Okay, this is another one of my impulsive ideas, but I have a feeling I'm going to love writing this. :) So, hang in here with me, will you? At the moment, this is meant to be a oneshot. Well, if you reviewers want more, I will be happy to add chapters and make it a collection of oneshots.
The poem this oneshot is based on was written by Audre Lorde on April 22, 1992. I do not own the poem or Bleach or any characters from this. :)
Anyway, hope you all enjoy, here we go! :D
Oh, and I want to apologize in advance for how long the poem is. All of it isn't relevant, but I didn't want to cut random chunks of the poem off. So, sorry.
-:-
Today Is Not the Day
I can't just sit here
staring death in her face
blinking and asking for a new name
by which to greet her
-:-
I am not afraid to say
unembellished
I am dying
but I do not want to do it
looking the other way
-:-
Today is not the day.
It could be
but it is not.
Today is today
in the early moving morning
sun shining down upon
the farmhouse in my belly
lighting the wellswept alleys
of the town growing in my liver
intricate vessels swelling with the gift
of Mother Mawu
of her mischievous daughter
Afrekete Afrekete my beloved
feel the sun of my days surround you
binding our pathways
we have water to carry
honey to harvest
bright seed to plant for the next fair
we will linger
exchanging sweet oil
along each other's ashy legs
the evening light
a crest on your cheekbones.
-:-
By this rising
some piece of our labor
is already half-done
the taste of loving
doing a bit of work
having some fun
riding my wheels so close to the line
my eyelashes blaze.
-:-
Beth dangles her stethoscope over the rearview mirror
Jonathan fine-tunes his fix on Orion
working through another equation
youth taut as an arrow
stretched to their borders
the barb sinking in so far
it vanishes from the surface.
I dare not tremble for them
only pray laughter comes often enough
to soften the edge.
-:-
And Gloria Gloria
whose difference I learn
with the love of a sister you you
in my eyes bright appetite light
playing along your muscle
as you swing.
-:-
This could be the day.
I could slip anchor and wander
to the end of the jetty
uncoil into waters
a vessel of light moonglade
ride the freshets to sundown
and when I am gone
another stranger will find you
coiled on the warm sand
beached treasure and love you
for the different stories
your seas tell
and half-finished blossoms
growing out of my season
trail behind
with comforting hum.
-:-
But today
is not the day.
Today.
-:-
As I laid in a puddle of blood, my limbs went numb. The blood seeped from several wounds, mostly from a deep one running down my chest. I was face down, my hand weakly clutching Zangetsu. My thoughts became muddy and my vision blurred. I realized I was dying, but denied it immediately.
I heard the sound of echoing footsteps, the person approaching my fallen form. But who was it? I didn't know.
"Ichigo!" she screamed, her small hands on my back. Rukia? I thought, trying to lift my head and look at her, but my body refused.
"Ichigo!...Ichigo, listen to me!...-ave to stay with me!...-can't leave me, you ca-" Her words went in and out of focus, I could only understand segments of what she was shouting. My eyes slid closed and when I forced them open again I was facing up, now on my back. I was blacking out for a few minutes at a time, but when I was on my back I felt more blood draining from the wounds.
The air around me began to glow, the light surrounding Rukia's small hands. My body didn't feel like it was getting healed, but the longer she focused on fixing my fatal lacerations my mind started to focus more. I was able to form actual thoughts. The first thought that entered my mind was that I was dying. And again I turned to denial as soon as the words began to flood my mind.
My eyes opened, staring ahead of me, straight up. My sight became less blurred and I was able to focus on the serene scene above me. As I continued to stare off, Rukia's face came into view. That's when my mind started working so fast, guilt running through me.
I saw her face and everything started to make sense again. The knowledge of my fate reflected in her large, violet eyes. Death.
I wasn't afraid to die, I had come to peace with dying while doing the honorable job I had as a shinigami. But I wasn't okay with dying in denial. If I was going to die, I had to admit it to myself so I could feel prepared. But you're not, a voice in the back of my mind said in confidence. It wasn't speaking in denial, it was speaking with knowledge.
Then I was aware of my situation, more aware than I should have been I'm sure. I should be dying, I thought. But I'm not. It's just not..."my time".
I returned my focus on Rukia. Memories of our time together consumed every bit of my attention, no doubt or worry slipping in. As the images of past scenes ran through my mind, I realized how every time we were separated we seemed to be brought back together. The thought brought a weak smile to my face. After meeting Rukia, our lives seemed weaved together. Wherever one of us went, the other quickly followed. I had teasingly referred to it as "not being able to get rid of her" before, but now I realized how important it was.
Rukia always nagged me about not wanting me to protect her, but because of our tangled paths she ended up protecting me just as much. And now she was doing everything she could to save me.
"Ichigo!" she continued to shout as she noticed I started stirring quietly, her hands still firmly planted above my chest. "Can you hear me?"
"Let me help you, Rukia," I heard another voice say, it's pitch high. Two more feminine hands slid in front of my view, hovering over my wounded torso.
"No!" Rukia exclaimed as I recognized who she was talking to. "Don't touch him, just wait!" Her tone was strict, much harsher than I was used to hearing when she spoke to Orihime.
The other pulled her hands away quickly, muttering an apology, though her words were full of bitterness. I didn't know why.
"Ichigo, can you hear us?" she questioned me again, leaning over me as she continued to heal the aching cuts.
To answer her I forced my head toward her, looking up at her worried-filled face. I knew there was no way I could speak, but I smiled slightly up at her before using as much effort as I could to grab one of her hands. Her brow creased, I assumed worried that she wasn't going to be able to heal me with one hand, but she didn't pull away. Our fingers intertwined and she squeezed my hand tightly. I usually would have cared that all of our other friends were watching me, watching us, but I barely realized they were there. I felt a thin hand run through my hair, getting Rukia's attention. She directed a glare at the holder of the hand, I knew it was Orihime without looking, and the hand retreated.
As Rukia returned her gaze to me her eyes flooded with tears, and because both of her hands were occupied, they ran free down her face. "Don't give up," she whispered, misinterpreting my gesture. "I can't lose you."
Her words surprised me, but not nearly as much as they surprised everyone else. Suddenly the light surrounding her hand still over my chest faded away. She pulled her hand to her face and began sobbing. Orihime took her place, working hard right away. I glanced at her absently and noticed a glare on her face. It didn't take long before Rukia noticed it too.
"What's your problem?" she demanded through her sobs.
"Nothing. Did I say anything?" Orihime responded sarcastically. "I'm just trying to save his life, since you won't do it."
"Orihime!" Uryuu's voice sounded, obviously angry at her accusation. Rukia's grip on my hand tightened.
"Shut the hell up," a low voice stated, anger and annoyance present. It was Renji, coming to Rukia's defense like he always did.
I was sick of their fighting and only wanted Rukia's attention again. I opened my mouth slightly, realizing I was going to sound a lot weaker than I felt. "...Rukia..."
The word was almost silent as I seemed to breathe the name. She turned down to look at me again, tears still pouring down her face. Everything about her at the moment made me feel so guilty, even though I knew I wasn't going to die. I wasn't going to leave her at all, but the despair in her expression, the tight hold she had on my hand, the fact that she was crying over me made me feel horrible. All I wanted to do was sit up and assure her I'd be fine, so she'd smile and call me an idiot like she always did. I wanted to do anything to make her happy.
But I couldn't.
There was nothing I could do to let her know I wasn't going anywhere, that I would be fine.
Then my thoughts wondered again. They wondered to what would happen if something did happen to me. If I did die, what would happen to Rukia? Who would take care of her? But of course I didn't worry long. I glanced around the group surrounding my limp body and knew Rukia would be taken care of. Urryu, Chad, and Renji all looked out for her even though she claimed not to need it; especially Renji. And even Orihime cared about her and looked out for her as best as she could, even if they were angry with each other at the moment, though I didn't know why. Rukia would always have someone to stick up for her. To protect her. To love her like I always have, even though the thought of her with anyone else killed me.
My eyes slid closed and the group grew silent. I blacked out again, the tides of unconsciousness washing over me for the briefest of moments. My unoccupied hand ran to my wound while I was still unconscious, covering it as it seemed to stay in the same condition as it had started in. Blood flooded through my enclosed fingers. I heard their voices but none of it made sense. When I came out of it and my eyes slid open, I saw Rukia's face inches from mine. She leaned closer and pressed her lips to mine, the gesture so soft it was a ghost of a kiss.
When she pulled away I saw her eyes flood with tears again and they fell from her lids, some splashing against my cheek. I smiled up at her before muttering, "I love you, Rukia." My voice was raspy and I closed my eyes again.
She returned the words, causing my smile to grow. I knew I should be dying, with such a fatal wound and with everyone surrounding me like this, that's the only thing that would have made sense. But I was fine; Perfect.
But today is not the day, I thought, the dark taking over completely. Today...
-:-
Okay, so there it is. :) I know the ending's vague, but that's how the poem is and I was trying to represent it. :P So sorry if the fact that you don't know how it ends bothers you. :)
Anyway, this was fun! :D I loved writing it, but I still want you to let me know what you think. :P
If you want more, please, let me know. And they won't all me IchiRuki, but they're all going to be from Audre Lorde's amazing poem collection. But if you want more, just let me know!
Thanks again, please review!
