Hey, it's ice. HAPPY HETALIA DAY (10.24.2010)! Have the next chapter of this crack-filled herpderping! I wrote most of it, anyhow. WE NO OWN 'KAY.

"So, now that we're done with Feliciano, who else wants to talk about their problems? Oh, and, none of you are leaving until I can identify them. Why don't you go next... Antonio?"

"Si, senorita," he replied morosely, "apparently it is a problem to love!" Fenelopy, intrigued, told him to continue, and Francis ended up giving input as well.

"Well, I love! I love a lot. And when Feli and Lovino were small, I loved them, too!"

"I loved the Italies petit, aussi!" Francis gushed, and Fenelopy scribbled 'Antonio and Francis - pedophiles?' onto her clipboard.

"I see. And how did you show them that you loved them?"

"Well, I looked after Lovino when he was growing up - I guess I was his boss, si! So we had lots of time together. Alone."

"Augh! Bastard! My curl hasn't gotten over the abuse!"

"... I see." Fenelopy crossed out the question mark. "Okay, so Antonio, Francis... Why don't we give some time to the others? They only got to talk for a while after you came in and it was only about Ludwig's strange perversions ... which may or may not have been baseless conjecture." Ludwig, who had been about to protest, snapped his mouth shut.

"Why don't you give your side of it, Ludwig? What do you think you're here for?"

The Aryan man bit back a retort of, 'I have no idea. I'm pretty sure I'm one of the few sane ones among this strange little family.' He didn't have the time to argue with a shrink, and it would be easier to just pretend he had a problem and have her help him 'fix' it.

"Well... I think I'm here for my ... OCD."

"Oh? How long have you been obsessive-compulsive?" Fenelopy asked, excitedly scribbling on her clipboard. A lead! A lead! Yaaay!

"I think it started a few years ago, back in the nineteen-hu... Back in 2008..." The scribbling stopped.

"Uhuh, and why do you think you have OCD?" she asked.

"Oh, I KNOW that West has OCD! Even when little Feli here is trying to cook in his house he's cleaning up after him, right Feli?"

"Sí, once he put away something I wasn't even done with!" the younger Italian chirped, and his older brother glowered at Ludwig, murmuring ("Potato sucking scum..").

"So, Ludwig, you have to clean even while the mess is still being created?" she tapped her pencil against the clipboard.

"That has been known to happen, yes." he replied honestly.

"Alright! Now - oh, wait, look what time it is! Alright, look everyone, we're out of time. Since Mr. Edelstein is in charge of all of your appointments, I'll call him to make future arrangements, but tomorrow I want to see Gilbert, Lovino... I'm sorry, sir, do you want to be called Lovino or Romano? Okay, Gilbert, Romano, Francis, I want you in my office tomorrow at 10 AM sharp, okay?"

Romano looked a bit pale, (and so did Gilbert, but really...) but Francis and Gilbert nodded and Francis promised to 'drag the angry Italy in if necessary'.

The hodge-podge of nationalities stumbled out of her office one by one and then the pale man turned,

"Are there any bars around here?" asked Gilbert, hoping that the place was close. It was never too early to get hammered.

"Uh, there's a bar about a block from here. They do karaoke every night."

"That sounds - " Ludwig began, but his brother was quick to interrupt.

"Like the most awesome idea ever!" he yelled, hoping to get West really drunk there, and maybe catch his antics on film.

"Oui! That sounds like fun!" Francis followed up, and herded them all out the door.

Fenelopy stared after them all, and when the door to her office slammed shut she picked up the phone and dialed the number Marvin had written on a slip of paper and dropped onto her desk (where had he gone, anyway?). She had a few questions for Roderich Edelstein...

::

The group (plus Marvin, who Francis had dragged in with them) of countries - an eager France and willing Prussia, an oblivious Spain and equally oblivious Italy Veneziano, and the off-put Germany and Italy Romano - was gathered in a single booth in one corner of the bar as terrible drunken singing drifted over their heads. Francis flirted with the lanky American he'd whisked away from the therapist's office as the man's blush grew progressively deeper red, a worthy rival to some of Romano's more embarrassed faces, until a server came to their booth and asked them what they would like to drink. Prussia, France and Spain jumped at the offer of alcohol and even Romano requested wine, but Germany insisted that he and Italy wouldn't drink, ignoring Romano's angry, "Let him choose for himself, bastard!"

He caved into ordering when he discovered that the bar served his favorite beer, and when the drinks came Feliciano repeatedly took sips from his brother's glass.

The countries began getting less and less reserved as their glasses kept being emptied, refilled, emptied and refilled again (and even went so far as to forget what their human names were supposed to be), and Prussia even managed to get West up to the mic for a terrible rendition of Rammstein's Du hast in the original German, and afterward Veneziano joined his brother and Spain (who'd dragged Romano up in the first place) in singing Always by Erasure.

ALWAYS, I WANNA BE WITH YOU,

AND MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU,

AND LIVE IN HARMONY, HARMONY,

OH LOVE!

Prussia was very, very proud to have all of the footage on his camera.

::

Marvin walked back into Fenelopy's office a few hours after he'd left, just after she'd finished making calls and cleaning up the office (Roderich's extended family had not exactly left the place in pristine condition, and the conversation with the man itself had been long and not turned up the answers she would have hoped for, either).

"Hey, Marvin. I could have used your help after they left, you know."

"I'm sorry, Fenny. The Frenchman literally dragged me."

"Okay, first of all, don't call me 'Fenny.' Second, are you drunk?"

"Just a bit tipsy... Nothing at all compared to your clients, I didn't drink more than two glasses, and lost count of how many they downed. You know, when those people get drunk enough, they forget each other's names and just call them by the name of whatever country they're from?"

"That's odd. I think if I were as wasted as you say they were, I'd forget my knowledge of geography before my friend's names."

"That's not the weirdest part. You know Prussia?"

"Um, you mean Russia?" Fenelopy asked, tilting her head.

"No. Prussia, as in the fallen kingdom of Prussia. Used to occupy east Germany, parts of Poland, Austria... Anyway, it fell in 1918."

"And what does that have to do with my clients?" she asked. Sure, Marvin was a history major, but he didn't usually flaunt the facts around without reason.

"I'm getting to it, calm down woman. So, they were calling the older Beilschmidt, Gilbert, 'Prussia'. In turn, he was calling Ludwig 'West'. Seem odd at all?"

Fenelopy leaned back in her chair. "Yeah, of course. Why would an east German identify as being Prussian, especially someone as apparently uncaring for tradition as Gilbert? Anyway, he doesn't look like he's even thirty yet. It's not like he was actually alive before it fell!"

"Exactly. Strange, isn't it?"

"Well," Fenelopy said, "I've got to see him again tomorrow. It's worth thinking about, anyway." She stood and escorted her secretary out the door. "Have the day off tomorrow. I need to focus on my new clients!"

Notenotenote! I am so not letting meganerd put pairings in this, no way. So, um. If anyone's together with anyone, it will be mercilessly made fun of rather than being expressed romantically. Love is not at the forefront of this crackfic~!

Also, I don't want Fenny to find out about the clients = personified countries, at least not for awhile yet. This is merely a precursor to the epic mystery of why her head cases are so effed up in their craniums!

So, um review please! Also, I am now going to take this opportunity to shamelessly advertise my multi-chaptered fics!

Want accidental PruCan? Go here (no spaces!) : www .fanfiction .net/s/5890224/1/Who

Want some lovely angsty Italycest? Find it here (no spaces!) : www .fanfiction .net/s/5981960/1/Six_Kisses