Ok, when I wrote the paragraph where TJ is looking at herself in the mirror I was listening to Lisbeth Scott's 'Forever Young'. Shoot me. Well, first go Youtube it- it's a beautiful song.

Now, I'm pretty sure that at some point in the last 15 years, wormhole science iro the whole Time episode thing has been explained, but I can't remember. Below, somewhere, is my take. It does make sense. Whether it's right or not is another matter entirely! Damn. I actually had to write out the timeline(s) for Time for it to make any sense, and even then I had to read through the Transcripts on GW several times to figure things out fully. The Forums' were really handy too, confirming or disproving a number of thoughts I'd had. I've also realised an error in C1- it's not a virus, it's a micro-organism. Completely different. I'll go back and change it at some point.

OMG, have some nerdy fan-science. I hope I got it right. If the physics is wrong, please tell me. You can skip the science section if you feel you must :-p plenty of story after it!

Umm, is no one reading Actions and Consequences? Just curious. I might concentrate more on this one.

Usual disclaimers, blah blah blah…

- - - - o0o - - - -

The sensation of being shaken woke her. Movement stilled, and gentle pressure settled on her shoulder.

"Lieutenant?"

TJ sat up with a moan. Damn, I'm stiff! She blinked blearily, and looked around. Still in the infirmary, the medic realised she'd fallen asleep at her desk. Frowning, she cast her mind back… oh. After Vanessa had returned to sleep, she'd spent the next hour practically bouncing between her patients, delighted at their recovery. Marcus had woken next, and as with the 2nd Lieutenant she'd gently eased him back to sleep. Neither Chloe nor Dale had awoken, but their stats showed they had moved from unconsciousness into proper rest, and would most likely awaken tomorrow –today, I guess. Grimacing, she stretched and turned to face Colonel Young, who was looking at her with a mix of both anticipation and concern. She smiled.

"They're all doing fine. Both Dale and Vanessa woke briefly; I'm expecting Chloe and Marcus to do the same some time this morning. I'll have a full report to you soon, Sir."

He shook his head. "No, what you're going to do is go grab something to eat, then get some proper sleep. It's 07:00 now, any idea how long you've been out?"

The medic checked her watch and winced. No wonder she felt awful. "About four hours, Sir".

Colonel Young sighed. "In two days. Okay, Doctor Park will cover here. You, go. Now."

Peering round the Colonel, she caught sight of Lisa, who smiled at her cheerfully and waved. Weakly returning the gesture, she slid from the stool and nodded to her CO; as she went to move past him he again placed a hand on her shoulder and spoke warmly to her when she turned to look at him.

"Great work TJ, you should be proud."

She straightened slightly. Performing a quick check on her patients –she ignored his sigh of frustration- she felt satisfaction roll through her, alleviating briefly her exhaustion.

"All good, Sir. Call me if anything happens?" She asked Lisa. The woman gave her a bright 'will do', and TJ had to fight the strange urge to throttle her. Play nice. It was no ones fault but her own she was so tired that such exuberance offended her. Stifling a yawn she waved goodbye, belatedly remembering once in the corridors that she hadn't deferred to the Colonel, and shrugged, not really caring right then. I'll apologise later…

Making her way quickly to the Mess, she wasn't surprised to find it fairly empty; generally, the civilians slept in late- it wasn't like they had much to do, after all- and the military shifts weren't due to change yet. She made her way to the gloop-dispenser, and Airman Burge poured her a healthy measure, more generous than normal. Her protest was cut off as soon as she opened her mouth.

"Becker told me he hadn't seen you last night; I don't suppose you've eaten properly, Ma'am? Thought not." His grin was unrepentant when she shook her head. "Enjoy, Ma'am; it's always best to get the first batch early!" She smiled at him, touched, then thanked the younger man for his kindness and quickly found a seat. It didn't take long to eat. Drink? What exactly is the correct term? Huh. She didn't really taste it, but absently agreed that it was better early in the day; not good, just better. TJ must have been staring into space, for she didn't see him move, but suddenly he was beside her, taking the bowl. She looked up at him, a distant voice wondering exactly how dumb her expression was right then.

"I daresay you haven't slept either, Ma'am? Nope. I'll clear this, don't worry."

It was an effort to move, and a strong hand caught her elbow when she swayed upon standing.

"I'm okay, Airman, thanks." Maybe. Her voice sounded strange to her own ears and her vision was blurry, though quickly returning. I really need to go to bed. He didn't look entirely convinced, but given that he let go she must have appeared steadier. When he spoke, his voice was hesitant.

"Lieutenant…how is everyone?"

Her smile was genuine, regardless of her weariness. "Just fine, Michael. They should all be awake today, and back in their own quarters by tonight. The rest of the crew is doing great- no ill effects that I've been made aware of."

His relief was palpable. She answered his thanks with a gentle 'no worries', bid him goodnight -good day- she thought, absently, and slowly made her way out. My room's never felt so far away. A hand on the wall guided her passage, served to keep her upright though merely putting one foot in front of the other was a monumental achievement, and after an eternity she slipped from the silence of the halls into the deep stillness of her own rooms. She really didn't have the ability to think right then as she slumped down onto the edge of the bed, barely had the strength to pull her boots off, before flopping onto the mattress fully dressed and simply rolling herself up in the sheets. Anything else took too much effort, and she was asleep in seconds.

-o-

Her rest was dreamless, blessedly undisturbed, and waking was easy. She stifled a laugh at how she had slept- moreover, she had barely moved all day. Stretching lazily, she pressed the pad above the bed and the room illuminated; checking her watch her brows rose in surprise. 21:13? Wow…She'd just slept away nearly fourteen hours. Needed it though. I feel so much better. Sliding off the bed she padded across the floor to the mirror, softly humming half forgotten strains of an unknown tune; allowing herself a small portion of her water ration she wet the cloth left on the desktop, and scrubbed her face. Pulling her hair from its knots was usually difficult, and now was no exception; generally it managed to tangle itself no matter how careful she was, and this time she'd slept with it up, compounding the problem. Ah well. She resigned herself to the fight, and it took nearly ten minutes to tease all the tangles out. Satisfied at last, she brushed it till it wisped with static, then began the task of putting it all back up again, and her arms ached by the time she'd finished.

She studied her reflection for a long moment, wondering who the woman was staring out from behind her eyes. Often these days she didn't recognise herself… Touching fingers to the mirror she traced the curve of her jaw, sighing at the hollowing of her cheeks and the paleness of her skin, and despite the long rest there were still dark smudges beneath her eyes. With a pang of grief she closed her eyes against the unwelcome truth she saw in her underfed features. She'd had such plans for herself, for them. She rested a hand over her belly. She'd been terrified, but so determined; having made her choice she would lay everything down to see it through, would rise to meet any challenge head-on, and now…we're all malnourished. I can't even support me, let alone two of us. She was frightened sick of the certain eventuality. Things would pass, unnoticed and unremarked. No one would know. A heavy period, nothing more. What can anyone do? They were all looking for a miracle, all praying; only her prayers weren't for herself, but for the babe that slept beneath her heart, unaware of its fragile mortality. Not knowing it would probably never live to see sunlight. Never see a sky. Never breathe air. Life was fleeting, she knew, but some life never even got the chance, and it broke her heart, a thousand shards that cut her to pieces. I had it all worked out, so many dreams…It would have been a good life, hard but good; her mother would have doted something fierce, regardless of the lack of father, her sister would have been overjoyed. A nephew! Cousin for her own children. A child she could love and nurture in strength and hope, a piece of herself and a man she once thought she loved. She'd never imagined herself pregnant, a mother herself; now she couldn't imagine life any other way. I'm meant to save you. Raise you. Defend you. Feed your dreams and set you free. And I can't.

God help me, I can't.

-o-

He looked up as she entered, and frowned. Of course he's here. TJ sighed inwardly. She'd actually been hoping he wouldn't be- he was far too astute to miss her hidden sorrow. She'd stayed locked in her quarters long after she'd finished weeping, waiting till all traces off the blotchiness had faded before venturing out, and though she knew most people wouldn't see her grief, she was aware there were a handful who might notice. Blessedly, all bar one of those was probably in bed, or at least in their room, but it was that one she had the most to worry about. She called out a quiet greeting and smiled, before heading over to the few remaining crates still stacked against the far wall. She ignored the way the frown deepened, and the fact that he rose onto his knees in order to follow her passage. She hoped he'd respect her wish for privacy enough to not ask.

"Evening," he returned, voice equally soft. He was still watching her as she pulled the lid off the first crate; the hairs on the back of her neck rose. Please… she carried on, trying to project an air of obliviousness she didn't feel. When he spoke into the quiet, her heart sank, but his words surprised her.

"Ye dunnae have to be here. Ya know, if you're…still tired." He sounded uncomfortable, awkward, but sought to give her a way out, a gift unlooked for, and some of the pain in her chest lessened. Thank you…

"Thank you, but I'm okay. I…want to be busy. It's been a long few days, you know?" She added hastily.

"Mmm."

At a soft rustling sound, she risked a glance behind her; he'd turned around to face the console, though he seemed in no hurry to return to work. She delved back into the crate. After a long moment, she heard again the sound of tinkering, and was grateful beyond measure that he hadn't pressed. TJ looked down at her hands, and realised with a flicker of amusement that she had no idea what she had just moved onto the worktop. Emptying it completely, she spread the items out across the surface; nothing to get excited about, but useful things nonetheless. More boxes of steri-wipes, half a dozen bedpans, assorted dressings, a couple of boxes of individually wrapped syringes- she raised an eyebrow, baffled. An egg cup? Weird. A giggle escaped her as she uncovered a pair of googly-eyes. What on Earth? She put them on, turned around sharply which set them to wobbling. Rush was already looking at her, no doubt wondering at her sudden humour; she had the pleasure of watching his eyes widen in shock and he snorted, ducking away with a cough that barely hid his own laughter. She cracked up, laughing till tears ran down her cheeks, and she slid down the panel behind her to sit on the floor. It slowly faded, and she was left wheezing and giggling, wiping at her eyes and grinning like an idiot. God, I needed that. Reality hit like icy water –she was well aware she'd just made a fool of herself in front of him- and unconsciously she tried to hold her breath which only served to make her hiccup: to her shock she heard an undeniably masculine snigger. She risked looking over at the lead scientist; he'd made himself comfortable to watch her, resting up against an adjacent unit, and his face was a picture of amusement. They watched each other for a while, each finally comfortable in the others' company, and she absently fiddled with the springy eyes. Just sitting there was surprisingly pleasant, no demands or expectations, no need for conversation, and she didn't want to disturb the peace, either the one between them, or the one that had settled in a thin veneer over her soul. She wondered if there were any subjects they could share, and remembered her question; providing of course he didn't think trying to explain was beneath him.

"What happened with those Kinos? I mean, I get it, but I don't. It's weird."

He studied her for a moment, and then cocked his head, thoughtful. When he spoke his voice was carefully modulated, articulate, as though he chose his words with care; the soft brogue he usually spoke with was lessened, and she wondered suddenly whether she had ever heard his true accent if, as it appeared, he could change it at will. That was quite a thought.

"Wormholes are actually rather unstable- it doesna' take a lot, relatively speaking, to disrupt one, and the consequences vary. If we stop to think that space is time, and time is space, then they are both the same; if a wormhole cuts a passage in space, does it not also cut a passage through time?" He paused, stretched his legs out before continuing. "Einstein, by the way. The physics is…complicated, and not particularly relevant." Suddenly he stood and she jumped; gathering a number of items, he approached and settled to the floor a short distance from her, before continuing in that soft burr.

"To some degree, a star always bends a wormholes path; that's the nature of gravity, an' after a black-hole, a sun is a force that exerts the most gravitational pull. Now, the Stargate compensates for that. The Ancients weren't stupid. Nor were they stupid enough to create artificial wormholes that could be opened to any when. They'd already accounted for that, too. O' course, when you're dealing with things like this, you cannae account for everything. Even if you could, you cannae prevent everything, so they put in as many safeguards as they could, knowing that under extreme circumstance there could be problems. It's like crossing the road. Fine, safe, perfectly normal? O' course it is, until you get some pillock doing seventy in a thirty and then it all goes horribly wrong; or a car leaks oil onto the road that you don't see, so you slip and fall. Doesn't stop you crossing the road in future- providing you aren't dead, mind." The scientist stopped, realising what he'd just said, and she though of his 'Yorrick' moment on the Kino footage.

Swallowing, he forced himself to continue, and began spreading items out on the floor between them.

This is us." he poked a broken crystal. "That's where we're going." He set another some distance apart. "This," his lips twitched a smile as he gingerly extricated the eyes from her grip- she noted he made care not to touch her, "is a star. The wire represents the path a wormhole would take." He lay a length of wire out between the two points, bending it slightly towards the 'sun'. "Perfect conditions, A to B, no problem. "Now, a solar flare is an incredible force of nature. The cycle of a flare typically has three stages- precursor, impulsive and decay. As an aside, interestingly, the temperature of a flare is several times greater than that of a suns' corona. It's caused by the sudden release of a build up of magnetic energy in the solar atmosphere, an' it emits massive amounts of radiation right across virtually the entire electromagnetic spectrum- radio waves, x-rays, gamma rays, infrared, ultraviolet are a few examples, all words you know, but have probably never really associated as being different forms of basically the same thing. Following?"

She nodded.

"Good. Stage one sees the release of magnetic energy; in stage two we witness the exponential acceleration of protons an' electrons, releasing massive amounts of heat an' energy- several million times greater than that of a volcanic explosion, but still only a fraction of the overall output of a star. Stage three isn't important. Now we get into the 'time-travel'. Remember space and time. Stages one and two provide massive interference- for example, like another, more powerful radio station broadcasting over your usual station. The combination of stages one and two interrupt normal broadcasting, so to speak. The wormhole doesn't stop- a bit like Destiny, it follows its' programmed course, although unlike the ship there is no master code to change the programming. As a result, it forces through and forms a connection. If you were t' manage to hear your normal radio station through the second one it would be distorted, mangled- you'd be listening to both at the same time, a blurring of the two, an' plenty of static. You're only getting half the signal. Occasionally an active wormhole can be affected by a solar flare; then it all gets horribly complicated. It's very unusual, though- it's usually during the initial event of trying to establish a wormhole connection that the problem usually occurs. Anyway, the massive release of radiations and energies interacts with the normal radiation and energy emitted by a forming wormhole and twists it." He formed a loop in the wire. "The flare doesn't always alter the wormholes space trajectory –A to B, still- But because the path is no longer straight, something has to give, so it generally altersthe time trajectory. It connects to the right where, but not the right when. Usually. And then, sometimes, it goes a step further, and you get what happened to us.

"It has been hypothesised –an' we know it's true- that the gravity of a sun can be used like a slingshot for space travel. If the path of a wormhole travels too close to a star, and a solar flare happens, the stars' gravity grabs it, and pulls. Of course, the wormhole is still fighting to go somewhere. Without the flare, it's just a bigger curve." He demonstrated by straightening out the loop and forming a larger bend towards the sun. "All fine. Now, the flare is the trigger. Here's the interference," he gathered the wire up and looped it again. "But because the path isn't yet established it's still classed as an open end. The wormhole still wants to go somewhere, to connect, but it can't get to where it wants to go; it's forced to give in t' the pull of gravity an' slingshots back around the star, slamming into the originating gate." He did so with the wire, looping it a couple more times. "It's irrelevant to this example, but as you know you cannot connect to an active gate. If that's what it tried to do, there would be no connection at all- the dialling sequence would deactivate. But because the flare is now interfering with space and time, A to B becomes A to A2. It doesn't have to be in the past. People don't realise time is fluid, not linear like they think. It could go to any when, providing there's a gate present. How we doin'?"

"Okay, I think." She tilted her head. "Yeah, okay." TJ smiled. "Can you get A to C?"

He quirked a half smile.

"Yep, under the right circumstances." He spread the crystals out, one on either side of the eyes at equal distance, coiled the wire, and added a third gem halfway between the two following the invisible arc formed between them.

"Now, A to the star is the same distance as the star to B. Yes? C for the purpose of this demonstration is, conveniently, at exactly ninety degrees to the other two, and only half the distance from either A or B to the star. So, you have a travelling wormhole, a close sun and a solar flare; same as before, the flare distorts, and the star pulls it 'round. The wormhole is so scrambled at this point that it sees a possible connection and goes for it, hitting the wrong gate. Therefore, you not only have the wrong when, you have the wrong where, too. Good luck getting back from that one!"

She let lose a low whistle.

"What about the Kinos?"

"A bit more confusing. Technically three timelines- Kino-A, Kino-B, an' us. Let's start with A. Everyone contracts an illness. Everyone dies on the planet apart from Lieutenant Scott-A; presumably, everyone eventually dies on the ship as well. Sorry." His lips twisted in a grimace, and she realised the pain of her failure was showing. "There was literally nothing you, she, could have done, though I know that doesn't really help much. Anyway. I take a dive through and arrive in, let's say…2005. Good? Okay. Scott lobs Kino-A through and it comes to rest beside me. Now, timeline-B comes along. They go through, find human remains and the Kino, bring it back, review it, realise they have to go to the planet anyway, everything goes wrong and everyone dies. Again. But not before Scott-B has chance to record a message and lob Kino-B through the fritzy gate. Presumably it comes to rest in the same place as… me an' Kino-A in the past. It doesn't have to be the same time, but a precedent has been set, so the wormhole follows the easiest, established path. They only found the one Kino the first time round, because for them the events leading to Kino-B appearing hadn't happened- they caused it. Here's the bit that's really confusing everyone- how can there be two Kinos? Technically, events negate themselves. I know, weird. Timeline-B never happened, so they never removed Kino-A, but once through the Gate, Kino-B exists separately of the B-timeline, as does the original Kino-A. We come along, separate of both timelines (again, for us it hasn't happened yet), an' find the results of the two prior existing series of events. We are the altered result of two futures that never happened. Except…they did- we have proof. It's a paradox- dunnae worry, I know physicists that don't understand this sort o' thing."

He gave a soft snort.

"Being in the same place at the same time doesn't generally matter. It's rubbish. The world ain't gonna end. The two items are from different time-streams- which means they are not the same thing. Bit like the ol' parallel universe thing. Hell, Rodney's met himself. Had a good long chat, from what I've been told!"

The lapsed into silence whilst she thought about what he had said. It kinda made sense. What was baffling was that the two timelines cancelled each other out. Maybe it's as simple as, 'they just do'. Wonderfully scientific! She smiled, and a thought occurred to her.

"Have you ever taught?"

He paused, going incredibly still. For a while she thought he wasn't going to answer, and she deeply regretted asking, but then he stirred.

"I did. Do, when I'm not working for the SGC." He didn't look happy, though. She didn't push. Why teaching would be a source of pain for him she couldn't begin to guess, but she was too sensitive to the moment and to him right then to try and pry. She settled on a word that she hoped would convey a number of meanings and her understanding.

"Good."

In the shared silence, so different to the lonely solitude of her quarters. She found a different measure of peace, allowed it into her soul. He picked the crystals up, rolled them between his hands, and then seemed to shake himself, standing abruptly.

"If we're finished, I gotta lot o' work to do."

It was hard not to take that personally, and she barely kept herself from flinching. Her good mood was instantly destroyed, and she was left wondering whether such callousness was intentional, or the product of thoughtlessness, however unlikely the concept may seem when applied to him. His persistent disregard of other people's feelings was a source of constant anger to everyone else. Did he not realise that he came across as being a complete jack ass at the best of times? I doubt he'd care, she thought, doused in misery. She couldn't ignore the fact that he had been kind to her, but at the same time knew that it was kindness that took an effort with him, and as such he didn't usually bother. It was difficult for her to believe that he was naturally an unpleasant person, and yet right then… She watched him as he worked, completely oblivious to the hurt he had caused.

He doesn't understand that most people need other people.

Her peace had fled; the silence between them was no longer so comfortable, for her at least.

Maybe he does know, and doesn't care. Maybe because it doesn't hurt him, he doesn't think it hurts anyone else. Maybe he does know but prefers it this way? Keeping me away? She tossed her head, angry at herself. Damn it, Tamara, when are you gonna stop making excuses for people? When are you gonna stop justifying their actions? Probably never, she thought morosely. It was just a part of her to want to see the best in people, even when they didn't see it themselves and no one else did either. To try and explain their actions in a light that she could comprehend, one that shone more favourably upon them. She honestly believed that everyone had redeemable qualities, even if they were sometimes hard to find- even him. He's impatient. Arrogant. Smug. Superior. She began checking off mentally on her fingers. Cruel, disparaging. Petty. Mean. Callous. Condescending. Hurtful. Offensive. Dismissive. A poor exemplar of humanity.

Then why do I like him?

Because he's hurting too…

She blinked. Really? Maybe that was it, or at least part of it. Because he's hurting, only he lashes out. Because he can be patient. And kind. And because it is an effort for him to do so, it means so much more that he tries. Because I want to help him. Maybe if I can do that, if I can heal him, maybe I won't hurt as much. Maybe I can find the strength to heal myself. If I can help him, jack ass that he is, maybe there's hope for me, too.

How many of us here are damaged souls? She wondered. Him and his past, me and mine and my hopeless future. Chloe and her father. Vanessa and Matt. Everyone who has left behind a loved one, or who has lost one. Everyone who lost a friend when Icarus was destroyed. How are we all coping, when the pain should drown us? Can we form the bonds we need quick enough to survive the past? We aren't meant to be alone in this life; it hurts too much to bear…

She went rigid, her eyes dropping to the hand she knew bore a wedding ring, something people never paid attention to, except out of spite. He never talks about her. Is she to blame? Oh, she'd heard the rumours, dismissed them as being the speculations of mean-minded gossips with nothing better to do. Were they right? She'd seen him on Icarus. He hadn't been her responsibility, then, but she'd watched him regardless, knowing he was wounded somehow without knowing how she knew; knew, too, about his temper and caustic nature, had seen enough people reduced to a shaking wreck from a particularly vile tongue lashing to be ignorant of what he was capable of. One day so long ago she'd overheard Lisa in the Mess telling her team mates that he never used to be like that; she'd worked with him once before on a different project and recalled a different man. She'd always been curious about that, and it had sat at the back of her mind all this time. Is it her fault? It was, however, a pointless question; he would never volunteer something personal, and she would never ask. An impasse. If you ever find a way to stop hurting, tell me? Please? She closed her eyes and bowed her head, before levering herself to her feet. She had to move, to do something, but she hesitated.

If I ask him, he'll say no. If I assume, he'll take offence and won't accept it…

"I'm going to the Mess to grab a drink. Water? Tea?" He paused for a long moment. Damn it, man, it's a simple question!

"Water, please."

It was only when TJ was past him and out into the hall that she remembered she'd left the googly-eyes abandoned on the floor.

-o-

At 23:37, the medic wasn't surprised that the ship was quiet. It blanketed her, invaded her senses and dulled them, told her she should be sleeping, too. Sleep, sleep little child, an' all creation slept and smiled. Was it her mother who whispered that to her? She couldn't remember, but she thought so. She listened to footsteps that didn't echo, the deep, almost inaudible sighing of the metal around her as Destiny moved through the universe. If I stay still enough, I can hear Destiny breathe… damn, but this place was turning her into a philosopher. What was that saying? Scratch any deepwater sailor, and you'll find a philosopher. Do I count? She wondered, mildly amused. This is about as deep as you can get…

The Mess was empty, save for Michael Burge. The Airman sat longwise on a bench, feet up on the metal, crossed at the ankles. He raised his head from the book he was reading as she entered, and through her a cheeky grin.

"Ma'am. Hungry?" She realised she was, and he could tell so from her expression; unfolding himself he moved to the dispenser, and poured her a portion to match the last one. She sighed, hands on hips.

"Burge…"

"Really, Ma'am, you don't eat enough. I know you're really busy, but who's gonna look after you if you get sick?"

She sighed again. "I'm not the only one too busy to remember to eat, you don't need to single me out," she replied, thinking of Doctor Rush.

He must have followed her line of thought, for he grimaced. "Yeah, he's worse than you are. Ma'am." He winced. "Sorry. You fix us, he fixes the ship. Really, I'd rather the pair of you stop forgetting to eat. I wanna go home," he clarified with a shrug at her querying expression. She took the bowl, lips twitching in a smile. Maybe he gets it…

"Thanks. Has he been in? I know for a fact he's working somewhere, I can track him down." She hoped she sounded nonchalant and mildly aggrieved, a medic with a misbehaving patient, and she must have hit the right note because he smiled slightly.

"Would you? I think only Becker gets away with shoving food at him. Last time I tried telling him he should eat, I swear, Ma'am, he growled at me!" From the twinkle in his eyes, she knew he was exaggerating, but at the same time knew it wasn't far from the truth. She grinned, her mood lightening considerably.

"He tries arguing with me, Airman, and I'll have him locked in his quarters till he changes his mind!" He laughed at her teasing tone.

"Just remember to take away all those toys so he can't escape!" She snickered, watched as he poured a second bowl.

"I don't suppose there's a water canister spare?"

"Sure," he grabbed one from behind the dispenser, screwed a cup onto the top. Taking it, she tucked it under her arm before accepting the second bowl.

"Thanks, Michael." She smiled.

"Sure thing, Ma'am. You take better care of yourself, okay?" Once again touched by his compassion, she murmured a promise to try, and left as quietly as she had arrived. It was only when she neared the infirmary that she wondered how on Earth she was going to handle this. She'd gone out for a drink and come back with extras, and she doubted he'd be overly pleased by any outward display of concern over his diet, and would be especially pissed to find she had been discussing him with someone else. Embarrassed, irritated and pissed. Take the bull by the horns… she steeled herself, and stepped inside.

"I've just been scolded, though apparently I'm not the only one who doesn't feed themselves properly. I promised I'd track you down- if I have to play nice and eat this, so do you. Sorry. I can't guarantee it's particularly edible, but it's something, I guess."

TJ gave him no chance to argue as she thrust the bowl at him; his expression was a hilarious combination of dumbstruck bafflement and incredulity as he accepted it. Putting her own bowl on the console, she unscrewed the cup from the water bottle, filled it, then passed him the flask; taking up her bowl again she moved to her desk and settled down. The silence behind her made her skin prickle, but she was getting better at ignoring him. Now, if only I could ignore the taste of this, too. She knew he was behind her scant seconds before his hand reached into her field of vision; depositing the flask on the desktop, he swapped it for the smaller measure the cup held, and she swallowed against the lump in her throat. It was only after she'd heard him settle back on the floor that she took the time to observe her surroundings, and absurdly she felt some of the pain he had caused her ease at the sight her eyes fell upon. She smiled involuntarily.

The googly-eyes were resting safe and sound before her.

-o-

The day started out much the same as any other. Roll out of bed 06:30 (however much she wanted a lie in, it was too ingrained unless she was completely exhausted) breakfast 07:00 (no, Ma'am, Rush hasn't been in yet. Maybe he's not up yet.) 07:30 finish chatting with the rest of the morning shift (conversation didn't tend to vary much) walk around the ship to stretch her legs (a vague pretence at exercise) barring any meetings wander back the infirmary to continue as normal. She had left before him last night to return the bowls to the Mess, so she had no idea what time the scientist packed away, but he had tidied up after himself as usual- you would never even know he'd been there. Yeah, that's the point.

Moving back to the remaining two crates, she began pulling them apart. Much like the first one, they contained a variety of items, most of them useful. The bottom crate was the most fruitful, filled as it was with dressings and dry swabs; to her delight hiding in the middle were several bottles of antiseptic wash. It's depressing that I should be so excited about that. She sighed. It didn't take long to log the new items on her inventory; nor did it take long to put them away. She had yet to work up the willpower to single-handedly do a complete stock check, so spent the next half hour pottering around, putting things back in their allotted place, or moving them to somewhere more convenient. Unless there were more packing crates or boxes hiding anywhere else onboard, what she had now was what she had- she didn't have to worry about allocating space to non-existent items. 10:16? Is that it? She sighed again, rubbed her temples. Well aware that she would develop a headache if she continued with this half-hearted procrastination, she left, only aware of where she was going when she neared her destination. Well, I've been meaning to talk to him about that, anyway.

Doctors Brody and Rush were in the Control Room; the rest of the gang must be out and about somewhere. She had no idea what Dale would do with his spare time, but guessed that Eli was playing with the Kino's for his documentary. Really, she wished he could be a bit more sensitive towards other people's feelings; not everyone wanted to participate, and yet the youth never seemed to take the hint. Well… she smiled slightly at the memory of Greer assaulting the Kino. That was amusing.

"Are ye planning on comin' or goin', Lieutenant? Either way, kindly make up your mind." She came back to reality in time to see Brody wince, but she could see what the other scientist had missed; the Scotsman was smiling ever-so slightly. Nor did she miss the paleness to his features or the dark marks beneath his eyes, which merely served to reinforce her determination.

"That depends. Do you want to talk in here or out there?"

He turned to look at her fully then, eyebrows raised high. The medic fixed him with a look of pure innocence, bellied by the twitch of her lips; he snorted before moving towards her, then past her out into the corridor. She threw Brody an exasperated look, and despite his evident curiosity he gave a half shrug- her problem. He wasn't getting involved. She turned and followed- he'd gone quite a distance. The scowl he fixed her with when she approached told her exactly how he felt about being 'summoned'.

"Yes, mum, I've eaten. Anything else?"

"Good, but that's not what I was going to ask." That deflated him somewhat, and his brows furrowed slightly.

"Oh?"

"You. How much sleep did you actually get last night?" He blinked at her. "And the night before? And the night before that? Yes, I'm concerned- can't help that, I'm afraid," she responded to his building irritation. "You're going to burn out, be it sooner or later. You may not like having this conversation, but I think you'd like even less collapsing in front of everyone. Again," she added when it was obvious he was digging in preparing to be stubborn.

"Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine," he ground out, the scowl back in place.

"Doctor Rush," she sighed his name. "I'm not blind. You spend all your day in the Control Room, and most of each night in the infirmary. It's not good for you. Do you ever actually allow yourself any you-time? Do you ever give yourself the chance to just rest?"

He fixed her with an odd look, one she couldn't decipher.

"Which life threatening crisis would you rather I ignore? Tell me, does the expression 'Pot, Kettle, Black' mean anything to you, Lieutenant? Unless I'm very much mistaken, you've been in the infirmary every night with me, and every day with work. When is your you-time?"

She stared at him speechless, unable to form an answer.

"Get your own house in order before you try and rearrange mine, Lieutenant." He stalked off, back the way they'd come.

Well that hadn't worked at all. All she'd manage was to have holes in her own life uncovered. Oh dear. She fought back tears. The only thing personal time would allow her to do would be to sit around thinking of all she was about to lose. The last possible thing she wanted was 'me-time'. Her radio crackled to life.

'Lieutenant Johansen.' She wiped at her eyes.

"Here."

'You're due in the communication stone room in five minutes.'

Damn! She checked her watch- it was indeed time.

"I'm on my way." She hurried away, grateful to be able to cast her mind elsewhere. She arrived in the room with barely a minute to spare and dropped into the seat, throwing a quick smile at Riley as she did so.

"Good timing," he murmured wryly.

Moving the requisite stone into place she closed her eyes and waited- not for long, though. That usual, curious yet brief sense of dislocation occurred, and she steadied herself when she reopened her eyes. It was a complete instantaneous transfer, she knew, but it always felt as though it took a moment for her senses to catch up. She studied her hands, the first thing she saw. A French manicure? Gosh, how long had that been? Caucasian. She looked at the mirror; brunette, oval face, dark eyes. Quite attractive. Military, too; 2nd Lieutenant. She became aware of someone speaking to her and she looked up at the MP beside her- it took a moment to decipher his words, and when she did she felt a flutter in her belly.

"…four hours as you know. Everything has been arranged, we'll drop you at the house and then wait outside for you. She's been briefed, but as far as I'm aware the children haven't. Do you have any questions before we leave?"

"No. That's great." She took a deep breath. "I'll need to stop at a McGinny's on the way, though- the kids love their candy," the medic explained, rising carefully to her feet.

"Of course. This way."

The drive was uneventful and over quickly. TJ spent the duration staring out the window at the world she had left behind. Apartment blocks gave way to houses, parks and trees, and everywhere there were people. It felt like a lifetime since she'd last seen such stunning greens, and she was mesmerized. It'll be fall soon, she realised sadly. I'll miss the first leaf fall. Lost in her surroundings, she didn't realise they had stopped until a hand touched her shoulder.

"Ma'am?" she pulled herself back.

"Thank you. I'll see you in four hours." Without waiting for a reply, she was out the door. Now that she was here her nervousness was secondary; her pace sped up and as the front door opened she was almost running, flinging herself into her sister's arms and holding tight. Don't let me go… After a moment arms she knew so well wrapped about her and a cheek settled against her hair. She was losing the battle against her tears as Michelle drew her inside, shutting the door with a foot and guiding her into the sitting room.

"TJ?" the voice was tremulous and disbelieving. She sniffed and wiped her eyes, pulling away to settle on the old familiar couch- she went to draw her feet up beneath her and stopped.

"Sorry, you're forever telling me not to wear shoes in the house." She began to unlace them, distantly aware that her sister was still standing there watching her. "Yeah, it's me. I know it's hard to believe, I really do." She looked up at her, vision slightly hazy through her tears but clear enough to read the doubt in the older woman's eyes. Finished, she tucked her feet up and pulled a packet from her pocket.

"I brought McGinny's Special." Her sister rolled her eyes in exasperation and she gave a watery giggle. "Oh, Mica, you are such a suburban mom!"

"TJ…" and Michelle was beside her on the couch, embracing her with a fierceness that made the tears flow anew, and she clung to her in desperation, wishing her big sister could make it all better.

"So, you're on a spaceship. Seriously?" Came the question when they had both calmed enough to breathe. "That's one hell of a deployment!"

"Actually," she blew her nose on a proffered tissue. "I was based on another planet. The spaceship came after." Pale blue eyes went wide, and an elegant hand rose to brush back the short dark blonde bob. The medic chuckled.

"This is…wow. I can't believe it. It's crazy. Am I crazy? Feels like it. That's really you in there, and you're stuck on an alien spaceship. Oh, my little Tammy. Talk to me?"

And she did. Time flowed as she caught her sister up on as much as she could; as always there were a number of things she couldn't tell her, but she skirted as close as she was able, well aware that her sister was smart enough to put some of the pieces together. She was proved correct a number of times when the light of understanding lit her eyes, and she would give a soft hiss or a gasp of comprehension. It was so wonderful just to be able to speak to someone about all this, and she unburdened herself as much as she dared, the weight lifting from her and freeing her soul. She felt worn out and elated when she finished, and they sat there in comfortable silence.

"And what aren't you telling me?" She snorted as TJ twisted her fingers, "I know you way too well, baby girl. Spill." She didn't have the strength to stop herself.

"I'm pregnant."

"You're..? Oh my God. Tamara? Pregnant?" Michelle gave the most undignified squeal, and tackled her younger sister. "Oh my God! I'm gonna be an aunt! Congratulations! You don't look happy. Oh, TJ, you don't want it?"

"No!" she interrupted, "I mean, yes I want it, don't think that, it's just… it's not looking good. We don't have a lot of food, we rarely get off the ship, and we don't have any useful medical systems. What chance do we have? I'm a medic, Mica; I know exactly what that sort of environment means for a newborn. I'm frightened so bad I can't think straight, and when I do think I cry. No one else knows about it, and I can't tell anyone."

"Wait, that's why you resigned, isn't it? The dad doesn't know? Oh, Tammy, it's not…it is, isn't it? Oh baby girl, what were you thinking?"

"I wasn't! And how is it only my fault? Why do I get the blame? He's the one who's married!" she barely registered her sister's eyes widening. "He sought me out! It's not like this was planned. He wasn't ever meant to know, I didn't want him involved. He made his choice and it wasn't me, but I wasn't surprised. I didn't expect him to pick me. I wouldn't have expected anything from him, and now I'm stuck with him! Mica, I don't know what to do!" She finished with a plaintive wail.

"Shhhh, it's okay. I'm not blaming you, promise." She gripped TJ's hands, and the younger woman fought to bring herself under control. "Oh, Tams, this is a mess, isn't it? It'll work out, Okay? Don't go borrowing trouble for a start. Right. Make sure you eat whatever's offered you. Hell, steal it if you have to- yes, steal," she qualified at her sisters' horrified expression. "Don't be stupid, you're feeding two. They can go shove it. Would they rather their only medic fell ill?" TJ thought of Michael Burge and his concern, the same worry she had seen reflected in Vanessa's eyes. No, not anyone would want that. Her sister must have realised her train of thought, for she snorted and gave a firm nod. "Thank God you're seeing sense. You're too nice too often, baby girl. Okay. You need a couple of close girl friends you can talk to. Don't rush, sound them out carefully. Be savvy. You shouldn't be carrying this alone, it'll eat you up inside, and the stress will make you sick. You need to stop panicking, we can work this out."

She felt like crying again, but with relief and gratitude this time. This is what she'd needed. Someone sensible to help unpick the mess of threads that had become her life. Someone with a level head who could step back and see the bigger picture her own terror had blinded her to. Someone who loved her unconditionally and had her best interest at heart.

"He's gonna find out sooner or later, you know, but that can wait till you've got your head screwed on. For now- eat, sleep and de-stress. Now, the kids'll be home soon. Let's get you some practice!"

TJ laughed, then squeezed her sister's hands.

"You must promise not to tell mom. If the worst does happen, she doesn't need to know."

"She's stronger than you think, Tamara. We both are. Don't feel like you have to do all this by yourself, coz you don't. Stop trying to protect everyone else; it'll only hurt all of us in the end. I won't tell her, but I think you should. Trust her? Okay, you got," she checked her watch, "about 10 minutes before two Tasmanian Devils come tearing through that door. Go freshen up."

"Yes, Ma'am!" The medic quipped, pushing herself to her feet and making her way up stairs. She could hear Michelle pottering in the kitchen, humming cheerfully. Making her way into the bathroom, she quickly washed her face, scrubbing against the red cheeks. Staring at her reflection she realised with a start that she could more easily recognise the person staring out at her in this foreign body than she could in her own. Maybe it's just the relief. An easing. I feel more like me than I have in forever. Why was I so scared to tell her?

She took a moment to let her feet carry her around the rooms she knew so well, nearly as well as her own. Sitting on her sister's bed, she revelled in the feel of soft cotton sheets beneath her fingers, and stared absently out the window, taking the moment to enjoy the feel of sunlight against her skin. It was a gorgeous day. She could hear bird through the open window, and she closed her eyes sinking into the warmth.

The sound of the door slamming made her jump, and she was on her feet and moving to the door as the echoes of children joyfully greeting their mother drifted to her ears. Making her way down the stairs, she paused at the bottom and watched as Michelle chivvied her two out of the bags and shoes, peeling off light summer jackets whilst they fidgeted and bounced around, never still. TJ listened as they regaled her with tales of their day, each vying to outdo the other, and with a fierce pang she realised, I want this. Catching her sister's eye, Michelle began hushing them,

"We have a guest. Go say hello." They hopped around to face her, and for the briefest of moments the watched her with the direct, heavy contemplation that only children could manage, then they were bounding towards her.

"Do you know Aunt TeeJee?"

"Where are you from?"

"What's your name?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Ah, one at a time, you two!" A voice drifted from the kitchen. They paused, and she became the focus of two intense pairs of eyes.

"Yes, I know your Aunt, we're very good friends, actually. My name is Amanda, and I've come up from Loxley. Now, your Aunt misses you fiercely, and she's rather scared you've forgotten her-"

They interrupted with loud and boisterous cries of denial.

"No? She'll be so pleased to hear that." TJ smiled. "Well, just to make sure you don't forget who your favourite Aunt is, she's asked me to give you something…" and she pulled from her pocket the candies. Their whoops hurt her ears, and thin arms and shouts of thanks made her eyes prickle with unshed tears. Two quick kisses and they were gone, running to show their mother. She smiled again.

Yeah, definitely not so scary, after all.

- - - - o - - - -

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Hope you liked :) bit of TJ family fluff, some hurt/comfort.

As to Rush's accent- I had thought it was just my imagination, but I read a couple of posts on GW which agree that his accent has changed slightly through the series. I know it's definitely a lot stronger in real life, and that he's moderated it for SGU, and maybe that's beginning to be reflected in the series. I don't know. Maybe we're imagining it! Anyone else?