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Jay tossed and turned in his hospital bed...he was being kept there by the sterling team of Charlie and Ruth, whodecided that with his previous history, he should stay somewhere guarded, somewhere he wouldnt run off..it had been 2 months after his collapse in the park and every day he woke up wishing that he felt better, but he didn't.

Some days he felt worse then before, some days he felt like death warmed up. Some days he didn't let any visitors in at all,he hated looking so weak. The doctors knew it aswell, they sent him for scan after scan which was all going to come into a climax today..it was a appointment with the lead consultant of the whole ward, they were going to tell him if there was a light at the end of the tunnel, or if the situation was bleak.

Was he scared? He didn't even know. He never admitted feeling vulnerable, to him it was like admitting he wasn't a man. He wondered what the worst outcome could be. Death? Death upcoming? Surely it couldn't be that bad, his cancer was chronic, it was coming over a period of time, he had enough new symptoms to realise, aswell as the long drip that was coming out one side of his arm each day. The doctors said Jay should take someone with him..he tried running through people..

Ruth was his girlfriend, his rock,but he did not want her hearing first hand if things were bad, aswell as the fact that she might try and correct the doctors

Charlie was almost too nice to burden with this, and he would go into some sort of denial

Adam? Noel? Mac? Jeff? No! They were his lads, not his cancer pity party..he liked to keep things more...Laddish with them. Once a week they would all come in and watch the football through Noels laptop, and thats how Jay wanted things. As normal as they could be.

He didn't even know why he felt like he expected bad news, but he did..he could feel it. If he was battling it, things would be feeling better, even by a little bit but they didn't

He was on pills to control the symptoms so the nosebleeds and vomiting were at a minimum, but he still felt so weak and frail.

It was gradually getting worse, he knew it was upcoming, but he hated it.

Ruth entered the room, and Jay smiled weakly at her as she sat herself down, looking flustered and annoyed

"whats got you all hot and bothered doctor winters?" laughed Jay, having visitors was the only thing that stopped him from going insane.

Jay was a people person, he utterly detested being on his own, thinking about things too much.

Things that broke down his cheeky facade and turned him into the insecure, lost boy he used to be."Inspection" Ruth said, simply, with a angry tone"Who slipped up?" Jay asked, in his calm manner that he usually saved for nursing

"Zoe Hanna" Ruth said, slipping the name out like it was a swear word

"You know Ruth, if you stopped launching attacks on her you would actually get on" Jay said, grinning slightly

"Me? Get on with her-Jay we are opposites!" started Ruth, picking at her hair and stuttering, like she did when she was frustrated

"Hows your day been?" She asked lightly

"So much fun I almost wish I could be here everyday..oh wait..I am" Jay mused, and Ruth looked at him, closing her eyes slowly

"You know I can't take you home" Ruth sighed, knowing that Jay was going to widen his brown eyes in a attempt to get her to take him home.

She wanted to, but she knew it would not be practical. She wasn't around alot, she was always working..she would probably see him more if she was in the hospital with him, it was more of a home to her then her flat was.

"I know" Jay said, looking exasperated

"Maybe I could bring you in something.." Ruth started

"No more about me, tell me more, about your day" Jay said, with a smile at her.

She looked so tired..he missed being tired because he was working. He loved nursing, being at the epicentre of everyones lives, he loved that feeling he got from helping someone, that he had made a difference.

"So whens your appointment" Ruth asked, looking at Jays weary face, and from the amount of scans he had recently, the amount of tests, that something new was happening

"at 7pm..they like to keep the suspense" Jay said and Ruth grinned

"Like your going to be on time anyway" she said, Jay laughed

"Im in the same building"

"That doesnt stop you extending your breaks" Ruth said with a air of sarcasm, and a smile

"I work long shifts, I deserve a extra biscuit" Jay grinned, and Ruth smiled to herself...when Jay smiled, it was like every bit ofworry etched onto his face faded, even if it was just for a split second Ruths pager beeped

"No rest for the wicked" she said, trying to hold back a yawn, and gave Jay a light peck on the lips, then she headed out the room,muttering something about a certain Zoe Hanna getting longer looked at himself in the mirror as he got up...the hospital room was almost like a bedroom..the staff had made a effort to make it look "homely"

_4 hours later_

"Jay!" came a voice from outside the office, almost as soon as he had left...he couldn't take it in..it was too immense..too big

"So what are you saying?" Jay said to the guy sitting behind the desk..it was all fair and well having scans displayed and explained to him but he wanted to know about the bigger picture

"Jay, we have tried alot of treatments" said the doctor, tapping his pen

"Trust me I know" he responded, wanting to grab the pen out the mans hand and throw it out a window..just to stop the noise...it was like the ticking of a clock

"Well the thing is, they havent been working effectively"

"So basically your pumping me with useless crap?" Jay asked, and his eyes widened. He knew what these speeches were like for Ruth, Lenny, and he was making it hard for this man by being rude..he needed to stop

"Sorry" Jay said, in another breath

"No please, go ahead, I understand it must be frustrating" the doctor said, and was met with silence

"Jay, what ive called you into here to say is. We as a department have all looked at your scans, your blood tests, everything..and theres nothing we can do for you anymore..its not working" the doctor said, and Jay cut in again

"Hold on, are you telling me im dieing?" Jay asked, his eyes wide again

"Indeed, the cancer is terminal" the doctor said, and Jay placed a hand over his mouth and swore darkly under his breath

"Thank you, im going to go now" Jay said, leaving the doctor talking at him, even when he opened the door..the reality had not hit him yet...he was dieing...

"Gramps!" Jay replied, trying to sound equally happy to see him

"How did it go?" Charlie asked, with a furrowed brow and a forced smile

"err" Jay started..he could not lie again..he couldn't, not this time

"What is it Jay" Charlie asked, knowing that whatever it was, it could not be that hideous

"Charlie..its the end" Jay begun, he did not know how to start the conversation

"What do you mean the end?" Charlie asked, with a soft chuckle..Jay didnt laugh..the corners of his mouth didn't even crease he was deadly serious

"Jay" Charlie repeated, looking into the brown eyes of his friend, hoping he could find a answer..the brown eyes filled up with tears of some sort

"Its the end gramps..they just said in there..its terminal cancer..theres nothing they can do, nothings working.." Jay responded..his eyes glistening

"Better get Lenny, Mac and Noel on the books, they can take bets on when im gonna die" Jay said, walking off into the distance, leaving a dumbstruck Charlie in his wake