Disclaimer: I do not own The Twilight Saga, Stephanie Myers does.

Jasper's point of view

How To Be A Good Vampire, Chapter 2: Give pineapples to the homeless, I read to myself. I bounced in my seat in that little dark emo corner. Yay, yay, yay~! Last time saying 'hi' and smiling so gaily had been a joyous rainbow of love, I am a "GOOD VAMPIRE"! Oh yeah, beat that hot wheels! Must continue reading!

How To Be A Good Vampire, Chapter 2: Give pineapples to the homeless

Humans though kind, compassionate, sympathetic, selfless, and loving cannot fully take care of each other completely. This is where a 'good vampire' comes in. We vampires either have an abundance of money or the clear ability to rob a bank and buy/steal pineapples. There are many homeless humans (h.h or plural h.h's) that are in need of food such as pineapples.

Pineapples are the choice food to be given out due to the facts that they are healthy, sweet, and can be used for protection. The sweet fruit (or that's what most humans I surveyed said) is nutritious and spiky so when attacked they can swing the pineapple defending themselves, unless they are attacked by a 'bad vampire' which you are not. Pineapples are commonly worshiped throughout human history and can be found at popular grocery stores.

Try This Exercise: Go to the local city with a bunch of pineapples and hand them out to the homeless WITHOUT KILLING ANYONE!

I nodded my head vigorously and jumped up excited I grabbed my keys and lest for Wal-Mart. When I finally arrived at Wal-Mart, I skipped out of my car and bought ALL the pineapples, then got in line waving and smiling at everyone. On the ride to Los Angeles, I waved at EVERYONE, never beeped the horn or got mad and told the people they looked pretty when they cussed at me! Once I was there, I got out of the car and found all the homeless people I could, gifting them each with two pineapples.

Homeless Person 1

"Hello, dear homeless person! You're looking beautiful today~!" This human at on a crate in the back of a rat-filled alleyway, he was covered in dirt and smelt of butterflies!

"Give me your money!" Ooh, he's demanding!

" Would you like a pineapple!"

"This is a robbery, give me your money!"

"Here's your pineapples, I hope you have a good day pretty~!" That was fun, I hope he has good use of the pineapples~!

Homeless Person 2

"Hello Mr. And Mr. Homeless person, how are you doing on this beautiful day~?" It is such a good day for giving!

"I'm a girl, and my names Amy…"

"I'm also a girl and my names Justine…"

"Oh… Well your looking beautiful! How would you like some pineapples!"

"Give me your clothes, this is a robbery!"

"Oh, how wonderful~! Here are your pineapples! Have a super day!"

"…"

Homeless Person 3

"Hello Mr. Wonderful-Homeless-Person, how are you doing today – I hope wonderful!"

"Give me everything you own or die!" Omg, he's angry!

" I'm sorry, bu-"

BAM! Poor Jasper now lays on the ground unconscious robbed of all his clothes, cars, money and pineapples, but on the bright side he REALLY helped someone today and his physic wife will probably find him! Good luck in the next chapter Jasper!

Authors Note: Thank you for reading my story and I apologize for the EXTREMELY late update! I hope you enjoyed, hopefully the next chapter will be up soon! – TheNecromancerSorceress

-This story is dedicated to my Jasper obsessed sister, Amy.