Chapter 6:

Cornelius Fudge

"Harry James Potter, you are here today for illegally conjuring a Patronus on the night of August 2nd, in the presence of a Muggle, while underage. This is a violation of-."

"I only did it because of the dem-!"

"Silence. You were aware that you were not aloud to use magic outside of

school?"

"Yes, but it was because of the dementors!"

"Dementors? Dementors, did he say?" The Wizengamot whispered to themselves.

"Nonsense. Complete lies." Fudge muttered.

"Cornelius. I suggest you listen to Harry and his story. That is, after all, why he is here." Albus Dumbledore spoke up.

"Now see here Dumbledore. If Potter is telling the truth, I'll eat my hat."

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…."

The court was quiet. What was going on? Only Harry Potter knew, and he had to force himself to keep from smiling.

Cornelius Fudge…is a hat eater….

"I-I meant that-I don't eat hats! What is the nonsense Dumbledore, I don't have for this!"

"I assure you Cornelius, I have no idea who accused you of eating hats." Dumbledore looked quite comfortable as the Voice continued.

"Cornelius Fudge…Isn't the Minister of Magic. He is a Muggle potato farmer from New Jersey."

"I am too a wizard! Er, anyone know what a farmer or a 'New Jersey' is?" Fudge asked his fellow Wizenmagot members. No one answered him, as they wanted to hear more from the Voice. "Oh, this is bonkers. How can I do magic if I'm a Muggle? Am I supposed to, steal it or something?" He snorted.

A toad-face woman in the Wizenmagot scribbled something on a clipboard. "Muggles…stealing magic. Note to self. Must act on theory someday."

"Cornelius Fudge…his parents were big eaters."

"Excuse me! Are you insinuating my parents are fat?"

"Well, look at it this way. CORNelius FUDGE? Seriously, who names their kid that?"

"That does it Voice! How dare you come in and state lies about me, wherever you are! I'm in the middle of a trial here I case you hadn't noticed!" Fudge shouted, looking slightly deranged.

During the middle of this, Harry Potter was biting his lips very hard to prevent from laughing. He had even drawn a few drops of blood from the pressure of it. Even Albus Dumbledore looked as though he was enjoying himself. The Wizenmagot were deathly silent. They didn't want to get on Fudge's bad side.

"Oh, believe me, I noticed. And since I need to stand up for my little wizarding pirate dragonfly cannibal paranoid angry cheating Potter, I have a witness for the defense."

"First, what in Merlin's name did you call Potter? Second, I don't need a witness for the defense, especially from you." Fudge yelled even louder, grabbing his hair.

A man walked inside the courtroom in Muggle clothes. Everyone was staring at him. He spoke up;

"Hey, Fudge, look, I really respect how serious you are about your job, and I'm a let you finish, and Harry, I really respect how you saved your cousin from dementors and all, and I'm a let you finish too, but Harry blowing up his Aunt Marge was the BEST UNDERAGE MAGIC OF ALL TIME! That's all."

There was a very awkward pause.

"Uh, thank you, Mr….?" Harry started to say, but was interrupted by a member of the jury.

"OH MAH GAWD! IT"S KANYE WEST! OH MAH GAWD!I NEED YOUR AUTOGRAPH!"

That pause was made even more awkward as everyone stared at a middle aged balding man in the Wizenmagot.

"Oh, ahem. I mean, I need your autograph, for my daughter. She's a fan, not me. That's preposterous. Indeed."

There was a giant vein throbbing in Fudge's head. He hit his face with the palm of his hand, before speaking. "Mr. West, go away. I don't have five centuries here. Voice, I will not deal with this, I'm the Minster of Magic, I'm-."

"Cornelius Fudge…is a gold digger."

"W-What?"

Harry couldn't stop himself anymore. He fell out of his chair, clutching his stomach, laughing so hard his face turned a shade of bright red.

"Mr. Potter, control yourself!" Fudge screamed as the Voice began rapping with Kayne West. Dumbledore didn't know the words, but he began humming the beat.

"Hey, no fair! This is 1995! This song didn't even come out yet!" The Wizenmagot member yelled over the rapping.

"SILENCE!" Everyone stopped.

"Hey, Voice, you're cool and all, but your rapping is terrible. See ya!" And with that, Kayne West disappeared in thin air.

"How-How did that Muggle disiparate? And, how did-Oh never mind, this is all a dream, and I will eventually wake up, because of all of this is impossible." Fudge was twitchy and had an odd look on his face. It made him look mad.

"Hmm. That was interesting. Cornelius, would you care for a lemon drop?" Dumbledore asked politely.

"NOW IS NOT THE BLOODY TIME FOR LEMON DROPS DUMBLEDORE!"

"Of course, you're right. I believe the purpose of this whole trial, was, to decide on the guilt of Harry Potter. No doubt, this was not as how we'd thought it would go, (at this Fudge let out a shriek), but nonetheless, we shouldn't allow this to distract the meaning of this whole get-together. All in favor of Harry's innocence?"

Almost everyone except, Fudge, The toad-faced woman, and Percy Weasley raised their hands.

"Splendid. Then Harry shall not be expelled. Very glad we made so much progress, Cornelius."Dumbledore glided out of the chamber.

Fudge glared at the Wizenmagot. "Weasley, get me the strongest drink you can find, immediately. The rest of you, get out of my sight."

Everyone left the chamber, excluding Fudge and Harry. Harry now looked very uncomfortable, as Fudge was staring at him, eye twitching, wearing a very creepy smile.

"I'm still here you know." The Voice called from nowhere.

"NOOOO! I"D RATHER HAVE THE MUGGLE THEN YOU!"

"Well, you won't. You know why? You hurt his feelings, that's why."

Fudge buried his face into his hands.

"Now You know…Cornelius Fudge…the unfortunaly named Muggle hat eater potato farmer from New Jersey, who is a gold digging jerk."

Fudge started crying, which was only half as loud as the Wizenmagot member sobbed, "WHY DIDN"T I GET HIS AUTOGRAPH?" from outside the chamber.

Harry then decided, quite wisely, that this was an excellent time to leave.

A/N:

Disclaimer: HP, KYS and Kanye West don't belong to moi.

Poor Voice. No one likes him for some reason.

I think I'll be doing Dumbledore in the 5th year welcoming feast speech. Yes, the Voice will announce facts in front of all of Hogwarts. (MWAHAHA!)

OH, BTW, you might need to know a bit about what happened with Kanye West to get a couple of the jokes. And that's why Google is your friend. ;)