Under the Influence

Tsukasa and Miyuki- part 1

Usually, I'm the first one to fall asleep at our sleepovers. I kind of was actually, since I fell asleep back when we were chatting in Onee-chan's room. But, I woke up again when Yuki-chan and I went to sleep in my room. I haven't been able to get back to sleep since then. I'm really tired though, I wish I could go back to sleep. I can't though. Instead I've been lying in bed, watching the wall for the past hour or so, I'm not really sure how long.

I guess I'm just thinking too much. I'm not used to it, and I don't like it, but lately I can't seem to stop thinking about all kinds of things. And there are two things in particular that I've been thinking about that have been driving me a little crazy.

The first is why Onee-chan and Kona-chan sent Yuki and me to sleep in my room. I know Onee-chan really well. She is my Onee-chan after all. Kona-chan even thinks we should be able to read each other's minds since we're twins. I know when she's upset, and when she's scared, and when she's angry and when she's happy, even if she doesn't say it. Lately, she's been more than happy. She's been super out of this world happy. But she won't admit it, and she tries to hide it. She is happy though, and I know why. It's cause Onee-chan is in love, and the person she loves is Kona-chan.

I'm really happy for her, and I want to support my Onee-chan, especially if she's in love with my good friend too. I feel upset that she tries to hide it from me though. Should I tell her I know? Is it a secret? Am I not supposed to know?

But…if it is a secret…well… they aren't exactly hiding it very well. They've been having sleepovers every weekend for over a month. I'm not sure how far they go at Kona-chan's house but when they're here…well I can even hear them now. Onee-chan! I don't like when you keep things from me, but if you're going to can't you try a little harder to keep it down? They're in the room right next to us too, how could you not notice it.

That brings up the other thing that I've been thinking about too. Yuki-chan is here. Can she hear it too? Does she know about them? Did they tell her and not me? No, they probably wouldn't do that…right? Still…Yuki-chan is really smart. She's probably the smartest person I've ever met. She must have noticed, right? She has to know about them. How much does she know? Does she know what they've been doing, and what they're doing right now? Did she know they liked each other? Does she… does she know… that I'm like them too?

I never really thought about it before I noticed Onee-chan and Kona-chan, but I guess I like girls too. Well, not quite. I'm not sure about liking girls, but I like a girl. I might even be in love with her. I'm always thinking about her. I watch her in class. I just can't help myself.

She's so beautiful, and cute, and smart, and I always have so much more fun when she's around. But it's not just that. When I'm around her, I'm happy, but I'm sad at the same time. It's really strange. I'm happy she's there, but she just feels so far away.

I don't want to just hang out with her like I do with Kona-chan and Onee-chan. I want to hug her all the time. When she talks, I end up staring right at her mouth, at her lips. I just want to kiss her so badly! Is that enough for me to know if I love her?

Stupid Onee-chan! Stupid Kona-chan! Why did you two have to make me go and realize I'm in love with Yuki-chan? And now I'm here with her, in my bedroom, alone in the middle of the night, so that the two of you can…can… No I can't think about that now! Not when Yuki-chan is right here in the room with me!

Yuki-chan… I wonder if she's been able to sleep all right. I turn around in bed to check, shuffling about in my blankets so I can look down and see her. It's dark though, so I can't really tell. She's still lying there on the guest futon though. She's moving around a bit though. I guess she can't sleep either.

"Are you awake, Yuki-chan?" I ask quietly. I wouldn't want to wake her if she was just moving around in her dream, that'd be pretty mean.

"Tsu-Tsukasa-san? I thought…I thought you were sleeping." She's being very quiet, almost like she doesn't want to wake me up either. Silly Yuki-chan, you know I'm awake already.

"No, I couldn't fall back asleep after we switched rooms. Eh heh."

"Oh my, are you feeling all right? You're usually fast asleep by now aren't you?" Geez Yuki-chan, I know I usually am, but I'm not a little kid. I can stay up if I feel like it…even if I am really tired right now.

"I'm fine, I just couldn't sleep." I'm not sure what to say. Should I bring it up? Has she noticed?

"…Tsukasa-san… Was it… because of the noise?" She says it so shyly. I can't see her face but I can almost hear her blushing. But I knew she would notice, she's so smart after all. And I'm glad I don't have to worry about being the one to bring it up, thanks Yuki-chan!

"Tsukasa-san? Is that it? Did you…did you know about it too?"

"Yeah… I've known about it for a while… Oh Yuki-chan, I can't stand it!"

"Wh-What? You have a problem with them being together Tsukasa-san?" She's so startled, almost like she's panicking a bit.

"No, no, of course not. I don't mind that Onee-chan loves Kona-chan. But why is it a big secret like this? She's my twin sister, why would she hide something like this from me? Does she really not trust me anymore?" I clutch my blankets to my chest tightly. I'm on the verge of tears just thinking about it. Oh why do I have to be this way in front of Yuki-chan. She shouldn't have to see me like this.

"Oh… Oh dear, Tsukasa-san… It's all right." She's kneeling on top of the futon now, so her face is level with mine. I can see her a bit better now, but I'm more worried about the fact she can probably see me.

"But- But she's my Onee-chan. And we're close with Kona-chan too. Did they tell you Yuki-chan? Do they trust you over me?" She reaches out to me, and starts to pet my hair gently. It's so calming… her soft hand going through my hair… running down to my shoulder then leaving and coming back again.

"No Tsukasa-san, they didn't tell me anything either. But I don't think it's because they don't trust you."

"It…it isn't?"

"They're probably scared. Not everyone is so understanding of relationships like theirs. If… If you had a problem with them being together, or got angry with them… it would hurt them both very much."

"I would never-"

"I know you wouldn't Tsukasa-san. You're a very sweet, understanding person. But they don't know how you'd react, they probably just wanted to make sure they didn't upset you."

"Yuki-chan…" She's so smart. I didn't even think of that. Onee-chan being scared of me, that's silly. But Yuki-chan's right. They just didn't know how I would feel about it. "You're so smart."

"…" She stops petting my hair. "No…not really."

"Huh?" Did I hear that right? "What are you talking about, Yuki-chan? Of course you're smart, you're super smart! You're… you're probably the smartest person I've ever met!"

"Oh my, well thank you. But… well lately I haven't really been feeling like that's the truth."

"Why Yuki-chan? Did you hit your head? Did you have some sort of accident?" Oh no! Yuki-chan's brilliant mind has been damaged? Who would do such a thing!

"No, I'm fine, really!"

"Oh." Whew. "So what is it then? Why wouldn't you be smart?"

"Well… I guess I've been acting pretty silly lately."

"Did you bump into things again?"

"No… well yes… but no that's not it."

"What then? What's wrong Yuki-chan?"

"I…I don't want to upset you either… Which is silly… You're so sweet Tsukasa… I'm sure you'd forgive me for it." What? Forgive her? Did Yuki-chan do something wrong? Her hand goes even further from my hair, and she holds it close to her chest.

"I don't get it."

"All right…Tsukasa-san I… Well I… When I found out about Kagami-san and Izumi-san I… well I realized… I like someone!"

…What?

"Oh." She likes someone… "Oh that's… that's great Yuki-chan." Of course she does. "Well what type of person is it?" Why am I acting like this? I don't want to cheer her on like this. Don't like someone else Yuki-chan! Like me! Please Yuki-chan… Don't fall for someone else… please…

"…Someone like that." Oh, she explained what they're like… I wasn't listening at all.

"I'm sure it'll work out great for you Yuki-chan!"

"I'm not so sure it will."

"Of course it will silly. You're such a wonderful person, who wouldn't fall for you?"

"Oh… Oh Tsukasa-san. I… I'm just not sure… I… I don't think you understand."

"But he'd have to be crazy not to like you, Yuki-chan. You're so smart, and you're sweet, and kind, and cute, and beautiful."

"Be-beauti-…I…I… He?"

"I'm sure, whoever he is, he'll definitely like you back. And…and if he doesn't… well he's… he's just really stupid then, so who cares?"

"It's not anyone stupid." Oh, well that's good. "And…and it's not… a 'he'. But she is someone who… who thinks I'm all those things." Her head dips down. "She's someone who understands me really well." She rings her hands. "And…and she's someone…" Her left hand moves slowly towards me. She strokes my hair again. Softly. Slowly. And when she reaches the ends she brings her hand back to cup my cheek. "She's someone I care about very much."

"Yu-yuki-…Miyuki-chan." Does she mean…? Could that mean…? She… She's so close now. Our faces are only a few centimeters apart. She's facing me with her eyes closed tightly. She must be blushing she must look so adorable. I feel so happy, so warm. …Hey wait a second.

"You don't think I'm stupid?" Her eyes shoot open in surprise. I can't quite tell if she's shocked or confused. Maybe it's both.

"What? No I… No of course I don't think that. But…But Tsukasa-san… Didn't… Didn't you hear what… What I said after that?"

Of course I did, but I'm just so happy I can't believe it. It's like I'm going to explode. I just…I just… Can't hold it in!

"Yuki-chan!" I go to hug her, but I sort of forgot that I'm on the bed and she's on the ground. It's more like a tackle than a hug. Or that word Kona-chan uses…what is it? A glomp, that's it! I think…

"Ah. Oh, I'm sorry Yuki-chan, are you all ri…" We landed together on the futon, me on top of her with my arms around her neck. I was asking something but I forgot what it was suddenly. She's laying under me, with her soft hair a mess underneath her. Her breathing is faster, and from here I can see her face, her blush taking it over. Her hands, tight at her chest again, start to move up.

"Oh… Oh my… I…" She doesn't finish her sentence either. In stead she brushes the hair out of my face and cups my cheek. "Tsu-Tsukasa-s-san… I…I"

"Iloveyouyukichan!"