Rated M for slash, graphic descriptions of sex between two males, underage sex, brief mention of sex toys, masturbating and porn, and a lot of innuendos. If you do not agree with any of that, please feel free to hit the back button now. No one is forcing you to read this story. You also do not have to agree with me, or my opinions, all I ask it that you respect them as I respect yours.

Pairing: Kendall/James (and James/Kendall)

Disclaimer: I do not know or own Big Time Rush or any other affiliated character, nor is any money being made. The show, and all recognizable characters, belongs to Nickelodeon.

With that said, I hope this story speaks for itself. :)

Indiscreet truth

Kendall wishes he could wake up like this every morning.

James is smiling softly at him, raised slightly on his elbow as his hand lightly strokes Kendall's naked chest.

Their legs are impossibly tangled together and belatedly he realizes they are still completely and pleasantly naked. There is an unfamiliar ache in his lower back, but Kendall finds he doesn't mind it at all.

He smiles back at his boyfriend and the other boy leans forward to kiss him gently on the lips. His hand snakes to the back of James' head and he pulls him closer, deepening the kiss.

When James pulls back, Kendall isn't surprised to find he's hard already and when he runs a hand up James' thigh he's not surprised to find James half aroused too.

They had always had an easy attraction for as long as Kendall had known James. It wasn't until they hit puberty, though, that they finally realized what that attraction really was, and what it really meant.

Kendall was only 12 years old when he told James he 'kind of liked him" and James returned those sentiments. They spent the next three years trying to deny their feelings for each other anyways.

At 15, though, largely due to Logan and Carlos pointing out the obvious and pounding it into their thick skulls, James and Kendall finally started dating.

After a year of trying to figure out exactly what they meant to each other and after many awkward firsts, they finally, and maturely decided, they were ready for sex.

It was the greatest night of Kendall's life. After a perfect date at a Minnesota Wilds game and a romantic dinner at the best restaurant in their neighborhood, Kendall lost his virginity to his best friend and boyfriend. Only to lose it all over again when James took him from behind, gentle and yet passionately, his movements slow and tender and Kendall secretly loved every second of it.

Sometimes it scares Kendall how much he loves James.

James is breathing heavily already and he makes a slight whining noise in the back of his throat as Kendall teasingly strokes him until he is fully aroused. He takes advantage of his boyfriends' distraction and rolls them until he is straddling James' hips, his hand never leaving the other's erection.

James does not protest the new position; instead he bucks his hips up, seeking more friction from Kendall's hand. Kendall presses an urgent kiss against his willing lips and rubs his own erection against James' thigh in a desperate rhythm.

He moans into the kiss and he can feel James' lips curve into a wicked smile. Kendall's opens his mouth to James and their tongues clash as their lips mash together almost violently.

One of James' hands tangle in his hair, while the other searches blindly on the desk next to the bed until it grabs a condom.

He presses the package into his hand as Kendall pulls away from him. Kendall's not quite sure why James is so insistent on using them, but he doesn't complain as he rolls it on his dick and rubs lube over it.

Kendall throws one of James' legs over his shoulder and pushes the other to his chest. Slowly, Kendall pushes into him, still well prepared from their long night of passionate and wild sex.

Once he's buried to the hilt, he rests his forehead against James', and inhales deeply, breathing in the scent of his lover. There is the overwhelming smell of 'Cuda man spray, but just underneath that he can smell the real James that smells like spice and vanilla.

Deep in James' brown eyes, Kendall can see the love and trust. Kendall strongly returns those feelings. He's never loved someone as much as he loves the boy beneath him and though he is still just a teenager, Kendall knows he will never love anyone as much as he loves James.

And though it freaks him out, a lot, Kendall's okay with that, as long as James stays by his side.

James presses down, pulling Kendall back to reality. He'd been lost in those dark eyes he loves so much.

He steadies himself with one trembling arm, as his other hand cups James' cheek. He leans down for a kiss as he starts thrusting, gently at first, James meeting him thrust for thrust.

He lets the hand not holding him up, teasingly slide down James' chest until he grabs his erection, stroking James fervently in time with his own thrusts. He can feel James gasp into the kiss as his arms wrap around Kendall's shoulder.

Kendall speeds up his thrusts and angles them just right until James' nails are digging almost painfully into his back.

All too soon, their kiss becomes frantic as does his thrusting and the stroking of his hand and he's coming so hard, white spots dance across his vision. James follows shortly after, Kendall's name falling from his lips, his eyes tightly clenched.

He's completely spent and his arm is shaking so intensely, it nearly gives out on him and he almost collapses on his boyfriend. Instead James' arms tighten around his shoulder and pull him closer to his chest. For a moment, they stay just like that, wrapped in each other's arms with Kendall still buried deep in his body.

James' harsh panting echoes in his ear, his own rapid breaths ghost across James' shoulder.

"Good morning," James finally says and Kendall can hear the slight rumble of laughter in his chest.

He raises himself so he can look into his lovers' smiling eyes. "Morning beautiful," he replies and kisses James' nose. Reluctantly he pulls out of him and peels off the condom, throwing it on top of his trash with the others as he lies down next to the gorgeous boy in his bed.

Most days, he still can't believe James is really his.

He wraps his arm around the other boy's chest and snuggles into his shoulder, dozing lightly until his mother calls them down for breakfast.

"You should really throw that out now," James says to him as they struggle into their shirts and pants. It suddenly feels uncomfortable wearing so much clothing and he wonders briefly why it never felt this way before. "If you don't want your mother to find out, you should hide the evidence. And open the window cuz it really smells in here," he continues and emphasizes the word smell. Because really, there is only one reason for the scent lingering in the air, that any parent would immediately recognize.

Kendall just nods distractedly, captivated by the sight of James' still naked chest and half mumbles something about taking care of it later, before the two boys walk downstairs to their awaiting breakfast.

It's impossible to keep the light blush from his cheeks as he secretly holds hands with James under the table, their legs pressed tightly together as he glances at James every chance he gets.

It is acutely obvious that they're in love, but at the moment, Kendall could care less who notices.

James' father comes to pick him up shortly after breakfast, and James reluctantly leaves, but not before they share a passionate kiss at the door with some minor groping and a 'Kendall, I really have to go now.'

He closes the door behind his retreating lover and sighs dejectedly, before miserably walking back to his room.

When Kendall finally reaches his room, all he can do is stand in horrified shock at the sight that greets him.

His mother is standing ram rod straight and disturbingly still, in his room, clothes basket in hand, staring at the waste basket next to his bed.

"Mom! What are you doing in here?" He freaks because this cannot be happening, not now, not ever.

There are five used condoms sitting on the top of his waste basket and the scent of sex still lingers, thick and heavy, in the air. His sheets are a rumpled mess and Kendall's fairly certain there are a few cum stains from last night's (and this morning's) activities. There is no way his mother hasn't noticed.

Her eyes dart towards the used condoms and his cheeks flush in embarrassment. The first time he has sex, and his mother already knows. He couldn't even hide that from her.

Kendall tries to stutter an excuse, to say something, anything, that'll get him out of this sticky situation, but his mind blanks and there is nothing on the tip of his tongue. He can't talk his way out of this one.

I am such an idiot sometimes, is the only thing running through his mind.

His mother smiles brightly at him, if not a bit forced. "I'm just putting your laundry away," she says sweetly as if she is oblivious to everything. The slight blush on her cheeks and the awkward glance she throws his way are his only clues that tell him she has noticed.

She doesn't bother to put his clothes away. Just drops his hamper on his messy sheets and hurries out of the room as if a nest of hornets is chasing her out.

Kendall drops to his bed and lets his head fall into his hands. Never has he been more embarrassed in his entire life. Not even the time he was pantsed in gym by Carlos and everyone saw his naked white ass, even remotely compares to this instant.

James was right. They should have thrown the trash out sooner.

He calls his boyfriend immediately, because even though the other boy has only been gone for five minutes he has to tell someone and if he's gonna tell anyone it's going to be the eager miscreant that was an equal, and willing, participant in this dirty deed.

And maybe a tiny part of Kendall misses James already.

"She knows," he draws out dramatically before James even has a chance to say hello. His cheeks still burn a dark red, with a fiery blush.

James makes a startled "Umm, what?" before Kendall launches into his jumbled tale of what just happened with his mother.

James has the audacity to laugh at his misery.

"I just experienced the most embarrassing moment of my life and all you can do is laugh at me?" He's nearly hysterical at this point and all his boyfriend can do is make fun of him?

"Would it make it better if I said, I told you so?"

"No, that would not make it better," he bitterly groans into the phone.

"Calm down, Kendall, it's not that bad," James tries to reassure him.

"You're mother didn't just catch you practically having sex!" he hisses loudly. "And she knows you were the only person here all night. Oh my god, she knows I'm gay! With you! She knows I'm having sex with you!"

"Is that such a bad thing?" James mercilessly teases, his voice low and seductive because on top of all this embarrassment, he really wanted a hard on too.

"Yes, no, I don't know. I know we were going to tell her soon, but…" Kendall says and shifts uncomfortably on his bed. This wasn't exactly the best way to tell his mother he was dating his best friend.

"You didn't want her finding out like this," James finishes for him, because the other boy almost always understands him and usually knows exactly how he feels. It's one of the reasons Kendall fell for him in the first place.

"Yeah, something like that," he dejectedly sighs and falls backwards onto his bed. He forgot that his mother left the hamper there, though. His head smacks off the edge of it, before the hamper tumbles to the floor, his clothes spilling out everywhere. Great, just great, he groans as he rubs the back of his head.

"If I tell you something really embarrassing, will it make you feel better?" James says after a moment of silence and Kendall immediately perks up.

"Depends on how embarrassing," he cautiously replies.

"Promise not to tell anyone?" James asks defensively.

"You know I won't," Kendall sighs into the phone.

"Okay. When I was thirteen, my mother caught me masturbating to gay porn."

"This sounds promising," Kendall interrupts with a smirk.

"Shut up! Do you want me to finish the story?" James responds in jest.

"Go right ahead," he responds accordingly.

"Thank you. Anyways, as I was saying, my mother never said a word to me about it. I'm pretty sure she told my father though, cuz he slapped me on the back the next day and said he was proud because I was 'becoming a man.'"

"Ouch," Kendall responds in sympathy.

"Oh, it gets worse," James heatedly draws out as he bitterly recalls the memory, "I'm fairly certain my mother also told our pastor because at church that Sunday, our pastor gave a long sermon about how porn was a sin and how evil porn and masturbating was."

"No way!"

"Wait, it gets better. The pastor came up to me after the sermon, told me 'God watches what I do while I'm alone,' and walked away. I was mortified. I almost died of embarrassment on the spot. Let's just say, I didn't masturbate, or watch porn, for months, because I was so traumatized."

"How did you get over it?" Kendall asks, because that's kind of how he feels right now, traumatized, mortified, and so embarrassed that it feels like something is squeezing his heart and he can't breathe right.

"Because, after a long talk with my father, I realized that it wasn't something I should be ashamed of, or embarrassed about. Masturbating is a completely natural thing to do. I also learned to always make sure I locked the door first. And not to leave condoms on top of the trash."

"And that is a great lesson I apparently have not learned yet," Kendall angrily huffs.

"Don't worry about it so much, babe. You're mother is a great person. I'm sure if you just talked about it with her, she'll understand," James tries to calm him down with. "Even if you are her baby," James teasingly tells him.

"Ugh James, really? I am not talking to my mother about this," Kendall whines, completely disregarding James' last comment.

"Fine, do what you want, but I still say you talk to your mother because this isn't something you should be so embarrassed about. I'll do it with you if that would make you feel better?"

"I might take you up on that offer," he sighs. His hand not clutched tightly to his phone rubs at his hot cheeks, trying to scrub away the blush that refuses to leave. "I don't know, maybe, I'll just see what she does first."

"I doubt she'll bring it up, but you know if you need me you can call me anytime and I'll come over, okay?"

"Okay," Kendall easily agrees and suddenly he's smiling because he already feels immensely more relieved and happier than before he called. It was reason number two on a long list of reasons why Kendall loved him: James always knew how to make him feel better.

"Wait, aren't you still in the car with your father?" he suddenly asks, a little embarrassed again because there is no way they've reached James' house yet.

"Yup. Don't worry about it, though. My father already knows I'm gay, and I might have let it slip that I'm dating you and he already knows how crazy my mother is. Are you mad?"

"About what?"

"That I told my father about us," James says and he sounds a little nervous and scared on the other end of the phone as if Kendall might break out yelling any minute.

"Of course not," Kendall immediately replies without hesitation. "I love you, James."

"I love you too, Kendall."

They hang up, and Kendall has a small smile on his face. He feels a lot better already, though he is definitely not looking forward to facing his mother again.

He waits fifteen whole minutes before texting James about how much he misses him already.

Later than night, Kendall cautiously emerges from his room, fully aware that he cannot hide forever in there. Kendall tries as hard as he knows how not to be awkward and nervous around his mother and Katie at the dinner table. His mother never does bring up the whole sex thing and acts as if she has seen nothing. Foolishly Kendall thinks, maybe she won't bring it up at all.

He should have known better.

It's a full two days before his mother makes reference to the most embarrassing moment of his life.

Somehow the topic of secrets comes up and Kendall doesn't realize until it's too late that his mother has ensnared him in a perfectly placed trap.

"Is there something you want to tell me? Perhaps a secret you've been keeping?" she asks when Kendall mentions he doesn't like keeping secrets.

Kendall does not reply, instead he not so subtly changes the topic to his upcoming hockey game against Duluth.

It's a week later when Kendall stumbles into the house, dead tired after hockey practice. He slumps into a chair in the kitchen, suddenly too tired to make that sandwich he wanted. He starts giggling for no reason because he's that tired.

"I think I've lost it," he mumbles to the empty room.

"What, your virginity?" his mother suddenly asks and he spins around in the chair so quickly he almost tumbles out of it. He hadn't heard her enter the room.

"No, my sanity," he replies, utterly confused to how she had jumped to such a conclusion. Kendall grabs his hockey bag and makes a hasty retreat to his room to avoid the piercing stare his mother is giving him.

It is two weeks later when he finally caves. He can't take the looks his mother is giving him, or the less than subtle remarks she keeps making.

"Come over now," he begs James on the phone. "I can't take this anymore!" And he can't do this alone, can't look his mother in the eyes and tell her the truth. He needs James to be there with him, needs his love and support to get through this.

James is at his front door in less than thirty minutes, a big smile on his face that says I told you so. Kendall can only scowl in response.

"Would you like me to stay for moral support?" Mr. Diamond asks as he places a comforting hand on both of their shoulders.

"No, no, it should be fine. But I really appreciate the offer," Kendall sincerely replies, because, if nothing else, at least they have his support.

Mr. Diamond nods and smiles at the boys and hugs both of them tightly. "You are a fine young man," James' father tells him, "and I'm glad James has you for a boyfriend." Kendall blushes furiously and thanks Mr. Diamond profusely. "Call if you need anything," he tells them before he leaves.

Papa Diamond, Kendall thinks, is the coolest parent ever.

James grabs his hand tightly, interlacing their fingers in a silent promise that's he's there for him no matter what happens. Kendall can only smile nervously in response, eternally grateful that he has a completely wonderful and understanding boyfriend.

He didn't realize how nerve-wracking it would be to tell his mother. They corner his mother, alone, in the dining room and sit across from her at the table.

He tightly squeezes James hand under the table, shares an anxious look with him and decides the best way to do this is to dive right in.

"Mom, I'm gay," he proudly states.

His mother chuckles slightly. "I know sweetie," she says. "I found a magazine under your bed about two years ago."

Well that went a lot better than he expected. He can only give his mother an incredulous look. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I wanted to wait until you felt comfortable to tell me," she responds.

"Are you…okay with this?" he hesitantly asks.

"I want whatever makes you happy," she says, "and whatever makes you happy, makes me happy. I'll always love you no matter what, honey." She reaches across the table to lightly grasp the hand not clutched to James and smiles at him.

Relief washes over him. The invisible hand gripped tightly around his chest loosens and he takes a deep, relaxing breathe. Laughter dances in James' eyes when he throws a relieved glance at the other boy. He can clearly hear James' voice saying I told you so, I told you so, mockingly over and over again in his head.

"Is there anything else you want to tell me?" his mother delicately asks and her eyes dart towards James before settling on Kendall again.

"Yes," Kendall says confidently. He lets go of his mother's hands and grasps both of James' and turns to look at him. "Mom, James is my boyfriend and we've been dating for almost a year now. I love him very much and I know he loves me too."

He faces his mother again and gives her a pointed look. "And before you ask, yes, we are having sex and I know what you're going to say, we're too young. But James and I have given it a lot of thought, and we've talked it over, and we both knew we were ready. And don't worry, we're being very safe. I promise not to get James pregnant," he ends jokingly because he can't help himself. He's just so relieved and happy and he can't even describe the bliss he feels right now at finally being able to tell his mother.

His mother smiles at his defiance. "I've know you were in love with James since you were 12 years old," his mother snorts. "If you think you're ready, then I trust you to make the right decisions."

Kendall wonders long after why he never told his mother sooner. He should have known she would understand.

He's still not quite sure how the most embarrassing moment of his life, turned into something so wonderful, but he'll take it.

He's got the greatest boyfriend and the only people who matter know and support them.

And really Kendall can't ask for anything more.

It's two months later, and they've been in LA for one whole amazing week. Kendall never knew how much he would love sharing a room with his boyfriend. They are not quite sure why they have two beds, though, because one of them is always empty.

They are both dragging themselves out of bed, still completely naked and way too early in the morning to even be coherent, when Logan knocks on the door and lets himself in without a reply.

He gets an eyeful of two naked teenagers, before squeaking 'I saw nothing' and practically slams the door behind him as he leaves.

It is then that Kendall realizes that not only are they butt naked, but there is a large, purple dildo sitting on the desk by the door. It was a present from James' father before the two left for Hollywood.

Kendall groans miserably as James laughs and rolls his eyes at him.

Fate is really laughing at him this time, he thinks as he throws on some clothes. Kendall finds he's not all that embarrassed about it, though. It is, after all, only natural and if Logan didn't want to see anything, he should have waited for a reply.

He smiles at James, intertwines their fingers, and proudly marches out of their room.