The One Where Horatio Is A Teacher

English class

Horatio: (looking down at the floor) Good morning, students. My name is Mr. Caine. I will be your teacher for today. Now, everybody, turn your books to page 20.

Student: Sir? We don't have any books yet.

Horatio: Look under your chairs and you'll see the books you shall read this semester.

Student: Romeo and Juliet? We did this last year, Sir.

Horatio: (looks up and squints at the student) Then you won't have any trouble with it this year. Now, who can tell me the problem in this story?

Student: Two lovers can't be together because their families have tension between them which, in the end, causes misery and heartbreak.

Horatio: And that, my students (puts on glasses) is a reason for murder. (walks out of classroom)

Math Class

Student: Mr. Caine. I'm having trouble with this question on this test. (Horatio just standing there holding his glasses) Sir.

Horatio: Yes, Student.

Student: I don't know how to deal with this question.

Horatio: (goes up to Student and looks at question) It's simple. If there are seven murders in one day and twelve murders the next, what is the difference?

Student: What does this have to do with math?

Horatio: Do you want to go to Principal Wolfe's office?

Student: (gulps) Day one has five less murders?

Horatio: Which means that it's better to die (puts on glasses) another day. (walks away)

Gym Class

Horatio: Listen up, team. We are going to play a dangerous game. It involves betrayal and consistent hits. Some of you won't make it. You have to fight to survive.

Student: It's only dodge ball. Plus, why are you wearing a suit and looking down at your glasses?

Horatio: (points at door) Go see Principal Wolfe. (student goes out the door) Now, let's move out.

After dodge ball and everybody is lying face down on the floor.

Horatio: (looks at the bodies) Looks like the battle (puts on glasses) has just begun. (walks away)

At Principal Wolfe's office

Wolfe: Mr. Caine. Why do you insist on walking out of classrooms every time you say something cheesy?

Horatio: (looking at glasses) Because I am a teacher and that is what teachers do.

Wolfe: (shakes his head) Are you crazy?

Horatio: No, Eric. I'm as sane (puts on glasses) as a fox. (about to walk away)

Wolfe: GET BACK HERE! (Horatio takes off glasses and faces Wolfe) I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU WORK AT OTHER SCHOOLS BUT HERE WALKING AWAY DOESN'T CUT IT! YOU'RE FIRED!

Horatio: (shows no emotion) Well, you will regret this, Mr. Wolfe.

Wolfe: Oh, yeah? What are you going to do? Sue me?

Horatio: No, I'm going to teach those kids.

Wolfe: BUT YOU'RE FIRED! YOU'RE A HUGE PROBLEM!

Horatio: No, Wolfe, (puts on glasses) I am the solution. (walks away)

YYYYYYEEEEEAAAAHHHHH!