Don't Leave Me

One-Shot

Vixen-Virus

Rating: K

Genre: Romance/Tragedy.

Summary: I never knew what to say when he told me he wanted to leave, but deep down, I should have said something, anything, to make sure he was by my side forever. InuXKag.

Dedication: To my loved ones.

Notes: You always say you'll leave, I'm not sure if you mean it, or if you just say it...but I'm begging you. Don't leave.

Don't Leave Me

"One day, I'm just gonna leave, just like that," He snapped his fingers together and looked at me. We were sitting by the large tree just outside my house, a tree I had long ago dubbed Our Tree; though I had never told him.

I never said anything when he said things like that, but I should have. I should have told him what I so desperately wanted to say, but I was scared; scared he wouldn't understand.

We were just two misfits who had somehow found each other and made our own place in life. He came from a pretty wealthy and well known family, but he was an outcast. His mother was the second wife of the great Taisho Takahashi, and everyone believed she had been a mistress. She wasn't, but the rumour stayed and there was no way to wash it out.

He was bullied by his family for it, and at school he was seen as guarded and closed, so no one bothered to really get to know him, until me, that is. I'm Kagome Higurashi, and I'm not very well known. I stay behind the scenes, usually. My family isn't well off but we aren't in the poor house either. I wouldn't say my life is the greatest, but it's definitely not the worse.

We were…indifferent, I guess you could say. We didn't care about a lot of things and we didn't try very hard to make new friends. I wasn't always like that though. My father died three years ago, and the blow really took a lot out of me. He had been my rock; my light house and without him around I thought I had lost my way.

I still think about him a lot; think about the times we would go down to the river on Sunday afternoon's in the middle of summer and try to catch the small minnow's that swam by. My mom would be so mad when we got home, because I'd be dripping from head to toe, but still, every Sunday we would make the trip and every Sunday we would hear my mom's lecture before she'd finally cave and make us some lemonade as I went to take a shower.

My dad and I were really close, and losing someone that's so close to you hurts. I never talked to anyone about it, didn't know what to say, really. Anytime someone asked about how I was, I just froze up. I couldn't express the pain that gripped my heart or let the tears out that I wanted to cry.

So I stayed quiet, trying to muster up what was left of my heart to be able to say something, but I couldn't. So I didn't.

InuYasha, the guy that currently sat next to me, looking at the stars above in silence, and I met randomly one night. He had stumbled across my open backyard late in the night; I had been sitting and looking for shooting stars, like I used to do with my dad. I recognized him from school, and he had recognized me but we didn't say anything.

I moved over, offering him a seat and he had accepted. And then every night since then he sat beside me. It's been five years, and soon the silence turned into talking, about anything and everything.

I didn't say much, didn't know what to say, as usual, but he would speak. At school we ignored each other, didn't say anything and didn't acknowledge each other, but every night we'd meet up, apologize and start again.

"Why?" I asked almost every night and he'd always answer the same. He'd look at me, his golden eyes soft, wistful, and his lips relaxed into a tired smile, his knee length silver hair lay around him like a cocoon.

"Because there's nothing here for me." And then he'd look away. I would always stay silent after, but I should have said something.

I should have told him that he had me, that I was here for him and that I didn't want him to leave. But I never had the courage to, so I'd just sit back and let him think, while shutting my heart away.

"What about you?" He asked me, leaning against the tree trunk in the brisk night, crossing his arms over his chest he gave me a sideways glance. I shrugged my shoulders, moving my long black hair to the side as I leaned back, glancing my blue eyes up at the sky to see the shining crescent moon.

"I don't know. There's nothing out there for me, really. All I've known is little Tokyo with this shrine and this tree. I can't see anywhere else for me but here." That was the most truthful thing I had ever said.

It wasn't that I was scared about leaving the only place I had ever known; it was that I couldn't see leaving. This was where I took my first steps, lost my first tooth, the birth of my baby brother, Sota…so much had happened here and I just couldn't picture another place for me.

"Wow Kagome, aiming high I see." I gave a wry smile his way. I liked it when he teased me. He gave me a boyish grin and relaxed back against the tree.

"I want to do something big. I've always wanted to run my own shop, nothing fancy, just a small shop." He once told me.

"What kind of shop?" He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Something to do with Feudal Japan. Like, just all its history put in one place." I smiled at that. He loved history, especially Feudal Japan. I think that was what brought us together. I loved it as much as he did. Every once and a while we would share old stories, and I'd tell him about my grandpa, who absolutely loved ancient Japan.

Sometimes I wish I had introduced him to my grandpa, he would have loved his stories.

"What about you, what do you want to do?" I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know and I didn't care. I'm not very ambitious; I just like to see where things go. He was the one with the dreams, the one shooting for the stars; I guess we balanced each other out in that sense.

He sometimes talked to me about his family, but very rarely. His brother, or half brother, was a prick from what I could tell. He didn't care about anything but hurting InuYasha. His father was a good man, but he had so many rules and always worked. His mother was loving and kind but she wasn't enough to make him stay.

"I just want to leave, break out of this stupid town. Maybe even go to America." The look in his eyes spoke of nothing but determination. I admired his strength and spirit. He really believed in himself, even if others didn't.

But I was also scared that he'd make it. I didn't want him to leave; I didn't want him to get to his dreams. Did that make me a selfish person? Yes, but I didn't care. Somehow, in my routine I call life, he had stumbled in, changing it into this new order, an order I wasn't sure of but somehow had grown on me.

He was apart of my life and I didn't want that to change.

One night, while we stood blanketed in darkness with only a small tea candle between us, I asked him why he was so set on leaving everyone behind, if he'd be scared and if he'd care that he had just left.

"I guess I'd feel a little guilty but I know I can't stay here forever. I need to leave because I know there's something out there for me, there's something waiting for me out there and I need to get it. Yeah, it's scary, but I know I'll make it. I'm not met to stay here, in one place and I know it."

His voice was so strong when he uttered those words. His eyes were closed but I could feel the power behind them, like nothing could tear him down, like he was charging at life head first without any fear.

I wanted to be him, but I wasn't.

I was content in staying in this little town, with my tree and my shrine. I didn't want to go anywhere, I didn't want to leave.

No matter how many times he told me his reason for leaving, I still couldn't understand it. I couldn't understand why he wanted to leave, wanted to leave behind the people that cared and the only life he knew.

"I want to get out of here, I want to leave everything and just go out on my own." He told me again one night. He had just finished a fight with his father about his future and had come over to my house, knocking on my bedroom window for me to come out.

He was fed up with what he had.

"Things will blow over…" I tried. Usually I gave excellent advice, but for some reason whenever he asked I would freeze and my tongue would go numb. Suddenly all my advice would fly out the window and I wouldn't be able to help him.

"No it won't. I got to get out and I got to get out soon." His words had broken me. He was so wrapped up in getting out and leaving everyone behind he seemed to forget that he was also leaving me behind.

I started wondering if I was important to him at all, wondering if he realized that I had learned to lean on him and depend on him too. I don't think he did, he never seemed to, anyway. It hurt but it was inevitable. He had told me long before he didn't care about anyone and no one was going to change that.

One night though, on the night of the new moon, under the stars with our single tea candle and our large blanket I felt an unfamiliar anxiousness. It felt like it was our last night, but I knew that was ridiculous. But still, that uneasy feeling was deep in my heart and I couldn't get rid of it.

"My dad died three years ago." I whispered silently, not sure what compelled me to say it. I hadn't spoken about my dad for nearly a year and a half. He glanced over at me, a bit surprised. I took that time to memorize his strong jaw line, his frowning gold eyes with the furrowed black eyebrows and his scruffy silver bangs.

He was so beautiful. Everything about him screamed strength and power yet there was an underlining vulnerability that no one noticed. I had noticed. I had noticed and he had opened up to me, trying to mend the broken pieces of his heart that he had harboured from the family that seemingly didn't care about him.

I had tried my hardest to mend it, but I had only cut my hands on the broken shards.

"He was my best friend and the only one who understood me and then one day…he wasn't there. And my whole world seemed to shatter into this…this mess. I don't know where one thing starts and the other ends. He was the reason I was stable and when he was gone I felt so broken." I whispered, my heart tightening at the words I had refused to speak. I felt him put an arm around me, pulling me close as tears touched my eyes.

We didn't say much after, but I felt so liberated. I felt like this weight I hadn't known I was holding was lifted and I was allowed to move again. I felt like I had been underwater for so long and finally someone had pulled me up above the surface, letting me breathe.

That someone was InuYasha.

That night, when I learned to move and breathe again, was also the night I lost InuYasha.

I waited for him the next day, thinking he'd be there soon but he wasn't. I waited until the morning and then went to school, searching for him and still I didn't see him. That's when I overheard his best friend, Miroku, speaking to someone about him.

"He just got up and left! I mean, he didn't even tell me where he went. His parents are freaking and their trying to search for him, but he's eighteen and so the police aren't getting involved…can you believe that?"

My heart had never broken so much. Suddenly the weight was back and I was under water again. I struggled to understand, struggled to find the truth but he was right. He just up and left, not a word to anyone.

Months passed, and no sign of him, but I heard he had called his family to let them know he was alive but not where he was. I was angry that he hadn't bothered contacting me. I was angry that he just up and left without any word.

I was angry that I loved him with everything in me.

I don't know how it happened or when, I just know that I loved him and when he had left that night, he had also taken my heart.

Then, nearly a year after, I had gotten a letter from an address in New York. I was confused but I opened it anyway and in his scratchy writing there were only two words.

I'm Sorry.

I knew it was him. I knew he had sent this. As soon as I read the letter, I had started crying; wishing he would have contacted me sooner, would have stayed and been by my side.

Since then on, I wrote him a letter every couple of months, sent him cards for New years and Christmas. It's been nearing five years, and every letter I write, he has never replied to.

Sometimes I wonder if it's even his address, maybe he moved again, but still I write, hoping that somehow, out in that big open world, he'll find it, read it and come home, back to me.

I know how slim my chances are, but the only thing I have left is hope, hope he'll return to me.

That's why I'm sitting under Our Tree, a simple tea candle by my feet with a notebook in my hands. The wind's picking up but I can barely feel it through the blanket that's wrapped tightly around me.

So much as changed in the years. Just four summers ago, I found enough courage to go all the way to Canada to visit my aunt. It was only a three week stay but it had been both thrilling and terrifying. I had learned a lot in my stay and finally thought of a life outside of Tokyo. I travelled across Europe the year after that with Sango, a friend from high school who I had recently gotten in touch with.

It was so amazing to see so much of the world. We went to Greece, France, Turkey and Belgium. A few months after, I went with Sango and her boyfriend, Miroku, to Malaysia to stay at her aunt's home for a month. It was expensive to live the life I lived but I worked hard.

Miroku had spoken about InuYasha every now and then, and I could see the hurt in his eyes when his friend had just left. He told me he received a letter annually from him and that had nearly pulled me into a black rage. How could he not send me anything? In all the years and months I sent him a letter, mine went unreplied and yet he sent something to Miroku every year?

My anger died slowly though, because I understood him. I was just that girl he talked to, not a friend.

Anyway, I travelled the world here and there, and I had started seeing myself in some of those places, but I still loved my little shrine and tree. I opened up to my mom again, telling her finally how I felt about dad's death.

We had sat up all night crying and talking about what a great man he was. She had told me she had been so lost without him as well, and then I realized how selfish I had been. Just how InuYasha left without telling me goodbye, I had, in a way, left my mom without saying the same. But the difference between InuYasha and I was that I'd make up for it.

I'm different then before. I care about a lot of things and I'm more ambitious. I don't really know what I want to do, but I know I'll make it out there in the world now. I have a lot of friends, but I still keep close to Sango and Miroku.

I never told them that I knew InuYasha. I never told Sango the name of the guy who took my heart. I never told my mom of my late nights sitting next to a man with the most beautiful golden eyes I had ever seen and I had never told Miroku I had first wanted to get to know him because being close to him made me feel like maybe I could have been that way with InuYasha, I mean really be that way.

"What to write…" I whispered softly as I sighed. In my letters I never said much, just short paragraphs telling him I missed him, that my mom was alright, that Sango and I were really good friends and that I spoke to Miroku here and there. I didn't want him to know just how close I was to both of them, because in an immature way I felt like he'd wonder if I liked them more then him.

I almost laugh at the thought as I shook my head and pick up my pen. I still didn't know what to say, but looking up at the new moon, I felt my heart, or at least the empty space where my heart should be, grow cold.

Just once…I'll say what I should have said those nights ago.

Dear InuYasha,

Sorry it's been so long between this letter and the last. I just got back from Sango's summer home in Osaka. It was so beautiful! We were right by the beach, overlooking the water and I could see the sun rise so clearly from my room…but that's not really what I wanted to tell you.

Years ago, you told me something I never replied to.

"One day I'm just gonna leave. There's nothing here for me."

I never said anything when you said things like that, but I should have. I should have told you that I didn't want you to go, that I had learned to depend and need you and that without you in my life, I'm lost. I should have told you that I was here, here for you. I should have told you,

Don't leave me.

It made me so angry when you left without saying anything InuYasha, you wouldn't believe it.

After my dad's death, I was numb, no emotions, no passion and no care in the world, but when you entered I started slowly becoming aware. I wasn't numb anymore and when you left? I felt nothing but anger and hurt.

You left without a goodbye and you left when I started needing you most.

I wanted so desperately to be the anchor that kept you here, if your family couldn't, then I wanted to. I wanted to be the reason you stayed but I'm not and I could never be. Five years and I still care about you InuYasha, I still somehow hope I can anchor you to little Tokyo and this tree.

But it's too late, isn't it?

I was too late. I didn't try hard enough and even if I did, I suspect you wouldn't have stayed anyway. You always said you never cared about anyone and no one was going to change that, but I wanted to change that.

I wanted to change that so badly, InuYasha. I wanted to make you stay here, with me, to let you know that I appreciated you and that I didn't want you to just up and leave the way you did.

I miss you so much InuYasha, I miss our late nights looking at the stars and talking, even when you spoke about leaving, I still cherished being by your side.

I love you.

I should have also said that. I didn't and now you may never hear me say those words.

I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you.

-Kagome.

I looked at the letter with an empty feeling before folding it slowly. As I put in the envelope and was about to seal it, I looked at the tree branches above me, seeing a few cherry blossoms flutter softly to the ground before me I smiled and picked a few of the fallen flowers up, putting them into the envelope before sealing it.

A few weeks passed, without word of him, as usual. I didn't dwell on it though, realizing that though I may not be numb anymore, my heart still was. With a humourless smile, I walked out into the night, a single lit tea candle and a blanket.

Just earlier I had been talking to Sango about taking another trip soon. She had whole heartedly agreed and started picking up extra shifts at work, as well as I. I wouldn't admit it to myself, at least not until the privacy of the night, that the reason I travelled so much was not only to learn of the world,

It was because I felt a little closer to him when I did.

I shook my head at my thoughts and leaned against the tree trunk, looking into the endless sky, seeing the beautiful full moon staring back at me.

It had been exactly five years since InuYasha's departure just two nights ago. I lit two candles that night and stayed up until morning. I watched the sun set and watched it rise lazily into the sky. I had whispered goodbye to the moon and stars, and whispered hello to the rising sun.

I watched the small flame flicker left and right at the soft breeze that tried to carry it away. I moved to cover the flame from the wind, refusing to let anything else be taken away. The warmth was dim, but it was there, as if trying to ask for forgiveness by warming my heart. I smiled down at the flame, giving it a soft look.

You can't heal my heart.

I smiled in spite myself, realizing how silly I was being, acting as if InuYasha was my life…but he was, in a way, wasn't he? He had become apart of my life, a big part, and without ever realizing.

I stood then, blowing out the small flame and looking back at the tree, Our Tree, a small smile on my lips. I felt as if suddenly, somehow this was my chance, to say the things I should have all along. I took a deep breath, opening blue eyes to the dark night sky, picturing his beautiful face smirking back at me.

"I love you." And with one last clench of the empty feeling in my heart, I turned away from the tree walking back into my small little shrine in little Tokyo, trying to forget about the long talks in the night and the way he had taken my heart.

A/N: Please stay.

I want so desperately to write a sequel for this, but I won't. I shouldn't. Because in the real world, sometimes people don't come back; sometimes goodbyes are permanent, no matter how much you wish they weren't.

Take care,

And I hope that with every goodbye said, there is a hello to take it's place,

Vixen