La Petite Mort

Author's Note: All characters belong to Meyer.

Location: ISLE ESME

You let me violate you
You let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you
You let me complicate you

Help me; I broke apart my insides
Help me; i've got no soul to sell
Help me; the only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself

NIN-Closer

Nothing about our honeymoon suite was very Edward I thought to myself.

The sumptuous décor appeared to emulate the elegance of the Late Tudor period. My recently wed husband might be nearly one hundred years old, but his taste in home furnishing was very much this decade.

The king-sized bed was beyond ornate. It had four posts, all intricately carved from which hung yards of copper and gold satin-silk that cascaded and formed molten pools on the polished marble floor. There was a mahogany chest of drawers on which sat a shallow porcelain basin and a jug of water, both were adorned with gold leaf and were no doubt antiques. An equally elaborate Persian rug lay at my feet and a grand chandelier with over twenty lit candles flickered above my head. Double doors opened out onto a stone balcony that overlooked the steep cliffs and the turbulent swell below.

Suddenly I felt cool heavy hands weigh on my shoulders.

'It's not exactly subtle', Edward chuckled. 'Esme, like you has far too much reverence for the past.'

'You say that as if it a bad thing.' I scolded my cynic of a husband. 'I, however, happen to find it quite tasteful and romantic, like I'm walking onto the film set for Shakespeare in Love.'

'More like Nosferatu' Edward quipped.

'Not funny' I said, trying to shrug off the sense of unease his offhand comment inspired in me.

'Sorry, inappropriate as always' he apologised, flashing me that sheepish smile I adored.

I smiled back and continued light-heartedly, 'Besides, it's far too picturesque for a horror film..just look at the view of the bay, isn't breathtaking!' I exclaimed, drawing his attention to the red streaked sky.

But he wasn't looking, 'you're breathtaking' he mumbled while his muscled arms snaked around my waist, his hold fast but considerate at the same time. He placed a feather light kiss on the curve of my shoulder. His breath on my skin, after all this time, still felt like ice-fire running through my culpable human veins. He trailed his plump lips up my neck, barely touching my skin but yet somehow tickling every nerve of my body. He reached my ear and to my surprise took my lobe in his mouth. It was too much, my dry lips parted and I let out a sigh as my arms automatically reached for his body.

I felt only the briefest flutter of fingertips on solid flesh before he was gone and out of my grasp. Without his torso to support my desire-drenched body I stumbled. Edward kisses always seemed to have that effect on my knees.

'Bella, What are we doing?' he sighed, clearly exasperated and now on the opposite side of the room.

'I don't understand?' I mumbled, still glamoured by his kisses.

'You know exactly what I mean.' he snapped, 'How can I be intimate with you tonight when just touching you now drives me insane.'

My heart sank; I guess I'd been expecting this.'I have so much faith in you Edward – you're so strong.' I willed him to believe what I was saying.

'Every time I kiss you Bella, I imagine what it would be like to snap your neck and rip open your jugular with my teeth'

'You're past shocking me Edward' I interrupted 'I know exactly what you are and what you are not and I'm not afraid of you.'

'But for gods sake Bella you should be!' he retorted and I scoffed. ''You shouldn't laugh at me when you have no idea how hard it is for me to even be close to you. I can't imagine anything worse than hurting you, but what if I can't control myself?'

'You will' I said forcefully crossing the distance between us 'You'll have to. You said it yourself, you can't live without me. To kill me is suicide and you're a born survivor.'

'It won't matter. None of that logic will matter. Not when I'm there in the moment' he argued. 'You can't even begin to understand' he accused and turned away.

I pulled his face back to look at me 'But remember in the ballet studio, you stopped...you wanted to...' I struggled for the right word 'drain me but you forced yourself to stop'

He flinched,'That was different'

'Not so different' I argued and opened my mouth to continue, then thought better of it. I tried a different angle. 'The thing is we won't truly be husband and wife before we've had...'

I was cut short, 'Do you think I don't know that?' he spat and wrenched his face out of my grasp.

'It's just' I continued unperturbed, 'you were the one who wanted to make me your wife. This is what you wanted.' I stressed.

'Intercourse was your condition Bella.'

'No, marriage was your condition' I retorted sharply I could feel my temper building. 'I thought married couples had sex on their wedding night.'

'Please don't talk like that Bella.'

'Fine, Married couples fuck on their wedding night' I dared.

He looked angry, then disappointed. 'Do you like torturing me?'

'Torturing you? You promised me this one thing!'

'Isn't your life worth a broken promise?'

'You won't hurt me Edward. If something were to go amiss Alice would have seen it' I reminded him.

But, his eyes failed to meet mine, the tension in his shoulders remained and a flash of guilt coloured his perfect features.

'What is it?' I shuddered.'What are you not telling me?'

He looked uncomfortable, 'I never made up my mind' he muttered so low I could scarcely hear it.

'I don't get it'

'I never made up my mind.' He repeated, 'I think I thought I could convince you against it. I tried to tell myself I would go through with it...but I never truly committed myself to the reality of it. Alice only sees the future coloured by our decisions.' He paused as if for dramatic emphasis 'Our future as of tonight is undecided.'

My lips moved but no words came out. For the first time I felt a cold stab of doubt. Did I have faith in Edward? Of course, he was my first love, my protector, my soul mate. Yet did I still have unswerving faith in him? I trusted his head and his heart. But did I trust his hands; did I trust those razor-sharp teeth?

I took a gulp of the reviving salt-sea air and literally swallowed my nerves and my wavering faith. 'I trust you. Instincts and desires aside, Vampire or not, you are my Edward before anything else.' I touched his temple, my hand trembling, 'It is always you in there; the boy, the man, the human soul I fell in love with.'

A sudden gust of wind swept through the bedroom, making the doubles doors clatter and the bed curtains dance eerily in the still stone chamber.

Our gaze broke, 'There's a storm coming' he said, crossing the room and shutting the glass doors. The red sky had been replaced by foreboding storm clouds and the oil black sea below raged against the cliffs like a revenging leviathan. 'Looks bad' he appraised.

'And I thought we left the rain and clouds in Forks' I joked lamely trying to break the tension.

'This is the middle of the Atlantic Bella. This sort of thing is quite common, no need to worry.' Edward pacified, already at my side he gave me a one armed hug and a kiss on the forehead before he left the room. That conversation was clearly over and I didn't have a clue as to what conclusion had been reached.

Now left alone my mind began to wander to all that pretty lace and leather Alice had bought from Agent Provocateur that was going to waste in my suitcase. But then I had a better idea...

'Oh Edward' I called in what I thought might be a somewhat seductive manner.

I was reclining on the bed, my hair loose, a smudge of red lipstick and eyeliner – the best someone like me could manage in less than fifteen minutes. I had on a lace one-piece, high on the legs low on the chest. Black and mostly see through - it left little to the imagination. Sheer hold-ups and satin gloves finished the high-end hooker look to perfection. There had been a pair of dominatrix heels, but considering my accident-prone track record they had been retired to the bottom of the Louis Vuitton holdall.

So there I waited, petrified as to how my vampire husband would react to this flagrant disregard of his puritanical rules.

For a second I thought I saw his jaw drop, but as always he recovered in a blink of an eye, 'You seem to have a death wish Bella.' His voice was cooler than I'd expected and it had lost its usual melodic lilt. I couldn't tell if he was irritated or amused.

'Perhaps I have' I drawled, inwardly cringing at my attempts to seduce.

He noticed and laughed dryly. 'Self-sacrifice always became you my dearest' His hungry eyes raked over my supple body and I could clearly see the desire etched in every inch of his perfect form, the tension in his elegant pianist hands, the hard bulge fighting against his tight black jeans.

I felt he needed one last bit of encouragement.

I let my hand slowly trace my thigh, the curve of my buttocks, the shallow dip of my waist and finally et it rest on the rise of my breast, 'I need you Edward, I need this before I give up everything to you, just this one little little thing.' I begged, letting the desire penetrate my shaking voice.

'You know I could never deny you anything' he breathed as he approached the bed 'especially when you're dressed like that.'

He closed the space between us in less than a second and before I knew it his hands were in my hair and his lips were pressed firmly against my own. He caressed my nearly naked body with confidence and I was suddenly aware of the hardness and closeness of his body and the recklessness of the position I had engineered for myself. But this was my Edward, I thought, the eternal boy who'd always treated me as if I were a china-doll.

I gasped in shock when he bit down on my nipple through the flimsy bodice and when eventually, exasperated by the lack of skin on skin he tore the lace fabric. His hands continued to move assuredly over my chest and waist and down towards the hot epicentre soaking between my thighs. After much kissing, fondling and pinching he paused and his eyes met mine. He looked earnest and afraid and they seemed to say 'are you sure?' and I lost in his spell nodded like a fool.

With my acquiescence he entered be with an index finger and I bucked my hips in response. I found the sensation horribly invasive and yet somehow life affirming at the same time. I gasped loudly and bit down on his shoulder to stifle my moans.

'Does that hurt?' he asked concerned.

'No, you can carry on' I choked; glad he couldn't read my mind as I concentrated on blocking out the acute stabbing pain.

He continued to piston his finger in and out of me while he ravaged my neck and chest with benedictory kisses. He pushed in another finger and after a time added a third. Something was building in me, but I wasn't sure what it was, I needed something else, not a finger but a... suddenly I understood.

'Edward, I think I'm ready' I murmured incoherently, 'I want you inside me' I pleaded -the words sounding alien in my mouth.

He pulled his fingers out ready to reposition himself and suddenly the dull iron smell hit the air. Edward's hands usually ghostly pale reflected a sickly red in the candle light. I looked down and saw a small red puddle expanding on the sheets beneath my thighs.

Fear coursed through me and I immediately recoiled aware of my nakedness and vulnerability.

'Edward, are you all right?' I asked, at a loss for anything more appropriate.

'I'm fine' he gagged, trying not to inhale the blood tinged air, whilst wiping his offending hand on the cream bed linen. 'We knew that would happen sooner or later – I will ignore it'. He struggled with the words.

'I can have a shower ' I blubbered 'start again later' as a creep of unease caressed my back leaving gooseflesh on my arms.

'No I want to give you a proper wedding night' he insisted. 'This is what you wanted and I want you to much to stop now.'

He resumed his kisses and I reluctantly gave into him again. Perhaps it was my over-active imagination but everything about Edward's actions appeared more persistent and aggressive. His touch was less considerate and his lips were hard and bruising. His tongue, so often feather light against my mouth, felt like an invader, desperately trying to capture my tongue and my tonsils. He was clumsy, his teeth clashed against mine and his hands pinned me in place. I could already feel the bruises forming on my wrists and thighs.

A rumble of thunder and a clap of lightning illuminated the room, and I inwardly damned the pathetic fallacy of the whole thing. Thunder storm, four-poster, candle-light, blood , lethal vampire and virgin bride we'd sure completed the tick list for Gothic novel.

I desperately tried to remember the little I'd read about sex. Perhaps this was just passion, it was only my fear that made me mistake Edward's intentions. His rough hands and clumsy lips were no more than the over zealous ministration of an inexperienced boy.

Suddenly he grabbed my hand and pushed it forcefully down the front of his jeans. 'Touch me Bella' he moaned into my ear.

I obeyed running my hand up and down the length of this thing I couldn't see but felt too big to fit where it was meant to.

'Oh, that' feels so good' he encouraged.

His breathing was shallow and he began to groan loudly so I increased the speed and pressure. I was aroused, yet confused, intrigued yet repulsed by this new side of my usually in control Edward. My thoughts returned to the blood and my mind reeled. I felt my insides tingle with trepidation and cursed myself for feeding my desire with the recklessness and danger of my predicament.

'Oh Bella' Edward moaned, 'I want you, I want all of you!'

This time without my compliance he positioned my body deftly beneath him, spreading my blood stained thighs wide to give himself better access. He quickly removed his trousers and revealed his marble-like column which not only had felt to big in my hand but now looked almost monstrous in the candle light.

'You ready for me Bella?' he teased.

I began to answer but I was distracted by the smear of red that hovered above his upper lip. My body froze.

'Edward, you should probably know that you have some of my blood, just there' I motioned, 'Be still and let me' I went to remove the risk.

'No' he interrupted, and averting my outstretched hand. His tongue flicked out and cleaned his upper lip. His eyes closed in bliss and his already engorged member seemed to pulsate and grow bigger before my very eyes. His eyes closed and he murmured as if lost in a dream.

'Edward, I don't think you should have done that' I warned.

His eyes opened slowly - 'But Bella you taste amazing!'

'Edward stop being stupid!' I warned, fear sweeping my body.

'I'm sorry to scare you my love, but it only proves I can resist' Before I could answer he took my lips in his and I tasted my blood mingled with his sweet saliva and I felt strangely sick. 'I love you so much. I won't lie, this is going to hurt, I can't help hurting you – but after this I will never hurt you again.'

And with one dagger like thrust, one gasp of pleasure and one cry of pain I left my childhood and my innocence behind forever. He started to thrust steadily but deeply into my virgin entrance, grunting with each new stroke.

Once accustomed with the pace and the burning sensation between my legs I also lost myself to this before unknown intimacy. The pleasure engulfed my young body in an awesome wave and I began to moan.

Edward presumably ennobled by my satisfaction, began to thrust harder. Bringing my legs up above my head and driving into me hard and fast.

'Oh fuck' he groaned before silencing my surprise by bringing his lips crashing down on mine. Then to my horror he brought his blood caked fingers to our joint mouths forcing them into our heady kiss. My heart hammered and I felt like retching. Yet as the kiss deepened my entire body felt as though it had been set on fire and my wet heat pooled between my legs. I was turned on beyond my wildest dreams but at the same time I was disgusted and horrified at the depravity of my vampire lover; and even more then his depravity, the perversity that existed in me.

How often had I imagined this sadist Edward in my dreams? Yet I had always thought it would remain a dream...and perhaps that's how I wanted it to stay. Edward: the vampire of my fantasies not my reality.

'Edward, do you think we should stop?' I tried, my feet suddenly cold and I tried to sit up.

But I was ignored and instead felt firm hands pushing me aggressively back down on the bed.

'Edward' I insisted 'Lets take this slower.'

But again I was ignored and he pounded hilt deep into me making me scream in pain. I tried to fight him off but it was like hitting a stone wall. His hands knotted into fists in my hair and his knees pinned me immobile beneath him. Outside I was vaguely aware that the storm raged on, with hail and sea spray pummelling the glass doors.

I continued to scream but wherever Edward was in those last minutes he couldn't hear me. After a time I could no longer hear myself, it was as if everything in the world had slowed down and all I could think was how beautiful the feathers from the torn duck-down pillows looked as they settled peacefully on the marble floor.

Edward finally stopped his full length still inside me. His jaw stiffened, his back arched and for a second I saw a flash of red in those pure amber eyes that I had once fallen instantly in love with. It was then that I knew it was over.

I felt the graze of his sharp teeth, the puncturing of my malleable skin and the pop of a vein.

It felt like pain. It felt like pleasure. It felt like entering paradise and finding eternal damnation.

It took me over the edge, my whole body tensed, my vaginal muscles contracted then tightened. I felt bliss for one short second that felt like forever. Then there was nothing. Not the cool touch of my lover, not the death grip of my murderer, not the beat of my fragile human heart. Nothing.

A painfully beautiful seventeen year old youth sat on the bed cradling a porcelain skinned, doe eyed unconventionally pretty girl. Many would have said she was too plain for one such as him. She looked like she was sleeping, but her head was at the wrong angle, bloody handprints peppered her too-white, too-naked body and no flutter of a heart beat played upon her ivory chest. The boy might have cried if he could, but such cathartic human luxuries were denied to him and his kind. Instead he wrapped his arms around his naive bride, gave into his primitive desires and let his mouth trace the red river that snaked through the valley of her breasts.

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed it and thanks for taking the time to read this! x