One-Shot: I'm not perfect, but I keep trying

A/N: I got inspired by a MASSIVE picspam that I made of my favorite non-canon brother-sister relationship in Glee. Story title is from Perfect by Hedley. This fic is also written while playing that song on repeat. Arissa St. James is Jesse's younger sister by the way.

Disclaimer : I don't own Glee. I'm just playing around a character whose background story we never got to know.

The first time Jesse St. James got in trouble was when he was in his junior year. He got suspended – nearly expelled.

Arissa had only found out about it when he visited her in the hospital with a purpling bruise on his jaw. He didn't even need to explain. She already knew.

"What happened to I promise I'm not going to do anything?" Arissa whispered quietly.

"Do you honestly think that I would let him get away with what he did to you?" Jesse whispered back just as fiercely. He listened to her sharp intake of breath.

"What did you do?" she asked uncertainly, like she didn't want to hear his answer.

"With any luck, he'll be admitted into another hospital in three seconds," Jesse said as he cradled his broken wrist. "Because that's what I said when I called 911 after I smashed his face with a baseball bat."

"Jesse!"

"I'm not doing anything wrong, Arisande!" Jesse yelled at her, his chest heaving at they stared at each other. She stood her ground, refusing to show any fear towards him.

"She's the third one this week!" Arissa shouted back at him, pushing at his chest. "Sex is not therapy, Jesse St. James! If you have trouble dealing with what happened to me, go see a shrink! Don't go fooling around with those girls!"

"Don't tell me what to do," Jesse whispered menacingly. He had never felt this much anger towards her. But right now, he was fuming.

"If you just take the time to get your head out of your little world, you might realize that the whole world does not revolve around you!" she continued on, ignoring his warning. "I'm the one who was hurt, Jesse! I'm the one who was violated! I'm the one who needs to self-destruct, not you. But do you see me self-destructing? No! Because I'm trying to be strong for you! Why won't you try for me?"

With that, Jesse slammed his fist down on the table. Arissa jumped back in surprise. They stared at each other in silence until Jesse spoke. "I'm not Kyle, Arissa."

Arissa bit her lower lip and hardened her gaze. "You're right. At this rate, you're worse."

She turned on her heel and slammed the door on the way out.

When he goes home with a shirt that was haphazardly tucked in with the buttons unaligned and lipstick marks on his cheek and neck that were fading, she just stares at him from the top of the stairs with one hand on the railing. Her eyes are void of emotion as they stared at each other wordlessly.

He was always the one who looked away first.

He paused to listen to the sound of her footsteps, walking away from him.

The feel of her disappointment hangs in the air, like a slap in the face.

He preferred when she yelled.

When she finished her session with her therapist, he's outside the building – waiting. She walks to him in silence and gets in the passenger seat without another word.

She wishes she could tell him her thoughts about therapy – particularly something along the lines of, "how do they expect therapy to work if they make me tell that horrible experience over and over again?"

But she didn't want to be the cause of a car accident.

So she just lets him drive in silence.

He became hard for her. He preferred to be feared than loved for her. If he was loved, people can still find that weakness in him and try and crush him. But if he was feared, if he was a soulless automaton…if he was perfect, no one can find weakness in him.

No one will touch her again.

But as she watched him perform with no light in his eyes, she knew that she would be willing to go through that day over and over if it meant bringing Jesse back to normal.

"I was thinking of dropping the charges," she suddenly said, with her back turned on him. He raised his eyes from the book he was reading to stare at her.

"What?" he asked incoherently, as if he hadn't heard what she just said.

"We're already under too much pain," she continued on because she knew that he heard her. "Maybe dropping the charges can salvage our family. They dropped the charges against you."

"What he did to you was worse," Jesse said as he stood up and turned her body so she can face him.

"You caused him to go to a coma," Arissa said with her eyes widening.

"I don't care," he said as he gritted his teeth together. "We are this close to catching that bastard and coma or no coma, I will not let him get away with what he did. We're not dropping the charges, Arisande."

She doesn't speak a word on the way to the airport. She doesn't say a word when she walks away to go to London. She doesn't turn around to wave goodbye to them.

So he runs after her.

"Do you really need to go?" he asked her softly as she looks up at him. He could see her hardening her gaze. "Can't you just stay here?"

"I can't do this anymore, Jesse," she whispered softly. "I can't be strong for both of us. I want to be able to be weak and to cry on your shoulder but I can't because you'll self-destruct even more. I deserve better than trying to make it look like I'm fine."

"Arissa…" he started but he couldn't find the words.

"Maybe my absence would knock some sense in your head," Arissa said strongly. He raised his eyes to look at her. "Because you're hurting me. You've become someone I can't recognize. I want my brother back. The one who will tell me that everything's going to be fine. To one who would hug me and let me cry to sleep. Where is he, Jesse? Where's my brother?"

"I'm doing this for you," he said as he reached out and touched her cheek.

"No you're not," she said firmly. "You're doing this for yourself."

One of the reasons why Arissa had liked Rachel Berry for her brother was because when she came back from her seven-month stay at London, her brother had been a slightly changed man. She watched him sing and the light in his eyes was back.

Rachel Berry had made her brother feel again.

And because of that, she knew that she would always share Jesse's heart with her.

She knew that she didn't mind.

When Jesse had smashed that egg on her forehead, Arissa knew it was not out of spite but out of fear. He was already in too deep, enjoying her company far too much.

The feeling of jealousy due to the "Run, Joey, Run" fiasco was the final draw for him. Rachel Berry was making him soft again. He was making her feel – and it was easy for her.

So he broke the egg to protect her. He had to make it look like he didn't care for her – even though he cares for her so much that it hurts – so she would not be the subject of Vocal Adrenaline's future torment.

He had to make it look like he didn't care for her so Vocal Adrenaline wouldn't hurt her to make him hard again.

Arissa saw it as a sign of cowardice – refusing to accept it as a heroic act.

She didn't speak to him until after Regionals.

Jesse St. James was a lot of things. He was the male lead to Vocal Adrenaline, a student at Carmel High with big dreams, the guy who broke Rachel Berry's heart, the guy who won Regionals for Carmel High, the son whose parents never understood him, the brother who became strong for his little sister and the cold hearted bastard that everyone in McKinley High's glee club hated.

To them, Jesse St. James was Vocal Adrenaline's star - a soulless automaton. To her, he was simply Jesse St. James – her brother who made her his everything.

A/N: Sorry. The plot bunny won't leave me alone.