If I could have your attention, please. Everyone, settle down. Let me make a few things clear before the Chancellor addresses you all. I understand that it's been a long summer, and you're very eager to see your friends again, and start the new year, but please, remain seated until the opening rally has been completed. If you must speak, do so quietly, and please, try to stay awake. Remember, this school does not belong to us, and we are all guests here for the school year. Acknowlegde that, and treat it with respect. We are not here to make a profit, or to make a mockery of all the hard work that goes into this place. We are here to enjoy ourselves, see our friends, have adventures and maybe, if we're lucky, learn something along the way.
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Oh! Well, apparently it's time to move on with the ceremonies, so please, give a warm, Duel Academy welcome to your Chancellor!
Welcome, one and all, to Duel Acadeny. I am your Chancellor, Doctor Crowler, and it is my delight to open the doors of this fine institution of learning for you. I and my staff hope you will be very happy here. We will do everything in our power to accomidate you in order to ensure that your year with us is an exceptionally pleasany one. By all means, feel free to stop by my office if you have a problem. I'm more than happy to help.
Crowler, what are you doing?
Shut up, Bonaparte, I have to say things like this. The School Board insists on really think I want these whiny little brats to come running to me every time their duel disk jams up?
You don't have to lay it one so thick.
When my job depends on it, then yes, yes I do.
Ahem.
Now where was I?
Ah yes! Please, feel free to come and talk to me about anything. I'm here to help you. Now, to go over the rules and explain some of the finer, inner workings of our illustrious school is...Really? We're using her?
She's one of our top students.
But she's so...hard to get along with.
Hey, I don't make the rules.
Fine. Here to speak to you is one of the top ranking Academics of last year, Miss Lia Shanner!
Seriously? You're making me do this?
Get on that stage right now, young lady!
Alright, fine, don't throw a fit. I'm going.
Shit, I can't believe I have to do this. This had got to be the stupidest thing I've ever- Jaden, stop cheering, I haven't even said anything yet. Sit down. Sit down! Lexi, do something about him!
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Not what I had in mind, but okay, that works.
So, uh, is this thing on? Hello? Can you hear me?
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Sorry! Okay, appparently you can all hear me. Atticus, stop writhing on the ground, you drama queen. Your ears don't hurt that much.
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Yes, you are a drama queen.
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Yes, you are.
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You're a queen, Atticus, get over it.
Anyway, um, hi. Welcome to Duel Academy. Please don't feed the Sacred Beasts.
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Why are you laughing? That wasn't a joke. We really mean that. For god sakes, don't feed them. In fact, don't go near them. Just stay away from crypts and keys and...you know what, just...just don't leave the school or your dorm rooms. Stick to the marked paths and please, please, please don't set off any chain reactions that will lead to the end of the world.
Our nerves are already shot, you don't want to tempt fate, trust me.
Chazz I can see you opening your mouth, so I'm gonna go ahead and say it.
No. Shut the fuck up, I'm talking here. We can do this later, when the audience is significantly smaller.
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What did you just say to me?
You wanna come down here and say it to my face, Princeton?
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What?
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What?
Oh that's it, get down here you little punk!
I'm gonna kick your ass all the way back into whatever hellhole you crawled out of! Huh?
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Alright, geez, fine, I won't beat him up. Stupid teachers and their stupid rules.
Where was I again?
Oh yeah, chain reactions and end of the world. Thanks Sy.
So, in other words, don't do anything stupid. I know that's gonna be a hard task for some of you, but please, try to resist the urge. If you really find it that hard, you can always ask Jaden about what happens in that crypt. He's the dumbass brunet who wouldn't shut up and is currently in a headlock by Alexis.
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Yes, she's the pretty blonde.
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What?
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Why yes, I do have her number. No, I am not giving it to you, you little punk, sit down and shut up.
Anyway, yeah crypts bad, beasts bad, and if anyone approaches you and claims to be a 'Shadow Rider', we reccomend turning tail and running as fast as your scrawny legs will carry you in the opposite direction.
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I sweat ta God Chazz, the second I am done with this shit I am sending this microphone through your skull!
Okay, next order of business. The Forbidden Forest.
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I can make all the Harry Potter references I like, screw you, I'm talking.
So see that forest we got going on out there? Good idea to keep out of it. There are tigers in those woods.
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Excuse me, genius, but did you happen to notice that we have oak trees and pine trees on a tropical island? Trust me, flora and fauna do not adhere to the laws of reality in this place. Hell, we get snow in December.
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No, no actually, I am not shitting you. I'm serious. Wait a few months. I guarentee, you will see snow.
Let's see, what else...
Oh yeah. If any of your classmates, teachers, or random people you see hanging around the school – we get a lot of those, so don't freak out about strangers and candy, 'kay kids? – look like they might burst into maniacal laughter at any given moment, please come and tell us. That's usually a sign of an evil meglomaniac bent on either world domination or total world destruction, sometimes both if they're a particularly creative villian, and we'd really like to nip this thing in the bud before it gets out of hand. After all, Jaden can only duel so many psychos at once.
Wave, Jay.
See, there you are. Hero type guy. You got a problem with evil entities out to take over the world? Go to him. He'll deal with it.
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What?
No.
God no.
Who the hell told you that?
The adults here to jack shit! Trust me, take it from someone who knows. We have to deal with all the shit that goes on around here. The teachers all just sit back and let us work out our own problems, even if those problems involve three very large, angry monsters that can suck your soul out.
Yeah, that happens. Just think about that before you go exploring some ancient temple you find out in the woods. Because we all know you aren't going to listen to me, and the first chance you get, you're gonna be out there in the forest, poking at things and disturbing shit. With our luck, you'll find a native burial ground and ruin it, and we'll have to deal with it, a la Poltregeist. That was a good movie. Lexi, I think we should watch the Poltregeist movies this Friday.
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O c'mon! It's the first Friday of the month, and that means Jaden and I get to pick. And we totally want something scary. It's not even very gory! Just a little face peeling, that's all. I promise.
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Lex, it's either that or the Friday the 13th series. I'll make you watch it. You know I will. And I'll eat pizza while doing it.
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I knew you'd see it my way. Atticus, stop glaring, I'm not bullying your sister, I'm negotiating.
Geez, tempermental much. Yeah, so, um...the teachers just basically let us solve our own shit. I don't know if it's because they think we oughta learn a lesson, or if they're lazy, or if they're just too incompetent to do anything, but, y'know. If you manage to get some malevolent spirit haunting you, you're pretty much on your own.
Unless it can duel.
Then Jaden will duel it, if only to say that he has.
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What?
How should I know?
Ask him yourself if you're so curious.
Not now, dumbass! I'm still talking. Chazz, shut up!
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I know you weren't saying anything. But you were thinking of saying something and with you, that's just as bad.
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Yes, honey, I can read minds. And I'm reading yours right now.
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Jesus Christ, I was joking! Don't have a fit! God, freshmen...
Okay, is there anything I've missed?
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Huh?
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Um, I guess you can take dueling classes if you really want to. I don't know a lot of Academics who do, but sure, why not? Be different.
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...I'm not actually at liberty to tell you that. There was this pact, we were all sworn to secrecy, blood was spilled, wine was consumed, you know the drill.
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Well, yeah, there's a collusium about half an hour's walk into the forest, but I don't reccomend it. That's where the tigers are.
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Do I need to point out the deciduous trees again? Trust me, there are tigers. There might even lions. Who knows? There could be a friggin' bear out there, and if you so much as think about making a Wizard of Oz joke, this microphone is going upside your head, kid.
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Hey, no, no, no! My microphone! I'm not done yet, Crowler! I'll keep the threats to a minimum, I promise.
So, uh, basically, this is Duel Academy. Love it or hate it, you're stuck here for the next eight months so you might as well make the best of it. Please don't write home about all the weird shit that is going to happen. Yes, it's going to happen, wipe those horrified looks off your faces. You checked normal at the door. Other than that, I can't really think of anything to say, so, uh, good luck. You're gonna need it.
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Oh, and to whoever took the skeleton out of Science Room B: Haha, we are all very amused. Now put it back.
Welcome to Duel Academy. Try not to get eaten.
Now where's the coffee you cheated me out of? I need my caffine to function. I was adlibbing up there.
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Oh yeah? Well, bad things happen to good people and worse things happen to bad people. Get out of my way before I make some bad things happen.
God I hate the first day of school.
Now students, settle down, there are some other things we have to go over before you can go back to your rooms.
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Where are you all going?
No, stay! We're not done yet! Don't head over to the next phase of the rally yet! Hang on!
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Damnit! They never listen