Disclaimer: I hate disclaimers. They're so depressing. So here I have a CLAIMER!
Lasalareen: I own 39 Clues. Amy Cahill: Nu-uh. Lasaraleen: Uh-huh Ian: You don't own my gorgeous, handsome, rich, self! And you can't annoy moi! Lasaraleen: I do, and I can! Natalie: You don't. Admit it or I shoot my dart gun at you. Dan: if you don't admit it, I'll make you with my awesome ninja moves *Everyone rolls their eyes* Isabel: Seriously, darling, or I feed you to the sharks. Saraya: FINE! I DON'T OWN ANY OF YOU!
Note: This means these are the 10 ways to annoy Ian
These are Dan's thoughts
10 Ways To Annoy Ian Kabra
Dan's PoV
Hi. I'm Dan. I don't really like giving my full name, but the Madrigals force me too, including the temporary leader, Francesca. She's taking care of us until Amy turns 18.
Oh, great. There's that spoiled brat, Ian Kabra again. Such a traitor. Time to teach him a lesson!
Hmmm…. Or, do it the fun way! The Ninja Dan way! Let's annoy him! Ohhh that's fun. I'll list down all the things I can think of to annoy him! But first, what's that?
Na na na na na na na… ugh. I hate classical music. And as if THAT's not bad enough, IAN KABRA is playing it! He plays with the skills of an elephant. Woah. Wait. Brain wave! I'll do that! I'll tell him how horribly he plays!
"Hey Ian."
"Hello, Dan."
Ugh. Hate that accent of his. Anyway, back to work!
"Ian what's with the piano?"
"Well, it is very relaxing. Not only is playing it relaxing, but it is just wonderful to hear the beautiful sound the great Ian Kabra produced."
Aha! That's the signal!
"Oh really now?"
"What are you talking about?"
" How about that hapsicord in Austria? It blew up because you SUCK!"
"No, it was a bomb!"
"And the bomb exploded because you suck."
"What does this have to do with how much I suck?"
"AHA! You just admitted that you suck! Anyway, it got insulted!"
"Did not."
"Show proof. Real, tangible proof."
With that, Ian walked away, shouting. "You'll pay!"
I laughed to myself as I took out my favorite brown leather Madrigal notebook. I wrote everything and anything in it, even the clues we found. Of course, it was in code. And of course, there was a fingerprint lock. I took out my favorite pen. It was a black fountain pen with a tiny ninja perched on it. "Ninja Master Daniel Cahill" was engraved in silver letters at the back. I flipped a page and wrote.
"10 Ways to Annoy Ian Kabra"
Perfect! Now, to write my first entry. Writing slowly, neatly, and legibly, I wrote:
Insult his piano skills by saying that he played so badly in Austria that the hapsicord felt very put down, insulted, and humiliated by being played by a rich, horrible, jerk like him so it exploded into flames. ( A/N This is based on Book 2: One False Note. The hapsicord in some museum had a bomb in the note D. Ian played it, and when he pressed D, BOOM!)
Haha! I outwitted him! Ha! Uh-oh! Here he comes. The cobra looks mad. Speaking of cobras, cobras are snakes! And snakes are the bad thieves and corrupt people, right? And ninjas expose them!
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
Everyone looked when I screamed. I ran off, pointing to him as I shrieked,
"It's a COBRA! It's a cobra! That COBRA IN A SUIT! !"
Back at the headquarters. I wrote:
Everytime he comes near you, scream at the top of your lungs and run away, shrieking, " It's a COBRA! It's a Cobra! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Ooohh… that was funny! But that's not all! He is sooo…vain. Dude, that brat is such a competition to the awesomely cool black outfits of the ninjas! I wonder where he is… Ah! There he is! Oh of course, admiring his "beautiful" self in the mirror. With that, I go over to him.
Putting on a fake British accent, I greeted him.
"Hello, Ian dahling"
"Daniel, don't call me that. "
"Oh, I'm soh-ray"
"Whatever, Danie—"
"IT'S DAN, YOU IDIOT! DAN! D-A-N! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!"
"Whatever, DAN. *Emphasis on the word Dan* Shut up. Plus, you didn't just call me, the great Ian Kabra, the future leader of the Lucians, an IDIOT!"
The jerk. He's talking to the brother of the future Madrigal leader. Of course, I can't tell him that. He'll probably kill me on the spot.
"Okaaayyy, then, mah dear… So, what ahr you doing? Admiring youhself?"
"What else? Oh, and your accent is so fake and heavy."
"Oh, how gay can you get? "
"You did not just call me gay!I am so not gay!"
"Well, youh so vain."
At that moment, I dropped the accent and started singing, "You're so gay, and you don't even like boys, no you don't even like boys, you don't even like boys! You -"
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" And With that, I took off.
My handwriting was horrible as I kept writing, but I wrote it just the same:
Tell him that he is gay because he is sooo vain.
So here we are, looking around in a museum in Manila, Philippines to research on some chick named Gabriela Silang. Amy is soo thrilled by her. Just what is so thrilling with a GIRL fighting in a war after her husband died? Seriously?
"And so after Diego Silang was killed by the Spaniards, Gabriela continued her husband's cause. Now that's true love! Anyway, that was also the same era when a dude named Jose Rizal wrote his books and poems. It was at that same time when he was killed. Gabriela was probably a huge fan of him. After all, don't you remember that note we saw in Intramurous? '
yeah, sure, yada yada yada ' I'm not listening to you!
"…What you are looking for here in the Philippines, you will find with Gabriela Silang.' After that, the next lines.. the ones Nellie translated… those were the first verse of Jose rizal's "Mi Ultimo Adios"!"
"Okay…. Amy I got it!"
Huh! Who was that? Oh, it's the COBRA! Time to put my plan into action! As Ian approached Amy, I screamed,
"Awwwww, that's so sweet! Kissy kissy!"
Ian looked at me as if I lost my head. Well, maybe I did, because at that moment, Ian fled , his face red as a tomato, once again shouting," You'll pay!, as he fled the scene of crime.
Everytime he goes near Amy, even just to say hi, scream, "Awww, that's so sweet!" so the whole POOR world can hear it!
L.O.L…. That was funny! Well, despite the fact that Amy wouldn't talk to me for two hours. Ah,well.
Irina… I somehow can't get her out of my head.. that terrible image.. of the fires engulfing her, killing her… and how Amy and I got out, scott-free, in her boat.. with Saladin eating her expensive caviar..caviar…whoa, wait! CAVIAR! But.. how on earth can I afford caviar? Hmmm…. I approached the kitchen of the Madrigal Headquarters. Nellie was there.
"Uh.. Nellie? Where's the caviar?"
"Wow, was that Dan Cahill talking? OhMyGOD, Dan, I am sooo proud of you! You're finally interested in fine dining and taste! Oh! To celebrate the occasion, here's.." Nellie extracted a large bottle of the slimy black stuff. Yick. I'll never like that.
"Here's our biggest, best bottle of Genuine Russian Caviar!"
"Uh, thanks!" And with that,I skipped out, holding the caviar. I went around, and spotted a Lucian headquarter. I stepped at the entrance, holding the caviar. Ah ha! Here he comes now! As soon as he stepped out, I threw the whole contents of the jar ON HIS SUIT!
Throw caviar at his 1000 pound Armani suit ( What's with him and suits anyway? Suits are very…err…constricting! Can't he wear a Ralph Lauren polo for once?)
Haha! Hilarious. Hmmm…. Another one…I took my Apple MAC out.I signed in, . Hacking into the Lucian database, I saw ian's email : handsomerich . The jerk! He's so vain! I created a new message. I tapped in the code to make my email address unknown. This time, I'll hit two birds with one stone! (Whatever that means.. I fell asleep in the first chapter of Amy's idiom dictionary!) I wrote there:
Ian-
Just to let you know, I talked to your love interest Amelia Cassandra Trent Cahill (A/N I made that up.) last week. I asked her about you. She seemed rather fidgety. I afterwards asked her if she ever dreamt of you. Her face grew red as she exclaimed, yes, she did! But, she added, she dreamt of beating you up for all you did to her!
But, it was not that which prompted me to write to you. Instead, it was this picture I took of her just yesterday. I kindly ask you to see the attachment and learn with what urgency I have written you.
Knerhtkcek
Haha! I ended the message by pressing several random keys at once and capitalizing the first letter. Let him decode that! It won't mean anything!
As a final touch, I opened photoshop. I uploaded a picture of Amy, a picture of Hamilton, and a picture of some posh restaurant. I put them all together, and put Amy and Hamilton together in such and such a way that it seemed they were holding hands. I saved it under the name, and attached it to the message. Send.
I then wrote,
Tell him that Amy dreams of him every night….. dreams of beating him up!
Tell him you caught Amy out on a date with Hamilton
Two months later…..
I had had to stop from annoying Ian for two months, to let him cool down, thus giving me a fresh canvass to paint on. I now tracked Ian down. Ah! He was in the park. I hurriedly went to Amy and told her something. She grinned mischieviously, and we both went together to the park to trap our victim—the cobra.
Once we got there, I made the first move. Instructing Amy to hide behind a tree, I went up to Ian.
"Hi Ian."
"Hi."
Is that the best he can do? Wow..
" I saw Amy awhile ago."
Oh, just look how his face lit up!
"Here she comes now."
Amy sauntered in, holding her head up high. Her long hair flowed down, and she wore a short denim dress and black stilettos ( A/n I know this doesn't sound like Amy, but by now she has been trained by the Madrigals and has learned that beauty is the best weapon. So, yeah, she's changed.)
Ian's face was priceless! Oh, yeah, I've forgotten that this is the first time he's seen Amy since the Madrigals gave us extensive training for a week or so. While we trained, Francesca sent a girl named Nancy and a boy named Jesse to continue the clue hunt for us. After, we continued where they left off.
" I hate you IAN COBRA!" came Amy's booming voice. Good one, big sis! I can already see the score board: dan:15 amy: 10 ian: bigfat0.
"You are a jerk, a dweeb, a cad, a brat, a fruitcake, and a male b*tch! First you cave me in, then you almost feed me to sharks, then you throw snakes down the mine,then you try to kill Dan, AND kidnap-slash-chlorofoam him!"
Kapaw. Amy has slapped Ian, sending him sprawling to the ground. Onlookers gasped in shock. Quick as lightning, I whipped out my camera and took a picture of Ian's red shocked, humilaiated face. I ran back to the headquarters. Once there, I uploaded it on facebook, and put it on for public viewing. I started a group, "See Ian Kabra, future leader of the Lucians, after a girl slapped him LIGHTLY!"
After that, I took out my handy dandy notebook and wrote,
Humiliate Ian in public, then post a picture of Ian's horrified, red, shocked face on facebook.
Now. He's a Lucian, right? And that sounds like a girl's name, right? Brainwave! I picked up my phone and called my good friend Jessica. After a good deal of talking, we came up with a plan. We then went to the mall and saw him. Heehee! I looked at him and called out,
"Hey, Ian! Yes, Lucian!"
At that moment, Jessica called, "Lucian? That's a girl's name, right? Is he gay?"
"NO!" I replied loudly. "His name is Ian, he's a Lucian. He's not a girl, but he's in love with one. Is he gay? I don't know, but I think he is, he is very gay."
At that moment, we took off and ducked into a restaurant, grabbed a menu, and casually sat there, making our choice what to order, looking like regular customers, burying our faces in the menu as Ian zoomed by, screaming, "DAN CAHILL! SHOW THYSELF!"
Yum. After a delicious meal, we got back to the headquarters. I pulled out my notebook and pen, and wrote:
Make fun of the name Lucian and him in public. Oh, and expose the Lucians to the world.
I soon got a new plan after studing the map of Ian's home. Ah, there was a tunnel! And there was Ian's room! Muhahahaha!
That night, I got some stuff, which you will find out later, and put them in a satchel. Then, I stole away to his home. After getting in the tunnel, I searched for Ian's room. Thank God they were marked! I easily saw Ian's and waited behind it until 1 am. At 1 am, I carefully opened it and looked around. Ian's bed was in the middle. I dimmed my torch and took out the chloroform mask. Stealing quickly to his bed side, I put it over him, holding him still as he struggled a bit and then passed out. I quickly then went to his doors, locked them all, and put chairs to them. Thank God for the Madrigal gym! I moved the chairs without noise. Now that Ian and I were alone in the room, I turned on his little light. Not the big chandelier, just his night light. I didn't want to attract attention. I pumped more chloroform into the mask. I took out the electric razor in my satchel, pressed the button, and it whirred to life. I placed it on Ian's forehead and dragged it along.
After 10 minutes, I unlocked the doors, removed the chairs, and finally took off the mask as I stole back to the tunnel.
Safe in the headquarters, over some delicious cookies, I wrote:
Shave his head in his sleep.
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Ian's PoV
I woke up the next morning with a weird fuzzy memory of a struggle. Strange.. why are there black stuff on my pillow? Wait.. no! It's hair! I raced off to my gold framed mirror. What?Wait no! This can't be! This must be a nightmare! I'll probably wake up soon. But no! It isn't a nightmare! I—I'm bald! Suddenly, it all returned to me… those green eyes.. that dark blonde hair… "DANIEL CAHILL YOU WILL PAY!"
So yeah. Reviews will be much appreciated. I'm just 13, this is my first fanfic, please be kind! I also have another storu, "I Dreamed a Dream". Check it out!