A/N: Welcome to the fourth and final chapter of this story, and my landing in the world of denial. Yes, it was a very lovely flight. This again contains spoilers for Episode 1x22 Journey, although I imagine that if you've made it this far you've accepted the spoilers or have seen the episode. Just so you know, I know nothing about adoption whatsoever, so I did a tiny bit of research and then decided to just make the rest up. Sorry if this offends anyone. There is also some minor Will/Shelby in this chapter, which is fluffy in my opinion. I've come to really like them as a couple. Some other characters are in this chapter, so I apologize if they're slightly off in characterization as well. To round out the story, I've finished off the lyric from "On My Own" that the story title came from: "And when I lose my way I close my eyes and [she] has found me." If Glee can change lyrics from "he" to "she," I can too! Again, hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, or any references that I made that managed to slip in.

She found herself at the hospital, heading towards the maternity ward. Biting her lip, she approached the glass window that separated her from the babies. She saw Quinn there, only knowing her name because Rachel had said it earlier, standing with a boy who was clearly also in McKinley's Glee club. Taking a deep breath, she stepped up next to them, trying to ignore the fact that she knew they were having some sort of moment. Her eyes scanned the babies ensconced in pink and blue, thinking of the beautiful baby girl she'd never gotten to hold who all those years ago had been just like that, lying in one of those bassinets. "Which one is yours?" Out of the corner of her eye she saw Quinn turn towards her.

"What are you doing here?" Quinn's voice was almost accusatory, and obviously implied that she shouldn't be there, and the reason Shelby was there was because she had lost her baby completely now, and that wasn't a good enough reason to state out loud to someone she'd never met.

"Oh, I see her now," she responded instead, evading the question. She laughed slightly at the way the baby was taking in the world around her, oblivious to the people watching her. "She looks like you." The baby really did, she had the same facial structure as Quinn, and the same nose…She'd spent years, wondering if her baby looked like her. And Rachel did, she did look like her, but that didn't seem to matter to Rachel anymore. "Does she have a name?"

Quinn was looking at her in that same way of trying to figure out what she was doing there. Shelby would have been offended if she didn't know that she was practically the enemy epitomized to this girl. "No."

"Beth," the boy said definitively. Shelby glanced at him, then looked back at Quinn.

"Pretty." She directed the comment to Quinn, understanding why the new mother was acting so cold, but hoping that she could break through it. She looked away, staring at the baby again. "I like that name."

"She's up for adoption – Quinn and I can't keep her," the boy said, looking at her.

Quinn was apparently angry that he decided to talk to her. "Puck, shut up. Don't you know who she is?" Ouch, that sort of stung Shelby. But they couldn't know what happened between her and Rachel, could they?

"Yes, I know who she is. That's exactly why. Quinn, it's perfect. We can't raise her, but if we know where she is, we can still have contact with her. We can still be part of baby Beth's life," Puck argued. Shelby held her breath, not daring to interrupt this conversation. She hadn't been considering adopting a baby, but…maybe she should. She wouldn't be alone then, and the baby would need her, really and truly need her.

"What's your point?" Quinn hissed loudly.

"That if Miss Corcoran adopts the baby, then we'd know that Beth has a good life and we could go see her," Puck said confidently to Quinn, then turned to Shelby. "Right? You'd let us see her, but give her a good life."

Shelby nodded, but then said "But, um, I'm sorry, I didn't even come here with the intention of adopting a baby, I don't know." She glanced at Quinn, who was staring at her baby girl and looking lost. Shelby sighed, knowing that she had to say something. "Quinn, if I may…I'd like to give you some unsought advice. Giving up your baby? Is just about the hardest thing to do. And in my situation, I knew that Rachel was going to a good home, but not having contact with her all these years just left me with pain and unhappiness. Don't set yourself up for that. You're younger than I was, and right now you may not realize it. But some day, you're going to wish that you could have been there to see your daughter to her first day of school and regret not knowing who has her." Through all of this, Quinn continued looking at the baby, and it was only when Shelby got to the end of her impromptu speech that Quinn nodded.

"Quinn. I don't want our baby to sit in that…plastic bin…for months and months, and then bounce from foster home to foster home until she can finally be adopted. I read somewhere that it would speed up the process if we approved the adopting family, something about an open adoption," Puck implored.

"It's not a plastic bin," Shelby laughed lightly. "They wouldn't put a newborn baby in any old plastic bin." She couldn't take her eyes off of the little bundle lying there.

"Would you like to hold her?" Quinn asked her, finally looking away from the baby. Shelby stared at her, shocked, but nodded. Quinn shuffled away, Puck following her and helping her, while Shelby resumed staring at baby Beth, contemplating.

By the time Shelby left the hospital, she had filled out adoption forms, with both Quinn and Puck's stamp of approval. It would take a couple of weeks for the paperwork to go through and for her to be confirmed and allowed to take the baby home, but the nurse had assured them that she couldn't see any reason Shelby wouldn't be. Shelby stubbornly told herself that the nurse was young, and didn't know anything.

But somewhere, deep inside of her, she felt like she was getting a second chance.

~•~

A few weeks went by; AP classes were essentially over since the AP exams had been taken, people came to her house to see if it was suitable for a baby, school ended. Shelby went to graduation with the faculty, and the teachers who sat next to her gaped at her when she dabbed tears off of her face when Jesse's name was called. After graduation, Shelby felt extremely lonely, not even having the energy to banter with her students for the last three days of school. But on the last day of school, she got a phone call: all her paperwork was through, everything was in order, and she could pick up her little baby girl from the hospital. She rushed to get her, her first real smile in weeks appearing on her face as she held her little Beth.

Summer started easily, with Shelby trying to turn her house into the perfect home for her little girl. She was devoted to her, absolutely in love. That didn't mean that she didn't still hope that Rachel would come to her, but she wasn't sitting around doing nothing in her house the way she usually did during the summer. It felt good. Baby-proofing the house had taken time, but Shelby had decided that she liked it better that way anyway…even if Jesse had accused her of losing her mind when she told him that. She hadn't even taken offense, merely smiling at Jesse and cooing, "You think you're so smart, yes you do. Yes you do."

Jesse had since refused to come see her until she'd a) gotten professional help, b) hired a babysitter, or c) learned to avoid baby talk.

She and Beth spent a lot of time out of their house, too. Shelby went out of her way to find things that she could go to do with Beth. By the time Beth was a month old, she already seemed to adore hearing her mommy sing. Shelby loved every minute of it. Even though she was sleep deprived, barely eating anything other than what could be microwaved in two minutes, and hadn't done a single thing for herself since picking the baby up from the hospital, she was genuinely happy. Beth was a smiley baby, usually very cheerful unless something was wrong. Shelby had even contacted her parents, telling them that they had a granddaughter. They'd been thrilled, but the coldness that had been there since she'd decided to be a surrogate for a gay couple in order to pursue her dreams was still present in their conversation.

One week into July, when Beth was having a hard couple of days because she was colicky and therefore much more cranky than usual, and Shelby was getting about 2 hours of sleep a night, stickered letters showed up on her mailbox, spelling out the name "Corcoran." She'd been confused when she first saw them, but figured that maybe the mailman had done it. All of the other houses in her cul-de-sac had their last names on their mailboxes, so she just shrugged it aside. It was sort of a nice touch anyway, declaring that it was her house.

When about a week later, when she and Beth came home from spending the day in the park with Beth's biological parents and found several boxes that had been delivered to her house sitting in front of her door, she was once again surprised, but thought maybe it was a peace offering from her parents. She knew they wanted to meet Beth and have a role in her life, so she called them to say thank you, but they were on vacation and she couldn't reach them. The boxes were full of things to decorate her living room with, and matched perfectly with her couch and everything. She put it all up while singing to Beth, who was busily watching a music note mobile – another thing that was in the care package. She was pleased at how much the new look to her living room suited her tastes. She made a mental note to call to try to thank her parents again.

Several days later, she had a very long day that involved running errands, a doctor's appointment for Beth, lunch plans with an old friend from high school, and a trip to the bookstore. She wanted to have some picture books to start reading to Beth. Her baby needed to be fully literate, what with a mommy who was an unsympathetic AP English teacher. She came home to find that someone had completely landscaped the front of her house, adding a white picket fence, pink and orange dahlias, a few bushes, and a few other flowers that she couldn't identify right off the top of her head. To say she was stunned would have been an understatement, but she had no idea who would have done this – the only person she had expressed her desire for a garden to was Rachel, and there was no way in hell Rachel would have done this for her. Right?

The next day, when she got home, there was a small basket sitting on her doorstep with a light, gauzy fabric covering it and a small, sleepy golden retriever puppy inside. A little sticky note was attached to the fabric, and so she picked up the basket, bringing it inside and pulling the sticky note off of it. A little puppy to keep you company. Just so you know, dogs don't need baby talk – you can speak to him as if he were a human. All of his paperwork is inside the basket, underneath the blanket. Enjoy. She didn't recognize the handwriting, but now she was beginning to get a little anxious – separately the things hadn't seemed like anything, but together…

She called Jesse, asking him if he had left her a puppy on her doorstep, and he had laughed hysterically for about two minutes, and then beseeched her to get professional help before Beth was old enough to be influenced by her insanity. She called her parents again – still on vacation.

In desperation, she called Will Schuester to pry for information, see if he knew anything about Rachel trying to contact her. He didn't, but he did ask her out on a date. She'd stuttered some sort of response (she hoped it sounded like yes), and then hung up before he could respond. Vaguely, she wondered if Rachel had anything to do with this, but that was preposterous – persuasive as her daughter was, she couldn't force someone to date her. She rushed out to buy puppy food, and was actually a little disappointed when she didn't find any surprises waiting for her when she got home. She chalked that up to exhaustion. Will called back about an hour later, intent on setting a date up. She felt like a teenager all over again, and went to sleep with a silly grin on her face. About a week passed, and she still hadn't gathered the confidence to call Rachel to find out if she had been doing all of this, but now that she'd thought about it she was pretty sure. She assumed she'd hear from Rachel soon, and couldn't deny how ecstatic that thought made her feel.

Wednesday night, there was a horrible band of thunderstorms, and both Beth and the puppy Figaro – named for Mozart's Overture to the Marriage of Figaro, which had always been one of her favorite classical pieces, and was of course a brilliant opera – cried the entire time. Beth was wailing loudly, almost screaming, with every crash of thunder, and Figaro was all over her, whimpering and whimpering. She had her hands full, and it was around 2:30 in the morning that she gave up on the hope of sleep, beginning to cry with them. Around 6 am, the storms finally cleared, and Beth and Figaro fell into deep sleeps, so Shelby was able to sleep for about 2 hours before Beth woke up. She stayed in all day, almost too tired to move, but dealt with it. Luckily, both Beth and Figaro were cheerful, and it was a relatively easy day.

Will took her out to a lovely restaurant for their first date; while it was the first time she had left Beth alone for an entire night, she had read books about taking care of babies, and so she had made sure that she had at least one trusted babysitter who had watched Beth for short spans of time in order to avoid separation anxiety and all that. She subtly tried to pry for information about Rachel, but Will just told her he hadn't spoken with Rachel since the summer started, and so he didn't know anything. It felt wonderful just spending time with Will, talking and laughing and eating real food, engaging in real conversation. Shelby felt like she was floating by the time he brought her home, and didn't even mind when Beth woke her up at 4 in the morning. She was annoyingly perky for the rest of the week, too, and hoped desperately that nothing bad would happen.

It wasn't until the beginning of August, when she and Will were having yet another date, maybe their third this week, this time watching a movie in her living room because she couldn't get her usual babysitter and Will had sweetly agreed to a change in their plans, that she realized that there hadn't been any random gifts lately. She hadn't noticed anything new. And she hadn't heard from Rachel yet. Summer only had a month left. Will noticed her sudden melancholy, and paused the movie, turning to her. "You okay?"

She nodded, murmuring, "Just tired." The truth of the matter is she didn't want to think about it, or talk about it. Will pulled her into a tight embrace.

"She'll come around, Shel." Shelby tried to wiggle out of his arms, embarrassed by the nickname and the fact that he could read her so well. He sighed, but it seemed like he was entertained by this whole situation. "She's at a two-week intensive music camp; she's coming home in something like three days. Maybe you can try to contact her then."

"I'm just tired," she muttered irritably. He laughed at her lightly, loosening his arms and turning back on the movie, then pulling her to rest her head in his lap. She fell asleep before the movie was over. Will informed her the next morning on the phone that he had woken her and walked her to her room, moved Beth and her portable crib to Shelby's room, and let himself out, locking the door with a spare key that she kept in the kitchen, which he promised to return to her.

She didn't find the hole that Figaro had chewed in the middle of her wall until that afternoon – she couldn't believe it, it wasn't even on a corner. Will listened to her rant for the entire forty-five minutes it took for the handymen she hired to fix it. She suspected that he only listened because he was highly amused.

Another night of thunderstorms hit, and Shelby once again only got around 2 hours of sleep. But this time she had no choice but to drag herself around all day: she needed groceries, some new toys for Beth and for Figaro, a new book to read…she couldn't waste the day away, or she wouldn't have anything to eat for dinner that night. After running most of the errands, she brought the two of them to the park and plopped down, sitting listlessly watching people for the rest of the morning. When she got home, the door was unlocked. It was odd, because Shelby Corcoran never forgot to lock her door. But she couldn't remember locking it when she left the house, so she figured she must have forgotten. She opened the door, pushing Beth's stroller in and letting Figaro off his leash. He ran howling into the kitchen, and she rolled her eyes, following him with Beth's stroller to put away the things she had bought. He settled down in his crate when she gave him some water, and Beth was fast asleep, so she assumed that she had some time to lie around and read her book.

She almost screamed when she saw someone standing in her living room with their back turned to her, black beanie pulled over their head. She shoved Beth's stroller behind her roughly, grabbing the first potential weapon she could get her hands on (one of Beth's baby bottles, unfortunately, was the first thing she saw), and snarling, "Who the hell are you, what are you doing in my house?"

The person tensed, and slowly turned around, raising a small hand to the black beanie to pull it off. The bottle slipped in Shelby's hand, but she tightened her grasp in order to not drop it. "Hi," Rachel breathed softly. She was avoiding eye contact with Shelby, an expression on her face that seemed almost regretful.

"Rachel? What are you…you…You broke and entered into my house?" Shelby stammered, not having expected this.

"I didn't break and enter, you do have a spare key outside, you know," Rachel rebutted, but she was still downcast.

"It's hidden in a fake rock!" Shelby cried dubiously. She put down the bottle in her hand, taking a step towards Rachel. Rachel suddenly met her gaze, just as unbelieving as Shelby was.

"You put a gold star sticker on it, you think it wasn't obvious?" Rachel yelled. Tears were beginning to rise in her daughter's eyes, and Shelby looked away, feeling incongruously berated.

She glimpsed up at Rachel, but immediately looked away. "You will not raise your voice at me in this house, Rachel. Beth is finally sleeping after a very long night, and I will not tolerate you waking her." No, that sounded too harsh. She locked her eyes with Rachel, adding "However, if…if you'd like to sit and calmly talk, I will happily do so."

Rachel meekly whispered, "Fine," but then burst out "Why is it that I'm not welcome? You-you said you wanted family, I'm family, why am I not good enough?" Shelby frowned, taking another, much more uncertain, step towards Rachel. She clasped her hands together, mulling over what to say carefully.

"I never said you weren't good enough, Rachel. I explained to you that I didn't want to come teach at McKinley. That's different. I still want to be a part of your life, but not if it's only because you want to improve your Glee club and singing. If that's the reason, then I'm sorry, but I can't help you," Shelby clarified as gently as she could. She paused, taking a breath, but Rachel stomped over first, shoving a pile of star-shaped sticky notes towards her. Shelby took them out of her hand, looking down at them. "What…"

"That is twenty three times since the summer began that I have needed my mother. You think that my dads have it all taken care of, that I couldn't possibly need something from you, but those prove that you're completely wrong." Rachel's voice was beginning to get louder again, and Shelby sent her a look, silently ordering her to lower her voice, before she looked back down at the sticky notes.

She read the first one. "Date with Finn. Don't know what to wear. Rachel, I wouldn't have been able to…"

"Keep reading," her daughter demanded, and Shelby knew she owed Rachel at least that much.

She sighed, but moved that sticky to the back of the pile and read the next one. "Need a bathing suit. Don't know how to pick a bikini that actually looks nice." She looked up at Rachel, who was standing perfectly straight with her arms crossed, a determined look on her face. "Bad cramps. Dad and Daddy don't want me to have chocolate. So ask a friend for it." That got her a glare. Oops. "Not really over Jesse, even if Finn is wonderful and Jesse broke my heart – does that mean I'm in love with Jesse?" Shelby gave her a sympathetic look. "Rachel, its okay to be…"

"Keep. Reading." Rachel spat, though she was teary-eyed again, and had shrunk down slightly. Shelby heaved another sighed, turning to the next sticky note.

"Allergic to creamy fig body wash. Don't know what to do to stop feeling miserable. Oh, Rachel." She'd read enough. She put the sticky notes down, wrapping her arms around herself unconsciously. But the moment Shelby looked up, Rachel recoiled, staring down at the ground and taking a step away from her. "Honey, I understand that all of these things are difficult, but all of them are things that friends could help with. They don't necessarily require…"

Rachel cut her off, screaming and glaring at her, "I didn't say they couldn't! But I wanted my mom there to help me with them! So now, you have a house, and a garden, and a dog, and what's missing is a family." Shelby stood there, mildly surprised by the ferocity of Rachel's voice and the tears that had begun to fall, but she bemusedly reminded herself that Rachel never did things half way. When Rachel had finished, and was standing there breathing quickly, Shelby found herself speechless. And then a loud wail shattered the silence, and she turned around instinctively, picking up Beth from her stroller.

"Shhh, love, you're okay, we didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep, baby," she cooed, rocking Beth back and forth and bouncing her slightly. She grimaced lightly, regretting both the fact that Beth had woken up and the fact that she knew Rachel was going to be hurt by her obvious affection for Beth.

"I know what you're doing," Rachel said softly behind her. "You've replaced me with Quinn's baby. You think Quinn won't want her back some day? I would bet that within a year, Quinn wants Beth back, so she and Puck can raise her. Then what'll you do?"

Shelby didn't respond until she saw Beth's eyes slip shut again. "I don't know what I'd do if that happened. But I do need you to know one thing – I didn't go to that hospital intent on adopting her. I don't really know why I went to the hospital, but the idea of adopting her seemed so right…and I thought that, after our conversation at Regionals, you'd never want to come near me again. It wasn't that I was trying to replace you."

Rachel walked up to stand next to her, looking at Beth in her arms, and Shelby hoped against hope that it was Rachel's way of showing acceptance of what Shelby had said. "She looks so much like Quinn," Rachel whispered. Shelby smiled at her over her shoulder, easing Beth back into the stroller.

"So? You looked so much like me. Go sit on the couch, Rachel. I'm going to get you some water…"

Rachel cut her off, "But I'm not thirsty…" Shelby smirked slightly.

"Your throat is going to be begging for it very soon, so just let me get it for you, and then we can talk, okay?" Rachel nodded, and Shelby sauntered into the kitchen. When she returned, Figaro was following her, despite her attempts to ignore him. "Here you go." She handed Rachel the cup, then sat down next to her, but with plenty of space. Rachel didn't say anything, just looking into her water. Shelby shifted tentatively, not sure how to start, but deciding it was best to just plunge in. "So did you do all of this? The mailbox letters, the living room décor, the garden, the puppy?" Rachel nodded, but didn't seem to want to volunteer any more information. "How?"

Rachel took a deep breath, giving Shelby a timid look, before staring back down into her water. "Quinn told me that you'd adopted Beth. It hurt, because I felt replaced and unwanted all over again. Dad and Daddy got tired of my moping around. They understood that losing at Regionals would upset me, but quickly realized there was more to it than that. So I told them. Everything. They weren't pleased, and they were furious with you…" Shelby rolled her eyes. Great, just what she needed. "…but they comprehended the fact that, now that I know who you are, I would want further contact with you. Daddy said they would give me whatever I needed to try to make something work. So I told them what you wanted – a house, a garden, a dog, a family. I explained that I didn't understand, because you already had a beautiful house." Rachel paused here, giving Shelby a wry smile. "I think that's around the point that they got sick of hearing me talk about it. They said that they had the money necessary to do whatever I wanted, seeing as both of them have successful, well-paying careers. And that was the last of it. I began planning."

Shelby blinked at her for a moment, before saying slowly, "Okay…but that doesn't really explain everything, Rachel. I understand how you funded it, but…how did you pull it off?"

Rachel sighed, biting her lip and staring at the ceiling. "The mailbox letters were easy to do, I just did it one evening after it was dark with a flashlight. Planning the décor was a little more difficult. I enlisted Kurt's help, and he basically planned everything with one quick visit for measurements and stuff into your living room and some information from me about what I thought you would like. You did like it, right?" Rachel looked at her pleadingly, seeming so desperate to please her. Shelby chuckled, grinning at her.

"Yes, I did. And I'm just going to say now that I forgive you for the breaking and entering and don't intend to press charges. Keep going."

Rachel took a sip of her water, and then her eyes widened comically and she drained half of the glass. Shelby raised an eyebrow at her, but Rachel seemed ready to continue now. "With the mailbox and the living room, I thought that that would fit the definition of 'house' enough, since it just made it cozier. Again, you already have a house. Next it was on to the garden. Daddy hires a landscaper, since Dad doesn't really have the time to garden but still wants a pretty front to our house. So I asked if they could help me, for a little extra pay, to do some landscaping for a different home. They agreed. I asked Mercedes to help me pick out the flowers and stuff to plant, and Artie did some research for me about what types of flowers would be in season, and then when we had it all planned I sent the landscapers one day to your house. They knew not to tell you if you asked. If you did, they were just supposed to say that it was a thank you from a friend who appreciated your hard-work. I'm guessing you weren't home when they came, but that worked too." Rachel finished the rest of her water, but moved the glass away from Shelby when she tried to take it to get her more, hugging it to her side.

"Rachel…"

"Let me finish. The puppy was a little harder to locate, but Brittany helped me find a perfect litter of puppies, and so I asked Dad if I had any price limit. He said no, that he knew this was important to me and I had to follow what I wanted in my heart. So, the day before I left for camp, I left the puppy on your doorstep." Rachel looked down into her lap. "And then, when I came back, there hadn't been any calls from you, there weren't any signs that you knew or even cared."

"Sweetheart, I cared, I just didn't even know if it was really you doing it. I didn't want to sound like an idiot, calling you and asking if you were doing this. Plus, I'm sleep deprived and therefore not in my right mind," Shelby laughed, reaching out and putting a hand on Rachel's arm. She was touched by Rachel's grand gestures, nobody had this desperately wanted her in their lives – ever. A wonderful, warm feeling spread all over.

Rachel took a deep breath, biting her lip and suddenly seeming much shyer than Shelby had ever seen her. "I'd been writing the sticky notes all summer. Every time something happened that I needed a mother for, I wrote it down. It was a coping mechanism, and it worked, but only until I got back from camp. The plan today was to stick them all over the living room, and then leave and wait until you called. Puck lent me the hat – something about looking the part." Rachel shuddered, pulling away from Shelby's hand. "It was a stupid idea, I'm sorry to have bothered you."

Shelby intercepted her before she could stand up and leave with a hug, holding her tightly. "We'll make this work, Rachel. I can't believe you did this for me. There's…a lot to work through. But we'll figure it out. Thank you, for being stubborn and not stopping, not giving up." Rachel hugged her back, curling into her.

Shelby felt the last piece of the puzzle click into place: she was surrounded by her newfound family, Rachel included.