Chapter 7

"Oh, then did ye LOVE the world-Ye eternal ones, ye love it eternally and for all time: and also unto woe do ye say: Hence! Go! But come back! FOR JOYS ALL WANT-ETERNITY!" - Friedrich Nietzsche

The Door into Summer

Riding on the road from late at night to early morning, the cold wind flew in constantly and kept Alfred from being drowsy. The sun had already stuck its head out on the other end of the horizon. The light-purple morning fog would soon be dyed to the color of orange, bright orange and gold... He belonged in this world of vast lands and endless horizon.

The radio would become static occasionally. Alfred only knew he had to go somewhere far away, but he didn't know when or where he should stop.

Arthur said he would come find him.

What Arthur said had calmed his frantic mood. He watched the calm, grand sunrise outside. The warm sunlight fell on him, but the sun's golden sphere itself was too dazzling to look at directly. He could calm down slowly and organize his thoughts, at least before the CIA finds him.

Okay.

First, his superhuman strength had disappeared.

Secondly, Arthur's attitude was unusually inconsistent.

Thirdly, the conversation with the civil officer caused him to become vaguely aware of his own change.

Yes, he began thinking about things he shouldn't and couldn't have thought of. For instance, he started questioning the purpose and the meaning of his existence, and about all the restrictions that constrained him.

Normally, he wouldn't be thinking about things like this. But it was weird how he felt like he had woken up from a very long dream one day, opened his eyes to observe this world for the first time, and discovered his own change. It wasn't the same realization that he was different from a normal human being when he was just born, but it was more like... he thought his former self was like a doll without self-consciousness. He would naturally move toward the direction his people wanted him to go; but now he began to want to resist those voices and make his own decision.

Why would this happen? Since when had he become like this?

Maybe it was the moment he became attracted to Arthur in the First World War, or maybe it was when he saw Arthur's figure in the party that caused him to fall into this vortex. Or perhaps it was because he was disappointed by the various calculating aspects of his "people" in those endless meetings.

Why is it so difficult to want to do the right thing?

Is it because he shouldn't have fallen in love with Arthur?

Why? Why?

What will happen to him now that he had been awakened? Will he disappear? Or is it possible to return to the puppet state he was in before?

His intuition told him Arthur must be hiding something in that inconsistent attitude of his. Arthur definitely knows something. He had drawn a line to prevent them from getting closer with each other. Arthur reassured him that he should pay more attention to his own national affairs, then pushed him away mercilessly before finally giving up his persistence and asking him to wait for him.

But he didn't think Arthur could really find him. Those words were also merely more of a comforting nature than actual feasibility. Perhaps Arthur didn't love him as much as Alfred did. Arthur had never asked him how he was, nor did the Briton have any signs of abnormality. Alfred thought it was like he was doing a one-man show, where he was both the director and the actor. Maybe Arthur was laughing at him for actually going down the path of variation and putting so much of his foolish affection into it.

But he was still reluctant to call it a betrayal. He didn't want to admit he was really as miserable as that.

The sun had completely risen at this point. Alfred intended to take a break, so he drove the car to the gas station and bought some things for the journey. Walking into a small convenient store, he grabbed some random snacks and paid at the counter. He bought a cup of instant coffee and drank it beside the store counter while standing. There were a few copies of the morning paper on the counter. He flipped through it and lost interest after a few glances. Then he stared at his cell phone, looking at the time of the last call.

"Freeze."

"... So you actually found me first, George."

"... You're under arrest, Mr. Jones."

Alfred raised both of his hands before his chest and turned around calmly. His civil officer was holding a pistol with 5.7 cm caliber in his hands and aiming it between his eyebrows. George kept a close watch on Alfred's movement with a solemn expression.

"I had advised you not to leave without permission."

"Did you think I would comply?"

"I should have known you wouldn't."

"Yup." Alfred smiled faintly, "I didn't know you're capable of using a gun. Are you going to execute me right here?"

"No, I will bring you back to face the trial. Also, I used to be a cop."

"Oh. A cop. Oh. A trial." Alfred repeated.

Watching Alfred's reaction, George couldn't guess what he was thinking at this moment. As Alfred's civil officer, he knew about Alfred's little habits. Those habits seemed familiar, just like how he would have the similar move as Alfred if their positions were reversed one day. He wasn't surprised he could find Alfred first. What surprised him was that Alfred had stopped the car and not run without turning back when there was still gas in the car.

"Are you waiting for someone?"

"He won't be coming." Alfred shook his head.

George snorted lightly, "But you still stopped the car."

"Maybe I'm waiting for you to bring me back to the trial."

"... Why did you still do it despite knowing the outcome would be like this?"

"I don't know." Alfred muttered, "I want to ask myself why I had been awakened too."

"Awakened?"

"Didn't you notice? As a matter of fact, the me right now is not so different from you." Alfred said, "I think you know what I mean by that."

"Losing your strength and forgetting your responsibilities, you... you are being charged with treason." George said heavily.

"So it's been decided already." Alfred blinked, "What a wonderful accusation!"

Contrary to Alfred's magnanimous tone that sounded close to despair, George had a mixed expression.

"... Come back, Mr. Jones. I know you have always dedicated yourself to the country, so there must be a way..."

"Let me ask you, how will you tell a person that had been awakened - the original world is better, so return and go on being controlled now!"

"... I think you also understand that not everything can go according to our wishes. The reality is always like that..."

"Screw accepting reality and living in restrictions! Only those who had lost hope will give in! And I'll never surrender! Never stop struggling!" Alfred shouted, "This is what I'll do, no matter how long it takes! I'll try no matter how many times I failed!"

George couldn't come up with any reply. He stared at the furious Alfred for a long time and slowly lowered the arm that was holding the gun.

The civil officer didn't know how to describe his feelings right now; the Alfred before him was no longer the superior he knew but another existence that he couldn't name. He was neither his country nor a heinous criminal. Alfred was only pursuing his own freedom, so why must he face him with a gun?

Yes, he carried their expectations and responsibilities, but it wasn't like he accepted them out of his free will. He only complied in ignorance before this, but now he had been awakened and discovered he couldn't escape the obligations imposed on him by this world.

Alfred watched as George put the gun down, then the civil officer took out a cell phone from the pocket of his jacket and handed it to him.

"Use this cell phone to contact Mr. Arthur. He's already here."

The civil officer said haggardly before handing the gun he had been carrying to Alfred, "He'll be coming."

Alfred accepted these two things in astonishment. George wanted him to hand his black cell phone over.

"This phone had already been tracked. In fact, they would be here in a few minutes. You better leave now."

"You... but why?"

"I am glad to have been your subordinate." George said slowly, "I think you're just you... you have the right to choose the ending you want."

Being on the road again, Alfred was holding tightly on to the cell phone George gave to him in his hand. Arthur's cell phone number was in it. He didn't have the time to ponder about why George knew how to contact Arthur. In his noisy mind, the message that "Arthur would really come find him" was all over the place. It was like riding on a roller coaster - he had just fell from a high altitude to the bottom, and rose to a high altitude again because of joy. Now what? How happy or sad could he be next?

He still hesitated for a few seconds before pressing down on the call button. He didn't wait for too long. Arthur picked it up after the phone rang for a few times on the other end.

"Arthur."

"Al."

"Where are you?"

"In a bar that's twenty kilometres away from that gas station. Remember to look to the left. Don't go to the one on the opposite side."

"Oh, yes. The British are always on the left side."

"And you Americans never understood the real meaning in the words of others."

"I don't need to understand, do I? I mean, I'll never know what the hell is going on if you don't tell me."

"... I'll tell you whatever it is you want to know."

"Don't drink. I don't want to see you strip in the store."

"If you can bear through this, I can strip only for you. Wanker."

Alfred grinned. He never knew Arthur was capable of saying things like this.

"So no more hiding this time? No lies?"

"No. Nothing."

Arthur paused a while before speaking up again, "... You have always been my only one."

Alfred could bet Arthur's face must be burning after saying that last sentence. For Arthur to profess his love clearly was almost next to impossible. Normally, hoping Arthur to say some sweet words would be like asking him to take his life. Although Alfred had doubts at the Briton's sudden change, but he thought there was nothing wrong with how things turned out. He was happy because this made the fact that Arthur loves him clear.

He arrived at the place Arthur designated soon. Arthur wasn't sitting in the bar but standing on the roadside. Because of that, Alfred was able to se the figure in a khaki trench coat from afar.

The American braked and stopped the car. Arthur got into the back seat immediately in a swift manner. It seemed he didn't bring anything except himself.

"Phew. So, are we eloping now?"

Alfred glanced at Arthur from the rear mirror.

"This is not romantic at all." Arthur said bluntly, "I would prefer drinking a cup of tea in the newly decorated house of yours now."

"Oh. Did George tell you?"

"Yes."

Arthur watched as the scenery from the outside flew by, "He's really worried about you."

"When did the two of you start contacting each other?"

"Since he was appointed." Arthur answered straightforwardly, "In fact, I have the phone numbers of every civil officer you had since we became lovers."

"I didn't think you would be so worried about me cheating on you! You sure do love me!"

"Git! That's because a certain person always love to do things on the spur of the moment, then destroy himself!"

"You're worried about me as well?" Alfred said gently.

"How can I not?" Arthur covered his own face, "You never knew..."

"Then tell me, what are you worrying about?"

For a short while, no sound was coming from the backseat. Alfred turned his head back worriedly and saw Arthur spacing out on the seat. Then he blinked his emerald eyes hard, as if to blink the tears he had shed dry.

"Didn't you promise to tell me everything?"

"... We were lovers in the past."

Alfred raised an eyebrow, "Really? I don't recall any of that at all."

"Yes, of course you won't... Because you had already sent Andrew away by the time I got there."

"Andrew?"

"We had a shepherd dog as a pet together. It was named Andrew."

Arthur's voice was hoarse as if he was telling an old story. The two of them were the main characters of the story, but one of them had no memory of it.

"I recall that part... It was before I became independent from you, wasn't it? You came and asked me where the shepherd dog went."

"Then you said you don't know. You never had one."

"Ah. You had an odd expression after that. Hey, it really made me laugh seeing the way you frowned."

"Perhaps you thought it was funny, but I knew everything wouldn't be the same anymore since that moment."

"What wouldn't be the same?"

"No more... no more kisses, no more apple pies, no more roses..."

Arthur said painfully. Every sentence was stuck in his throat. He had to try his hardest to squeeze those words out from the depth of his buried memories.

"I didn't know... who you were. I didn't know the you... that stood in front of me that time."

"I don't what you're talking about."

Arthur took a deep breath. Alfred turned and drove on another highway.

"Perhaps back then, things were like what's happening now. I just didn't discover it in time. But perhaps-perhaps it was because our positions were too different back then, so he disappeared and I didn't..."

"Wait, Arthur. What are you talking about?"

"I thought maybe you had lost your memory, but you remember most of things that happened, just not all those little details... The traces that proved we were in love seemed to have completely disappeared on you."

"Then shortly after that, you aimed a gun at me and told me you want independence."

The two of them became silent for a while. Alfred spoke up again, "I thought you didn't mind me becoming independent anymore."

"I don't." Arthur felt their car ran over a pebble and bounced a little, "Even though I was furious back then. Especially when the battle of Yorktown took place."

"You looked so righteous, but I could only recall his promise. Together. Even though he said we'll be together, then why..."

"Who on earth is he?"

"I don't know." Arthur said quietly, "He's Alfred F. Jones. You are too."

"... You mean there are two of me? And the other me were lovers with you in the past?"

"I can't think of a better explanation than that." Arthur lowered his eyes, putting his palms together and placing them on his lips. He had a painful expression.

"I found Andrew afterwards. I didn't give up because I wanted to find out what was going on. Fortunately, he didn't entrust Andrew to someone too far away."

"It came over in excitement upon seeing me. Then while you weren't home, I took the opportunity and brought it home-the home that used to be ours. It refused to be near your room. It barked loudly, as if it had seen a stranger or a thief."

"So I was sure... that he was really gone. Only you, who we were unfamiliar with, were left."

Alfred listened in silence.

"So I had a theory about why things turned out the way it did. It took me a long time to figure out. He couldn't have betrayed me. Then he must have committed suicide or disappeared naturally. The reason he disappeared was probably because of the situation back then. You know what we are, right?"

Alfred nodded in silence.

"He couldn't betray me nor could he betray his people. Then it seemed like a rather good option for him to disappear."

"But I didn't know why nothing happened to me. Even though I loved him just as much too... but perhaps my love wasn't enough."

"No matter how sad I am, I could still live. There won't be any change in the world. Perhaps another you would appear. With a similar memory, but a different person."

Arthur said with a blank expression, "I couldn't stand this again. But... I couldn't push you away."

Alfred recalled the expression Arthur had after the Briton returned to his seat on the night they had dinner together.

"I thought if I hold on to this line, it... it would definitely be all right this time."

He recalled the night they had an argument. Arthur was resisting him vigorously.

"... Just give up, Al."

He was naked. He could feel him crying, even though he looked so strong.

"We don't have a future."

Alfred didn't say anything. The speed of the car slowed down gradually. Alfred decided not to drive on the wide asphalt anymore. He turned into a lane and drove into a forest. It was already after noon. The sunlight entered the woods; the scattered light and shadow swept past the car continuously.

"You know what?" Alfred spoke up, "When I saw you in the trenches, I thought you looked so cool. You looked like you weren't afraid of anything. Nothing could defeat you."

"To be honest, even though you were always putting on an act at the party, I was actually doing that too. I wanted to invite you for a dance back then."

"I'm a hero. I'm fearless. That's why I'm able to approach you and deal with your difficult personality without giving up."

Alfred took a big breath, "But now you have turned into the coward you spoke of! Give up? My god!"

"I don't want anyone to decide everything for me! I want the freedom of thought! The freedom of speech! I'm not anyone's accessory! I want the freedom of love! I want the freedom of choice! I want the freedom to break through everything! If a world is outside the world, then I'll reach that place! Screw natural selection and the theory of evolution, I'll prove it to them! I'm a heretic, but I'll live!"

He didn't hear any sound coming from the back seat for a long time. Alfred simply stopped the car and turned his head back. Arthur was wiping the tears off his face desperately. The Briton was crying really hard, as if he was shedding all the tears that had accumulated for hundreds of years. Alfred wanted to tell him not to cry anymore, or London would be almost drowned in your tears. But he was unable to produce any sound because the American was choking down sobs too.

Please, God. Even though I cursed you before, but if time could be stopped at this moment...

Arthur looked at Alfred with teary eyes, but the older nation's smile was like a flower he hadn't seen for a long time. Arthur reached out and embraced Alfred with a powerful strength, as if he had found the precious treasure he had lost. Alfred knew for the first time that Arthur's strength was on par with his when the Briton was being serious.

No, he shouldn't say that. He had lost his superhuman strength after all. It couldn't be compared...

He also embraced Arthur back tightly. Their tears got each other's faces wet. Arthur laughed out first.

"Your snot is coming out."

"You too!"

"I love you." Arthur cherished this sentence carefully with caution, "You have always been my only one."

"Uh-huh." Alfred no longer had any doubt. There was nothing that could stand between them anymore.

"When do you think we'll disappear?"

"Oh. This problem isn't the problem at all. Don't you want to do something else before worrying about this problem?"

Arthur said challengingly.

"Too bad you can't strip because it's too narrow here."

"Don't underestimate the ability of the British Empire."

Alfred straightened the front seat so Arthur could climb over. He sat on Alfred, undoing the buttons of the person beneath him skillfully. Alfred couldn't help but feel a little jealous watching his movements.

"The him before... or rather, me, must have done it with you every day, huh?"

"As long as I'm here. Almost everyday." Arthur lowered his head and kissed the American's collarbone, then licked over the nipple with his skillful tongue. "In fact, we had a wonderful sex life."

The older nation grinned mischievously as he unbuckled Alfred's belt and pulled his pants down. Then he rubbed on the shape of the faint erection back and forth.

"My god..." Alfred gasped, "You... this is a despicable move!"

"This is one of the reasons as to why I'm able to become an empire." Arthur replied naturally. He circled Alfred's belly button with his finger tips. The Briton's firm butt cheeks were on top of his legs. Alfred's cock almost held up a small pyramid in his underwear, but Arthur still thought it wasn't enough. He bent down and licked along the outline erotically, making sure the American's underwear was all wet before he was satisfied. Alfred pressed Arthur's head unbearably in hope for a stronger stimulation. Arthur opened his mouth and had the whole thing including the clothes in his mouth, the tip of his tongue grazing the head continuously. The Briton bit it gently with his teeth. Alfred didn't last long; the white liquid that came out stained his underwear at once. His underwear became all wet. At this point, Arthur was satisfied and took the underwear off for him, then he grabbed Alfred's hands.

"What do you want me... to take off first?"

Alfred looked at him with a smile. As expected form the erotic ambassador. But he had no time to tease him about it now.

"Your underwear. But don't take off your pants yet."

"This will be rather difficult."

Arthur raised an eyebrow, then took his belt off under Alfred's intense gaze. The older nation held his body that was sitting on top of the American up and reached inside his own pants. There was little space inside the car, so he couldn't move too much. Arthur could only rub up and down on Alfred's legs. The Briton touched his own underwear, twisting his body and trying his best to get the underwear below his scrotum. His smooth butt was exposed to contact directly with the pants. Alfred imagined Arthur's current progress in his mind. Seeing Arthur's movements, he guessed the older nation had completed his demand-in other words, Arthur wasn't wearing anything inside aside from the pants. Because Alfred was lying down partly, he was able to touch Arthur's erection just by reaching his hand out. So he pinched the zipper part on the pants and pumped Arthur's cock along with it. He watched as Arthur's face gradually became hotter. The cold metal was rubbing against the sensitive burning spot now and then. With his eyes closed, Arthur felt his whole body tremble; the current of pleasure was numbing his scalp to his toes from up to down. He twitched before coming.

"We're all wet."

Alfred said as he enjoyed the way Arthur panted.

"What now?" Arthur asked as if he hadn't had enough.

"Bend over."

Arthur pressed against his chest obediently. They kissed from the forehead to the tip of the nose, then from the tip of the nose to the lips. Alfred held Arthur's hips, taking off the shirt and pants for him quietly. Finally, they were heart to heart with each other, their skin against each other. Alfred had Arthur's earlobe in his mouth, as if he was speaking silent whispers of love. Arthur smiled sweetly.

"I want to tell you... I'll annoy you so much... so you'll come just be thinking of me."

"Oh... then I'll eat you.. so you can only masturbate without me..."

Arthur lived up to his words. After taking deep breath, he sat onto Alfred's erected cock fearlessly. Alfred watched his pained expression, his heart aching yet feeling endless joy at the same time. He was just as despicable too. Even though his beloved was suffering, but he felt satisfied because the Briton was willing to do so. Arthur maintained a fixed position for a long time before finally starting to rock his body slowly with difficulty. This love-making wasn't really comfortable for Arthur, but he wanted to see Alfred's happy face. They had already lost happiness for too long. He eagerly hoped that intimacy could come back again. Their breathing sounds became heavier. Because Arthur was moving too slowly, Alfred couldn't help but support Arthur's waist and help him move up and down. Red traces of blood appeared where they were connected, but they had no intention to stop. They couldn't consider anything else besides the pleasure. The two of them could only cling on to that wonderful feeling like a drowning person and move up, and up again. Surmounting countless centuries and longings, they were merged together now.

"If you just try all the doors, one of them is bound to be the Door into Summer."

- The Door into Summer by Robert A. Heinlein

"It's dripping out."

Alfred grabbed a tissue box and wiped for Arthur, who was lying lazily on the side. The semen that was just inside was mixed with blood and dripped along Arthur's legs. Alfred frowned. He really shouldn't have forced it. Arthur bent his legs and waved his lower legs, his ankle hitting the strap on the rearview mirror now and then.

"I'm feeling good." Arthur said as he squinted his eyes. He held Alfred's Texas in his hands and examined it. This pair of glasses looked nothing like a state, just like how the lock of hair that stuck out from Alfred's head looked nothing like an island. Alfred wanted him to turn sideways for a bit, but Arthur wasn't cooperative. He just kept his position and didn't move.

"Arthur." Alfred said again, but Arthur remained unmoved.

"It won't hurt to let your sperm stay inside me a little longer."

"... You're actually not Arthur, are you? Now tell me! Who the heck are you!"

"Actually, I'm the second one." Arthur revealed an elf-like smile with his eyes shining mischievously.

Alfred suddenly had a feeling of identity confusion.

No way! That's usually my line!

Then Arthur got up from the straightened seat, arching one leg casually and sitting cross-legged.

"I'm hungry."

Alfred figured there was nothing he could do about him and opened the storage bin before the right seat. There were a few bars of chocolate inside. Arthur took one for himself and threw one at Alfred.

"It's only at a time like this that I think you liking to eat so much is slightly useful."

"... Either you're not Arthur... or you have a split personality."

"What are yapping about?" Arthur patted Alfred's head, "I didn't become like this for you!"

He took a hard bite out of the chocolate in a fit of anger. He chewed on it for a while and said, "Put your clothes on already!"

"Hah~ you don't want to do it again?"

"You git! Can you have chocolate as the main meal?"

After that, they chatted away to their hearts' content on the road. They chatted about various things that happened after the War of Independence. Alfred learned about the things that Arthur kept from him, and Arthur forgave Alfred's impatience considerately. Arthur abandoned the classical music channel and switched to the rock music station. They screamed with the bands on the radio as much as they wanted, yelling and shouting along the way.

But Arthur had used up too much energy during their love-making in the afternoon. He had especially came over to United States the same night, his mind tense all the way and not closing his eyes until he finally met up with Alfred. Arthur began dozing off by the time they chatted until the evening, but he still insisted on talking.

It was like he had countless things he wanted to talk to Alfred about. They were losing their voices because of all the screaming, but Arthur's voice was still pleasant to listen to even if it sounded hoarse. Alfred watched the sunset on the other end of the horizon ahead, his mind feeling unprecedentedly calm.

It was already night by the time they found a fast food restaurant. Arthur seemed so tired he was about to fall asleep. Alfred decided to get off, buy dinner for the two of them, and bring it back to the car to continue the journey he didn't know when would end. He bought a large cup of mocha coffee in the store and asked whether the store provided black tea or not. In the end, a young girl in a Mickey Mouse apron handed him a cup of hot Earl Grey tea. He held a paper bag full of burgers and fries, returned to the car, and woke Arthur.

"Hey. Wake up. Eat something."

Arthur rubbed his eyes and woke up hazily. His unfocused focal length aligned gradually. When the Briton had clearly seen the face before him, his pupil shrunk and he widened his eyes.

"Why am I here?"

"Arthur?"

"Brat! Who said you can call me that!"

Arthur squinted his eyes in hostility.

Alfred paused for a while before finally remembering the Early Grey tea in his hand that was for Arthur. He handed the cup over the Arthur, but the Briton didn't accept it. Alfred pulled his hand over and made him hold the cup.

"What's this?" Arthur asked cautiously.

"The tea you like to drink so much."

Arthur sniffed it carefully. Even though it wasn't black tea, but he could accept Earl Grey tea. Arthur didn't drink it right away. He asked Alfred again.

"Why am I here with you?"

"... I'm driving you to the airport. Did you forget? Older people really do have bad memory. Ha ha ha."

"Shut up!" Arthur refuted angrily, "I-I didn't forget! I just couldn't remember for the moment!"

"Whatever." Alfred backed the car and drove out of the parking space. The black velvet-like night sky was decorated with stars. Ah, how beautiful.

"... Why am I so tired..." Arthur finally tore the lid off and took a small sip.

"I feel sleepy..."

"Then sleep." Alfred said. Sitting beside him, Arthur's eyelids were becoming heavy gradually.

He gazed at the dark, empty highway by himself and drove to the nearest airport.

"Good night, Arthur."

Epilogue

He stood in the wilderness, just like how he appeared in this land for the first time. The cold wind swept past; the sound of the rumble drumming in his ears. It was another early morning. Thick clouds and haze were above that, but he knew light would always break through.

He walked a few steps into the distance and stopped. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale... It was like he could hear the sound of his own heartbeat. He suddenly recalled he had heartbeat too.

A world is outside the world. Sadness or joy is already insignificant. He's the whole world right now and himself at the same time. He has everything he wanted, and is about to go to that place. He's not afraid. This is only the beginning of a new journey. Just like how Arthur crossed the ocean and found him back then, he's about to set sail too and find his trace.

What if they repeat the cycle again next time?

So what? He gradually realized he shouldn't think that such an ending is a pity since they love each other. In the process, they gained all those wonderful things, no more and no less than one another. It's just that their responsibilities and obligations don't allow them to do so. But he was no longer furious about it, for there are causes as well as effects. They met because they were born this way, then it must be inevitable that they disappear because of that.

What's more important is to have the pursuing heart from the beginning to the end.

To pursue love, pursue freedom, pursue beyond all this...

By believing, there must be a door that leads to the summer that you exist in.

I look forward to it.

He raised the gun and aimed at his temple.

The Door into Summer

Arthur pinched his legs so he wouldn't fall asleep, at least not before Alfred walked into the store. He greedily hoped he could look for a few more seconds. His fingers were already becoming transparent gradually. Alfred was holding them just then, but they were about to disappear. From his hands and feet, even his body would finally disappear too. His heart, brain, the lips that had been kissed and the earlobe...

He's really putting Alfred above everything else this time. There's already no reason not to. He suddenly recalled at this final moment - would they have souls after possessing self-awareness?

They must do.

By believing, it will exist.

He was no longer afraid or sad. Just let things develop the way it would. No matter what kind of ending it is, it couldn't shake the fact that they were in love with each other.

Every story will come to an end, but the love will continue. Even if we don't exist anymore...

Endure what was chosen. Accept the reality and overcome it.

Overcome it.

We'll overcome it.

And I'll be waiting for you in the endless summer.

- The End -

Note:

Some questions cleared by the author:

On who was with Arthur when Alfred was on the phone with him: those dialogues were only conversations from the TV.

On why Arthur lost his memories in the end: Because he decided to place Alfred above everything else, he would disappear eventually. By the author's definition of "disappearing", it was more like Arthur was purified forcibly. There seems nothing wrong on the outside, but he became different on the inside. He could remember most of the things, it's just that all the actions and emotions he did and had when he was off-track were gone.

This chapter took a while to translate because it was so long. And for some sentences I just couldn't find the English words that have the same feeling as the Chinese words.

This chapter is my favorite. I really love the part where Alfred was shouting for freedom. Near the end, I was typing while my tears were falling...

I'm reluctant to call this story a tragedy, since I believe their love will eventually lead to a happy end...

And finally, you can leave comments on the story for the author here, because I send her the links of the translation after I'm done :)