I rewrote this once again. I love Pan&Trunks, I can't leave feeling like what I did for them wasn't enough. I didn't just correct my grammar, I've put some more scenes, more "fluffiness" on it, hehe, and I hope you all like it!
This fic was based on the song "Big Girl" by Amélia. I didn't write the lyrics 'cause it's not exactly the same thing. I just listened to the song and thought about Trunks and Pan and it felt right, the "scenario" at least.
Disclaimer: Don't own DB, DBZ or DBGT or anything from the world Dragon Ball. Don't sue me, I don't have money…
# # # -
'Words' – Speech
"Words" – Thoughts
Words – Memories/Past
# # # -
While the leaves fall
# # # -
"A leaf is falling.
Looking through my window, it seems it's the first one. Autumn… Not the saddest, but a sad season nonetheless. Even more when you're feeling likeyour world is falling too, falling apart slowly, but surely…
The phone rang many times, while the day out there seemed lifeless. In slow motion. At least to me. I leaned against my comfortable armchair where I was sitting while doing some paperwork, as always. After all, life doesn't stop just because you don't want to keep going. I sighed, ignoring the phone, maybe it would leave me alone if I ignored it for a couple of minutes more.
I still have to feed my cat too, though he could survive just a few more paperwork pages, right...? What?! I'm hungry too and I'm not complaining, am I?
Well, whatever.
Forgetting my bitterness and getting annoyed by the clueless phone, which wouldn't leave me alone no matter what, I raised and walked toward it, picking it up lazily and sighing exaggeratedly. Couldn't help it. I was really bored, annoyed, tired, sad…
Lonely? Maybe… I was never one to like being alone – even though I'm living this way for three years already – so… I guess… That must be it.
Finally, I seemed to realize someone was speaking to me through the phone, actually, yelling at me for not paying attention… Recognizing the voice over the other side, I swore silently… Stop wondering, baka, or you'll never hear the end of it.
There's only one person crazy enough, too stubborn to be called tactless by interrupting my self-indulged solitude, who would call me no matter what time of the day or night...
'Hi, grandma Chi Chi…' Not one bit of cheerfulness on my voice. It's being a long time since the last I even tried to fake it, even more so to my grandma.
'Pan-chan!' I removed the phone from my ear. Crazy woman… Does she want me to turn deaf? As if I don't have enough problems already. Like him, for example, I couldn't help thinking, a wrinkle growing between my eyebrows. That stupid, stubborn, clueless, selfish and… I sighed… Again… It isn't time to remember about that baka. That would just make me remember that other stupid girl he calls… 'Pan-chan?'
I blinked, remembering my grandma was still there.
'Oh, sorry, grandma… I'm a little tired today.' I said in that same lazy tone, almost the nonchalant one I use to fool everybody. I heard a small sigh on the other side, but didn't say anything. Not everybody, it seems…
Grandma, even if it doesn't look like it, knows what my problem is. The problem I hide from everybody else. Or better, who is my problem, that I hide from everybody else… Sometimes even from myself.
Well, I suppose she doesn't know exactly who is my problem, but she knows that there is someone...
Oh! Forget it!
'Pan-chan, are you eating well?' She said concerned and I can't help a grin from forming on my lips. Grandma Chi Chi… always thinking that I need to eat more: "Always so slim" She says… I am, I know. Muscular, but slim… though it's another thing that I really can't help. I have always being like this. Small… Slim… Maybe more womanly slim nowadays, but always short! I huffed, annoyed once again.
'Yeah, grandma. I'm eating everything that you told me to.' Well, almost everything... Hey! Don't expect me to eat carrots, do you? I can't… For the life of Dende, eat something with the same name of my grandpa! I already have enough problems with "rice", mind you…
'OK, doesn't matter.' She said, to my surprise, bringing me back from my random thoughts. Her mood seemed to change dramatically, getting lively again. Yeah… That's my grandma for you… 'Listen, dear… I have really wonderful news to tell you!'
I didn't say anything, wasn't even feeling like guessing. Though… Deep inside, my heart hurt… Just a little bit…
I should've known I was about to listen to something I wouldn't forget easily… Better… Couldn't forget so easily…
Ow, well… That's my life…"
# # # -
'Bye bye, dear.'
'Bye, grandma.' Chi Chi heard the "click" from the other side and hung the phone up too, a small, sad smile on the corner of her lips.
She stood there, looking at the phone, still smiling, sadly, but maybe a little hopefully. She knew her granddaughter very well, ow, how she knew that little child. "Well, not a child anymore…"
But certainly acting like one! She thought outraged.
Chi Chi sighed, her little Panny was a stubborn girl, always had been. Well, she couldn't really say anything about it, the girl took it after herself after all. But still… Too stubborn!
Chi Chi sat on a chair by the telephone table, while lost in her thoughts. She knew what she did wasn't exactly the right thing to do, but, what else was she supposed to do?! Stand still while her poor little girl suffered like that, unable to move on… Maybe for a long long time…?
She also knew that Gohan wouldn't help, well, he didn't even know, but if he did… Ow, she didn't even want to imagine what could happen.
Videl probably was aware, but Chi Chi knew oh so well that she wasn't the right person to help out on that situation. Gohan would never forgive her.
And… Chi Chi chuckled, thinking about the other Sons… Better not even go there.
Her smile faltered and she sighed again. If nobody would help her beloved little girl, she would, after all, she never was the quiet one. Literally.
That morning she received very terrible news, despite what she said to her granddaughter. And she knew how Pan would be now, after knowing what those "wonderful news" were.
However, she had to tell her. Chi Chi knew for sure that no one would tell Pan what was going on, not 'till the last minute, because the one supposed to do so was him. And he, for sure, wasn't going to do so. Not after the last fight she knew they had, and not when they couldn't be honest to each other, right? Though, as far as she was concerned, he was just blind, a wimpy blind son of a… Hah! If his father knew about his son's lack of guts!
Therefore, if he wasn't doing what he was supposed to do, she, Son Chi Chi, a fierce mother, and an even fiercer grandmother, would have to take action! Ow, no way that would end just like that! No way! Even if she had to say things that wasn't her place to say so…
Chi Chi sighed again… Pan wasn't aware that her grandma knew about her little princess feelings. Better, for whom her feelings were for. Well, it wasn't that difficult, at least not to the old heart of a grandma. However, that phone call would probably be as far as she could go… After all, Pan had to take a grip of her own life… And now…
Well, now she would pray, for her grandchild's happiness was on her own hands.
Or, as heartbreaking as it would be, to at least bring a closure for all of that, even if it wasn't quite like the way her granddaughter would wish for.
"Dear Pan… Don't let your pride rob you of your happiness… You must take your chances when it really counts."
'Chi Chi, I'm home!' Chi Chi raised her head when she heard that well known voice, grinning.
'C'ming, Goku!'
"Dear Pan… I hope you can get your wanted happy ending… It's not that far away from your grip, just follow your heart, it'll lead you…"
And a full smile appeared on her lips, while she got up and went toward where her heart lead her to…
# # # -
'I can't believe it…She said for the umpteenth time, wiping her endless tears once more.
How long, since her grandma's call? How long, since her world fell apart? How could this have happened? How dare he not tell her? They had an argument, but that damn well wasn't the end of it. Granted… It had been at least one month, but… "Shhhit! He can't do this to me… He can't just…"
Just leave me…
'C'mon, Pan… Stop crying. It won't solve anything.' Wiping her eyes just once more, taking a deep breath, she rested her forehead on the table, thinking about what grandma told her.
"They will get married, Pan! It'll be a big wedding and you'll have to get a wonderful dress! I know you don't like it, but it's your best friend wedding, after all! Oh… You'll be beautiful…"
Well, she wasn't so sure if it was exactly what her grandma said... After the word "married" she didn't listen very well. Couldn't listen, couldn't say, couldn't feel anymore…
Pan raised from her chair, hearing the insistent complains from her cat, Kuro, very much hungry. Absent-mindedly she went to the kitchen, opened a small door on the counter where her cat's food was and filled his bowl.
Leaving the food unguarded, the counter's door opened, she went to her bedroom, falling on her face. Carelessly. Her nose hurting a little bit from the sudden impact. She didn't care about anything anymore... Her mind starting to wander off once more, wanting to forget her tears just for a little while.
'Hey, Panny! Wanna a ride home?'
'Panny! Guess what! I gained that bet against Goten! I knew he couldn't get that girl. So… Let's grab a bite? My treat.'
'You have to be much faster, Pan-chan, you'll never beat me if you don't train harder!'
'You're the most important person to me, Panny… You're my best friend.'
More tears…
Friend
The word echoed through her head, over and over again.
Friend… It was all that she was to him…
'Stupid tears! Just stop, ok?! Stop!'
In vain… There she was, lying on her bed, crying her heart out…
It hurted so much… Why did he have to do it? Why couldn't he see she was the perfect one for him? That she would always be there for him. That she loved him more than anyone could ever do?
Her thoughts went to her. One of his many girlfriends. She didn't really pay much attention, it just seemed a little bit different because they already knew that one. But not that much different as to actually make her concerned. After all, his relationships never lasted that long. Why would this one be different? Pan always thought that her time would come, that one day he would see she wasn't a little kid anymore…
How wrong. How bitterly wrong…
'Panny! I want you to be the first one to know who I'm dating.'
'Isn't she great? I knew you would approve.'
'Now, why don't you find a boyfriend too, uh? Let's go on a double date next time.'
That stupid, idiot, big jerk! How dare he ask her if she liked any of his girlfriends? Anyone other than herself was unacceptable. Just unacceptable!
And how could she say "no" to him…? How could she tell him that she didn't like his girlfriend or any other girlfriend he could possibly have. Or that she would never bring a boyfriend for a double date... He would ask why. Yeah, he would ask… And… How could she say…
"'Cause I love you."
Never.
He would never look at her again. He would say that she lied to him, that she pretended to be his friend just to try to have something with him, like every other girl in the world already had tried to.
She couldn't lose his friendship.
"They will get married!"
No… She couldn't lose him…
Forever.
Pan started to cry harder, more and more. She couldn't pretend anymore, she couldn't just pretend that she didn't feel anything, that her heart didn't scream in pain every time she saw him kissing another girl… That her body didn't ache, calling for his, every time she saw him holding other girl's body…
She loved him… Every part, every inch, every flaw, every annoying smirk… Every smile… Every one of his glances toward her when he thought she wasn't looking… Everything…
'I love you so much…'
'…'
"I'm a big big girl, in a big big girl, it's not a big big thing if you live me…"
She heard her neighbor's radio, and for a second she pretended she really could forget her pain… Listening to that song that she haven't heard for so long…
"But I do do feel, that I too too will, miss you much…"
Yeah… She would miss him like hell… After all, she could "survive", she wasn't the type who would die or kill herself because of an unrequited love…
Yet… Her heart would already be dead.
Still… She had already tried, right? Well, they had fought, at least. Because of his girlfriend, because of what she thought (not everything, of course) about him be dating that girl.
It was terrible. Their worst argument. The first time she had the horrible feeling that she couldn't have him… Ever.
'How dare you say that she isn't right to me, Pan?'
'I can't believe that you're actually trying to make me break up! You never did that before!'
'You said we were friends! Why this now? Why? Tell me!'
'I'm wrong? So, tell me why I'm wrong!'
After that one, she remembered, she just looked at him, angrily, really angrily, but at a loss for words. Yet… She saw in his eyes that he expected something… Almost beg her to tell something…
Yeah, right. Just her wishful thinking.
So she didn't tell anything… She couldn't tell anything… She was too afraid of losing his friendship. Too afraid of losing him…
Because she loved him… So much…
Then she just turned her back to him, getting out of his office and out of his life. That is… At least for the next month.
Coward. That's what she was.
Pan looked through the window of her apartment one more time. More leaves falling from the trees near her building. And it began to rain, the leaves flying away… It seemed all so gray… So sad… So cold… So like her own heart…
She didn't feel her tears anymore. Maybe because there weren't any left, maybe because her face was too wet for her to feel anything…
She was still on her bed. Lonely… She was always like this in her darkest days, when she lost all hope, when only his face came to her mind.
His arms… How many times he held her, and to her it never was enough…
His smile… How many times she saw him smiling at her, just at her, and happiness seemed like it would last forever…
His eyes… Ow, those beautiful blue eyes… When they locked on her dark brown ones… It was as if time stopped…
Together…
She thought she heard a noise, and opened her eyes… Nothing. Probably her cat after getting his belly full.
Alone…
He wasn't there anymore… He would never be there anymore… And she would be forever alone without him.
How dramatic, wasn't she?
Pan sighed. Raising her body, she saw her pillows. Crawling onto her bed, she went for the one on the left side, holding it to her nose, digging her face on it.
His smell was still there… Or was it her imagination? It had been so long ago…
# # # FLASHBACK # # #
It was dark outside, the sound of thunder predicting a fairly good storm. She was lazing around, watching some old movie, when she heard someone knocking on her door.
She got up, grumbling to whomever dared disturb her lazy heaven. She wasn't prepared to the melancholic blue eyes at her door sill.
'What…' It had been a long time since she last saw him there, at her house. Since he started to date…
'May I come in?' His voice was low, tired…
'Of course…!' She made room for him to pass. He entered, and she indicated the living room to him, as she always did when he came over. He was quite quiet and that was fairly suspicious… 'Do you… Do you want some coffee?' He made some grunt noise she guessed was a possible "yeah" and went for the kitchen.
After a while, she came back with two mugs.
'Here… With cocoa, right?' He took the mug and glanced at her, a small smile on his lips. Now, that was a good sign.
He took a sip, she took a sip and the living room was quiet for a while, the two of them pretending to watch the movie, the both of them laying against the sofa, shoulders touching slightly.
She couldn't take it much longer.
'So…'
'…'
'Who or what should I thank for your Highness visit? I don't quite remember the last time you graced me with your presence…' She meant to be sarcastically funny, but he didn't seem to take it like that.
'… Sorry, Panny…' It wasn't necessary much more than that. She knew he couldn't come over as much as before, since he was dating someone. So, she was just glad he still remembered her once in a while.
Preoccupied, she turned to face him, looking at his gloomy expression. He seemed sad, but not quite…
Before she could ask, he answered.
'We broke up.' Her brows not so much as raised a little bit. That wasn't new. It wasn't the first time, be other girls, be his current girlfriend. However, his expression made her think this time was different. Should she worry?
'I don't know what to say…' Shouldn't she say she was sorry? She couldn't lie like that, not so openly. He laughed a dry laugh.
'Shouldn't you say you're sorry?'
'Should I?' She closed her lips immediately, but the damage was done. At least his eyes turning immediately to her seemed to say so. 'I mean… If you werent't happy with her, should I be sorry? But if it's not like that, maybe I should say so, then…' Or she should just shut up.
He seemed to buy it or something like that, because his eyes turned again to the TV.
'I don't know…' She waited. 'This time…' He sighed. 'This time we didn't exactly fight. I was just tired. Suffocated, maybe. She said I didn't seem to be there. That she didn't feel like I wanted to be there with her. And I couldn't truthfully deny it and I'm not sure why.' He paused for a moment. 'Then she said maybe it wasn't mean to be, I didn't stop her. And that was it…' He turned his face to Pan 'I don't know anymore, Pan… I shouldn't feel lonely being with her, should I? What am I supposed to feel? To think? What's the right answer?' It seemed like he thought she had the answers for all the questions of the world. Or at least his world.
She didn't.
And this time she thought, and decided silence was the best answer. There was compassion on her eyes, understanding, but he wasn't going to get anything more than that. Her silent fellowship.
She turned her eyes to the TV again too, laying on the sofa, beside him, touching his shoulder with hers, feeling the comfort of their quiet companionship. And hoping he felt the same too. He kept his eyes on her for a moment and, maybe realizing he couldn't expect her to tell him how he should feel, he sighed, also turning towards the television.
She should be happy. But she wasn't happy if he wasn't. It seemed masochism, but that was how much she loved him.
Then, after a while, Pan felt when something dumped on her shoulder. Tensing, she looked to her right, his head was against her shoulder, he had kind of fallen from his sitting position and was almost half lying on the couch. Eyes slightly sleepy.
'Hey…' She whispered.
'Hm…'
'Bed time?' She asked, like she did a million times before, when he would come over to her house all weekend or on a week day when he felt like doing.
He opened his eyes more, and looked up, not moving much of his face, just his eyes. Quite a doggie like eyes.
'Can I…?' She just smiled at him, moving her head in the direction of her room. And he gave his first real smile that night.
They raised from the sofa, she turn off the lights and the TV, forgetting the movie, guiding him with her hand on his.
Her bedroom was dark, and she didn't turn on the lights. He took off his shirt and she threw a pair of sports pants to him, his own pants, like many others clothes he left there, like Pan did at his own house, while she went to her bathroom to put her pajama.
When she came back, he was already laying on his side, on the left side of the bed from where she looked at him, already under her sheets. She walked to the edge of "her side" of the bed and looked at him again, the faint light of the moon outside bathing his face and torso, the rain making shadows on his face, but not enough to hide his expression. He seemed like a little boy, waiting for his goodnight kiss. She smirked, and laid beside him.
They looked at each other for a while, and he raised his right hand, his fingers taking threads of dark hair away from her eyes, while she closed them, delighted with his light touch.
'What would I do without you, Panny?' He not as much as whispered.
'That's a hell of a good question' She said jokingly, a lazy grin on her face.
He just smiled back, resting his head against the pillow, not taking his eyes from her.
In the silence, she felt her body tensing again. Nervous and quite embarrassed, she turned her back to him, hiding her blush, while pretending to get comfortable to sleep.
'You go to sleep, big boy…' She said in the same light tone as before. Nonetheless, she felt all her body tense again, when his arms slowly wrapped around her, drawing her back against his warm chest. She relaxed. He would sometimes do that, and she would always tense, before finally relaxing in his arms.
'Good night, Panny…' He answered, his warm breath against her neck, making all her body tingle. He would kill her one of this days.
She felt his breath becoming even and closed hers too.
(…)
Abruptly, Pan opened her eyes, quite awake after a lousy thunder. It was late at night, the rain falling gently against the glass door of her balcony. In her sleep, she had turned over, and his right arm rested lazily in her waist. His silky hair on his face, he seemed peaceful.
Breathing in and out heavily, Pan tried to get back to sleep, but his warm body and his beautiful face turned down in her direction, in his sleep, wouldn't let her. She thought about getting up, but just couldn't.
And before she could control herself, she got closer, touching more of her body against his, a wave of pleasure running through her arms, belly and spine.
Slowly, she raised her hand and just as carefully, her fingers touched his face, taking the hair away from his beloved face.
Then, instead of retreating her hand, she couldn't help it and kept it there. The rare chance to touch him in a way that, when woken up, it would be kind of too intimate, was a desire just too great to ignore.
She moved her fingers again, and started to trace his facial lines. His brow, his long eyelashes, then he twitched a little bit, she held her breath, and he seemed to go back to his slumber. She couldn't stop it, and carefully continued to caress his face, his high cheekbones, his almost straight nose, his soft lips.
Pan closed her eyes for a second, indulging in the moment, and touched her palm against the side of his face, feather like touch. Unconsciously, she moved her face closer to his, until she felt his breath on her face, on her lips.
She continued there for a minute, afraid to move abruptly and not wanting to withdraw from him. Her hand slid through his jaw, his neck, until it rested on his warm and strong chest.
Then, suddenly, he opened his eyes, looking straight into hers, quite awake, though not seeming surprised or angry, almost as if waiting for her to react first.
Her eyes froze, her body froze, she stopped breathing.
He was quiet. She was just inches away from his face. She could feel his evenly breath against her face and she was quite sure he could feel hers on his too.
They kept looking at each other for a while.
She wasn't sure, but she was positively almost sure that his arm on her waist tightened, and not just a little bit. She was narrowly pressed against him.
Was his or her heart beating crazily?
No… She wasn't sure. Was it just her wishful thinking? And what was he thinking? Her heart desperately beaten strongly against her chest, one million nerve connections working on her body, it was too much pressure. She couldn't take so much risk, could she?
So she lost her guts.
She lowered her head, and pressed her forehead against the space between his neck and his chest.
He didn't say anything. His arm firmly against her waist, his chin rested against the top of her head. She could feel his chest rising and falling, and she contracted her shoulders, feeling both safe in his embrace and lost… So lost.
In the morning, when she woke up, he wasn't under her sheets anymore. A note on her bedside table, where breakfast was fast cooling down.
She took a deep breath, feeling quite disappointed in herself. Then, she felt it. His smell. His musky and fresh masculine smell. She turned to "his" side, and hold his pillow against her nose.
She woke up a couple of hours later again, feeling the wetness against her eyes and pillow.
# # # END OF FLASHBACK # # #
They never talked about that night. Acting like it never happened. Though it was impossible to forget… At least for her.
That was two months ago…
One week after that night, he made up with his girlfriend.
One month later, they had that terrible fight…
And now…
She closed her eyes tightly again, denying her eyes the right to new tears…
Breathing deeply, she opened her eyes once more, got up, and went for her kitchen again, remembering the last time she forgot Kuro's food open and the mess he did.
He wasn't there, he was lying on his favorite cushion on the sofa. She put his food into the counter and closed the door. After cleaning the little pieces of food remaining on the floor, she went to her couch, sitting beside her cat. She caught him, and knew he was swearing profanities to her under his breath, for daring to disturb his holy afternoon nap. Although, when she put him on her lap, he changed his mind, purring, and leaned comfortably against her.
'Feisty, aren't we?' She murmured. He ignored her.
Seeming like a little bit calmed down, she smiled, caressing his fur. He purred again. She chuckled. Just then, she stopped when her hand touched her cat's collar… Her eyes became sad all over again.
'I have a surprise for you, Panny.'
'I hope you like him, he already has a name. Look here.'
Pan caught the pendant on the collar, but she didn't read the name… She turned it, and read what was written on the back.
"For Pan, with love..."
She closed her eyes, hard. She couldn't… It was too much to her…
"I can't pretend that he will not get married". Actually, if not now, it would be some other day, possibly very soon, taking in account her luck…
"I can't lose him… Not this time, not ever...'
And in a second she was on her feet, on her hallway and ignoring her cat's protest for taking his "bed" away from him.
She picked her white coat and put on her dark brown boots too.
She opened her door, looking one last time to her house, to the small gifts he gave her, to the memories on each place in her house, in her heart… of him. Thinking once more if she could face him and tell him…
Determination finally showed in her eyes. That which she had lost for so long.
'It's today… Today you'll know "why", baka…'
And she closed her door, turning her back to her past… Trying to imagine her future. The future she wanted. A future with the one she loved.
And she let her heart lead her to where….
"I have to stop talking so much to grandma Chi Chi." She thought, smiling this time.
# # # -
Her path was tense and unaware of anything surrounding her. The red and brown leaves falling from the trees… It was just a scenario that she couldn't afford to pay attention to anymore. People walked everywhere, but the sounds, the movements, everything looked as if in slow motion, like she felt oh so many times, but this time as if nothing mattered more than what she was going to do.
With the wind continuously running against her cold skin, her white coat around her petite body, Pan continued walking, not looking around her, just ahead. If someone she knew passed by, she didn't even realize. All that mattered was what she was going to do… What she needed to do… What she was so damn afraid of doing…
She walked slowly, but firmly, looking ahead, her mind running wild, like never before… What was she supposed to do? What was she supposed to say? How would he react?!
Gosh… Too many questions, too many doubts… Too many fears... Too many…
There was no more time for that… Pan stopped suddenly, facing the building where she so often found him…
There was really no more time to questions… To doubts… To fears…
Yet... They were still there...
# # # -
It was a damn depressing day, even with all the movement in his office, more than normal, should he say. Usually, he would have a bunch of papers to read and sign, a really boring job. However, today there were too many people there, too many papers, too many clothes to choose! Damn wedding…
The man was exhausted, to say the least. Even though he was a person with very good financial conditions, he wasn't the type who liked those kind of things… All these things to choose, all this clothes, colors, cakes, prices… Why does it have to be so complicated?
"Because she wants…"
Oh, yeah… Because of her… The girl was the sweetest person in the world (sometimes too sweet)… Pretty, elegant, always smiling. If he could define her, he would say "porcelain doll"…
Yeah, that was the very right definiton… Everybody was so happy, so pleased with this… "A beautiful couple!", "They look great in the magazines, right?"
He sighed… Yeah… A very good looking couple… A very good… "appearance".
Hell… She was beautiful, cute, kind, sweet, understanding… The perfect woman to marry, right? Right?!
Yeah… Marron was perfect for almost everyone in the world… Shouldn't she be to him too? Wasn't him in love with her? Wasn't he happy with this marriage?
"If only she was by my side, supporting me…"
The man's eyes widened when the thought came… Was this what was bothering him? Was it because she wasn't there supporting this? Suffering this torture of marriage planning with him? After all, she was always there… Good, bad, funny, sad moments…
No…
He shouldn't be thinking about her… Not after their argument… Not the common ones… That argument…
Trying not to be too rude, he asked those people coming in and out of his office to just stay out. He ordered his secretary to keep them busy, that she could decide the "less" important things for him, because he had other more important things to do.
Yeah, right…
Well, at least he was glad Marron wasn't there today. He didn't know how to handle the bride right that moment.
Sighing, he went around his desk, sitting absent-mindedly, resting his head against his desk. After a while, he put his head between his arms, head low, not wanting to pay attention to the noises on the other side of his doors.
'I just think she isn't right to you!'
'Sorry for saying what I truly think about it, ok?!'
'I never tried to make you break up because you always saw by yourself that they weren't the right ones…'
'Of course we're friends! I just don't want you to continue dating someone you don't really love!'
'Why what? I mean… Why can't you understand my reasons?!'
'You… I… Forget it… Do as you please…'
After that she walked away, and his last hope was torn apart…
Last hope!
Yeah… Right… Hope for what?
That she would see…?
Honestly… He couldn't fool himself, could he? He always thought that if he dated someone else, she would…
But there was no comeback now…
And all he could do now was ask someone to tell her about this wedding thing. Because he just couldn't face her right now…
There were more noise outside the door, and he took his hands away from around his face, putting then against his ears, face still down against his desk. Couldn't they be a little less noisy? He was trying to think here!
Right… And just what would he say if she suddenly opened his office door demanding –
'What the fucking hell are you thinking of doing, Trunks?!"
He froze… Raised his head very slowly toward his office doors… All those people outside seemed silenced for a moment, truly fading away from his vision, while she, quite boldly, entered his office, keeping the doors wide open.
He blinked, not thinking for a couple of seconds, and then finally ran to the doors, closing the whispers and gossip out there. All the noise he just realized he hated, being muffled.
And there she was. Quite imposing... Quite angry…
And their he was. Quite speechless… Quite dumbfounded…
# # # -
So, that's it.
Pan sighed just one more time, looking the elevator's door opening before her… Through the long hallway she saw many people walking and working as fast as, or faster than ever. Noisy strange people too, while the old secretary, a very nice lady that she new for a long time, relentlessly ordered them around, trying to get them as far as she could from what she knew was the doors from his office.
The girl closed her eyes for a minute, breathing deeply. Then, opening them determinately, she stepped out of the elevator, stomping through the hallway. Knowing plenty well that no secretary nor anyone else would, could stop her, she reached her hands to his doors.
And without thinking anything else, nothing that could make her hesitate just for a second more… She opened the doors to her doom...
'What the fucking hell are you thinking of doing, Trunks?!'
She suddenly yelled, to everyone who wanted to listen…
It seemed like everyone else just shuted up for a moment… She could care less.
She saw he was quite surprised and waited until he walked to his door and closed it, not seeming top pay attention to anyone out there.
And then, finally…
It was just her… and him.
# # # -
He was speechless…
She was angry…
He didn't know what to say…
She had a bunch of things to say…
He closed the door, not wanting anyone to witness any fight, specially with her.
She didn't give a damn if there was anybody there or not.
Then… He remained quiet, in front of closed doors.
Then… She just realized what happened... Not quite sure how she should proceed now, after her initial outburst.
'Uh…'
Silence.
'…'
'So..' They said at the same moment… And the silence came back again.
"What now? What now, Pan?!"
And finally, some sense seemed to come back to the girl, right in the middle of that big office. How could she loose her temper that way?! What would everyone think of that? No… What would he think of that?
Well... He knew her enough to know there shoud be something really bothering her if it made her lose her temper like that... Right?
'So… What was that, Pan?' The calm voice made her focus once again at the man in front of her.
The same blue eyes…
Well, she wasnt't expecting him to change eye colors, right? Duh…
'Hn...' She murmured short and softly. She put one of her hands against her temple, her head lowering, as if thinking hard, though knowing pretty well that his questioning gaze was still on her.
She wasn't sure if she would be able to think clearly for an answer to his question, but at least her lowered head prevented the redness on her face from being seeing by him… Then, she changed position, looking to one side, her expression grave, pained…
The man looked confused at her. Pan… Pained? What's that?
And, slant eyes on him, as if reading his mind, her expression changed again, angry, while she turned her gaze to him.
'How can you think of marrying and not even telling me? At least ask someone to do so!' He was taken aback by her suddenly change of mood. However, as if finally realizing what was happening, he became angry too.
'What do you mean by that?! I'm not anything of yours to need to inform you of each thing I want to do!' As fast as the words was spoken, he shut his mouth, realizing the meaning of them, while her eyes went wide and Pan looked away again.
'…'
'I thought we were friends…' She not as much as whispered.
And that was enough to make the tension dissipate. To make his eyes softened once more, as they always did around her…
The man didn't say anything else, he just walked toward the young woman. In front of her, he raised one of his hands and caressed her face. The woman leaned almost uncounsciously against his hand, closing her eyes for a moment, before looking back at him again, eyes full of pain, making him hurt too…
'Sorry… I didn't mean… You know…' Since she didn't respond, he felt the need to continue. 'Your opinion is the most important to me, Pan. You know that, right?' And to his disappointment, the young woman turned her face away again, away from his touch, making he lose the contact with her skin.
'Then… Why didn't you tell me…?' Her voice was low, almost a whisper. And he felt his heart ache with the sound. He closed his eyes for a moment, before he looked again at her and answered.
'You were angry with me… About this very same subject… I didn't want to upset you even more.' And the sight his words brought almost made him broke.
Her eyes, Pan beautiful dark brow eyes were full of tears… As he only witnessed during rare times… Very, very rare times. But she held it and not able to look him in the eyes, continued.
'Don't you know don't telling me would upset me even more? Don't you know how important you are to me that I always want to know what happens to you? If you are sad or happy? Angry or pleased? Don't you?' Her eyes searched his, full of… Full of what…?
And this time, it was his eyes that almost got filled with tears, which he hid turning back. She couldn't do this to him, couldn't make him so fragile, couldn't make him so dependant on her, and yet, never –
'You shouldn't worry so much. I'm a grown man, who solves his own problems, who knows what he wants and how to get it.' He scoffed at himself... "Yeah, right".
Silence.
He really expected her to get angry again. It would be a lot easier than this… pained Pan he wasn't quite used to.
But she didn't say anything for a long time, making him almost turn back to see if she was still there.
Then, to his surprise, he felt when her head touched his back, quietly.
'…'
'Will you really marry her?' He flinched for a second, but guessed she couldn't feel it.
'Yes.'
'Why?'
Silence once more…
Why would he marry Marron?
That was a good question. Because he loved her? Because he was happy like this? Because he just didn't want to be a bachelor anymore?
No… He knew pretty well it wasn't for any of those reasons…
He knew the real reason… He just… Just couldn't say it.
And not wanting to lie, he didn't answer.
The silence was longer than before, while Pan felt her heart breaking little by little, slowly. She couldn't handle this anymore, too many uncertainties, too much pressure, she needed to stop it.
For a second, he felt her. Then, she wasn't anymore.
There went her courage.
Get away… She needed to get away from him.
And without saying anything else, the young woman withdrew, passing by his side, silently… Leaving slowly the office, not able to walk any faster.
When he didn't feel her anymore, he hold his breath for a moment, trying to collect his own thoughts. And when he couldn't take the silence anymore was when he saw her passing by him, just fast enough to see her reaching for the knob of his office's door.
Panic.
He couldn't let this finish like that! Not again…
Why? Just...!
'Why?'
Was his turn to ask, and as a spell who could paralyze, the young woman stopped, slowly turning once more toward him, questioning eyes staring at his face.
'Why don't you want me to marry her?'
And this time it was the young woman that flinched for a split second, eyes surprised, then wavering, worried, sad. And so much more…
The man just stared back at her, eyes full of a sparkle she couldn't decipher.
She breathed deeply, trying to extend the momento just for a little longer, because she knew it had to be now… Or she would never again have the courage or the oportunity to tell him so.
After all, wasn't that the reason why she finally went there to confront him?
'Because…' Heart breaking, she knew that was the end for their friendship. 'I love you.'
# # # -
Trunks stared at Pan with eyes full of hope. He was an idiot, still thinking one day she would return his feelings. Always thinking that maybe if he dated other girls she would finally feel some jealousy and realize, maybe, that she loved him too.
It couldn't be him to tell her. He couldn't even try to make her fall in love with him openly… Nor when he was so much older. Not when he was the one who helped babysit her when she was just a toddler. What would her family say if he said openly what he felt for her and she didn't feel the same? The damage would be far too great…
And he couldn't even be sure that she… Their friendship was just too intimate that he got lost, confused, not knowing what was this and what was that.
Maybe he was just a coward. But… Even though... He had hoped…
However, that should, would be the last time… The last time he would allow himself to pointless expect something more from her, something he uselessly wanted from her.
He looked directly into her eyes, and she breathed deeply, before… Please, say it.
'Because…' He could feel the fear and the resignation in her voice… 'I love you.'
His eyes widened.
And never, in reality, expecting this to ever be true, he froze, his mind running faster than ever. His blood rushing through his veins, his body trembling, not doing what he was supposed to do right now!
She…
She…
However… In his stupidity, he was too late to realize that seeing his surprise, she must have thought he was rejecting her, because her eyes was full of sadness once again, and before he could say anything, she suddenly turned away, closing the door behind her.
She…
She…
"Trunks! You fucking stupid big head idiot! Do something!" His mind yelled at him.
And as if a "click" happened, he ran…
# # # -
'Because… I love you.'
She finally said.
And his eyes were full of surprise.
Pan waited, her heart beating hard in her chest. She waited for any other reaction. Just a "Sorry, Pan. I don't feel the same."
But nothing came… Nothing…
Not able to handle her pain anymore, feeling ashamed and embarrassed at what could be his next words, the young woman finally turned away. She wouldn't bother him anymore…
Closing his door, she walked faster than before toward the elevator, wanting to get away from there as fast as possible, feeling kind of suffocated around that place so full of people, but mainly, full of his presence. Luckily the elevator already was there, she entered and pressed to the first floor.
It was the end. The end of her hopes, the end of her friendship with him.
Tears fell from her eyes, slowly and quietly… The pain, too much to handle.
She would survive… But… It would never be the same… And how it hurted…
The elevator arrived to its destination, and she walked to the front door of Capsule Corp without looking at anyone, anywhere. Now she would go to her apartment, and cry her heart out, turning off her telephone, pretending that she wasn't home to anyone… It would be almost the same as before… Just, really... Just more painful.
Maybe she could disappear. Go to another place, another city, another country. Who knows? Anywhere she wouldn't have to look at those blue eyes ever again. Stay where she was? Maybe a maid of honor at his wedding? Impossible! Well, not as if she was an option after her stupid "declaration". Well, the truth was, she couldn't keep going like that. She told herself so when she went there, she should've been prepared. After all, she actually changed their lives with what she just did… Completely and forever.
The leaves were still falling, and it was a little colder than it was earlier... Like her heart, though she didn't think her heart would warm up ever again…
She finally had the courage to say, to express her feelings to the most important person in the world to her. But… it seemed he didn't feel at least a bit the same… She really, even for a moment, really had hoped… After "I love you", he would smile and say the same. However… Her life was never a fairy tale…
Not only that, she didn't even have the courage to stay there to actually hear what his answer would be.
Coward. Afterall, the worst possibility was for him to say he couldn't feel the same, right?
As if… It could be worse, Pan... He could've said he didn't want to see her ever again, that they couldn't be friends anymore. Or that she had never been a true friend to him. And it pained her to think he could think that of her.
Well, but she would never know… Because he didn't say anything… And she didn't know she should be relieved or not... Was it so shocking she could love him? Was he so surprised? If… At least… While she walked away he'd scream her name and –
'Pan!'
- and she would stop, and look back -
And she really stopped, and she really looked back.
- and Trunks would be running towards her, and would catch up to her, holding her tight on his arms and -
And he really was running towards her and… And he didn't just hold her…
…
It wasn't just a kiss…. It was the kiss. The most awaited and wished for kiss ever… Tasting his lips, his so desired lips… And while his hands held her like it never had before, caressing her back, like it was forbidden to do so until now and totally unaware of their surroundings…
Pan smiled against his mouth, against his warm and caring embrace, feeling the electricity of his touch, more so than ever… Her eyes then filled with tears, just realizing how much tension, anxiety and expectations she was holding up until now. All the fear and sadness, all the shame and embarrassment, all the hopelessness… And them he was kissing her face, all of her face, feather like kisses, while one hand on her waist, the other cupping her cheek.
He was there… He really was there with her.
The consolation thought that she could ever be with anyone else other than him if he didn't want her like she wanted him… What a joke!
They then paused, breathing heavily. His forehead on hers. His hand on her cheek slid and reached the back of her neck, not letting her even think of escaping him.
His eyes on hers. So much joy in there. So much relief and happiness.
And she finally understood… It wasn't just her…
He would never let go…
She felt happy, she felt alive, she felt complete…
While the leaves fall…
# # # -
The End
# # # -
Epilogue:
(?)
# # # -
08/05/2005
Rewritten in: 25/06/2010
Rewritten again in 06/05/2015
Rewritten (hopefully) for the last time in 08/11/2016
Mary Marcato
# # # -
Author's note: I don't know why, but I just had to rewrite it again. Not just the spelling, there were so much more I wanted to put here…
I just love Pan&Trunks, so… My only fic of them couldn't be… so so. And if I have to rewrite once again in five years from now, I will. Because… I love them! I hope you guys like the changes, I tried to put more "feeling" on it, more "fluffiness", hehe, and I hope you guys could feel it too.
Again, writing in English is a rather challenging deed to me. I'm brazilian, so I can only as much as try and hope. I'm serious, if someone feel like revising it to me, I'll be really really thankful, from the bottom of my heart!
And lastly, it may have an Epilogue… So, please tell what you guys think about it… :)
Ja ne!