The unforseen Heir

Like everybody else here I don't own Naruto. If I did I would cast fire and lightning bolts on the authors of some of the crappy horrible stories I've made the mistake of taking time to read.

This is my first fanfic. Might even be a one hit wonder. All I know is I want to see how well I can cut my teeth into it. I might read reviews, might not. No voting, I've already mapped out the story. SO! First chapter of the Unforseen Heir. Death, Birth, and Hair

What you won't see in this fic

-Female sob story Kyuubi

-The overuse of the numerical word SEVERAL. This is not fucking Halo and only Halo can pull it off cause Halo rocks.

-Happy go lucky fun time story. I'm not a 14 year old fangirl, this story's gonna have swearing, kink, lewd comedy, and overall insanity.

-Morality. HAHAHA! They're fucking ninja. Ninja don't have many of those. Might be underage drinking, smoking, sex and possibly lolicon

-Over-the-top bashing. There will be no overly stupid bashiness (charachters getting bashed and comming back like nothing happened).

-Whatever else I think of while writing this thing

So sit down, shut up, and ride the crazy train that is whatever I write

October 10th The Night of the Kyuubi Attack

-Konoha Hospital-

As the Kyuubi bared down on the hidden village of Konoha, a young redheaded kunoichi was in the throes of labor." AAAAHHH! ITAI! SONOFABITCH! Where the hell is my husband when I need him?" the irate women roared as another contraction wracked her body.

Dr. Yamagawa, the doctor in charge of the delivery, found it prudent to speak up, " Gomen Uzumaki-san, but Yondaime-sama is preparing for the attack of the Kyuubi. Said beast was responsible for the pickle Kushina was in right now. The Kyuubi's aura has caused Kushina to go into premature labor, more than a month before she was actually due.

The aura and the rough labor were also causing complications to pop up. Kushina started to internally bleed. Assistant doctor Tomodachi, in charge of trying to keep Kushina amongst the living, couldn't stop the bleeding. They would be nothing for the Legendary Slug Sanin to heal...

So where was she?

Seven doors down in the same maternity ward..."GYAAAAAHH! I swear to Kami you got me intentionally drunk so you could DO THIS TO ME!", She screamed through a contraction as she had the hand of the father in a death grip. Luckily Tsunade was in too much pain to use chakra to enhance her strength, so he only had a couple broken knuckles instead of pulp for a hand...so far,

" You know that's not true Tsunade-hime, but given the chance to change it, I'd do it all over again", he chimed in with a hint of pride as her contraction started to fade.

Tsunade calmed her breathing and looked into his eyes before speaking with nothing but seriousness written across her face," This is it Jiraiya. No more peeping. No more women. No more gallivanting all across the elemental nations for your spy network or whatever. Just you, me, and the baby", she stated with finality.

The white haired sage cracked a smile while looking back into her eyes," Yup, this IS it Tsunade. No more binge drinking. No more gambling, and definitely no more running. Just you, me and the baby. Promise".

She managed to smile as well," Promise...ugh! As soon as this kid stops TEARING UP MY INSIDES!", she managed to say through clenched teeth as another contraction wracked through her body.

Albeit that Tsunade's labor was premature, it was only by a couple weeks, and the battle hardened kunoichi was doing much better than her fellow mother-to-be.

Tsunade's assistant Sizune popped up from her position at the end of the birthing table and reassured her master," This last set of contractions should be it Tsunade-sama. Please bare through the pain", and went back to her previous position.

Jiraiya, seeing this, pouted," Why does Shizune get the really good job of staring at you pussy while I get YEOWCH!", he hollered as a crack announced another broken knuckle.

Tsunade Glared at him," Dammit, I forgot to add your over the top perversion to the deal!", she growled as the contraction lessened, just for another to follow, making for a horrible time for a comback.

"Yeah? And I forgot physical abuse, but you don't hear me bitchi-YEOW! That was my last good knuckle!" Jiraya cried out as Tsunade broke his last knuckle in the hand she was gripping, confirmed by the dull crunch.

"Just be glad IT WASN'T SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT I WAS SQUEEZING!", Tsunade howled as she started pushing and breathing Le Mans style.

Shizune watched from below as a blood covered bulb started pushing through," I can see the head crowning Tsunade-sama! These last few pushes should do it!", Shizune prompted the mother to be. With her apprentices encouragement, Tsunade screamed through her last few pushes whilst Jiraiya started going cross-eyed as the vice like for that was Tsunade's grip started mashing the bits and pieces in his hand together. Finally, the baby was born. While it was a couple weeks premature, it was still as lively and vocal as it started crying.

Shizune placed the infant in his mother's arms, whilst she cut the umbilical cord and cleaned up the "remains". Tsunade looked at her crying son, while Jiraiya shook off the paon of his broken hand while doing the same. "He's beautiful" Tsunade spoke through her fatigue.

"He definitely is Hime. Looks like he got your cute nose outta the deal too.", Jiraiya agreed with his partner in parenthood.

Tsunade looked at her son's nose. "That does not look like my no-" she cut off her declaration as the baby made a face while scrunching his nose up. Tsunade sweatdropped as Jiraiya grinned in victory.

The parents looked at the rest of the features on the baby. The writhing bundle sported bright yellow hair and bright blue eyes. Tsunade decided to speak up, " He almost could pass for a miniature Minato. I know he got the hair from my mother but where the heck did he get such bright blue eyes?", Tsunade pondered.

"Who knows, I don't have a very good memory of my parents so he could have gotten them from my side. Though his hair consistency is definitely from me. Once he hits his teens I'm sure he'll sport his old man's impressive mane!" Jiraya finished as Tsunade narrowed her eyes at the Sage.

" No way in hell I'm letting my son grow that hedgehog you call a hairstyle!"

Jiraiya looked shocked at this," But it's key in doing Needle Jizo when he becomes as good as his old man!".

Tsunade countered his statement," Bullshit! Sensei can use it too and he has short hair!".

Jiraiya crossed his arms as he pouted," You're just jealous of my awesome hair."

Before Tsunade could retort, Shizune decided to break into the debate," A-ano, If you don't mind, I'd like to take the baby to the nursery to get him cleaned up and do a diagnostic". The parents turned to the forgotten assistant and looked at her before looking at the baby still covered in "Tsunade". Tsunade gave the baby over to her apprentice with a bashful look on her face.

The two new parents were left in the silent room, listening to the now audible sounds of the fight against the king of bijuu little more than two miles away from the village.

Tsunade looked to Jiraiya with concern," Is it safe to be here with the Kyuubi looming closer to Konoha? I can feel it's rank chakra from here and it's not even close to the village yet.".

Jiraiya put a reassuring hand on her shoulder as he tried to quell her worries," Don't worry Hime,. Minato said he thought of a way to stop it. Apparently he's been holed up in his office for the last hour working on it".

She gave him a questioning look," Shouldn't you be helping him?".

Jiraiya smiled and gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze," I have faith in the gaki. He HAS surpassed me after all. If he needed help from me, he wouldn't hesitate to ask. Besides, what kind of father would I be if I didn't help see my son into the world?", Jiraiya beamed during the last part.

Hearing this Tsunade couldn't help but be reminded..."Speaking of fathers, I wonder how Kushina is holding up considering what she went through. I'm surprised she survived what happened at all."

Jiraiya gave a thoughtful look," Don't know. She's a strong girl, but I'll check up on her once we're..." "TSUNADE-SAMA!" Jiraiya was cut off by the desperate scream of Shizune.

Kushina Uzumaki's Room: Earlier:

Kushina was not doing too well. Actually, she was pretty much critical. Complications due to basically dragging herself out of hell, and the Kyuubi's chakra bearing down on her meant her life was fading. But if Kushina was one thing, it was stubborn. Damn stubborn. She was determined to deliver this baby whether it meant her life was forfeit or not. With every little bit of strength she could muster, she battled on through her las few pushes and finally brought her child into the world...stillborn.

Kushina's look of accomplishment turned to one of worry as she heard no crying. Dr. Yamagawa worked frantically to try and revive the baby, making sure nothing was blocking it's air passageway to chakra stimulation of the heart, yet it was all for not.

"Doctor? Doctor what's wrong? Why...why can't I hear my baby?" a fading Kushina asked, fearing the worst.

The doctor looked sadly at the would be mother and confirmed her fears. " I'm sorry Kushina-san...he didn't make it",

Kushina's will to live shattered as she started crying, the last vestiges of life leaving her,"n-no...my baby, no...It wasn't s-supposed to...be like this...Mi..na...to", her eyelids grew heavy as she uttered her last words.

Dr. Tomodachi saw her dropping vitals and immediately tried to stabilize her," Shit! We're losing her!" he yelled to the other doctor as her heart monitor flatlined. He immediately started resuscitation but Dr. Yamagawa knew it was hopeless with the Kyuubi so close.

He pulled her heart monitor and motioned for the assistant to stop," It's hopeless, there's no way to revive her in this situation". Tomodachi looked at him and knew as well.

They wrote down the times of death and Yamagawa left with Kushina's stillborn son to clean up the body for the coroner when they called him. He took the infant body to a room across from the nusery/viewing room and cleaned it up as best he could, when all of a sudden Dr. Tomodachi, who was supposed to do the same for Kushina's body, burst into the room and immediately blurted out," We need another baby!", his face had of look of absolute fear on it.

Dr. Yamagawa looked at him dumbfounded, " Wh-what the hell are you talking about?".

Tomodachi, still frantic, continued his hurried explanation," Yondaime-sama came into Kushina-san's room to see how the delivery went so I had to break the bad news about her. He looked ready to kill right before he asked for his son, so I told him I would get him.".

Yamagawa looked horrified at Tomodachi, " You idiot! His son is dead! Why didn't you tell him?".

Tomodachi immediately retorted, " Then you go tell him!"

"Hell no!"

"Then we need another baby!"

Yamagawa looked at him with doubt," Where the hell are we going to get another baby? It's not like we're delivering many of them at the hospital right now, most of the other pregnant women were moved ot the Hokage monument after Kushina's problems. Not only that it would have to LOOK like Kushina or the Yondaime. So considering how rare redheads are around here, where the hell do we find a just born...blond...baby...boy."

Tomodachi noticed Yamagawa's line of sight and turned to see what caught his attention. Across from the room, in the windowed nursery of the maternity ward, was a raven haired woman carrying a newborn, BLONDE, baby and setting it ino one of the cribs after washing it. She looked through the cabinets, trying to find something, before muttering someting with an annoyed look and walking off to another part of the hospital wing to find what she was looking for. Tomodachi turned back to look at Yamagawa the same time Yamagawa did the same. Both of them stared at eachother for only a second before bolting for the nursery with the stillborn Namikaze under arm.