Hi! My name is Alfred F. Jones! Only I don't like Alfred. It doesn't even sound heroic. It sounds geeky, so I just like Alfie and that's all. My middle name is F. Theres more, except I forgot. I am almost six years old. Almost six is when you get to be in a summer soccer team before you start kindergarten. In kindergarten, you go to learn and not watch 'Action Heroes' on TV. How lame.

Today is my soccer team's first game. I'm number 50. I chose that 'cause that's the biggest number I can count to. My team's name is "The super awesome dinosaur fish of mass destruction that live in blue volcanoes". Everyone agreed, but the coach just took an asprin and hit himself on the head. He said he'd just call us "the volcanoes". But who cares about a stupid team name like that? The one we chose was awesome! Just like me! We're all totally gonna win. We're sitting in a huddle right now eating s'mores. Only I'm not allowed to have s'mores at home anymore 'cause last time I squashed a cooked marshmallow on my baby brother's head. His name is Mattie.

Adults like to sit around Mattie and stare at him. I dunno why though. He isn't interesting. All he does is cry and throw up on himself. Mom says I'll get it when I'm old, just like her.

In the huddle, 'Tonio suddenly hugged Lovina. I wouldn't do that ever, 'cause she's totally wacko. Every time he hugs her, she kicks him in the gut.

Haha, she totally just nailed him. Lovina got him so hard that he's falling over and gagging all over the place! I wish I had a camera to record this beautiful moment. When I went to the beach last year, I took a bunch of pictures of people with one. Only one guy didn't want his picture taken, so he kept on hiding and hiding, so eventually I got all up in his face and took a bunch right up next to his eye. But then he started looking at me all scary, so I got flutterflies in my stomach and left.

The coach is taking Antonio outta the game now, 'cause he won't stop barfing. Our assistant coach is yelling at Lovina. Oh, now Antonio's parents are taking him home. Why's he turning around? He's blowing a kiss to Lovina!

"Byeeee Lovi! I love youuu!" I don't get why he loves her so much and stuff. All she does is punch him. Who even likes girls anyway? They're gross, and they have cooties, and they think its gross when I eat bugs. I think that it is very charming.

Yay, the game is starting! I'm on the field now, and- OW! I just fell!

"OKAY, WHO DID IT? WHO TRIPPED ME? 'CAUSE THAT WAS NOT POLITE, I TELL YOU!" I sprang up super fast. Tripping people is not nice. My dad says so.

This one girl is walking tward me. "You fell on your own cleats, you git." She said it funny, and not 'haha' funny, funny as in she mispronounced every word.

"Hey, why you talkin so weird?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Are you deaf or something? That'd explain it. WHY. ARE. YOU. TALKIN. SO. WEIRD.?" I asked again, very polite and stuff.

"Well I never! How rude!" She huffed

"Yeah, only you didn't answer my question, missy!"

"I most certainly do not talk weird! I'm from England!" She stamped her foot.

"Yes you do!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!" I pulled on her pigtail.

"Nuh-uh!" She pushed me.

"Uh-huh!" I pushed back.

"Nuh-uh!" She hit me on the arm.

"Uh-huh!" I punched her on the arm back.

"Nuh-u-" Pwee! Somebody blew a whistle real loud. The dude with the striped black and white shirt is coming over. He and I are familiar with eachother. And he looks mad.

/
Great. We can't go back in and play till we make a mends.

A mends is when you shake hands and 'pollogise.

'Pollogising means 'lie to the other person and say sorry or else'. I dunno what the 'or else' is, but I'm sure my dad'll show me if I don't obey the rules and stuff.

"Hear that, missy? You have ta 'pollogise to me!" I grinned, very triumphant.

"My name is not missy, it is Alice Kirkland! And you owe me an apology!"

"NO, you owe me a 'pollogy!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh-" Pwee! He blew his whistle again.

"Yeah, only that kinda makes my ears hurt, so I'll appreciate it if you stop." I said, not happily.

He looked at me very scary. Like that guy at the beach. Guess what? Now I have flutterflies in my tummy again. "First, Miss Alice, you can say that you're sorry to Alf here, and then, Alf, you say sorry to Miss Alice. Got it?"

She nodded. "Alf, I'm sorry." She rolled her eyes really annoyed-ish. Totally not cool.

"Sorry Allie!" Now that the 'pollogies were over, we dashed back onto the field like speeding emus. She was running after me and yelled.

"My name is ALICE! NOT ALLIE, you baboon!"

"That's what I said! ALLIE! AHAHA!"

/

The game ended. We lost.

Allie is the one who scored the winning goal for her team.

Also, some more bad news. Some new people moved in next door. The Kirkland family.

/x/

If you haven't guessed yet, this is a crossover between Junie B. Jones and Hetalia. I love the fact that Alfred's last name is already Jones! It made it so easy for me to choose this!

It won't be updated as often as 'Princess Felicia and Lovina the Pauper', mainly because it's hard to write a first-person story about an ADD boy.