Chapter 8-A Time For Embracing

Sam had promised Daniel that she would try to contact Jack. "Try" being the operative word. That had been a month ago. She had tried. She composed an email that was nice and safe, when the call came for a briefing about Ba'al on Earth. The email had been deleted after a week of scrambling after the former System Lord. A simple email about the weather seemed too impersonal. She really should call. Right?

Before she had worked up the courage to call, Col Mitchell disappeared in the middle of a fire fight. The phone rang twice before her courage failed. She had lost yet another teammate. She really needed his reassurance. But the specter of her Black Widow's Curse stayed her hand. Did she need more proof than Cam's disappearance? She was dangerous to be around. She should run far and fast to save Daniel and Teal'c from her curse. She couldn't drag her general back into her web. How could she expose her daughter to her curse? Better she stayed away. Better she forgot all about them. When Cam returned, healthy and whole, she had been too relieved to have him back. This time the phone rang three times.

Sam comforted herself with her teammates' company between missions. She should have placed more distance between herself and the ones she loved, but she couldn't face her world alone. She needed them to keep her strong. To help her focus on her duty. But even her "duty" was less defined. How could she help her general if she was too busy at the SGC to think straight? How could she keep the world safe for her daughter?

Today as she watched the news, her strength failed. The news anchors flashed between plague stories. So many people sick and dying. Orlin's mind gone. Without Gerek's intervention, the SGC wouldn't have isolated the antidote. Even now, the vaccine was being produced as quickly as possible, but never fast enough. Was this plague her fault too? Should she blame the curse for this disaster as well?

General Landry lifted the base lockdown after vaccinating all base personnel. But Sam couldn't bring herself to leave. Transfixed by the news of thousands dead due to the plague, Sam locked herself in the lab and absorbed the magnitude of the outbreak. Her teammates visited a few minutes and then left her to mourn alone with the television.

Images of medical personnel wielding needles flashed across the screen. Vaccinating women, children, anyone in the area. Sam sucked in a sharp breath. Seared into her brain was the image of an infant in the neonatal intensive care unit. That could have been her child. Her daughter.

Her eyes widened. Her daughter! Washington, DC was one of the hardest hit cities. She never checked to see if Jack was sick. If her daughter was sick. They could be dying right now and she would never know.

Sam reached for and dialed the phone without thought. The number to Jack's office memorized long ago. She remembered to breathe around the third ring.
"General O'Neill's office," an efficient voice stated.

Sam took in a shaky breath, "Yes…Um this is Colonel Carter. Is the general available?" He had to be okay. His admin was calm. She wouldn't be calm if her boss was sick. Right?

"Yes, Colonel. Just one moment?" the voice replied, and then put her on hold.
Sam breathed evenly. He was in the office, not the hospital. He was okay. He wouldn't be at work if he was sick… or if his daughter was sick. They were fine. She almost hung the phone up…

"Carter?"

She should have hung the phone up. "Sir?" she replied.

"Hey, Carter. I was just thinking about you," he sounded happy.

Sam smiled automatically. "Really?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking that if anyone deserved the next week off to sleep it would be you," he stated. She noted fatigue in his voice as well. "Of course, you're still on base," he continued.

She chuckled, "Of course. How are things there?"

"The plague?"

She sighed, "Yeah. I've been worried."

"Well," he dissembled, "the quarantine has had us locked up in the Pentagon for… let's just say that most of us could use a week long shower." He chuckled.
Sam could picture it in her mind and chuckled with him.

"I'm sorry about Orlin," he said softly.

"So am I," she replied. She let out a slow breath, "But it was his choice. And the information he gave us did help." She'd forgotten how easy it was to talk to him.

"Yeah," he replied. "The guys okay?"

"Yes. A few cuts and bruises, but fine. Cam is still gloating that they caught a prior," she said. How had she gone so long without this? His voice soothed her soul. "Teal'c is off calming down the Jaffa …" she froze mid-sentence. A baby was crying in the background. She drew in a shaky breath.

"Hold on a sec," Jack interrupted. He put the phone down and Sam could barely breathe as he rambled on in the background.

"…Easy there, Miss Gracie…You can't just go interrupting your mom like that…"

Her baby. Her daughter. He had named their child after her mother. Tears flowed freely down her face. Her attention locked on the phone.

"… There ya go. All clean now…"

The crying stopped, but she could still hear faint noises in the background. She barely dared to breathe.

"…Come say hi to your mom…"

Sam sobbed. She couldn't stop. Her daughter. Her baby girl. Grace.

"… Tell your mom all about your day?..." Jack said in the background. Her daughter happily burbled away. "… did I tell you how smart your mom is?… How brave?..."

"Oh God," she whispered to the phone, "I miss you so much." Why had she ever thought she could stay away from her baby? She started to hyperventilate.

"Sam? Sam? CARTER? Are you there? Talk to me. Come on Carter," Jack shouted into the phone.

She couldn't breathe. Couldn't get enough air. She abandoned her child, her friends, her life…

"Sam?... Come on, I can hear you…Please talk to me," he plead.

She still couldn't breathe. What had she done?

"Stay there, Sam. Don't move…" he ordered.

So many bad decisions. So many regrets. She sobbed uncontrollably. She couldn't stop the cycle of loss and regret. She hurt so many people. She hurt Jack and now Grace. How could she be so cruel?

A soft hand touched her shoulder. She looked up, still hunched over the phone sobbing her heart out. She saw Daniel and choked out, "I'm so-o sorry," and then buried herself into his shoulder.

Daniel wrapped his arms around her and gently pulled the phone from her grasp.

"I got her, Jack," Daniel said quietly into the phone.

Jack sighed, "Thanks, Daniel. I… I'll be there as soon as I can. Take good care of her."

Daniel nodded, "I will." He quietly hung up the phone and focused all of his attention on Sam.

Sam spent long minutes sobbing. She tried to regain control of her emotions. She hadn't expected to love her daughter so much. She hadn't expected to need her as much as she did. She needed her daughter like she needed air to breathe.

"I can't," she whispered between hiccupping breaths. "I can't."

"Shhhh, Sam," Daniel soothed. "Just let it out and breathe. It's all going to be okay."

Sam looked up from his shoulder, "I can't, Daniel."

"Can't what, Sam?" he asked, returning her gaze. His eyes were gentle and understanding. She almost couldn't tell him.

She took several gasping breaths, "I can't hurt them again."

"Shhhh, you haven't hurt anyone," he countered.

Sam shook her head. "I did. I hurt him. I left him. And then I rejected his child," she gasped as the words cut her heart. "Our child," she finished in a whisper. "How could I abandon my own child?" She started to sob again.

A picture formed in Daniel's mind. "Jack," he stated. "The baby was Jack's."

Sam nodded into his shoulder. "I didn't want them to die," she gasped.

Daniel looked confused. "Die? Sam…" he started.

"No," she said firmly, looking him in the eye, "I couldn't see him die too."

"Too?" he asked gently. "Whose death do you feel responsible for?"

Sam's eyes went a bit wild. "Everyone," she sobbed.

"Everyone?" Daniel asked with as much skepticism as possible.

"Everyone… my mom, my dad, Jonas, Joe, Narim, Martouf, Vala… everyone," she said quietly. Her sobs slowed.

"Sam, you can't accept responsibility for everyone who died in your life," he stated firmly. "And just because you lost people you love, doesn't mean you will lose any one else. I'm still here," he poked her gently. "I'm not going anywhere."

So quietly that he almost couldn't hear it, "You died too."

The hurt in his eyes forced her to look away. "But I came back," he said firmly. "You have to trust us to come back, okay? Can you do that?"

"I'll try," she whispered. Sam finally stopped crying. Her tears dried. Daniel had succeeded in calming her panic. She smiled at him and then froze as Jack O'Neill rushed around the corner and stopped in front of her.

"Oh, thank God," Jack breathed out.

Daniel looked relieved, but Sam couldn't believe her eyes. When had Jack gotten to the SGC? How?

Daniel chuckled, and gestured at Jack's attire, "Going for a new look, Jack?"

Jack glanced down, and chuckled at himself. His dress blues were wrinkled and in disarray, a small blue duffle clutched in one hand, and neatly wrapped around him was a bright pink baby wrap.

"Yeah," he joked, as he watched Sam closely. "It's all the rage at the Pentagon these days."

Sam turned to look and stopped, and then she snorted.

Holding her eyes, Jack approached slowly. "Hey," he greeted her softly.

"Hey," Sam replied, her eyes drawn from Jack to the tiny bundle snuggled on his chest.

Jack's smile grew. With practiced ease, he unwrapped the precious bundle and turned the little baby girl to face Sam.

"Grace Colleen Carter-O'Neill, I'd like you to meet your mother," he gently settled the baby in Sam's arms.

Sam started crying again. This time softly. "I've waited so long to see you, baby girl." She looked at the child in wonder. She was so perfect. So beautiful. Sam took a deep cleansing breath, and turned to Jack. "I'm so sorry."

Jack sighed in relief, "So am I," he replied. "Are we okay?" he asked as he watched Daniel slip from the room.

"I don't know," Sam replied, never taking her eyes off of her child. She swayed gently from side to side soothing her child with the motion. The feeling was natural. Finally, she looked up and with a tentative smile added, "But I'd like to be."

Jack smiled back. Her heart soared. Things were not perfect, but she knew that eventually they would be.

-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG

Cam surveyed his team as they waited at the bottom of the Stargate ramp. He basked in the sense of "rightness."

Master Teal'c of Chulak, former First Prime of Apophis, stood paternally behind his three teammates, ever watchful for their safety, a slight smile tugging his lips.

Dr. Daniel Jackson frantically searched the pockets of his vest for some misplaced item as he raced the dialing computer. His eyes lit up with triumph as he pulled a small packet of Kleenex from a side pocket, just as the next chevron locked on the gate. Cam smiled affectionately as the man began to clean his glasses with his tissue.

Lt Col Samantha Carter watched the Stargate with a calculating gaze, as if mentally running the formulas that made the Stargate work. Cam could almost see the mental gears working as she anticipated the burst of energy from the Stargate milliseconds before it happened. A bright smile of anticipation on her face as she turned to him.

Cam turned to General Landry in the control room, waiting for clearance. "Good Luck, SG-1," the general said into the microphone.

"Thank you, Sir," Cam replied automatically with a grin and started up the ramp, knowing that his team was right behind him. Just as it should be.

END

Auther's note: Sorry this took so long to publish. Its been a very busy couple of years. This ends this story line. Thank you for reading.