(Did you know each chapter is supposed to be 500 words?)

Notes: check this out – forums(dot)narutofan(dot)com/album(dot)php?albumid=3600&pictureid=37945

V.

Arriving in Konoha, they landed on what appeared to be a large, ostentatious topiary of the Godaime Hokage, hastily redid their hair and makeup (Shisui taking the longest), and… got married.

It had gone very well and no gods had intervened. People had torn themselves out of their usual states of semi-imbecility to look smart and proper. Daimyos and heads of government came, despite their natural inability to stomach ninja populace. The priest was one of those who, for only a fat roll of cash, could address a gathering of ninjas while reneging on conscience and without sarcastic allusion to their nighttime activities.

The entourage had been flawless. Hanabi had perhaps never held a flower her entire life but wore a garden down the aisle with dignity and aplomb. Behind her, Hinata clutched her funeral wreath of a bouquet and smiled radiantly that everyone who broke their back and gave their blood under Shisui's tyrannical and mind-controlled wedding-planning regime felt vindicated.

The Hokage did stagger in drunk, like a Medusa, and indeed everyone turned to stone at the sight of her. For a short while, in which he looked rather like a shrieking banshee, Shisui's regard for his commander-in-chief and general sanity ebbed close to extinction.

The Uchiha and the Hyuuga, who really were hyenas under polite veneers, meanwhile, all gave very polite speeches and sentiments, perhaps unaware that a revolution that will usurp all their lies and backstabbing was in the making. The hypocrites will unveil themselves soon enough.

No one had tried to kill themselves or, more importantly, others, perhaps stayed by the badly-wrought likeness of Kami breathing fire down at them.

No one had tried to kiss the bride, except Itachi but that was the point, and no one molested the groom.

Sasuke, who had always been so nice, if a little unstable, unfortunately blew up halfway through the ceremony. Not quite literally, but close enough. One of the sparks flew into close proximity with the groom's sake cup – which was later found to hold butane – and set the altar afire.

No one had gotten hurt, but there was a calculating gleam in Shisui's eyes, so someone will be. This was his – well, not really, but he planned everything – damn wedding, after all, and everyone knew it.

It was the same gleam which made others forever hold their peace in stupefied pertrification, lest tongues get cut in the middle of the night.

Itachi had recited his vows perfectly and with surprising emotionality, each syllable strong and heartfelt and perfectly copied from Shisui's baritone deliverance a week earlier, an ingenious plan so people can cry over the eloquently-spoken words later when they edited the home videos. Hinata stuttered and squawked hers but looked so happy no one balked and called her on it.

And while they finally finished it off while the splendidly sappy phrase – "This is only for forever." – a thousand doves were released into the air, beating white wings effectively putting to death the title of "Hidden" in Hidden Village, bursting out of Itachi shadow-clones perched on the temple roof, flapping in the wind like big ol' flappers.

It would have been a magnificent sight.

Unfortunately, Madara chose that moment to give a thunderous and utterly heartbreaking rendition of "My Heart Will Go On".

It was, this Shisui knows and laments, a spectacle less of tradition and more lack of compassion.

But, regardless, they lived happily ever after.

End.

[Theme: Happily Ever After]

BONUS: A Reception Scene – Theme: Punch

Shisui came dashing in from the kitchens where he'd gone to (hide the bouquet which he caught with the help of a little thing called Shunshin) replace the marzipan statue of the newlyweds with a more lewd one Hinata had earlier veto-ed.

"Cyanide! No one drink the punch!"

Neji, a bit more composed after the loss of his one true love, had a hacking fit.

THE END. REALLY.

(No proposal scenes, no more reception scenes and no honeymoon scenes, no nextgen scenes – if you want it, write it. I know you can do it better.)