February 14; 9:00 a.m. Valentine's Day. The one day that lonely Singletons all over the world can get together and bond as Singletons. Feel that Valentine's Day is some kind of plot against Singletons, possibly created by Smug Marrieds to torture them. Feel v. proud that I am neither Singleton nor Smug Married this year. Am now waiting around for Mark Darcy to show up with typical box of chocolates and red roses. Suddenly realize that Mark Darcy probably does not get up that early.
9:30 a.m. Have eaten one omelet, six pieces of toast, and three glasses of orange juice while waiting for Mark Darcy to get up. Realize that I have probably gained a few pounds and go to scale to see what has been acquired.
9:35 a.m. Am now 130 lbs. Could breakfast have gone down that fast and broken down into fat already? Horrifying notion, but think that this is possible since I am quite short and the food would take a short time to travel through body. Feel content that I can work forementioned fat off before Mark Darcy arrives. Head off in search of v. old aerobic tapes, which have probably acquired dust from sitting in the back of cupboard over the years.
10:00 a.m. Found aerobic tapes and have discovered suitable, however tight workout clothes. Tried to put on shorts but suddenly realized they have ripped in the arse. Bloody breakfast.
10:25 a.m. Have found baggier, yet mismatched pair of shorts. Put first tape in but discovered that the VCR had eaten it. Cursed for minutes, then realized there might be a program on the telly. Turned it on but could find no program. Went into the kitchen for a consolatory fag but have given up cigarettes for Lent.
10:55 a.m. Mary Darcy just called. Said he is coming over, with a surprise. Have changed into suitable clothes that will look good on the carpet floor by this evening. Worried that now Mark Darcy will notice I have bloated to the size of a Vauxhall. Tried to cry but remembered that would make me look even more Vauxhallish.
5:00 p.m. Mark Darcy, wearing his v. cute sweater, did bring traditional box of chocolates, but no red roses. Instead brought white rose, which I thought very original. Proceeded to make small talk but realized that neither of us were in the small talking mood. Mmm...
6:15 p.m. Have now realized Mark Darcy thinks I am v. beautiful and not at all car-like. Also realized the clothes picked did not match carpet. Am v. lucky to have successful and quite handsome boyfriend who is not pervert, fuckwit, workaholic, etc. Will plan to add Valentine's Day to my favorite holiday list.
9:30 a.m. Have eaten one omelet, six pieces of toast, and three glasses of orange juice while waiting for Mark Darcy to get up. Realize that I have probably gained a few pounds and go to scale to see what has been acquired.
9:35 a.m. Am now 130 lbs. Could breakfast have gone down that fast and broken down into fat already? Horrifying notion, but think that this is possible since I am quite short and the food would take a short time to travel through body. Feel content that I can work forementioned fat off before Mark Darcy arrives. Head off in search of v. old aerobic tapes, which have probably acquired dust from sitting in the back of cupboard over the years.
10:00 a.m. Found aerobic tapes and have discovered suitable, however tight workout clothes. Tried to put on shorts but suddenly realized they have ripped in the arse. Bloody breakfast.
10:25 a.m. Have found baggier, yet mismatched pair of shorts. Put first tape in but discovered that the VCR had eaten it. Cursed for minutes, then realized there might be a program on the telly. Turned it on but could find no program. Went into the kitchen for a consolatory fag but have given up cigarettes for Lent.
10:55 a.m. Mary Darcy just called. Said he is coming over, with a surprise. Have changed into suitable clothes that will look good on the carpet floor by this evening. Worried that now Mark Darcy will notice I have bloated to the size of a Vauxhall. Tried to cry but remembered that would make me look even more Vauxhallish.
5:00 p.m. Mark Darcy, wearing his v. cute sweater, did bring traditional box of chocolates, but no red roses. Instead brought white rose, which I thought very original. Proceeded to make small talk but realized that neither of us were in the small talking mood. Mmm...
6:15 p.m. Have now realized Mark Darcy thinks I am v. beautiful and not at all car-like. Also realized the clothes picked did not match carpet. Am v. lucky to have successful and quite handsome boyfriend who is not pervert, fuckwit, workaholic, etc. Will plan to add Valentine's Day to my favorite holiday list.