Ragamuffin sighed, not really listening to Pooty, who was once again droning on about his girlfriend, the Spam Witch, and was taking no notice to Ragamuffin's obvious boredom, and his not-so-obvious jealousy. How could Pooty, of all people, get a girlfriend quicker and easier than him?
"Maybe it's because I'm a little dead girl's doll… But then again, Pooty is just a bunch of twigs with a bucket for a head, so how the hell-?... Maybe if I were in my vampire form, I could charm Len—WHAT? "
Ragamuffin shook his head in bewilderment. Was he about to say he wanted to charm Lenore into being his girlfriend? Was he saying he liked Lenore, who wasn't even smart enough to spell her own name? "No way." He thought. "She's just like a sister to me, that's all. We're just best friends, is all. The only reason I had thought of charming her is because she's the only girl I've been around in a loooooong time…The only cute girl…SHUT UP BRAIN!"
"Er, Ragamuffin? HELLO? EARTH TO RAGAMUFFIN!" Pooty shouted in his ear.
"Oh, sorry. Tuned out for a sec." Ragamuffin replied, trying to excuse that moment of silence.
"Yeah, so I've heard." Pooty said sarcastically. The two boys looked across the lawn in unison at a loud 'ARGHH!', which usually meant Mr. Gosh and Lenore had finished their Saturday ritual of grovel, go away, grovel some more, and stab with 8-inch blade. Even so, it seemed that Mr. Gosh was being extra persistent this particular Saturday, for Lenore came into sight, closely pursued by Mr. Gosh, knife in head, bouquet of roses in hand, heart-shaped box of éclairs in the other hand. Ragamuffin was suddenly visited by a savage urge to ask Pooty to give some more "wonderful magic", so he could rip Mr. Gosh limb from limb. He let out a loud growl from deep in his throat as Mr. Gosh ran by him. Mr. Gosh stopped for a brief moment, and his sightless button eyes searched for the source of the frightening sound, and those eyes fairly quickly came to rest upon Ragamuffin. Mr. Gosh scoffed, and Ragamuffin was sure if he had a mouth he would be smirking. Ragamuffin stared defiantly up at Mr. Gosh. However, Mr. Gosh had caught sight of Lenore hiding behind Taxidermy, who was probably only here to return the sugar he had borrowed yesterday, and now the poor guy was being used as a stalker barrier. As Mr. Gosh was about to run to "his love", Ragamuffin stepped in his path.
Mr. Gosh lowered his voice so only Ragamuffin and Pooty could hear him, "You don't stand a chance with her. You're just her doll. Do you honestly think she would choose the vampire"-he pointed at Ragamuffin-"over the scarecrow?"-he pointed to himself.
Ragamuffin was about to call Mr. Gosh every obscene word he could think of, but then the shock of knowing that this idiot knew about the battle raging inside his mind, not to mention his heart, hit him like a ton of bricks. He knows… Ragamuffin was about to tell Mr. Gosh to go screw a pumpkin, but what came out of his mouth was probably either the most shocking thing he would ever say, or the most regrettable; "She'd pick a doll over a stalker, I reckon.". In that one sentence, Ragamuffin knew the battle had been won, not between him and Mr. Gosh, but between like and love, between friend and sister… between Lenore, and… well, not Lenore. Ragamuffin, in his elated state, didn't even noticed as the button-eyed man in front of him kicked him away from him, though he did feel the pain. Mr. Gosh skulked away from Ragamuffin and Pooty, the latter turned to Ragamuffin, and asked, "What the bloody hell was that all about?" Ragamuffin looked at his companion, then said, dazed, "I think… I love… Lenore…"

"Ask her out."
"No."
"Ask her!"
"No."
"Come on, she may say yes!"
"Come off it."
Pooty had been trying to convince Ragamuffin for the past three hours to ask Lenore out on a date, and each grovel has gotten the same answer: No. As it was, Ragamuffin was torn between going straight up to Lenore to randomly kiss her, and just trying to forget the entire crush on her. He was convinced that the only thing stopping him from doing the first was fear of rejection.
Ragamuffin started, "Okay, you know what Pooty, I'll ask her out-"
Pooty yelled, "Sweet, dude, I knew you could—"
Ragamuffin cut across him, "—on one condition."
Pooty looked startled, but said, "I'm listening…"
Ragamuffin took a deep breath, then said, "I need you to do that thing again when you turned me into a vampire, only this time permanently."
Ragamuffin braced himself to hear the inevitable, to hear that the change is only temporary, that the condition can't be met. To his surprise, Pooty exclaimed in shock, "That's IT? That's a piece of cake, dude!" Ragamuffin grinned, then said, "Brilliant! You don't have to stab me again though d—" He was cut off as Pooty thrust his pointy thingy into his eye. "ARRRGGHHHH!" He screamed. He pulled it out of his cornea and glared angrily at Pooty. "Hey, you were asking for it." Pooty said, as if that explained himself. Ragamuffin was about to retort when he suddenly felt himself grow about two heads taller, he felt hair, black as ebony shoot out of his scalp, and as quickly as it began, it ended, with Ragamuffin standing in his preferred form. Pooty tapped his foot impatiently. "What?" Ragamuffin asked, befuddled. "Your part of the deal?" Pooty hinted irritably. "Oh, yeah, I'll do it later." Ragamuffin replied hastily, though in all reality, he was silently praying Pooty would forget about the business by tomorrow. Unfortunately, it didn't look like that was going to happen. "Fine… I'll ask her for you!" Pooty replied mischievously. And before Ragamuffin could stop him, Pooty ran into the kitchen, where Lenore was baking blueberry muffins, her favorite snack. "Idiot! You knew he was gonna pull something like this! Why did you let your guard down?"Ragamuffin longed to punch himself in the face for such stupidity, but there was a more important matter at hand, like trying to hide from Lenore and Pooty. However, at that precise moment, Lenore ran into the front hall, screaming bloody murder, and, as soon as she saw him, Lenore ran at Ragamuffin, and pounced on top of him, bringing them both to the floor. As soon as Ragamuffin felt his head hit the floorboards, Lenore wrapped her arms around his neck, and the next thing he knew, Ragamuffin's and Lenore's lips had met, and Ragamuffin found himself being passionately kissed by the girl of his dreams. After a brief moment of stiffening shock, it suddenly hit him: She chose the vampire over the scarecrow, the doll over the stalker. And he relented, and suddenly felt a warm sensation sweep over him. When they finally came up for breath, Ragamuffin noticed Taxidermy, Pooty, Muffin Monster, and Kitty #169 looking at them from the kitchen doorway, looking as though they had approved completely of what they had seen, and Taxidermy even muttered in his thick, (and totally fake), cog nay accent, "It's about time." Ragamuffin grinned at them, even Pooty, and he looked at Lenore. He gestured outside, because he felt like going on a walk with the darling creature in his lap, and, if they had time, perhaps they would discuss their Saturday…