Colliding Stars

Summary: Truth is revealed by the words that stay unspoken. OneShot.

Warnings: Woah! This has become something unexpectedly long and deep… I give up, I just can´t do fluffy, happy romance. Be prepared for angst, anger, drama and, again, angst. Last chance to run.

Oh yeah. Unbeta´d. Because I spent my entire Sunday night getting this out of my system and I just HAD to post it as quickly as possible! I apologize for my grammar. Fifteen years of English weren´t enough, apparently.

Set: Story-unrelated, future-fic. Rese and Cass should be about 25.

Disclaimer: I own a healthy passion for soccer and, of course, want Germany to win this first match against Australia! Go, DFB-11! (I don´t own Night School, by the way…) (PS While I´m writing this, fireworks are going off and the first cars are starting their after-game-honking-concert… I guess that means we have won! Yay! 4:0!)

Ten has often wondered what made stars gravitate towards each other.

Wasn´t it nice to be alone, to be surrounded by the soft darkness and expanse of the entire universe? The simplicity and possibility of just existing – and just for one simple reason – has always had a nice prospect to her.

Stars shine.

Once, she wanted to shine like that, too. To just be there, to live, to exist, and to be watched from the distance by the people she loved. It´s only since she has learned to see what is right in front of her, since she has understood what it is she is seeing that she understands why stars gravitate towards each other, even if it means they will die in the collision.

Ten loves her friends, but she worries most about Rese and Cass.

Gradual protraction.

Mutual attraction.

Accelerating gravitation.

Inexorable collision.

They witness it from the living-room, Terrence and Ten, the big bang, the clash they have been waiting for since it began. Nobody else is there to watch, no one else is listening. Ten doubts even Cass and Rese are aware there are others in the house besides the two of them. They probably have forgotten, the way they always forget they´re not alone as soon as they meet. Through the half-open door, they can see two people carry out a confrontation that is as inevitable as summer following spring.

"What the-", Rese starts as she feels a hand grab her arm. She spins just in time to see Cassidy standing behind her and immediately backs away from his grim expression. His grip is tight. Ten can see her wince.

"What are you playing?", Cass demands, his back to the quiet audience. His voice is full of controlled fury. His shoulders show the strain with which he is still holding back.

"What do you mean?" Rese always lived with the principle that attack was the best kind of defense. Still, Terrence can hear the uncertainty in her voice.

"You know what I mean, Rese! What are you playing this time? Don´t tell me you haven´t planned this all along!"

"I don´t know what you mean", she snaps at him and tears her hand free of his grip. She´s still cornered, though.

"If you´re still sulking because of what happened, I can´t help you. Get over it."

"Get over it?", he repeats, an incredulous laugh escaping his lips. "You do something like that and I´m supposed to just get over it?"

"That´s what you normally do, don´t you?"

"No, Rese, no, that´s what you normally do! You walk in on people and treat them like trash and then leave! You don´t care what happens to others as long as you are fine! You only care about yourself – you turned your back and told me it was over!"

"And you don´t understand the meaning of the words, Mr. Perfect? For your information: Over means exactly that: It is over! There is nothing between the two of us – there never has been anything!"

The silence fills the kitchen, fills the living-room, fills the entire black space around both protagonists and audience.

"So that´s your final word", Cassidy finally answers, something unreadable in his voice. Ten cannot see his face. His voice is still calm and tightly controlled. "But – you know what?"

A scornful sound can be heard.

"What, Mr. Teacher? What have I missed this time? Could it be that I still haven´t made myself clear?"

"Oh, you´ve made yourself clear, Rese, perfectly clear. From what you say" – his hand drops and he advances even more on her, and Rese, inexplicably, advances backward, even though Cassidy has made no threatening gesture. Ten has seldom seen her lose ground, especially to her best friend. Former best friend. She cannot say what they have become. First they were best friends. Then, partners. Then, lovers. Now… Now they are falling apart.

"From what you say, the last one-and-a-half year hasn´t taken place. From what you say, you never felt anything remotely like love for me, from what you say, you don´t care what happens to me and you never cared. From what you say, you´ve dropped me like a hot potato, and you are not even interested in telling me the reason why!"

His voice steadily increases in volume until Rese visibly flinches under the intensity of his last words. There are a million layers to them, and Terrence can read them all. There is hurt, and the feeling of betrayal, and misunderstanding, and fear, and the unwillingness to understand. The impossibility to understand, because, apparently, there never was an explanation to what happened and why. Not even Cassidy, with his ridiculously high IQ and his excellent intuition, can tell what has happened to bring them to this point. Terrence is as clueless as he is, but something deep inside him tells him that his own role in this play is as fucked-up as theirs is.

"What do you want me to say?", Rese retorts and glares at her former best friend and lover. "That we weren´t meant to be? That it didn´t work out the way it was supposed to? That we just don´t belong together?"

"Don´t dare coming at me like that, Rese! I have no idea what was going on in your damn head, if I had, I´d be better off! I just want to know why you suddenly left, just like that, without a single word!"
His voice suddenly drops a level. Ten and Terrence lean forward, unwilling to miss out on something but not wanting to be eaves-dropping too obviously. Both are amazed by the sudden intimacy that colors his next words. It´s almost embarrassing to listen and it certainly is embarrassing to watch Rese blush like that. Obviously, she remembers the same thing he remembers.

"What happened, Rese? I thought everything was fine between the two of us. I thought…"

He leans closer. Rese cannot back off further; she is pinned against the kitchen counter. "I thought you were happy", he finally whispers and tilts his head.

Something strange happens.

To Ten, it seems as if Rese is close to giving in and – do it, girl! – both her hands come up. Slow, slow, as if she is fighting herself. Cass leans even closer, but neither Terrence nor Ten are able to see if they actually are kissing or not. And then, Rese´s hands are at one level with Cass´s shoulders, and instead of clinging to him, she pushes him away.

Hard.

Caught by surprise, Cass stumbles backwards. Next to Ten, Terrence exhales and his shoulders slump. So that was it, both think. No matter what will happen next, this was their last chance. Cass won´t ever get close to Rese if she reacts like that. If she shows him she doesn´t want him to do so that clearly, he´ll never look in her direction again. Sometimes, Ten thinks, men are so stupid. Terrence wonders what has happened with his little Resa who always knew exactly what she wanted.

"Don´t ever do that again", Rese hisses, but there is an edge in her voice that sounds like she wants to cry. Ten isn´t the only one to notice. Cassidy doesn´t seem to care.

"What", he replies, sardonically. "Two weeks ago, you didn´t mind me being that close. You didn´t mind me kissing you, damnit! Now you´ve thrown yourself around this… this guy´s" – he practically spits out the last word – "neck, you just forget what has happened? You just go back to pretending nothing has changed? Next thing is you´ll want me to be your best friend again!"

Something in her face tells Terrence she wants anything than that, but she doesn´t say so.

"I don´t care what you think about Michael", she spits back and makes a step forward. "You don´t have to like him!"

"No, it´s only you who has to like him!", Cass replies maliciously. "I wonder how long he´ll put up with your moods and your sharp tongue! I wonder how long it will take you until you exchange him for another poor guy who has no idea into what he has gotten himself! I wonder how long it will take him to leave you, because he cannot stand your sight anymore!"

That was low, especially coming from Cass. Rese thinks so, too, probably, because she stares a few seconds until her temper flares up like water on a hot surface. To the impartial audience, though, it looks like a desperate attempt to hide something.

"Shut up! Just because you don´t find anyone – anyone…" Words have obviously left her. Her fists are clenched tightly, her eyes are molten lava. Cass snickers.

"The fact that I haven´t exchanged girlfriends in a span of two weeks doesn´t mean I couldn´t, Rese!"

"So what are you waiting for! Go and leave me alone! GO!" She shrieks the last words and lashes out with her right hand. Cass catches it – the hand´s not even fisted properly – easily and jerks it down. Terrence sees Rese stiffen in sudden pain and clenches his fists. Ten throws him a warning look.

"Just in case you´ve forgotten, I live here, too. I´m not leaving just because Madam feels annoyed by my presence!"

"Why can´t you just leave me alone?"

"How funny." Again, he probably grins without humor, and Rese´s eyes wander to his face. She had been trying to free her hand from his grip, but apparently, he isn´t letting her get off that easily this time. Now, she freezes. There must be something in his eyes only she can see.
"I can remember a time you definitely didn´t want to be left alone."

No answer. Cassidy tries again, his voice carefully controlled.

"What happened, Rese? I don´t believe your story of not feeling comfortable and not wanting to continue our relationship. I don´t believe it a second. You can go and make out with any stupid, arrogant hunter as long as you want" – she gives a shriek of fury, but he doesn´t let her continue – "But don´t tell me it´s because what we had is forgotten. Because it isn´t, and you know that as well as I do."

Tears seem to be spilling over, but that´s not sure, because she has lowered her head and her hair is blocking out any sight of her face.

"Cass."

For the first time, she is speaking out his name, and the soft sound makes Ten and Terrence raise their eyebrows. Obviously, they´d been correct – something isn´t right. This is so much more than they thought it was.
"Why do you have to make this so hard? I told you I didn´t want to continue our relationship. Why can´t you just accept the fact?"

"Why?" He laughs, but there is no amusement in his voice. Rather the opposite. "Why can´t I just accept the fact that you don´t want to be with me anymore and don´t even tell me why? You mean, why can´t I just accept that you drop me, and immediately hook up with someone else? You wonder why I can´t stop wondering what I did wrong, or what I didn´t notice, or what on earth has happened that the woman I love suddenly leaves without any explanation?"

"You´ll forget", she says, but she sounds so hopeless not even Marina would have believed her. "You´ll find someone else, Cass, and she´ll be better for you. She´ll be great, and she´ll love you, and she – she won´t be all messed-up like me."

Desperation.

It wouldn´t even have escaped Jay and his carefree attitude that those words were something she wanted to believe – wanted to desperately – but wasn´t able to. Ten and Terrence look at each other, both still frowning. Cass closes in again.

"What if I don´t want anyone else?", he asks quietly. "What if I only want you?"

"Then you´re crazy", Rese throws at him with newly sparked anger. Desperation. "Even I know that you´re not the only person available on this planet. There are many women, and many men, and you of all people should know that. What´s wrong with you? If I say I don´t want to be with you anymore, why can´t you accept? Do I have to tell you I´m bored, and I don´t want to see only your face again and again? What´s wrong with falling in love with some other guy? I don´t belong to you, Cassidy O´Rourke!"

She has hit.

Cass drops her hand as if she was something incredibly revolting.

"Fine", he hisses, his fists now clenched at his side as well. "Fine. I don´t care what happens anymore. Go, do whatever you feel like doing, make out with whomever you wish, be with whomever has the nerve to stand you! I don´t care anymore. We´re finished."

His gaze locks into hers.

"That´s what you wanted, isn´t it? I´m leaving."

Silence. Then:

"What do you mean, you´re leaving?"

"What I just said." Cass turns around and heads for the kitchen door. Ten and Terrence sit stunned as he stalks towards them. He doesn´t even spare them a glance.
"I´m leaving. I´m not staying in this place anymore."

"Wait, Cass – you can´t leave!"

"So now I can´t leave? I´m not supposed to be around you, but I´m not allowed leaving? Seriously, Teresa. Grow up."

Terrence sees Rese stiffen when he calls her by her full name. And then, just like that, she snaps. A dish is hurled at Cass´s head and he ducks. The porcelain shatters on the wall of the living-room. A wordless shriek of rage is heard, piercing and shrill.

"I ha-"

Truth is revealed by the words that stay unspoken.

Rese chokes on the words, unable to utter them, and Cassidy knows as well as Ten and Terrence know that these are the only words she´ll never be able to speak out loud.

I hate you.

Cass turns just in time to see her crumble to the ground in the kitchen, her hands wrapped around herself. She is sobbing helplessly, her chest heaving and falling. Cassidy regards her for a few seconds, then gives in to the mad urge and returns into the kitchen. Ten and Terrence, unable to watch uninvolved any longer, carefully follow him. They linger in the doorway while Cass squats down next to her and tries to get a look at her face.

"Rese?"

The second he utters her name, anger and hurt disappeared from his voice, she throws herself forward, holding on to him as if she was falling and he was the only thing keeping her safe. Estranged, he exchanges a look with Ten and Terrence, but both shrug. There is no way they can get an explanation out of her right now, because she is still choking violently, whispering words they can´t understand. After a seemingly endless time, the choking recedes and only the whispered stream of words remains, falling from her lips like a prayer.

I can´t. I can´t. I can´t…

Exactly that moment, Nada, Jay, Jaq and Marina return from their patrol. Cheerful voices and slamming doors accompany them. The voices stop abruptly when they enter the living-room and see Ten and Terrence linger in the doorway of the kitchen.

"What the hell…"
Jay drops his sword and advances, seeing their worried expressions. The others follow, curiosity roused. Nadya, Jay and Jaq see Rese on the ground, and Cass holding her, and frown at their two other friends who only shrug in response. Marina sees Rese clinging to Cassidy and shrieks in wordless anger.

"But you can´t! You´re not allowed – the Council!"

Then she realizes what she has said.

But it´s too late.

While all still are staring at her clueless, Rese lifts her face. Even her lips are bloodless.

"How do you know?", she asks tonelessly. Marina falls back and seems to shrink.

"I don´t know – I just overheard…"

Rese comes to her feet so fast she almost knocks Cass over and advances on the smaller woman.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW? I told nobody! Nobody! How do you know about the Council´s order?"

"I just heard!", Marina sobs and tries to hide behind Nadya. Rese grabs her upper arms and pulls her back into the kitchen. The seer tries to free herself, but the hunter is so much stronger.

"You heard what?", Terrence demands and touches Rese´s hand. "Let go of her, Rese."

After a few seconds or cold silence, the woman reacts. The seer sobs even louder.

"I head the Council saying relationships between hunting partners weren´t allowed! Especially not if something like that was to happen!"

Stunned silence.

"What are you talking about?", Jay finally demands. "Since when does the Council forbid relationships between hunters? I mean, look at Daemon and Anathea, and look at us-"
He indicates at himself and Jaq.

"You knew."

Rese´s voice is soft and still, it fills the entire kitchen. Her face is so pale she looks more like a vampire than like a human. Something in her voice makes them all suddenly feel cold. Very cold.

"You knew. And you told the Council."

"What did she know?", Nadya asks, but Rese´s glance is still fixed on the younger woman.

"You told them."

"What the hell is going on?", Ten demands to know. Cass, Jay, Jaq, Terrence and Nadya seem as clueless as she is. "What has Mar done? Come on, talk to us!"

Rese steps backward, still startlingly pale. Her hand lets go of Marina´s arms quickly. Marina´s sobs have receded, have been replaced by anger, and now she´s staring at the older woman defiantly.

"So what?", she spits out. "So what if I told them about your and Cassidy´s little affair? What if I saw you were pregnant?"

A collective intake of breath.

Everyone´s eyes turn to Rese immediately. She flinches as if she has been hit, and pales even more, pain written across her features.

"Did you see it?", she asks quietly. "Could you see Cass´s and my child?"

"Of course I could!", Marina spits, dark fire in her eyes. "I saw it the moment you received. I don´t know what you were planning – but if you wanted to tie Cassidy to you for the rest of your miserable life, you surely succeeded!"

Rese doesn´t even flinch at the hate and jealousy she hears in the voice of the girl she has helped to raise. There is something else in her face and suddenly, Ten feels like she wants to cry.

"And you did see what happened, right?", Rese asks quietly. "You did see she died, didn´t you, Mar?"

"What?"

Marina blinks in obvious confusion. "She – no, wait, your child – but it was alright, I saw it – I saw your future…"
Her vision turns inwards as she searches for the future image, and then her face clears up again slowly. Suddenly, hate and envy are gone, entirely forgotten. Instead, misery is written across her face.

"Oh, Rese, I didn´t – I was too angry to see clearly – I didn´t realize – so that was why you stayed in St. Luc´s that long last week! Rese, I´m…"

In true Marina-fashion, she hides behind her hands and begins to cry, her small shoulders shaking, her entire figure trembling.

"It´s okay, Mar", Rese says gently, but she doesn´t make a move to comfort her friend. Her face is tired. Nadya steps forward and takes Marina´s hand.

"Shhh, shhh, love", she says and throws the others a look. Ten nods and she leads the crying woman outside.

All faces turn to Rese once again. She doesn´t seem to have the energy left to fight. Her shoulders crumple.

"A girl" she whispers and closes her eyes. "A tiny little girl. So small. And, I swear, I loved her before I even realized what had happened."

Cass is still standing behind her, shaking his head in disbelief. "But what…"

"Oh, come on", Ten snaps and makes a step forwards. Before anyone else has reacted, she has wrapped her arms around Rese. Her friend is cold and unmoving as a statue.

"Marina told the Council Rese was pregnant. The Council demanded her to either leave or abort. It´s obvious!"

It might have been obvious to a woman´s mind, but Jay, Jaq, Terrence and Cass were still struggling to understand.

"She killed our daughter?", Cass asks, disbelief clear in his voice. Rese´s eyes snap open, bright with hate. And desperation.

"So you think I´d do something like that?", she spits. "Thanks, Cassidy. Thank you very much for your confidence. For your information, I didn´t kill her. There were complications, and…" Her voice dies in a strangled sob. Ten throws him another angry glance. Idiot, her lips form.

"She just died", Rese whispers, almost to herself. "One second, I could feel her heart beating and the next…"
Ten tightens her grip around her friend and makes a gesture with her head. Jaq and Jay understand and leave discreetly. Terrence moves closer and crouches down next to them, adding his arms to the barrier between them and the world.

"I`m sorry, Resa", he murmurs silently. Rese gives a tiny nod.

Cass sighs and rakes both his hands through his hair.

"Can I talk to her?", he asks, looking at both Ten and Terrence. Terrence´s face shows what he thinks plainly. Ten manages to phrase it friendlier.

"Only as long as we´re here."

Again, he sighs, then he kneels down next to them on the kitchen floor.

"Rese?"

She refuses to look at him.

"Rese. I´m sorry I acted stupidly. I didn´t know what was going on, and you refused to talk to me… Why didn´t you tell me?"

"It wouldn´t have changed anything", she answers, her face still hidden.

"Why not? You could have-"

She whispers something. Ten translates.

"Leaving you wasn´t an option, I guess."

"Oh."

The thought of being alone again is terrifying. The thought of sacrificing a live – a living, breathing child, her child – Cass´s child! – Just so she´d be able to be with Cass is even worse. At that thought, Rese feels sick with herself. Cass would send her away. She couldn´t ask him right now.

Terrence wonders why a person with such a high IQ is unable to see what is going on with the people directly in front of him.

Cass still wonders about what has happened. And then, suddenly, everything falls into place. Ten and Terrence see understanding dawn on his face.

Finally.

So that was why she started avoiding him. So that was why she told him she had enough. So that…
Pain hits him and he cringes. But then, if that´s how he feels after he has learned he had a daughter and that she died before he even knew of her existence in only five minutes, and it hurts like that, how painful must it be for Rese?

"Rese-"

This time, she reacts to his voice, him calling her name, and Ten and Terrence let go as she falls into his arms, buries her face in his chest and clings to him with all the fear and sadness that has been boiling in her for the last weeks. Cass closes his eyes and holds her as tight as possible, burying his face in her hair and feeling her chest and her shoulders heaving soundlessly, her whole body trembling with the force of pain, sadness and desperation. I´m sorry, he whispers, again and again, and Rese echoes his words. She apologizes for avoiding him, for not telling him, for trying to leave him out on her pain and confusion. For wanting to protect him and not caring about what it has done to him. He apologizes for letting her leave and for not stopping her earlier, for not noticing what happened and for not being there when she needed him most.

And both apologize to their unborn daughter.

Ten and Terrence leave them in the kitchen, on the floor, walk out of the living-room and wonder how on earth the passive audience has come to carry such a role in this play. Terrence seems slightly happier than before, and Ten feels hollow from the pain and the anger they have been facing, but also like it might be possible to at least partially mend this cut in their family´s relationship. Rese hasn´t tried to kill Marina, on the contrary, and Marina has finally realized that her hopeless crush on Cass has no hope of ever being more than what it is – a hopeless crush – and maybe, maybe they´ll be able to continue living together.

And here, finally, she finds the reason why stars always strive towards each other.

The knowledge of being alone in the dark, endless expanse of space is terrifying.

Stars gravitate towards each other like human beings are drawn to each other: attracted and appalled at the same time, hating and loving and needing and wanting and hoping to escape loneliness more than anything else. They collide, and in one huge, beautiful burst of light, they die. But the image they leave is the one of lasting light in a dark sky.

The fact that this light needs years and years to reach Earth proves that time does not matter the way everyone thinks it does. What might appear to be a short, quickly-dying burst of sparks is a long, soft and bright light that shines across time and space, ready to illuminate the lives of many others.

That is how Cass and Rese are, she thinks, satisfied, and throws a last glance back into the kitchen. Two stars, gravitating towards each other, colliding in one huge, blinding, heartbreakingly beautiful explosion.

And the warmth and light from this explosion is enough to illuminate the lives of many other people.

A/N

Prompts:

a) Truth is revealed in the words that stay unspoken. Rese can´t tell Cass she hates him, because she doesn´t.

b) Ten has often wondered what made stars gravitate towards each other. When she sees Cass and Rese, she understands why.

c) Love and hate are never far from each other. Marina loves Cassidy, and she loves Rese, though differently. But she hates her, too.

I´d be happy to hear your opinions regarding this story. Thanks for reading, too!

isa*