Kaidan Alenko subconsciously looked up as Joker pinged over the shipboard comm.

"Initiating transmission sequence... We are connnected. Calculating transit mass and setting final destination for Amaterasu"

Amaterasu… the colony? Ash's home. There would be no questions from any of the crew members as to why that stop was taking precedence. Kaidan knew the memorial had already been held. He had sent flowers. He wasn't sure if he felt strong enough to face her family without showing his lingering survivor's guilt. They deserved a brave face and good memories, not a broken marine spilling apologies. He would need to work on that.

Hearing footsteps descending the stairs he looked to see Commander Shepard with her brow completely furrowed.

He loved that look of hers. He instinctively knew that was her 'heavy thinking' face. Not the 'vaguely tilted head with the smile in her eyes' look when she was about to be witty, but her 'I need to solve the whole galaxy's problems right this instant' seriousness. She had that look a lot lately. In fact, he couldn't recall one moment of it not being briefly flashed through her features, since being reunited with his commanding officer. That troubled him more. He had hoped her away time had been a recovery period. Maybe some healing and meditation to sort through everything that had happened to her. Especially, the part with the foreign memories implanted in her pysche. But after seeing her again at C-Sec, his hopes had been dashed. Dark circles lined a set of eyes that were constantly scanning the corners of the rooms for enemies. She appeared frazzled, tense, and easily annoyed. What the hell had exactly happened to her that would cause her to be even more stressed after the defeat of Saren and Sovereign? He would've thought she'd be elated at their victory. A weight off her shoulders as she accomplished her first official mission as humanity's Spectre. Even if the ending wasn't quite what anyone had planned. Could that be it? Were they really punishing her for how she had achieved those results? Wasn't the whole point of being a Spectre was the Council didn't care how you did it, as long as it got done?

Of course if the whole detention and investigation process himself and the others had experienced was any indication of the powers gunning against her personally, no wonder she was jumpy. He needed to talk to her, make sure she was alright. Needed to hear her speak to him, feel her. Get her assessment of the situation and fill her in on his opinion. They had yet to have much one on one time to discuss the goings on. Considering he actually hadn't been alone with her since… Ilos. No wonder he missed her so much.

"Kaidan, do you have a migraine?" Her tone she reserved only for him.

He realized he had probably been staring. Without saying anything. Way to be creepy, Alenko.

"Sorry Shepard. No, I uh... I was just thinking. About you. I mean I wanted to ask, how are you?"

"You already asked me earlier. At C-Sec." Shepard smiled back at him, which immediately lowered his concern for her. Smiling was a good sign. Even if it was a tired smile.

"No. I asked about your shoulder. I am asking how YOU are. How are you coping with everything? What can I do to help?" He took a stand and pointed directly at her.

"Are you asking as my lieutenant or as my boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend?" Alenko started.

A horrified expression covered Shepard's face.

"I mean... I was just kidding. Hehe... right... that would be wierd. I… I know that's not… I know you're not… I mean it's too soon. Right? That's not what we…"

Kaidan chuckled at her sudden discomfort.

"You know Shepard we haven't really discussed that. I'm not sure..."

"Oh I know! Don't worry I totally get it. I mean we never said. I was making a joke, see. Only it's not very funny. I'm not crazy. Well, not like stalker crazy anyhow." She was babbling now, with every syllable her voice was rising an octave. She was nervous. He made a Spectre nervous. If he didn't feel so sorry for her at the moment he might have taken advantage just to tease her a bit more, but her face was flushing and she was looking like she wanted to throw a smoke grenade and disappear. Those gave him headaches.

"Commander!"

Immediately she straightened up, out of habit more than anything. But then she just looked slightly scared. Probably didn't help he had just used her formal title with her. Remember she's a woman too, Alenko, not just a tough marine. Don't make her cry.

Softer he said,"Shepard. I was going to say that we haven't really had that conversation. A DTR. And maybe we shouldn't go throwing around titles. When we both know it's not going to last..." he watched as she started chewing on her bottom lip "if we start going public. They'll transfer me for sure and neither of us want that. I think. Right?"

Cautiously she shook her head, still unsure what he was saying.

"I'm not the kind of guy to take things lightly. I wouldn't have taken the steps I did to be with you if I wasn't planning on it being a long term option. I thought it was obvious the way I felt about you."

"Well, you're not exactly very open, Alenko. It makes it hard to read you."

"That's probably true. Here I thought everyone could tell just by looking at my face so I was making an extra effort to keep it hidden. I guess I hid it a little too well. I never meant to hide my feelings from you."

"You have feelings for me?" she started chewing on that lip again and her eyes sort of got fuzzy. Oh no! Abort, Alenko, abort. No, just talk to her. This is Shepard. Not some irrational woman.

"Of course I have feelings for you. Deep feelings that go all the way down. You're rooted in me. I don't think I could dig you out now if I tried."

She giggled lightly as her eyes started to clear up and met his.

"The only question I had all along is what you want. You just surprised me when you used the word 'boyfriend'. To be honest I wasn't expecting that at all from you. From me, sure but I thought I was being too serious about all this for you. I just want to give you want to you need, Shepard; support, space, time... whatever. I'm here for you. So tell me what is you want?"

Her face changed into a sly expression.

"You."

It was Kaidan's turn to be taken aback.

"Really? That's all?"

"Why do you look so shocked?"

"I'm not sure, I guess I just thought that maybe now things had changed. That you weren't as interested anymore."

"You're the one that said things couldn't change, Kaidan."

"Well, yes, but I meant more along the lines of our team dynamic, chain of command, preferable treatment. I don't know. I figured after everything that has happened that you wouldn't want… to be tied down. No complications."

Shepard actually giggled.

"Kaidan Alenko, you really haven't been around women much have you?"

"Ummm... Do I need to answer that?"

"A girl doesn't spend countless hours getting to know you just because she's bored. She doesn't listen to you run battle statistics like a skyball play by play because she finds it interesting. A commanding officer doesn't break regulations with her lieutenant just because he has a particularly fine ass. No, all these things means she likes you, as in really likes you. Means it's serious, Alenko. Not a fling, not just battlefield flirting. Nothing to be tied down to. In case you didn't know already, I'm not a one-night-stand kind of gal. I won't lie when I say that things haven't changed. We're standing in the middle of a shit storm. I thought it might lighten up for us; downtime, shore leave, the works, but it looks like we're in it for the long haul. This is bigger than us. This is our duty to fulfill. That part hasn't changed. I am still the same person I was before. Just… more…whole... You know? You make me want to be a better person. You make me want to deserve you. Because I don't."

"I… I don't know what to say ma'am."

"First don't call me ma'am when we're talking about our relationship. That's kind of a buzz kill. Makes me feel old and gray. Like you're talking with Dr. Chakwas."

"Trust me I don't talk to Dr. Chakwas about relationships. She's nosy enough as it is." He wrinkled his nose. "Shepard, you're amazing, did you know that?"

"You might have mentioned it before. But I forget things a lot." She laughed again.

"I'll be sure to jog your memory from time to time."

"I wouldn't mind that. But seriously, Kaidan. Is that what you want? I mean… to be exclusive."

"Shepard. I've considered myself exclusive since you first said my name. There will never be another girl for me."

They just both stood there grinning at each other.