Rachel Shepard's mind raced. Streams of thought battled each other for dominance. Battled for her attention. All were winning in a sense. Kaidan and thoughts of Virmire were dominating at the moment. A mere week had passed since Shepard was forced to leave one of her best friends, Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, to die alone. Well, not quite alone, Shepard thought; he had the company of a few geth and the nuke that would inevitably be his doom. She wondered what Kaidan's last thoughts were of, who they were of, as he listened to the armed nuclear device tick off the final moments of his life. Shepard wondered what she would eventually think about in her final moments of life. At this thought, she let a deep sigh escape from her core, and rolled over in her bed, hoping this act would remove the maudlin thoughts of Kaidan and his death that currently dominated her thoughts.

Shepard stared blankly at the empty computer terminal in her quarters for a few moments as her stomach began to growl at her. She caught a brief glimpse of her eyes reflected from the tiny mirror next to the computer terminal. They were baggy and puffy, the inverse of what was happening to the rest of her thinning body, but she did not care. Ignoring the protesting stomach, her thoughts turned to more recent events; the defeat of the Reaper ship, Sovereign, and the chaos left behind in its wake. The Presidium area of the Citadel was all but unrecognizable, though Shepard didn't get to spend much time strolling about the debris-strewn battlefield the once majestic hub had morphed into within the past week. She spent much of the past week stuck in Alliance briefing rooms on the Citadel, listening to the brass or politicians, such as Ambassador Udina, debate and plan the Alliance's next moves, both military and political. Shepard wondered why she was even needed at these meetings, as she remained silent throughout the better part of them. "It must be because I am some kind of 'symbol' for humanity", she thought. "Big fucking shit."

With that thought, Shepard bolted up from her bed, "Goddamn it! I have another fucking interview today', she groaned.

This was another 'benefit' of her newfound 'symbol' status: she became an unwitting media whore. All the major media outlets on the Citadel were clamoring for an interview with 'the savior of the galaxy' or the 'paragon of humanity'; the Future Content Corporation, Citadel News, and Westerlund News. Shepard couldn't even remember who the interview was with or when it was to occur. "I need to hire an assistant or someone to keep track of this shit for me", she thought. She wondered, whimsically, if the Alliance would pay for one.

Shepard tiredly shuffled her feet, and the remainder of her emotionally worn body, over to her computer terminal and flicked on the monitor. Briefly glancing at her weekly calendar, she determined that the interview isn't until tomorrow morning. Shepard let out a sigh of relief and proceeded to check her email messages. To her disbelief, she only had two new email messages. The first one was from Ashley Williams; the second was from Liara T'Soni. Shepard was reluctant to open the one from Liara, as she had been trying her best to avoid contact with the Prothean expert in the past day. In recent weeks, the two had become something of a 'couple' in spite of a mutual agreement to place their feelings for each other aside for the sake of the mission. Staring at the unopened email from Liara, Shepard's mind wandered to the two moments they had spent together in passion. The first was prior to the campaign on Ilos, almost a week ago from the present day, and the second was just one night before the last.

The first 'melding' with Liara was truly a life-changing event, and not just for Liara herself, but for Shepard as well. She had no idea what to expect that night, when Liara entered her quarters and eventually propositioned her for a 'joining of minds'. Shepard definitely did not expect things to get physical, and was spellbound when Liara eagerly took the Commander's face into her hands and kissed her passionately. Shepard let out a chuckle as she remembered having to pull away from Liara to avoid having her back broken and to coach the inexperienced but eager asari in the art of the 'tender but passionate kiss'. Luckily, Liara is a quick learner. The remainder of their evening was just as unforgettable as that first kiss: the first moment they laid their eyes on each other's nude form and that exhilarating but warm and tender feeling that erupted from within her body when they finally made full skin-on-skin contact with each other. The ensuing moments spent exploring each other's body with their hands and mouths, that seemed to last for an eternity. Sounds of pleasure that escaped from Liara as Shepard lovingly and tenderly stroked the entire length of her azure skin covered body. They continued with this 'physical' joining of their bodies until both were satiated. Rachel Shepard had been with many human women throughout her life, but none of those flings or one-night-stands could compare to what she had just experienced with an asari that night. Was it just because Liara was an asari, or was it something more?

The weight of this question momentarily shook the Commander out of her reverie, and she proceeded to open and read the email from Liara:

Commander,

I am worried about you. We have not spoken since the morning after we went out to that club. I sensed that something was wrong and you were tense when we parted yesterday morning, and I fear I have done or said something to offend you. If so, I apologize, though I would prefer to do this in person. I did attempt to visit your quarters earlier today but it seemed that you were not in them. I do not mean to sound paranoid, but it appears as though you are avoiding me. When you get this message, will you please come speak to me in my quarters?

Thank you,

Liara

Shepard rested her head in her hands and let out a pained sigh as she finished reading the message from Liara. The formal tone of the letter made her feel even more guilty about her actions in the past day, as it seems Liara was being ever so careful not to push Shepard away or make her feel uncomfortable about their relationship. She was avoiding Liara and the growing situation that had been developing between the two in regards to their feelings for one another. Shepard knew the asari had very strong feelings for her; she knew because of the melding they had shared. Again, Shepard's mind drifted hazily back to the night she had spent with Liara before touching down upon the planet of Ilos.

Their love-making on that night was more than just 'sex' and physical intimacy, though that portion of it was beautiful and unforgettable in itself. The part that was currently haunting Shepard was the 'joining', or when the asari melds her consciousness with her partner's. Since that night, Shepard tried in nearly vain to describe the initial sensation of the joining with Liara. She felt as if she did not exist anymore; that Liara did not exist anymore. They both literally became a new entity, and a more magnificent one than each of them had been just moments before while separated. To completely lose oneself and disappear into another person, especially a person such as Liara, was a most welcome experience for Shepard. The usually troubled and slightly neurotic Spectre needed an escape from her own mind, especially in wake of Kaidan's death and the horrific visions induced by the Prothean beacon.

Together, they sensed the entire moment and every emotion, touch, taste, smell, and sound was amplified exponentially because of the reciprocate nature of the meld. Shepard found in odd that she couldn't remember clearly what she 'saw' during the duration of the meld; the intensity of the experience seemed to obscure her visual memory for some reason. Perhaps the joining of two different visual perspectives doesn't translate well into a mutually shared one? At this thought, Shepard rubbed the end of her nose and opened up the email from Chief Williams:

Hey Skipper,

I'm assuming you've finally recovered from the other night! Myself and some of the crew from the lower deck are going out to Flux again later on tonight. We were wondering if you'd like to join us for a few drinks. You can bring your little blue friend along as well...

Ash

Shepard's heart sunk in her chest after reading the last few words of the email, 'little blue friend'. She wasn't thrilled at the idea of the crew being privy to her fraternizations with the asari archaeologist. This was completely her own fault, she thought to herself, as she did a very poor job of keeping her feelings for Liara a secret the other night when the crew went out to Flux for some drinks. Her mind drifted off and became lost in the memories of that night.