This isn't a new fic, exactly – this is an alternate ending (Zero by Yuuki) to "A Light in the Dark" (ALITD), my first VK fanfic (a Kaname x Yuuki story).
The most common reaction I read to "A Light in the Dark" was that readers felt bad for Zero, or would have preferred to read a Zero x Yuuki ending to that fanfic.
As a quick FYI: ALITD was written as a 'thank you' fic for someone, and they'd asked for a Kaname x Yuuki fic, which I was happy to do – and it was my first VK, so I didn't want to over-stretch myself (as I tend to do…). So if I was going to write an alternate ending, it would take a while, at least until I'd finished a few other things in the meantime. Er, a few things I hadn't expected happened during that 'meantime'. XD I got a bit side-tracked.
But now, that time has come!
In order to read this story and get 'the most out of it', you will need to read "A Light in the Dark", at least chapters 1 – 4, and part of chapter 5, down to the end of where Zero visits Chairman Cross. If you don't, you won't understand what's going on in here. (If that doesn't bother you, go ahead and skip all this and go straight to the fic below). I tried to make things flow as seamlessly as possible, but it's been 2 years since I worked on ALITD, so my writing style may have changed a bit. (Apologies!)
Anyway! To those who reviewed "A Light in the Dark", thank you very, very much. I read every comment (many, many times), and I hope this answers some of your prayers. (I do pay attention to what you guys say in reviews, you know…) 8D
It took a while (and I apologise for that), but I hope you enjoy this.
Take care!
-mm, June 2010
"He could be raping her!" He slammed his hands down on either side of the tea tray and stared into the eyes of the headmaster. The cups and saucers and accoutrements clattered and rattled at the force of the blow.
The room went silent.
Cool, level, but compassionate eyes met Zero's from behind a worn pair of spectacles.
"You… know," realized Zero in a whisper, his anger immediately deflating and shoulders sagging. The arms he'd slammed onto the short-table to get his guardian's attention now helped prop him up under the weighty truth. "You… know. And… approve?"
"This is not my choice to make, or approve," said the headmaster quietly, picking up his teacup; Zero's remained on the tray, untouched. "Yuuki is growing up and making her own choices." Whether he liked those choices or not, approved of them or not, the experienced man didn't allow any indication in his expression.
"But she's so young," insisted the hunter, almost pleading. The fight was leaving him, as his guardian had expected.
"Why are you against her making her own decisions?" an honest, though obviously leading inquiry. "Do you think Yuuki liked it when she found out you were becoming a hunter? When you'd be given life-threatening missions, regularly, and she may never see you again?"
"This is different," he retorted gruffly.
"Is it different because you think she's too young to make adult decisions? To have a mature relationship? Or because she isn't having it with you?"
Zero looked up as quickly as if he'd been slapped.
Headmaster Cross took advantage of the pause and stared hard at his foster-child. "I need to trust my children to make the best decisions they can, not just now but later on in their lives, too. I won't always be here for them in the future," he said. "But I can be there for them now, while they learn." It went without saying that he didn't just mean there for Yuuki—but whether his current company understood that, considering the state he was in…
Zero's head fell slightly, looking from the headmaster down to his hands as they trembled on either side of the midnight-black tea tray. Such a morbid antique, he thought strangely.
"Would you like that cup of tea now?" Headmaster Cross asked pleasantly.
Unable to make sense of anything for the time being, Zero sat down in shock on the floor in front of the short-table.
Yuuki, he thought to himself, confused. Don't do this…
After some time the older man went to get a blanket from the back room for his ward so he could sleep there that night. Finally digging one up from the back of a linen closet, he picked up a pillow and wondered whether he should go make up his guest room.
When he returned to put away the tea set, he found his living room empty of visitors.
"Zero," he sighed sensitively, why so rash?
Yuuki looked back at the gates that led to the Moon Dorm, and waved sadly at Kaname. With a regretful sigh, she turned to head back to the Sun Dorm.
As she'd somewhat expected, Aidou had met them at the gate with some made-up excuse that needed the Dorm leader's attention, and had watched—no, stared, really—impatiently as she and Kaname had awkwardly parted ways. The Pure Blood had promised her privacy would be assured – and if Aidou was in any way involved, it certainly wouldn't be.
Still, she wasn't as heartbroken as she'd expected to be. In fact, she was more irritated than anything else… and a bit thoughtful. Looking up at the stars, she remembered a pair of hurt, haunted lavender eyes, and sighed to herself as her dress ruffled and swept behind her as she walked in the faint night breeze.
She had some mending to do.
Zero leaned forward to rest his head against the warmed tile, pushing his wet bangs from his eyes with one hand and absently turning the steaming shower off with the other. The pounding water ceased, followed only by the faintest trickles that still slid down the tile walls in lonely, abandoned rivulets. Mist and condensation surrounded him, but he knew all would dissipate within a short time, leaving the room clear.
But not him.
It wouldn't stop. It was burned into his retinas, and would never go away.
He'd seen them. He'd seen with his own eyes the woman he loved walk hand-in-hand with her soon-to-be lover to his residence, the Moon Dorm.
Zero had nearly chased them down in order to stop them as they approached the gatehouse. Half-rage, half-fear, his instinct to just tear them apart from each other had been so strong he was sure he felt it resonate within the tattoo on his throat, the burning that warned him his emotions were boiling over. He was about to lose completely control, and he couldn't stop them. It had made him so angry, and sick, he'd turned away and stormed all the way back to Yuuki's father before they passed through that last checkpoint before officially being on Moon Dorm ground… but he'd still been too restless to sleep after seeing the Headmaster, the images of what Yuuki and Kaname Kuran were probably doing tormenting him internally. He couldn't bring himself to watch her pass through that last door.
And what had he done, earlier that evening to Yuuki, what had he been thinking? After so long, he'd finally tried to explain himself to her. Admittedly, not very well, but he'd been completely blind-sided by the regal vampire's blatant courting of his best friend.
No, Zero chided himself. That wasn't it entirely. Even if he'd known for months or years, as he'd been expecting of Yuuki's relationship with Kaname Kuran, he would never have been prepared to confess to her. It was desperation, plain and simple and selfish, that had driven him to behave so improperly that night with her after the play. And now it had backfired on him and he'd lost her to that—that—that… that Pure Blood.
The young man opened his eyes and stared at nothing.
He hadn't been able to stay with Headmaster Cross. The fury had been overwhelming… he'd even been afraid for a few moments he'd take his anxiety out on his foster-parent. That was the final straw that had driven him out, to seek her again, only to turn right around again when he realized how ridiculous the effort would be.
Because Headmaster Cross was right: It was Yuuki's choice.
But now, he wasn't sure he could face going back to his own room, alone, to brood again. Physically and emotionally, he was worn out, but his head just wouldn't stop flashing images of that evening through his mind: of Yuuki in her beautiful dress at the theatre, the better part of her body vulnerably exposed in the private box with that despicable creature who'd loomed over her; of her honest, teasing expression afterwards as she naively spoke of his 'potential' girlfriend's qualities; of her rapturous face as she would endure her first experiences with someone who wasn't him…
Jaw clenched, Zero felt his entire body tightening in recollection of what he'd seen when he'd come upon the pair in the private box.
It was jealousy.
He wanted to hit something, hard. Break things. Go hunting not to protect humans, but just to have an excuse to rip out the throats of vampires like Kaname Kuran. So he could picture his face superimposed on theirs as he watched them crumble to dust.
On his pale throat, he felt his tattoo burning.
He needed to get out of there.
He'd leave for a while, he decided as he pulled a towel automatically from the back of the door as he exited the shower. He would leave, take up hunting full-time. The Headmaster would understand.
Time.
He needed time.
And distance.
Mind made up, he collected his now-wrinkled clothes and started to open the door to the main washroom…
… just in time to hear the door on the other side click shut, then the lock clunk into place.
A cautious voice called his name softly.
"Zero?..."
Her voice caught in her throat, and she hated that she sounded… different… now when she spoke his name. She had to be as normal as she always was.
"Are you here?" she tried again. "I want… we need to talk."
No reply.
But Yuuki could feel his presence on the other side of the door, the one that led to the shower stall.
Taking a step towards the door that connected—and separated—them, the young woman closed her eyes and took a breath.
"If you'd rather stay there, that's ok," she said quietly, knowing Zero could hear her just fine through the wood panels. He was a vampire, after all, and their senses were sharper than a mere human's…
"I want to…" What did she want? Why was she there? Was she being selfish or indulgent or conceited, coming to apologise for not being able to accept or reciprocate his feelings?
"I want to thank you for looking out for me tonight," she decided finally, stopping inches from the door. She raised a hand to touch its smooth surface, wishing she could open it and speak directly to her oldest friend, but she understood that was asking too much of him if he wasn't willing to do it of his own accord. "I know your feelings towards vampires, and especially Pure Bloods. I know you meant well and you only want to protect me. I know now that you… that there are more feelings than I'd realized between us." Her throat went dry and tightened anxiously as she spoke the last words. "And… I just want you to know that… even though it is none of your business," she ground out haughtily to reinforce the point, "nothing happened between Kaname-sempai and I tonight. So…" So?... So what? What did she need to add?
Completely worn, and exhausted from her night, Yuuki let her over-tired, muddled head slip forward to rest against the door. Slowly, gently, her body relaxed and she tilted, leaned against the doorframe, then slid to the floor as she kept speaking, turning soon to nonsense and babble as she half-forgot what she was there for.
"So you don't need to worry about me, you don't need to interrupt again, and you don't need to kill Kaname-sempai in the morning; though maybe Kaname-sempai will have punished Aidou, but I wouldn't stop him from that either, right now… And I expect you to show up to school like we always do, and act like nothing's wrong or bothering you, since it shouldn't, and if I have to drag you there myself and you're still in your pyjamas, I will, because education is important! And Papa will be very upset if he has to see you moping around."
On the other side of the door, Zero couldn't believe his ears. What was she babbling on about?
But… the overall care and concern in her voice… the fact that instead of going to bed and getting her rest, she'd come to check on him… that she worried so much about his well-being she put herself last—again—broke through his agitated state and reminded him why he cared so much for her…
"—and if you need to… feed… it's still ok. That won't change. You need me, Zero. And I need you, too. I don't want us to fight. I don't want to be mad at you, or have you upset or disappointed in me… It hurt, Zero, tonight." Yuuki's eyes had remained closed, and she huddled against the doorframe, her beautiful dress in ruins around her on the cold floor, her petite frame slumped in exhaustion. Still she reached towards Zero through the door, and tried to imagine his patient face in her mind. It made her smile. "I don't want to lose you, Zero. We don't have many years left here together—I know you won't stay here when school is finished. I want us to stay together always, but that's selfish and will hold you back, and I won't do that to you. You have things you need to do." A sleepy pause. "But for now, please forgive me this request: I want us to stay together as we always have. I want to see you in class. I want to patrol together. I want to tease you and have you tease me back. I don't want to feel like my heart is being ripped out when my best friend calls me a…"
Her soft voice wore tiredly, and her head fell forward as sleep, proper sleep, reached for Yuuki through her mumblings. As the foggy tendrils of slumber slipped around her semi-conscious state and enveloped her, she didn't hear Zero softly opening the door and catching her as she slipped to the side.
"I want to stay with you, and I want you to stay with me, Zero… We've been together so long… Please don't leave me," she whispered, now against his chest as he cradled her close.
Looking down into her peaceful, sleeping face, Zero relaxed, just the smallest bit, even as he felt his heart stir within his chest. She trusted him so completely, even after their argument. Even after what he'd done to her. She still thought so much of him, of their friendship.
Was he worth so much anguish?
His lavender eyes glanced down at her, and he realized she'd been patrolling barefoot; her feet were dirty and blistered, her legs still bruised, her whole body would be sore if he left her as she was.
His hair dripped down his back, and a few drops even spilled from his bangs down onto Yuuki's face, resembling tears for a moment. Zero took a corner of the towel slung around his neck and gently wiped her cheek clean, thinking to himself.
He could put off his packing for a day.
Tender fingers removed her dress and put it aside as warm water filled the tub. He slid in, holding her slight body to his as they sank under the water and he carefully cleaned the smudges from her nails, the make up from her face, the dirt from her legs and feet. Not a single inappropriate touch did he dare, simply wrapping her tightly in a towel when he finished, before he carried her back to his room.
When he'd finished bandaging her cuts and scrapes—including the bite marks left by her earlier encounter—he rubbed her dry and fished an old t-shirt and pair of outgrown boxers for her from his drawers.
And when he finally slid underneath the covers of his bed, she was tucked beneath them with him, curled into his side, and he'd left a quick note on his door that he was not to be disturbed in the morning. He'd left a note for Headmaster Cross, too, informing him his daughter needed her rest and she would return to class in a day or so.
Not that he expected the Headmaster to really disturb him, after their talk of respecting each others' decisions, but a reminder wouldn't hurt.
He just hoped the teasing wouldn't be too annoying, he thought to himself with a sigh.
She was sore.
Reaching out to tuck the covers closer in around herself, Yuuki scrunched her eyes shut tighter and groaned. Her bed had never felt this comfortable before, so warm and relaxing and wonderful, and she didn't want to leave it. Even if it meant her feet may fall off from gangrene, or something equally horrible, that she may have contracted on her barefoot walk about the campus the night before.
What had she been thinking, ditching her shoes so late last night? What had happened to them, anyway? When she'd been on her way back from the Moon Dorm, she'd slipped them off at one point to rub her ankles and remove the lace-ties so they wouldn't leave marks on the skin of her calves, but she was too tired to remember what happened to them.
And now her feet were killing her.
She reached a hand down now to test the sorest part—and was surprised to find it bandaged.
Did she do that before bed?
"Hmm? When did I?..." Wow, she must be talented to bandage her whole leg in her sleep, she thought to herself as her hand travelled up from her foot. Well, that meant she wouldn't have to do it this morning! Bonus! Now, what time was it – she still had to get ready for class, didn't she?...
The dark-haired young woman gave a quick stretch, then, and gasped when the bed shifted more than she'd expected.
And then something in the bed wrapped an arm around her middle and gave her a quick hug to a very warm, very male, side; and finally gave a very satisfied, very male, sigh of contentment.
Forcing herself to breathe, and not panic, Yuuki opened her eyes and realized why the familiar male scent that surrounded her was… surrounding her.
She looked up. And saw a ceiling that wasn't hers.
She looked down. And saw a blanket that wasn't hers.
She peeked under the covers at herself. And saw clothes that she hadn't seen in several years, that were definitely not hers.
But she remembered who'd worn them.
And then she turned her head to the side, slowly, and saw sleepy, not-quite-violet eyes that watched her in the darkness of the room.
Her heart stopped.
And something, perhaps a hint of uncertainty, must have given away in her face because those haunted eyes suddenly flashed with pain before they closed. Next, Zero turned away from her, presenting her with his back, and his shoulders tightened with their usual rigidity.
"Zero, I didn't—it's not that I thought that you would have—why am I here—c-could you…"
"Your dress was ruined. There are some clothes for you on the dresser. You can keep them."
"Zero…"
"You have the day off. Headmaster approved it since you need to rest."
His tone implied she was free to leave, and he planned on staying where he was.
Now she watched him, her emotions plain and open.
After a few moments, she sat up and leaned back against the headboard.
"Did you know your bed comfier than mine?"
He refused to turn around at her prodding.
"Why do I smell like your soap?"
He pretended to be asleep and ignored her.
"Why did you take such good care of me last night?"
The silence was cold, tense, and it went on.
"Every scrape, cut, or blister is bandaged," she said, slipping her legs from the warmth of the covers to look them over. A little clumsy in places, yes, but every single one was done. "I'm completely squeaky clean." Even her hair had been washed, she noticed from how puffy and gnarled it was. "And I woke up here instead of in my own bed."
Her throat closed over as she felt warm wetness rise in her eyes.
"Is there anything that went on last night that I should know about, Zero?" she asked in a very quiet voice. "Why did you do this? Was this some kind of guilty effort for something you did? Did you do something, Zero? Because I don't think you would, and I'd never believe it, but this is…"
Finally catching her meaning, the young man turned to look at her incredulously.
"You think I would do…? Never!" he burst out, finally realizing what she was implying. "I could never… would never… No, no, no!"
"Really, Zero? Because there was a lot that happened yesterday, and I was so tired I don't even remember you putting me to bed. That's… that's pretty scary, in a way, for a girl. You know. To wake up and not know where she is, or how she got there… And you're my best friend, Zero. I trust you more than anyone else. You'd never do that to me, or anyone, right?... Right?"
Surprise was still etched in his features as he took in his best friend's teary-but-still-trying-not-to-cry-by-being-optimistic expression.
Mindful not to move too quickly or startle her, Zero sat up in his bed against the headboard beside her, too.
"I would never do that to you," he said quietly. Recognising how close he'd come the night before to taking other advantages of her, though, his head bowed slightly and his eyes were troubled.
"Yuuki, last night, I said things I shouldn't have. I kissed you without your consent. I bathed and took care of you while you couldn't give me permission. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
To his surprise, she nodded, her conflicted expression still unchanged. There was a quiet understanding, peace, between them as they both took a moment to appreciate the other's perspective and their current situation and… location. The bedsheets were silent, not a single rustle as the pair sat there, and both stared hard at their hands.
Yuuki broke the quiet with a calm, direct voice.
"You can't do this, Zero," she began. She didn't mean the help, the bathing, the guilt-ridden care. It was more than that. It was how they fundamentally treated each other. "I can't do this. We're friends. Friends don't hurt each other like this," she said very quietly; she glanced up at him. As he looked back down at her, her face was far more mature than it had been just the day before. They were growing up, and apart. He broke their shared gaze first, turning back to the hands in his lap.
He wasn't ready for that, yet.
Again, the silence stretched; and slowly, the usual upbeat, resilient Yuuki he knew faded by his side.
Her ever-happy expression was now bereft.
And that was when Zero realized he was seeing behind her public façade; she was letting him see her, how she really felt, how her heart actually beat, how hurt she had truly been.
"I can't stand the thought of you with him," he finally spoke, voice hoarse and low.
"It… I realized, last night, that I could lose you. Not to death, but to something worse. I can't lose you, Yuuki. I did horrible things, and I don't deserve you, yet I will beg you for your forgiveness."
Shoulder to shoulder they sat, staring at the blankets that covered their laps. (Zero's hands laid out on his, Yuuki's fingers twisted in hers.)
"I can't lose you, either. That's why it hurt so much," she finally replied, the tears spilling over. "I love you, Zero. I love you both. I'm so sorry."
Her fingers clutched at the blankets, and without realizing it Zero had reached over to take her slender hands in his, to accept her and what she'd confessed.
His throat stuck, and for a while, they simply sat.
Zero regretted so much. As a young man, he'd lost so much—and without thinking about it further, he spoke, if only so he could continue his life with no regrets.
"I love you."
Her eyes flew to his.
Held.
Remained.
"Ze…ro?"
Their eyes didn't shift or waver now, and he held her hands a bit tighter, brought them together and held them, cherished them, worshipped them.
His head leaned down, moving a few inches at a time, hesitantly, as he turned his body slightly towards hers; his lips searching for hers.
"Yuuki?" he breathed, not daring to do more until she let him.
Heart fluttering, Yuuki stared at him, unsure.
After a few seconds, she saw his shoulders lower minutely, his chin tilt as he moved to turn away.
"Yes!-"
She felt her breath catch in her throat as his lips sealed themselves delicately over hers at her next breath.
Then he took her breath away.
She closed her eyes and let him.
He heard her gasp as he pressed his lips to hers, and he squeezed her hands unconsciously, his blood rushing in his veins.
Her whimper spurred him on and the hunter groaned deep in his throat when he felt her hands slide from his and move up, up as she twisted her body towards his and clasped her fingers behind his neck. Hesitantly, he leaned further down and ghosted his warm palms up and down her back, hinting she could move closer to him if she wanted to.
She did.
With that acknowledgment and permission, he pushed forward, kissed her harder, groaned openly when she gasped again and opened her mouth, allowing him to enter her.
The fingers around the back of his neck tightened in his hair.
TBC.
AN: I will continue this in the next chapter. Hope you enjoyed! (I apologise for any OOC.)