How To Be Yourself When You're Not Yourself

:::

By: plus2-minus1-brilliance

:::

Chapter One - Exactly

:::

Science is, and has always been, a very exact art. Donatello knew this very well; he was, after all, a genius. One wrong move – just one extra drop of a chemical – and a whole experiment could be ruined and, in the more extreme cases, explode. For that reason, Donatello's favorite time to work in his lab was when his brothers were either out or asleep, and the place was peaceful and quiet.

Of course, they never meant to ruin all his hard work – his hours, sometimes days worth of careful calculations and precise measurements. Work that often could be of great benefit to the lives of his family, not to mention mankind. His brothers just didn't understand.

Today, though, had been a really great day for the young scientist. Leonardo had chosen today to catch up on some reading and had only ventured out of his room when he was in need of sustenance. Raphael had left the night before to hang out with Casey, and decided to stay out with him for another day. Michelangelo, getting bored with the television, had gone out to wander the tunnels, taking his sketchpad with him.

As soon as the door closed behind his younger brother, Donatello had rushed to his lab. He'd been waiting for an opportunity such as this, because his current main project was very important and any mistakes could be disastrous. It was also quite top secret.

Presently, it was nearing seven in the evening, and Donnie could be seen (were anyone around to see him) squinting at a piece of paper, trying to make sense of something he'd written a few days ago. Having gone as far as he could on the important experiment for the day, he'd put it safely up out of the way, and decided to switch to another. It wasn't as monumental as the previous one, but it was fairly secret, being meant as a nice surprise for his family.

Now if only he could tell what he should be doing with it. That number was either a three or a...seven? No, it had to be a three. Right? And what was that word that looked like 'shake and bake'? And...pizza Hot Pockets?

Donatello blinked. These weren't his notes; this was the shopping list! With an aggravated sigh, Donnie put the paper aside and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes. He knew he was close with this one – just a few more tweaks until it was ready for use – and the urge to have it finished was battling with his knowledge that working while tired was, more often than not, dangerous.

And then Mikey was there.

"Hey, Donnie, guess what!" he exclaimed, bouncing in front of his youngest older brother.

"Mikey, I'm trying to concentrate here. Could this wait?"

"No, it really can't, bro! Look, look!"

Donatello sighed and turned to his excited little brother. "All right, Mikey, what is it?"

"You've just been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize! See?"

And Michelangelo held out a gold medal and a diploma. Donatello blinked at the items, then at his brother, and then back to them. How had he won it? He couldn't remember sending anything in...But still, there it was, right in front of him. And it was beautiful!

"You have to give a speech now!" Michelangelo whispered to him. Donatello blinked at him again. Now? He hadn't prepared anything. "Come on, they're all waiting!"

All waiting? Donatello looked around and sure enough, there was a large crowd seated in front of him. He himself was standing behind a podium. Looking again to the crowd, he could see his brothers, father, and friends smiling up at him. There was also a full crowd of important looking men and women, all holding their own Prizes.

"Um, well...It's always been a dream of mine to win...I couldn't be more grateful to be chosen for this immense honor. Being who I am, I didn't think this dream would ever come true, you know? But here I am...I'd like to thank my family and friends for always being there for me. To be, um, truthful, I'm not totally sure what I did to deserve this. It was quite sudden. But whatever it was, I am thankful, and I hope it will do much good for the world. Thank you."

The crowd rose to its feet and clapped and cheered him. A rousing chorus of "Donnie! Donnie! Donnie!" rose up. His brothers came onto the stage and lifted him up. "Donnie! Donnie! Donnie!" the crowd went on. The smile on Donatello's face could have lit New York City...

"Donnie! Donnie! Wake up, man! Donnie?" Michelangelo stood in front of the dreaming scientist, trying to rouse him from sleep. "Donnie, come on man! Donatello!"

Donatello continued to slumber, a huge smile spreading on his face. Michelangelo wondered at what Donnie was dreaming about, and almost felt bad that he had to wake him up from whatever it was. But there was no way that Michelangelo was going to let his brother sleep in his lab, and he definitely wasn't going to let him miss dinner.

"Don, if you don't wake up, I'm gonna dump this goo all over you!" Michelangelo loudly informed, bending over Donatello to get a closer look at what his brother had been working on. "Looks like marshmallow fluff…" he muttered, then shook his head, and reached slowly for it saying loudly, "In five…four…three…"

Donatello stirred, groaned, and slowly blinked open his eyes.

"Two…" Michelangelo called, his hand nearly around the container.

Donatello's eyes flew open wide and he yelled out, "Mikey, no!" as he jumped out of his chair to stop Michelangelo from doing whatever he was about to do. Unfortunately, he lost his balance, slammed into his little brother and both of them toppled to the ground.

The whole desk shook, and they heard the sounds of things falling over. Both turtles cringed at the sound and worked quickly to untangle themselves so they could assess the damage done.

"I'm really sorry, Donnie! I was just trying to wake you up; I wasn't really gonna dump anything on you!" Michelangelo said as he rolled to his side and pushed himself to a sitting position.

"I know Mikey, but I've told you not to touch things a hundred times!" Donatello chided, now on his knees.

"I wasn't gonna touch! It was just a ploy!"

Both on their feet, they turned to face the mess. Donatello's eyes went straight to where his important experiment had been, and had a near heart attack at seeing it lying on its side. He rushed forward and scooped it up, examining it closely.

"Is it okay?" Mikey asked in his best 'I'm just a kid and don't know any better so go easy on me' voice.

"Yes, it appears fine. I don't see any cracks in the container, and there's no wetness on the outside," Donatello answered, setting it carefully back down on the desk.

"Is everything else okay?"

Donatello looked over everything else. A few pens had fallen to the floor, and a few unused beakers had been knocked over, but nothing looked broken. The white goo had just shifted a bit to the left.

"Everything else is good, too. You're lucky." Donatello turned to his little brother with a frown on his face. "What were you thinking?"

"Well, I didn't want you missing dinner and sleeping in here again," Michelangelo explained. "It's not healthy. You need proper rest and nutrition to keep up your strength."

Donatello smiled and shook his head in defeat. "You're right."

"Of course I am!" Michelangelo beamed. "Now c'mon, let's go get some grub and watch something really stupid!"

Michelangelo grabbed Donatello by the wrist and dragged him out of the lab, calling out "I got him!" A reply call of "About damn time!" came from Raph, and a responding "Please watch your language," from Leo. Donatello laughed.

And the white goo sat there, looking completely harmless. Because even if Donatello would think to put a microscope to it, he wouldn't have been able to tell that anything had dripped into it.

:::

Author's Note: Huzzah! I can't believe I'm finally posting this! I know it's a slow start, and not a very big one, but it is what it is. I've got a lot of the fic planned out, and trust me, it does get more exciting. Big thanks to my sister for betaing, listening to all my ideas, and putting up with my whining when I didn't think it was any good. (Her fics are brilliant, too - Akiko, Keeper of Sheep)

Okay, just a few notes. Since I started writing this in 2007 (right after TMNT came out), that is when the fic starts. As far as where this is canonically...Well, let me just say that they're sixteen-ish. Other than that, I guess you can just choose your own. This will be a fairly long fic, but updates will be sporadic at best. And, finally, I must give a few warnings that will apply to various future chapters. Not all of them will be in all the fic, and some of them will barely be in at all, but…well, it's best you know ahead of time, I guess. Please don't not read the fic just because you're not fond of one or two of the things. Here goes…

WARNING: This fic will contain, among other things – angst, strong language, self-mutilation, sex, drug use, original characters, violence, and homosexuality. If any/all of these things are not your cup of tea, I suggest you put it down and walk away. I'd hate for you to get burned and then sue because you were too stupid to heed the warning label.

And, of course, the standard…

Disclaimer: I don't own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I'm just a lowly fic writer who aspires to one day be as great as those guys who created our heroes in a half shell.

There you are. I really hope you've enjoyed the first chapters, and all chapters in the future! Thank you for reading and, hopefully, reviewing. Ta! (Sorry the first A/N is so long, there was a lot to go through)