Dreams of Death

By: senga6

Summary: ONESHOT. Once upon a time, they were regular mortals, in love. Until they were both dragged into the world of immortals, one wanted, the other unwanted.

Disclaimer:I do not own CCS. Would I be here, writing, if I had the skills to draw it myself? xD

Oh dear, I'm afraid this is a rather depressing one. With a depressing ending, I guess. O.O This has got to be the longest one-shots I have written. Ever...

"NO! Syaoran!"

"SAKURA!"

The next thing she knew, she was facing a veil that shimmered with power, and a shadow sat on a chair behind it, only revealing to her a shadow.

"Do you wish to see him again?"

She wondered if that was even a question. Of course she did.

The person behind the veil chuckled lightly, though there was darkness hiding beneath the light and airy laugh. "He has forgotten about you."

She stared at the shadow disbelievingly. There was no way he could forget about her, and she had to doubts about that, for she knew they were both too much in love for that.

"There should have only been one of you. Only one of the two of you should have come to the side of the immortals, and instead, we got both of you."

The voice sounded almost resentful, and Sakura wondered why.

"I will give you a deal, girl. Although only the boy was supposed to come, I will give you the power of the immortals and the chance to see your beloved again. Good deal, no?"

Sakura nodded eagerly, and for some strange reason, got the feeling she was being led right into a trap.

"In exchange, for years upon years, you will stay within a realm of snow and never leave, watching over the mortals, be the feared Death. You will meet the boy again, yes, but he will still forgotten about you. And I give you the chance to make him remember."

She suddenly got the sinking feeling there would still be a 'but'.

"But, if you cannot make him remember after five trips between the two of you to whatever realm you wish to go to…"

Even though Sakura could not see it, she was absolutely certain the shadowed person was grinning in a very creepy way.

"Your powers will be forfeit and they will go to your beloved. You will die, and he will still be unable to remember. And because your being part of the world of immortals is already in imbalance in the equilibrium we are supposed to maintain, you must maintain equilibrium at all times during your trip to those realms."

Sakura did not understand, and when she opened her mouth to say so, she was cut off.

"You will understand when the time comes; understand that this will only slow you down. Until then… suffer, little girl. Remember that I will make your efforts to make him remember will be to no avail, for I will enjoy the amusement your pointless attempts will bring. After all, watching the mortals up here and guiding them as 'Fate' is rather boring. Remember that, girl. Fate does not like you, because there is no reason for a triviality like you to be given powers at all, least of all the powers of Life, and for some reason, you have come to this world of immortals."

His words become a sneer. "You do not deserve any of the powers I will give you."

The ground beneath her seemed to disappear into swirls and as she gave in to unconsciousness, the voice whispered one last gleeful thing.

"If you are to be of this side of the world, never forget this rule, girl; what one has, the opposite or other cannot. Oh, and by the by, take this last chance to be unaware of your worries well, girl. For it will be your last."

~:~*~:~

The snow continued to fall, seemingly unaware of a single girl standing there, her head raised to the gray sky. She was dressed in a simple white kimono with branches of cherry blossoms blooming on it, and a katana was gently grasped in one hand.

The katana was pointing down, lightly digging into a layer of snow. The girl's eyes were closed and she could barely feel the coolness of snow falling gently on her clothes and hair through her numbness. She almost seemed to blend in with the white background, if not for her fiery auburn hair, hanging limply by her shoulders.

The silence enshrouded her in its protection, making it feel as though nothing would be able to get close to her. However, what was most prominent was the fact that she stood amongst piles of black snow. Black was scattered in an almost random way around the girl, but only around her.

Gently, the snowflakes fell, as if unknowing and uncaring of the horrific scene below. Those that fell around the girl turned black as well, leaving the rest as pure white as they originally were and should have been.

The girl opened her eyes, her pale green eyes dull and wearisome of the white world around her.

She hated the world she was forced in, because it was a sign that she was merely a prisoner, and a most likely fruitless hope that he would remember.

But even if he didn't, even if he never did come to get her, even if he never remembered, the times they had been in love would always be there, in the past, but still there. She would forgive him, because she still irrevocably and utterly in love with him.

She observed her katana, watching as it shone darkly underneath the cover of clouds. She picked up a corner of her white kimono and began to clean it, as if in hopes she could wipe away the darkness.

When she finally let up, she carefully sat down, letting out a small sigh. She eyed the approaching dark figure in the white distance, her hand on her unsheathed sword in front of her, but never moved to get up. The cloaked silhouette approached, and she could not see the person's face. The girl looked calmly through the hood and into the mysterious person's golden eyes.

"Are you here to pick me up?" she asked, not even slightly nervous. Her eyes were no longer focused on him, but on her katana, turning it over and over, watching as the clouded surface of the katana gleamed dimly from the small sunlight than came through the gray clouds.

"No."

Her eyes glanced up again in an easy, flowing motion, but they pierced his heart, as they seemed to know all about this world, and could see through your barrier and into your mind, digging through the secrets you would never tell a soul.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice clear, never dropping her gaze.

The cloaked figure took off his hood, his eyes staring at her. "I can ask the same of you."

"I asked first." she said with a loose smile.

He sighed heavily, and unable to bear the weight of her gaze, looked away. "I don't know."

The girl stood, her kimono swinging in the wind, her hair flying around her. She slowly approached him, and whispered, "There's always a reason in what we do, even if it was done unconsciously."

They stood facing each other, the snow continuing to fall in small, gentle clumps. Even though no hostility showed in their eyes, a strange tension rang in the air, before the girl finally broke it with a small sigh that resounded through the empty world they were in. She gave him a tiny smile, her eyes still unemotional.

"Call me Sakura." Sakura said it so wistfully, yet her eyes, her undisturbed, uncaring eyes never changing. Never moving. Green pebbles stuck deep under the sea of blankness and suffocating white that almost seemed black.

"Syaoran." The boy, Syaoran, also had a trace of wistfulness in his voice, and his eyes showed it. They glowed in the absent sun, a dark golden layer covering his true emotions, though that wasn't all that unexpected. It was common sense to them. Show your emotions, and you might as well be asking to be killed. This was how the other side of the world worked.

Still... her eyes. They bothered him. Even he showed some emotions, no matter how quick of a flicker or how small of a gleam it may be. Her eyes were truly blank. The ideal thing in this side of the world was to rid yourself of all emotions, but it was impossible.

Or rather, it should have impossible.

"Do you know who I am?" she asked, looking at him yet looking past him, into the shadows that hid secrets.

"Should I?"

She laughed softly, but it was so filled with bitterness. "No, you shouldn't. But I do."

He wondered what she meant by that; did she mean she knew who she was, or she knew who he was?

She held a hand out to him, her smile never truly reaching the darkness of her eyes.

"Come. I will show you."

It was stupid, of course. It was common sense not to just walk away with any stranger, even in the lighter half and mortal side of the world. But something compelled him to take that hand, to trust this girl who he had not met for all that long and should not trust. And yet here he was, throwing caution to the winds, even though he was supposedly one of the most sensible people in the world.

Human emotions were just so confusing.

~:~*~:~

There were screams. Screams of horror, unhappiness, and of death. There was smoke rising against the dark grey, cloudy sky of that blocked most sunlight giving a dark feeling, tiny fires that could do no more harm. There were begs for help, cries of pain, and a singular wail of loneliness. Then it all died down, disappearing, fading to nothingness but the wind, whistling along the barren ground.

This was the remains of war.

Sakura watched impassively, and didn't even seem to notice when Syaoran shed a single tear. Or, perhaps, it was that she wouldn't notice.

She passed by the living, kimono rustling slightly as she walked, and finally stopped before the body of an old woman, clothes tattered and eyes dimming.

Syaoran slowly walked through the same path Sakura had taken, brilliant golden eyes dimming at the sight of so many dying people. When he finally took his place by Sakura's side before the old woman's body, without thinking, he bent down and gently placed his hand over her wrinkled one.

"…So much pain."

Sakura watched as the woman's body glowed, and slowly closed her eyes. Reaching down into the earth's heartbeat, she heard another heart begin to beat again.

There was no mistake. It was him, even though she hadn't had any skepticism in the matter. He looked exactly as she remembered he had.

Syaoran stood up again, swaying slightly, eyes illuminated with pure power, right in-between pure gold and dark amber.

Sakura stared right into his eyes, green eyes unflinching, searching. "You have found your answer. What will you do now, Life?"

He fell to his knees, eyes dimming, tears forming.

"I am Life… But why is it so painful?"

They looked at each other, his with pain, and hers with darkness. Slowly, he turned away just as her eyes began to sadden. There was an unhappy silence between the two, before she finally broke it.

She pointed at him. "You."

She pointed at herself. "Me."

He looked back up into her green eyes, expecting the normal uncaring look, but was surprised to meet a green sea of horrid sadness.

"There is always something controversial," she murmured, her eyelids sliding halfway over her eyes, "and there will always be two sides."

She raised her arms, as if to show him the battlefield, filled with smoke, fire, and death.

"Where there is death, there will be pain, and thus when there is life, there will also be pain. Life and Death, opposites, but forever connected. The things that connect the two cannot be broken, lest the balance of this world be broken as well."

Syaoran continued to watch the sadness swim in her eyes, even as they were half-closed. "Two sides," she whispered, raising her head to look him straight in the eyes. A bitter smile decorated her face. "Two sides," she repeated before turning away, and when she turned back to him, her eyes were back to expressionless nothingness. And Syaoran realized something exceptional had happened, something tugging at him to remember something. Yet, he couldn't.

~:~*~:~

Syaoran awoke to the night sky, comforting in its own dark way, the moon shining, the stars twinkling and dancing against the dark night sky they were forever pinned to.

"Awake?"

His eyes slid to the right, and were greeted with apathetic green eyes. She looked away, attention caught by something, and he slowly got up, grunting as pain shot through his entire body.

"Power comes at a terrible price, you know."

He shot her an annoyed glance, but she remained composed and dispassionate. She waited until he had gotten off the bench he had been resting on.

He knew that she was going to show him who she was, as equilibrium required. As being beyond mortal required, you must do all that you can to maintain balance. Now that she knew who he was, she needed to show him who she was.

It felt rather strange, seeing how he hadn't even known who he was. Now that he thought back, he wasn't quite sure what had he done before he had met her. He had simply wandered, following the wind, continuing through miles upon miles of plains, fields, meadows, deserts, and mountains.

Sakura watched him dryly until he took a few wobbly steps. She stiffly stood up and began to walk in what seemed to be a random direction. But Syaoran knew better than to think so little of her. She definitely knew what she was doing.

A gunshot rang out in the direction she was heading, and something within his mind clicked, as realization slowly dawned on him. Still, he stayed silent.

It was for her to explain.

What they both found was a boy of maybe three laying on the ground, and it was rather obvious that he had been shot. Syaoran closed his eyes, feeling his power begin to overflow as a tear slipped out, his heart feeling the pain of what death felt, before it was abruptly stopped.

His eyes shot open, and watched Sakura carefully walk towards the little boy. She bent over the boy's head, auburn hair covering her face like a veil, and kissed the tiny boy's forehead.

Deep within the earth, where all human heartbeats could be felt beating along with the earth itself, Syaoran felt one heartbeat fade away.

Sakura stood up again, slowly, and she had her hands cupped. She looked up to his now amber eyes, a light-filled soul illuminating them and their surroundings.

He stared straight into her callous emerald eyes and found the flicker of emotion he had been unable to detect before. A flicker of sadness, a flicker of unhappiness and pain for being who she was.

"You are Death, the concept that is never attainable by mankind… Hiding within the shadows, stealing away into the night, and you hide the pain as you steal another life. You are my other… We were never meant to meet, kept at a distance, for it would tip the balance. Yet why is this so?"

Sakura smiled bitterly. "This is so because time continues, like a never-ending thread, continuing on forever until the day eternity ends."

And he did not understand, but perhaps that was because that was how "it" was meant to be.

~:~*~:~

The sun shone down upon the grounds with full force, showing off the light and heat it could bring if it so wished. The sky was a beautiful light blue, wisps of clouds scattered across the sky, never coming near the way of the sun.

A couple stepped out from the protection of the tree's shade and into the sunlight, holding hands, the boy leading the girl. Both were laughing as the boy swept the girl and sat her down on a bench.

A bell rang in the distance and both sighed. The girl got up as the boy gathered their things and passed by Syaoran and Sakura. The two gave Syaoran a weird look, but however, did not even spare Sakura a glance, and walked right through her, Sakura's ghostly figure flickering slightly.

They both stood there, Sakura contemplating what just happened, Syaoran watching the two go, almost wistfully.

Sakura closed her eyes, murmuring softly, "They should not have been able to see him, and they should have at least noted my presence enough not to walk though me… The imbalance has grown, and thus the precious little time we have dwindles as I must fix it."

Syaoran did not notice, as he seemed to be unable to pay attention to anything other than the couple almost dreamily.

"…A longing. You have showed me a longing."

Syaoran stared right at her eyes, no longer being lured into the darkness in her eyes, now that he was able to recognize the truth she had buried deep within herself, though her eyes could not completely bury the emotions her heart tried to hide in the depths.

"I have."

Sakura took another tentative step towards him, eyes half-closed, and while she stared into his eyes, she was again seeing beyond him.

"Showing or telling a longing within this world we are forced to survive in is tantamount to death. Are you that foolish, Life?"

"…I trust you for some reason."

She looked away, hand absently twiddling with a stray hair. When she brought her eyes to his again, there were no reservations or fear in them.

"Very well then. To keep the little equilibrium there is left, I will show you my longing."

He lowered his head in respect. "If that is what you wish.

She laughed, and it was filled with resent, an intense and harshly sharp laugh.

"You fool, you simple, naïve fool. It is not what I wish… It is what is meant to be." Her eyes filled with hate and loathing as she looked up to the sky. "It is what Fate wants."

She took another step towards him, but never quite looked into his eyes, but even then he could tell that her eyes were dulling. She placed a hand over his beating heart and the other over her own silent one.

"You wish to know love? You must listen to your heart. It is hard, to tell between the thoughts of your heart and your mind. But your heart's voice is always clearer, even if you put it underneath layers of confused thoughts originating from your mind. Listen, and you will hear."

~:~*~:~

Once again, they walked through the streets of a dimly-lit city, the world silent. With a swish of Sakura's kimono and Syaoran's cloak, they arrived in a dark corner that most would not dare to enter, for fear of being mugged or something of the sort.

There lay a man that had been driven out of his very own home and into the cruel, dark streets with only the moon and stars to guide him, sleeping, dreaming of death that was sure to come, sooner or later.

Sakura bent down until she was eye-level with the man, gently putting the back of her hand to the man's forehead, watching him sleep and dream with a yearning that Syaoran had never seen before.

"You wish to dream."

Not a question. A statement. She rose, green eyes shimmering with a thin layer of pain, so fragile, as if everything would crack and fall to pieces with a single touch, but the sheen of dullness that had entered her eyes had not disappeared.

"I cannot dream. As dreams are part of life, you may dream. But I… I have not slept, and I have not dreamed. For you and for the mortals, there will always be a time of rest and happiness, where they can simply forget about the world."

She smiled softly, a grief-filled smile. "However, our side of the world has so much more to worry of. We worry about the foolishness of the mortals, the foolishness of our own kind, and even our own identities."

She raised a hand, as if to weight something. "Am I Sakura?" She raised the other hand, comparing the two. "Or am I Death?"

Sakura directly looked into his eyes for the first time during the whole duration of her musings.

"…And I have eternity to wonder, never a single moment of rest…"

She looked away, eyes flickering with unknown emotions, dulling even further.

A soft mumble escaped her lips and Syaoran barely caught the softly-spoken words.

"To dream… What I would give to be a mortal again."

Syaoran watched her sadly, watching the first true dark side she had shown completely, not letting everything go after he had only caught a glimpse.

"The mortals have so much, yet they do not appreciate the things that they have… Indeed, that is true. You may have eternity to wonder and think about all the worries that you may have, but even eternity will end. So until then, survive, hold on until the end comes, because it will come. Wait, and what you wish for will come if do your part."

~:~*~:~

Sakura felt the wind blow upon her face and gradually, her eyes closed, shielding two perfectly unfeeling and unseeing emeralds from the weight of the world she was forced to face every day.

"Why do you not cry?"

The question was said casually enough, but the weight of his words weighed down upon her heart, even though nothing of her body language said a thing.

"Why do you not remember?"

Syaoran watched her, eyes widening slightly in surprise before reverting back to normal.

"Excuse me?"

"You're excused. As to why I cannot cry… What one can do, the other cannot."

He continued to watch her, expression confused, as he realized that she had changed the subject, and instead handed him another riddle to poke at and try to unravel, though all his attempts would probably be futile.

Syaoran suddenly wondered why she had not opened her eyes while talking to him.

The ship they were on continued towards land, the moon casually giving way to the sun that was beginning to rise over the horizon.

After minutes of tense silence, Sakura finally broke it.

"You can't remember, huh? I guess time's up. And I hope you are amused enough, Fate, for time is up, and we both know it."

Their surroundings seemed to turn into mist as the world faded away.

~:~*~:~

They were back in the snowy landscape where they had first met. They stared at each other, and Syaoran noted in the back of his mind that Sakura's eyes were finally open.

Then he noted that they had become almost completely dull, as if unable to see what was before them.

Sakura sighed and forced herself to smile. "It seems you really have forgotten."

He looked at her, confused, and suddenly he felt himself filled with power that was not and should not have been his own.

The words she spoke next were filled with power that seemed so familiar, so similar to his own that it felt like it was his, and he wanted it back.

"If you will not remember," she murmured near his ear, shuddering from the simple power that emanated from her very being and that same power becoming his own, "then you will have to be unable to remember for however long your eternity will last."

They both stood like that as Syaoran's body began evaporating into tiny golden lights mixed in with white wisps that swirled around the lights as they moved slightly, as if dancing.

She closed her eyes.

"…Goodbye…"

Syaoran's head slowly disappeared into the golden lights and white wisps that were almost cloud-like, and soon, they, too, disappeared.

"…Syaoran."

It was the first time she had called him by his name and not "Life" as an immortal, and would be the last.

~:~*~:~

Sakura stood in the midst of snow, though the clouds had decided to take a break from snowing. She held the katana straight in front of her with her two hands, sideways.

Slowly, she took the katana and positioned it over her non-beating heart.

Her grip on the katana weakened and it dropped out of her hands, landing on her legs, but luckily did not fall in a way so that she would cut herself.

But she wasn't thinking about her luck.

She was thinking about how she was too weak to kill herself, even though she knew her "eternity" was up.

It was almost sad how happy she was when that fact was brought to her mind. Finally, after millenniums and centuries, the curse would finally be broken. Yet strangely, at the same time, she was fearful.

"For immortality is nothing but a curse that plagues you, watching as you suffer, wishing for mortality, and remembering the times of mortality where you wished for immortality, and irony of it all makes you want to laugh. And then you don't want to leave, because he is still there, and he will not remember you, but to think about the fact that he will be happy without you is scarier than anything this world could possibly offer."

Sakura simply wanted to bury her head into her arms and disappear, but of course fate, destiny, or whatever the mortals wished to call the force of it, had to torture her a bit longer by making her live a bit longer.

At the thought, her hand flitted over her chest where her heart supposedly was. And, as usual, there was no heartbeat to tell her she was a mortal, as she so longed to be again, to relive those times of happiness.

She looked up to the grey sky and wailed.

She did not need words to scream at the uncaring stormy clouds above, for her voice worked for her, the pain apparent in every second that it was let loose, indescribable bitterness, hopelessness, and melancholy at simply being alive.

Why? Why did she want to live, why did she want to die? Why did she want both?

WHY?

Sakura closed her eyes to the world, as if to shut out the pain, but opened them again and gently touched her cheek when she felt something wet climbing down.

She licked the finger and tasted saltiness.

Was she crying?

The imbalance had grown to the point where there was almost nothing else to break. A small smile flitted over her face for a quick moment.

Even though Fate had gone through with the future that he had told her he would give to her, she still had defied that thing. She had gotten enough power of Life to cry, the one thing Fate hadn't wanted at all.

He must be furious up there.

Sakura coughed, habit forcing her to cover her mouth, and when her hand felt something sticky she brought it right before her eyes, attempting to see although her vision was deteriorating at a rapid rate.

She could make out the color red in what looked to be liquid, and she immediately knew what it was.

"…My time is up."

She gently put her hand on her chest, as though hoping for a human heartbeat, even though she had done the same thing a million times, and still, she felt nothing underneath. Sakura gazed at the blank space beside her, as if trying to see something that wasn't there.

"So, I can die," she remarked softly. She touched the blood with a single finger and brought it to her lips.

"…Why can't I taste anything?"

Perhaps it was too late to think back to the times where she was a mortal… along with a certain Life.

It was simply cruelty, for one to remember the love they had both shared when looking at the other and the other to only see a stranger.

One can do what the other cannot.

Same with memories, same with just about everything. And Sakura was finally ready to give up. She had been lucky for even been given the chance to see him one last time, given the chance to try and make him remember, but it had all been useless.

Oh well. It had been nice to see him, while it lasted, though.

"I really have lived too long, haven't I?" Sakura murmured softly to the same spot, eerie emptiness invading into her once beautifully brilliantly green eyes. She swung her head up to the sky, even though she already knew that all of her senses had left her, including her sight, and felt the gentle and cool touch of a snowflake upon her skin. For the first time, the snow didn't make her want to scream in frustration and agony, as it was no longer a symbol of captivity in her eyes. It was a symbol of her soon-to-be freedom. A tiny, first and last true smile lit up her face for the first time since she had become an immortal.

"I think I'll have a nice dream tonight."

~:~*~:~

Syaoran watched her body in silence, slowly closing his eyes to the sight, as if trying to deny the reality that the sight existed.

The sight that claimed that Sakura was dead.

"You are not Death, you are Sakura."

Oh, the irony. Death was dead. And now, he was supposed to take her job, according to Fate, who continued to hide behind that veil like a coward.

He had been summoned before him, apparently, and was given no explanation other than 'things have no been put right'.

That didn't explain a single thing about why he had suddenly gained the powers of Death, for he could feel it in his heart that something was terribly right yet wrong.

Then he was told that 'Life and Death were essentially the same thing. There was never supposed to be separate.'

His head hurt. He still did not know what he was supposed to "remember". He still did not understand why he knew that he was supposed to be in love with her.

Correction; he did not understand why he was in love with her.

Syaoran knew he was supposed to be wondering about the imbalance and go off worrying about it, forgetting about the body of a girl who was once Death, and once, the one person he was in love with.

But he didn't care what that damned Fate, Destiny, that pest, it, wanted.

He was in love with her, and he couldn't remember why nor when this happened.

And for the first time, not a single tear was shed over a death that he had encountered, from all the travels she had took him on. He just couldn't cry, because it simply wouldn't feel right. As if it would be an insult to her, somehow, as if taking some sort of privilege.

Syaoran hated knowing something yet not understanding it.

He stood there in the snow, not crying, eyes glowing a powerful dark amber, and the snow continued to fall, almost as if mocking the girl they fell upon, who could never have the purity of mortal white ever again, in exchange for chasing a silly hope that she knew would probably never come true anyways.