herself, and sees at last that there's nothing there to be intimidated by. Drew is wisely hanging back and letting his wife and daughter have this moment themselves. "Yes, Charlotte. That's the plan."

"As long as it doesn't call me Grandma," Charlotte declares, before pulling both girls into a hug.

We all watch the moment with a kind of reverence. Lil leans into me and I wrap an arm around her shoulders, both of us enjoying this kind of unique family moment that you just don't get unless you've managed to create the absolutely crazy family unit we've built up around us. As Susie noted, we might not share any blood and genetics with her, but she and Angelica are just as much family as Mom or Dad is.

When we all resume our seats for desert, all other topics of conversation prove moot – everyone – by which I mean the women – wants to talk about forthcoming nuptials, the brides-to-be's plans and, in Angelica and Charlotte's case, what dress or dresses they're going to wear. My fellow males and I manage to muddle through, and I manage to engage Stu in a hushed conversation about the current NHL season before we're caught by Didi conversing about something other than centrepieces and corsages, and told to get our priorities straight.

When desert is over Lil and I clear the table by enforced agreement with the parents (one of the reasons it sucks to host Christmas is that you're expected to help with the clean-up) and start washing up while everyone else disappears into the lounge room to experiment with their new presents, to plan weddings, to talk amongst themselves. Lil and I work mostly in silence – I don't want to talk about Lor, who I've mostly not stressed about for the last hour and a half, and she doesn't want to talk about Tommy, which is fair enough.

Lil finishes washing before I finish drying and swipes my tea-towel for a moment to dry her hands on. "I'm going to hit the lounge to play with my new puzzle-thingy. Hurry up, huh?"

"Of course, my liege," I bow deeply, "I live to serve."

She drops the tea-towel on my bowed head. "Doofus."

"Always," I remind her, pulling the towel down and returning to my task.

Lil crosses with Susie in the doorway to the kitchen. Lil gives her another quick hug and congratulations before heading out into the lounge. Susie crosses to the bench and flicks the kettle on, but doesn't turn to face me or speak to me or anything. I continue meticulously drying the baking tray, and get most of the way through it before she finally speaks.

"Do you think we're making a terrible mistake?" she asks.

I turn to look at her. "What?"

"Seriously, Phil. You've always been honest with me – it's something I feel like I can count on from you. And I need you to be honest with me now. Do you think that we're making a horrible, horrible mistake with this whole…thing. Getting married. Having a kid."

"Tell me you're not actually having these doubts yourself," I plead.

"I – well, I…I don't know…"

"Yes you do," I tell her. "You're completely ready for this, it's totally the right thing to do." I put my tea-towel down for a moment and start gathering mugs from the cupboard to help her make the assorted teas and coffees she'll be requiring. "When are you telling your parents?"

"Tonight, we're going over to see them tonight," she tells me. "They're not going to take it well."

"Not if you go in with that attitude," I point out. "Come on, where's that Susie Carmichael I-can-do-anything spirit?"

"But that's just the thing," she tells me as we start doling out teaspoons of sugar and coffee. "I can't necessarily do everything. Sometimes I wonder if I can do anything."

"That doesn't even make a lick of sense," I tell her. "You're a straight-A student, you're in a loving, stable relationship – you're getting married for crying out loud. I'm struggling to get the girl I love to stay in the same room as me."

"Pardon?" she cuts in on me. "What's going on with you?"

"We'll come to me in a minute, don't try and sidetrack me," I force the conversation back on-topic. "My point is that you've always been able to do anything you put your mind to. You're going to be a wonderful mother and no-one is going to work harder at marriage than you will. Anyway, Angelica would never score anyone else as brilliant as you and she knows it, so she's smart enough not to do anything to jeopardise that."

She nods. "I know. I know."

"Your parents will love you no matter what, you know."

She nods again. "I know."

"They really want what's best for you. Sometimes parents just don't understand what exactly it is that is best for you."

"I think I get that."

"Good. Remember it when your kid comes to you in seventeen years wanting a tattoo."

She rolls her eyes at me. "And you were doing so well."

"Do you really think your parents are going to be that upset over this?" I ask, hearing the kettle click itself off. She starts pouring the appropriate boiling water while I fetch the milk.

"No, they'll be fine. I'm just nervous. I mean, I know that Mom hasn't exactly been that thrilled with my dating Angelica, but then she never really approved of Alysa's husband, either, but when they turned out to be serious she became a lot more understanding and supportive. I think she just feels this is a temporary thing and she doesn't like me wasting my time with stuff that doesn't last. When she finds out we're getting married I'm sure she'll be a lot more understanding."

She says all this at a mile-a-minute and is panting slightly by the end of it. "Well I would never have been able to tell you were nervous, don't worry."

She lays down the kettle and crosses her arms. "Alright, what's up with you? You've been off with the pixies all day long."

I sigh. I do that a lot lately. "It's nothing. It's piddly crap, compared to what you're going through."

"So? Try me."

"I'm in love with Lor," I tell her. "We slept together last night. She's afraid of the idea of our relationship changing and kind of ran off this morning. I don't know how it's going to go in the end."

She looks at me clinically. "I'm not the first person you've discussed this with, huh? You're abbreviating that story pretty sharply."

"Sorry. It's been a weird day."

"I can understand that," she agrees. "Look, don't worry about that kind of thing, alright? If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If you hold a butterfly too tightly, it'll die. You have to let it go. If it comes back to you, then it was yours, but if it doesn't, it never was."

The bit with the butterfly threw me at first, but the rest has an oddly familiar ring to it. "Where'd you get that?"

"I think I heard it in a song somewhere," she says, before wrapping me up in a hug. "Thanks for everything, Phil. I hope it all works out for you."

"You too," I tell her.

We stand firm in the embrace for a moment, before she pulls back. "So, you slept with Lor, huh?"

I nod. "Yeah."

"Kimi didn't walk in on you this morning, did she?"

I roll my eyes. "You're never going to let me just scrub that memory from my mind, are you? For the billionth time, it was you who didn't lock the door. How was I to know what was going on with you and Angelica? You think I wanted to catch her naked? I needed therapy after that, you know."

She grins at me and starts collecting coffee cups, loading them on a tray. "I think it's good to be kept conscious of our mistakes. Makes us less likely to repeat them."

"Oh, trust me. That one's hardwired in by now."

We ferry the coffees and teas out to the lounge room, and I decide to break in my new UNO set by challenging any takers to a game – in the end, I'm joined by Lil (frustrated with her puzzle), Tommy (who had been reading the manual for some new bit of obscure filmmaking equipment), Dil (clearly itching to fix Lil's puzzle, which I think he's long worked out the trick to), Stu, Kimi and Kira. As I shuffle, I let myself scan across the room – like before, everyone is just being a family again, a nice, non-descript moment of closeness. What catches my eye, however, is Susie and Angelica – Susie, curled up in Angelica's lap while they talk to Charlotte, presumably about wedding plans, reaches over and plucks their hats from Dil off the coffee table where we're about to launch into a game, placing Angelica's tiara on her head while she herself dons a long, pointed hat with a flowing screen behind it – both something fairy tale princesses might wear. Angelica rolls her eyes at her fiancé but says nothing, simply adjusting her crown slightly and continuing their conversation.

It reminds me of Halloween, and a moment with Lor, really any number of countless moments with Lor, and what I want so badly for the two of us. Because with Lor I feel that kind of effortless affection, that feeling of completeness that I get these days when she's around, when we're together.

I drag my eyes away from the happy couple, dealing the cards quite rapidly and falling into fun, joking conversation with the others around the table. We play a few hands before Tommy turns to me with a grin on his face.

"So, Phil, how goes the artworks? Any big successes yet?"

I shrug, laying down a yellow three. "Not really. I'm really just trying to create stuff that I like. All this creating stuff for the sake of popularity, that other people 'get'…I don't know if I'm able to create that kind of stuff yet."

"I always said you ought to pursue painting more seriously," he reminisces. "I remember me and Susie pushing you to make a portfolio, but you never took us very seriously."

"Well, one of the first things they tell you is to never listen when you're friends tell you your art is great – they don't know what they're talking about."

Tommy chuckles for a moment, before pausing, sobered suddenly. "Does this mean every time you guys have said you like one of my films…"

The table bursts out in laughter. I miss Tommy. Perhaps I don't realise it as much as missing Dil or Lil or Susie, but I associate Tommy with a sense of comfort and humour that I do feel is lacking in my life when he's not there. I've got to keep better track of him, I decide, and make sure we spend more time together in the future. Before we're rich and famous, because then we'll just be snobs.

"How about you," I ask. "Film school everything you thought it would be?"

He shrugs. "Eh. It's got its ups and downs. Like you said – more about making things for yourself than for other people. But sometimes I wonder if I'm really learning anything or just getting a piece of paper so I can say I have it."

I've had those exact same worries. When something is as subjective and individual as art – film, painting, any kind really – you kind of ask yourself if there's anything you're actually meant to learn about it that you don't already know intrinsically. But I've taken stuff from my course, and I'm confident that, in its own way, university has made me a better artist.

Of course, university has made me a far better person. Just not necessarily in the way I thought it would.

"How about on the feminine front," I ask, groaning as Dil calls uno. "I'm hoping your not going to be swept away by some Hollywood-bound floozy."

Lil kicks me. Hard.

"No, no," he says, and I almost-audibly breathe a sigh of relief. "Too busy concentrating on my studies. I was sorry to hear about you guys breaking up," he offers, indicating myself and Kimi. "But you seem to be doing pretty okay."

"Yeah, we are," Kimi confirms. "It was really a mutual thing. I was moving on to New York, and we'd had a great time, but…sometimes it's just the right time to say, okay, now what?"

There is a murmur of assent to this from around the table. I'm slightly surprised to see Stu and Kira agreeing with this idea, but then they were also teenagers once.

"It's been a few months," Tommy continues. "Anything new on the romantic front for either of you?"

I look up from my cards and see Kimi staring at me. Our eyes lock – she knows exactly what's ahead for me on the romantic front, and I'm dying to tell her how that's changed in the last twenty-four hours. But I'm not exactly sure this is an appropriate forum. "Oh, you know," I tell Tommy, "letting the offers pile up."

Kimi grins at me. "Yeah, yeah. Well, as it turns out, a costumers apprenticeship doesn't leave a lot of time for dating. Well, not as yet. But maybe some talented tailor will come and sweep me off my feet."

"Just make sure he's taken the pins out of his shirt," I suggest, blocking Dil's uno with a draw four. "Or it might really hurt."

We'll talk. Soon.

"Can't believe it about Susie and Angelica," Dil notes. "Mostly that Susie would be willing to put up with Angelica for life. I mean, we're stuck with her through genetics. To volunteer for that duty you'd have to be crazy."

"Well, love makes people do crazy things," Stu chimes in. "One of the great mysteries of life."

"Well put," I commend him, laying down my penultimate card and calling uno. Tommy frantically shuffles through his cards – to what end I don't know, as we're two people away from each other.

Dil just shrugs. "Well, as someone who is yet to track down this mysterious thing you call love, I'll just have to take your word for it."

"You'll enjoy it when it arrives," I assure him, rolling my eyes as Tommy plays the Red Baron card and peers over Dil's shoulder to see what colour my card is.

"I make it green," he declares, leaning back.

Games of this can last for hours because of exactly this kind of determination and legalised cheating.

Mercifully, it only lasts a few more minutes, and we play a few more hands relatively unscathed before everyone splits off again, leaving just Kimi and myself. She scoops up the cards and stands up from the coffee table. "Come on," she says, holding out a hand.

I take it and let her haul me to my feet, almost toppling over as my unresponsive legs complain about the sudden movement. "Whoa. Pins and needles."

"Clench your toes," she suggests.

"That's just gonna give me cramps," I point out, preferring to walk on the spot, trying to knock some feeling back into them, before trailing her into the kitchen, where she sits at the breakfast table, clear of the detritus that had filled it before lunch. I join her, seeing for a way off where this is headed.

She shuffles and deals the cards. "So, what happened with you and Lor?"

I scratch behind my ear for a second before picking up my hand. "What makes you think something happened?"

"You've been on-edge all day. Something went on. Recently. I can still read you better than anyone other than Lil, you know."

I shrug. "Well, I wasn't sure if time might have dulled your skills," I tell her, before deciding honesty is the better part of not getting beat up for keeping secrets. "We slept together last night."

She smiles at me broadly. "Yay! I knew you guys would get there in the end!"

"Well, hold your applause. I'm not exactly sure where we've gotten in the end, but I don't know that it's all sorted yet."

The play of the game flows quickly, it's practically unconscious movement on our part, as we concentrate nearly entirely on the conversation we're having. "Well, what went wrong? Too much too fast?"

I sigh. "Look, I don't know what's going on with her. With us, that is. She got a bit scared about the idea of us…ending. The idea that it would break our friendship. She needed some space, and headed off to Bahia Bay. And I'm worried that she's just going to sit around and think about this all day and talk herself out of wanting to be with me, into wanting to be…friends again."

"You're not friends still?" she asks.

"I don't think so," I tell her. "I mean, what kind of friends would we be, after last night? Friends with benefits? Friends who have mind-blowing sex? I mean, not that I'm against that concept as a whole, and…she'll still be my best friend, I think, if she comes back and says that yes, this is what she wants. But what if she comes back and says, you know, 'hey, last night was fun and everything, but I think we should just be friends'? Because then what would I do? Bury these feelings forever – feelings she says she reciprocates? Because of what might happen in the future? I can't do that. I love her. I want to be with her. But after last night…we can't go back to what we were. We're something else now. I need her to come back and say that she wants to be in a relationship with me. And I'm terrified that she won't."

We play in silence for a moment.

"Aren't you going to tell me that if I love something I should let it go or something like that?"

She looks at me with surprise clearly etched on her face. "I wasn't going to, no. Why, do you want me to?"

I shrug. "Not especially, no." I look back up at her. "I'm kind of surprised you're okay with talking about this," I admit.

She grins at me. "I know, I know. But…well, you and I – that's a whole different thing. I know that I had nothing to do with you falling in love with Lor, and the fact that you're now in love with her doesn't mean that you loved me any less. You and I broke up at the right time for the right reasons."

"I know, I know. I just…"

"You never doubted yourself before. Not with Susie, and not with me. Every relationship you've had has ended because you knew it was simply time for it to end. You know, for all the faults your sister likes to tease you about, you're always true to yourself, and that's what makes you such a great friend-and an even better lover. I know it's a little weird-no one else seems to get that there isn't this big, uncomfortable thing between you and I. But that's because you knew exactly when to end it. Not sooner, not later. And I always knew that it would turn out like this. Because I can't compete with Lor, and I realized that I didn't want to. She made you happy in ways that no one here ever did, myself included."

"I'm not that special, Kimi. I've never tried to be anything in my life but Phil Deville, for better or for worse. All I've ever done; for my family, for my friends, for the ladies-"

"Is be true to yourself? Did it ever occur to you that that is exactly why we like you so much?"

"Not really."

"Work with me here, would you?" Kimi sighs, throwing her arms into the air briefly. "If you're really thinking about what kind of impact this has on you and Lor, then first, answer me this: when you came to tell me we were breaking up, regardless of any concern you might've had for how I would take it, did you honestly have any doubts about whether or not you were doing the right thing?"

I shake my head. "No. I knew it was the right thing. If we'd stayed together, it would have just gotten…painful."

She smiles at me. "I knew you had it right. You know what she's afraid of, right?"

I nod. "That we're going to break up."

"That you're going to be like her and Tino," she tells me. "It may be hard to see from our position, but sometimes, we have to remember that you and I are the exception, not the rule. Their break-up wasn't like ours, you know, and I don't think she's got the perspective on it that we do. You know how they still can't really be in the same room as each other without awkwardness."

I pin her with a suspicious glance. "Yeah, I know that. How do you know about that?"

"I have my sources. Anyway, she's afraid of losing that with you. What she doesn't know yet – because it hasn't been long enough for her – is that time heals that kind of thing. She'll find that out on her own, but…you're going to have to fight for her now, because if you let this go today…you might not be able to fix it when she is ready. You love her, right?"

I nod. "I do. I really do."

She nods. "Why?"

I fall back in my chair at that question. "Why?"

"Why?"

I play idly with the cards in my hand – flipping them from side to side, turning them on their edges, doing anything but putting them down on the discard pile, as I contemplate that question. "I don't know. Why? A million things. The fact that she all-but knocked me out the first time we met and it's still a good memory for me. That she makes me laugh. That she went on this massive journey with me through a whole new phase of my life. That she makes my coffee exactly how I like it even though she thinks its nuts to put honey in coffee. That I can see her drunk off her ass and making a fool of herself and still want to spend all the time I have with her. That she just feels right in my arms. A million things. There is no 'why' I'm in love with her. I just am. And if she doesn't come back and say the same, then I don't know what I'll do."

"Well, why would you let somebody you love so completely go?"

I run a hand through my hair. "I dunno, because she wanted to go. Because she –"

I pause.

"Why would you let someone you love go?" I ask, putting my cards down on the table. "If you love someone let them go, and if they come back to you…why would you let them go in the first place if you knew for a fact that you loved them?"

"Good question," Kimi agrees.

"Kimi, I think I need a lift to Bahia Bay."

"Why can't you drive yourself?" she asks, getting up from the table anyway and reaching for the coat-rack our jackets are hanging on.

"She's got my car, she borrowed it to drive home," I tell her.

"So you not only let her run away before you talked this out, but you in fact gave her the getaway car."

"I wasn't thinking clearly," I tell her, rising to my own feet and throwing my proffered jacket on. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Well come on, I'll drive you," she says. We say rapid goodbyes to everyone, wishing them a merry Christmas and promising explanations when we get back. We stride out to her car, the whole street aglow in the late-afternoon sunlight. She unlocks her door before looking across the roof of the car at me. "Do you know what you're going to say when we find her?"

"Not a clue," I admit. "I just need to say…something."

"You're certainly an articulate one," she tells me, pulling the door open and sliding in. I follow suit on the opposite side of the car. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

And so I'm away – being driven by my ex-girlfriend to my current hopefully-girlfriend's childhood home, to try and explain to her that she'll get over her ex-boyfriend and that we should be together now and sod the future because we'll take it as it comes.

Broad strokes indeed.

8- - - - -8

hope you enjoyed this. Chapter 15 of Tertiary, "That Would Lead to My Wreck and Ruin", coming very soon. Please review if you've got a moment.