Author's Note: And here we are... the end of my prewritten chapters. Luckily for you guys, I've somehow managed to time the publication of this with the start of my christmas holidays, so hopefully I'll be able to stick to schedule. However... I have important exams coming up in just over a month and I am revising for them as well as everything else, so do not hate me if it's a little slow. Thanks so much to all you lovely people who've reviewed- you really give me inspiration to write and to continue writing! *cookies for you all* And there are more cookies where that came from...

Lydia ached all over. She was lying on her side on the floor, the cold wintry air chilling the room. She got up, and wrapped herself in a blanket to ward away to cold but could not stop herself from shuddering. As she took a step forward, she gasped at a sudden pain which flared in her side. Gingerly, she ran her hand lightly over where she felt the pain, and was not entirely surprised to see blood on her fingertips. She peeled away the blanket to get a better look at the wound and saw a deep gash dividing her midriff running from just below her armpit to her pelvis. She covered it again and tried not to think about it whilst checking the rest of her body for damage. There was a nasty looking cut on one side of her stomach, and another almost vertically down the centre of her chest. Wincing as the cuts stretched, she twisted to see her back, and found another wound- a bite-mark. There was another on her shin. She really hoped that one of the guys had bought some kind of healing salve, otherwise she was certain that she would scar. She carefully put on her underwear and went down the stairs, not bothering to be quiet. Much to her surprise, the guys were already awake, sitting on the sofas and chatting to each other, all fully dressed.

"Hey," She said softly, sitting down next to Remus.

Sirius nodded at her. "Hey Lunette- how're you doing?"

Lydia shrugged. "Okay, I guess. I'm a bit cut up, but I'm alright. You haven't got any salves or anything, have you?"

James tossed her a pot, which she caught deftly in one hand, her reflexes surprising her slightly. "Here, put this on."

Lydia opened the pot and put a little on the cream on her finger and was about to put it on when Remus grabbed the tub from her. "Leave it, I'll do that. It's my fault anyway."

Lydia rolled her eyes and lightly touched Remus' wrist. "Stop it, I bet you're just as bad. You need to stop over-reacting to this, because it's not going to stop. You told me that, Rem."

Remus looked away guiltily and Lydia seized the opportunity to lift up his shirt. Sure enough, his chest was scored with deep slashes, congealed blood at the edges of the wounds. She lay her small palm over the cuts and noticed with a lash of guilt that the marks mirrored her fingers exactly. She swallowed the guilt, though, not wanting to be a hypocrite. "See. I hurt you too, now can we get over this? I just want to put this salve stuff on so that I don't scar up, 'kay?" Lydia said frankly, raising her eyebrow at Remus.

Remus nodded. "You're right, as usual. Okay, let me see."

Lydia pulled back the folds of the blanket and let Remus rub the lotion into her skin. It tingled wherever his fingers touched, only partially from the cool salve. She closed her eyes, relishing his touch and picturing his perfect face.

"That's it, I'm done." Remus stated, setting the pot aside and wrapping his arms through hers and around her slim waist. He playfully kissed her neck and Lydia giggled before turning around to kiss him full on the mouth. Smiling into the kiss, he lay her back onto the arm of he sofa and deepened their kiss, running his hands through her transformation-and-sleep-tousled hair.

"Um, guys?" James interrupted, sounding slightly disgusted. "Please spare us- get a room."

Sirius scoffed. "You didn't have a problem last night, though, Prongs, did you?"

Lydia pushed Remus back more forcefully than she meant to, and he fell off of the sofa and onto the floor. Before he could question her, Lydia rounded on Sirius. "'Last night'? What the fuck happened 'last night', Sirius?"

Sirius rolled his eyes, trying to look innocent. "Well, you and Remus did your wolfy thing, snapped at each other and ran around for a few hours, then went back to your usual, sceptical, over-reacting selves and fell asleep. The end."

In a shot, Lydia was sitting on his chest with her hands at the scruff of his neck, her teeth bared in an animalistic snarl. "What. Happened?" Lydia growled, enunciating every word so that it was clearer than pure crystal.

"Okay, okay! Maybe some other stuff did happen, but do you really want to know?" Sirius asked, as though there was only one possible answer.

Lydia, as usual, chose the wrong one. "Yes, I do."

Sirius sighed, looking away uncomfortably. Lydia became aware of Remus' presence behind her, watching over her shoulder. "Well, we tried to stop you, but c'mon- you're two almost full-grown werewolves and we're a stag, a rat and a big dog. There wasn't really much we could do to stop you once you set your minds to it."

"Set our minds to what, Sirius? What the fuck happened?"

"Whatever it is, Sirius, just say. It's better we know," Remus added, his hand reassuringly on Lydia's shoulder.

Sirius nodded, swallowing and breaking eye contact with the lot of them. James too cleared his throat and Lydia couldn't help but notice how quiet Peter was keeping in the conversation. "We couldn't stop you," He repeated, nervously.

"Just spit it out, Sirius," Lydia said venomously, not sure why she was angering so quickly.

"You fucked! I'm sorry, it's messed up, we couldn't help it, now will you get the fuck off me, Lydia!"

Lydia felt her breath catch in her throat, and Remus' hand tightened on her shoulder. "What?" She asked weakly, her hands dropping to her sides. "No."

"I'm sorry," Sirius said again, and wriggled out from under Lydia. He sat down beside James, who was shaking his head, and Peter.

"Oh my god!" Lydia hid her face, tears leaking out from under her eyelids.

Remus wrapped his arms around her, forcing away his own shock to comfort his girl. "It's okay, it's okay," He said over and over, rubbing her back. She pushed his arms away and pulled the blanket more tightly around herself.

"No! It wasn't supposed to be like this!" She shouted, backing into a corner. "It was supposed to be special."

Lydia slid her back down the wall and hugged her knees to her chest, crying into her red hair. It stuck to her face, but she didn't care. All she could think about were Sirius' words. She sat on the cold floor, feeling worthless and violated.

Remus shooed the others away, and they shuffled out into the kitchenette of the shack, leaving Remus and Lydia in privacy. He sat down on the floor beside her with a sigh, resting his head in his hands. "I'm sorry. Truly, I am, but like you said before, we weren't in control of our actions. It could have been worse,"

Lydia rounded on his, her blood-shot eyes boring into his, the shadow of the moon lingering in both pairs. "Was this your first time?" She demanded savagely, and when he didn't answer straight away, she slapped his cheek. "Was it?"

"No," Remus admitted, not looking her in the eye.

"Then don't tell me how to feel. Part of me was stolen last night, and I'm never going to get it back. Ever." More tears streaked from Lydia's eyes, falling onto her heaving chest. "It was meant to be special," she said again.

"I'm sorry," Remus told her, stroking her hair and pulling her into his embrace. She sobbed silently into his chest until her tear ducts ran dry, and then she simply lay her head against his chest, holding his hand while he twiddled his fingers through her hair.

"We can get though this," Remus said quietly. "We've gotten through worse."

Lydia nodded, a tiny sob escaping her. "I hope so. I'm going to go get changed," She muttered, shakily getting to her feet. She checked her blanket and climbed the stairs. When she was alone again in her bedroom, she perched on the side of her impromptu bed and covered her face with her hands, full of shame. Reluctantly, she dropped the blanket and put on her clothes from the night before. She checked her face in the cracked, age-spotted mirror and tried to arrange her hair. She practiced holding her head high and pretending nothing was wrong, she practiced the fake smile, feeling a little dead inside. Stupidly, she realised she felt more betrayed by this than Remus biting her and condemning her to life as a werewolf, and this caused a fresh wave of tears to wet her cheeks.

"Don't be pathetic," She told her reflection unforgivingly, wiping the tears from her face with unnecessary force. "Stop crying, and get a grip. It was bound to happen, you should have known that. It didn't mean anything. It didn't mean a thing."

She took a deep breath and dried her eyes with the corner of the blanket before opening the door again.

Remus was waiting for her on the other side, and before she could say anything he enveloped her in a crushing bear hug. It wasn't romantic, in anyway, but it was warm and comfortable and Lydia was reminded how safe she felt in his arms.

"Don't let go," She whispered into his shoulder, gripping him as tightly as he held her.

"Never," He confirmed, and kissed her lips gently, like a goodnight kiss. After a moment's pause, he added. "It'll still be special. It'll still be the first- for us. I love you."

Lydia didn't say anything, but stayed in his arms, holding him as though, if she were to let go, the world would end.

Morning, or at least, sunrise, dawned as Madame Pomfrey came to collect them. Sirius, James and Peter had already taken off, hoping to get back into their beds and catch a few more hours of sleep before they had to get up for lessons. The old matron ushered them up to the Hospital Wing to check them over, but dismissed them after applying fresh bandage to the deeper cuts and re-applying the salves, satisfied that they wouldn't drop dead in the middle of the day. As soon as she was done with them, Lydia and Remus escaped the oppressive ill atmosphere. Remus seemed to be making a beeline for the student commons, which would be empty for the moment whilst the other students were in their lessons, but Lydia broke away as they passed the stairs up to the West Tower.

"I have to go and get clean- just changing clothes doesn't mean I'm ready for the new day. I'll see you in DaDA, okay?" Lydia said, one foot on the first step and her hand on the banister.

Remus looked a little put out, but nodded all the same. "Sure, I'll see you then."

Before he could go anywhere, Lydia planted a quick kiss on his lips, her hands gently cupping his face. She looked into his yellow eyes as though she could lose herself in them, and would never want to be found. "Thank you," She breathed, and then flitted up the stairs and out of sight, leaving Remus standing at the bottom, running his finger over the shadow of her kiss on his lips.

Lydia let herself into her dorm a moment later, and was surprised to find that there was someone already in there. "Nessa?" Lydia questioned, knotting her brow. "Shouldn't you be in lessons right now?"

"Shouldn't you?" The blonde girl countered, without a heartbeat's pause. "Where've you been all night?"

Lydia swallowed. "In the Hospital Wing; I threw up after dinner last night." Lydia lied quickly, pretty close to certain that the matron would back up her story.

Nessa cocked her head to one side without smiling, sitting up straight on her bed. "Funny, that, because I had to go to the Hospital Wing too last night, and I didn't see you there. What's going on, Lydia?" Nessa demanded through gritted teeth. "What are you hiding?"

"Nothing!" Lydia said, unable to keep the trace of panic from her voice. "I just-"

"No, Lydia, 'you just' doesn't cut it. I saw you going to the Whomping Willow last night with James, Sirius, Peter and Remus; I saw you go inside, so don't try t lie to me because it won't work. Just tell me the truth, and if you do it right the first time I'll keep it to myself."

Nessa was standing now, her hands on her hips and her eyes challenging. Prove me wrong, her body language read, knowing that she was asking the impossible. Lydia sighed and sat down at the foot of her own bed in resignation.

"Okay," Lydia said simply, laying her palms flat on the bed and spreading her fingers, watching them instead of Nessa.

"'Okay' what?"

"'Okay', I'll tell you. The truth. You deserve that much, as my roommate, I guess."

Nessa sat down on the end of her bed, the mirror of Lydia, and waited for her to continue. It took less time to do so than Lydia would have thought- She must, she guessed, have been preparing herself for this eventuality all along, even if she hadn't known it. "I wasn't in the Hospital Wing last night, you're right; I was with Remus. And Sirius, and James, and Peter." She paused, fumbling over her next words. "We went inside the Willow, and through the tunnel at its base before the sun could set and the moon would rise, and you should be glad that we did, because, if I had stayed here, we would not even being having this conversation- we would both be dead."

Nessa frowned. "What do you mean, 'dead'? Is that some kind of threat?"

"No!" Lydia groaned, steeling her hands at her sides. "It's nothing like that. If anything, it's a warning- I'm not the same person I was on First Year, hell! I'm not the same person I was at the beginning of this. Everything about me has changed, you just haven't seen it. And the only person who truly, truly understands is Remus."

"What does your perfect boyfriend have to do with any of this?" Nessa asked venomously, her skin prickling in envy.

"Everything; he is what started all this, when-" Lydia choked off, not wanting to say the words. It felt like betraying everything, like ripping apart her life and dancing on the pieces. "When he bit me."

The line fell flat, and Nessa looked unimpressed. "Get to the point, Lydia."

Lydia stood up suddenly and took one stride towards Nessa. "That is the point, Nessa!" In a single swift movement, she pulled down the shoulder of her top, baring the deep, still tender scar. She hadn't ever really looked at it until that point, and she saw what a savage wound it was- the crimson scar tissue formed at raised ring of flesh all the way around her shoulder, and it was punctuated by coin-sized dents of animal teeth. Remus did that, Lydia thought with horrible awareness. Someday, I'll do the same to someone else.

"Is that..." Nessa trailed off seemingly at a loss, "a werewolf bite?"

Lydia nodded. "It starts and ends with him." She pulled her top back into place to hide the scar, and sat back down, her hands between her knees.

"So that means..."

"I am too, now." Lydia did not look up as she said the words, focusing on the small movements of her thumbs as part of her entwined hands. "Is this where you run screaming and tell everyone that you room-share with a monster?"

Nessa paused, almost in consideration. "It probably should be, but no."

Lydia looked up, shocked. "Really? Why not?"

"I don't snitch," Nessa said simply, holding her head up proudly.

"But," Lydia couldn't believe what she was hearing, and so she questioned, not caring that she risked pushing this conditioned trust away. "You love good gossip,"

Nessa shook her head, as though Lydia had just made the most idiotic of all suggestions. "Surely even you know there is a difference between 'secrets'," Nessa put air quotes around the word to show its falseness, "And secrets. This is the latter kind, and I won't tell. The thing is, you're still not telling me the whole thing."

Lydia furrowed her brow. "There's really nothing more to tell- nothing that you won't have learnt from Defence classes at any rate."

"No, that's not what I mean; I mean, when you came in here, the look on your face said 'help me, I'm in too deep', and I'm pretty certain that that's not the end of it. What happened last night Lydia, that I don't already know about?"

Lydia sighed, feeling the conversation slip from the important to the realm of teenage gossip. "I had sex with Remus last night," She admitted, finally.

"Oh really?" Nessa cocked her head to one side in interest. "But, you would have transformed last night."

"Exactly."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

A silence spawned and festered in the air between them, spreading like a cancer and choking the conversation utterly. It was a few minutes before either of them dared speak, and Nessa was the first to find her tongue. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Lydia answered honestly, shaking her head a little and strands of red hair flopping over her face. "What can I do?"

Once more, words failed and Nessa pressed her lips together in a contemplative scowl. As a Ravenclaw, she was used to having an answer for anything and everything that came her way, and loathed to find herself at a loss. She too shook her head, letting a frustrated breath through her nose. "I guess," she said, sounding utterly unsatisfied with her answer, "you hope he still wants you."

As plans went, it didn't rank all that highly with Lydia.