Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender, or any of the characters from theseries. Avatar: The Last Airbender and all characters from the series belong to their respective creators and Nickelodeon. I only own my original characters, and original plot ideas.
You Are Not The Man I Want To Be
A/N: This is my very first Avatar fic. I've thought about writing fics for Avatar before, but I was just never as into it as I am now. I just watched Zuko confront Ozai (for the billionth time), and it kind of inspired me to write this. It's a letter of sorts, from Zuko to his father. Once again, this is my first Avatar fic, so please be kind. :)
For as long as I can remember, it seems that you've held a deep hatred for me. I can't even remember a time that you were actually happy to see me. Because when I think back, trying to find even the smallest hint of a smile, all I ever see... is the hatred that burns within your eyes. I've always wanted you to love me like you loved Azula; the way my mother loved me. But you were too blind to see that. Blinded by rage, desire, greed, and power. There was no place for me within those hate-filled eyes of yours.
Nothing I did seemed to be good enough for you. You'd simply walk away, or grimace in disgust when I tried my hardest to make you proud. I never heard the simple "You've done well, my son" that I wanted, for so long, to hear. You took so much from me in a matter of years. You crushed my hopes and dreams whenever the chance came about. Despite being your first-born, and only son, you gave my sister everything, leaving me with nothing. I may have had a home, food, clothes, servants, and a family, but I never had the love that only a father can give.
You acted as though I were a mangy dog that you had taken in off the street. I tried to impress you with my firebending, but you never once gave me a kind word or any praise at all. All of that went to Azula. And I received the sting of your hand across my face, and the bitter taste of tears and blood in my mouth. It seemed that nothing in the world could stop the rage and hatred that you directed toward me. No one, not even my beloved mother, could make it stop.
But you took her away from me, too. As if my childish pride wasn't enough to satisfy. You took her away from me, and truly left me alone and abandoned in the world. And, despite that, I still loved you, and only wanted you to love me. But the years soon passed, and I was allowed into my first war meeting. It was there that I spoke out against one of the generals and was forced to fight you, the man I had looked up to. You left a permanent mark upon me, claiming that it would teach me "respect." But it taught me nothing more than hatred and disdain. But regardless of all the pain you put me through in those first thirteen years of life, I could never bring myself to stop trying to please you and earn your love and respect.
Maybe that was my mistake. Maybe I cared too much about what you thought. Maybe that was my sin.
After you banished me, I traveled the world for three years, hunting the Avatar in order to gain your favor. I did everything that was in my power to bring him to you. But I soon came to realize that nothing I did would ever make you see how much I wanted to sit at your side like the perfect little prince you wanted me to be. But, as I grew, I came to realize the most painful thing: My father would never love and respect me. I was nothing but a tool in his hands. A pawn to be used and sacrificed for the benefit of the Fire Nation.
But now, I've come to accept my destiny. I will aid the Avatar in his quest to bring you to your knees. Only then will this horrid war end.
I am not the perfect, obedient little prince you've always wanted. I am a man who has come to see the truth: The man I longed to call "father" died long before I ever came to be. Perhaps he never truly existed. But when your tyrannical rule over this great nation comes to an end, I will be there to undo the damage you have dealt to this world.
And know this: You are not the man I want to be.
Well? How was it? Good? Bad? Decent? Let me know. :) Feedback is always good, as long as you're not cruel or rude. :) I hope you enjoyed this.