This chapter takes place immediately after 3x14 Damaged.

"So, you honestly never heard the 'kissing in a tree' song before today?"

Spencer supposed he should have been grateful that Derek managed to wait until they were back at his apartment before bringing up his apparent cultural slip from earlier.

"No, I hadn't," he said as he plumped his pillow and kicked off his slippers. Derek burrowed under the comforter and reached out to tug Spencer down on top of him. "Is it really that big of a deal?

"I guess not, but I didn't think it was possible to grow up in the States without hearing it at least once." Derek laughed and slipped Spencer's glasses off of his face, tossing them on the bedside table with a practiced flip of his wrist. "I swear, Spencer, sometimes it's like you aren't even human."

Spencer huffed and shifted uncomfortably, but Derek just pulled him down for a sweet kiss and smiled. "Don't get grumpy, pretty boy," he said soothingly. "It's adorable. Really."

Spencer waited until Derek's breathing was deep and even with sleep before easing out of bed and creeping down the hallway to his living room. With a cautionary glance at the half closed bedroom door, Spencer pressed an innocent looking knob on his bookshelf, triggering a hidden drawer to spring out. He carefully withdrew a slim, metallic pad and started to type.

'Your concerns regarding the hostility of the humans are well founded, but it would appear that they are too busy developing new ways to torture each other to spend any time looking in our direction. This does not mean that your suggestion that we reveal ourselves to them would be a good idea. Even they seem to be of the opinion that their first instinct would be to respond with violence. While contact is still an option, if command does decide to go that route, I would advise extreme caution and waiting possibly another generation.

'In regards to the questions you raised in your latest message, I feel it is unfair to postulate that my reasons for furthering my dalliance with the human Derek Morgan have to do with anything other than professional research. He provides me with a unique outlook and insight into human behavior, specifically regarding their intimate personal relationships. To say that I am close with him because of any emotional attachment or fondness would be false to the point of hilarity.

'However, I think that I should once again point out the mental strain that my second in command has suffered since our arrival on this planet. It is my opinion that her growing inability to cope with our mission is putting the entire operation at risk. She is on a downward spiral, often slipping into delusions of being on our home planet. While the humans seem to think she is merely ill, I am concerned not only for her welfare, but also for what it would mean if she should compromise our human identities. Our daily correspondence only substantiates my concerns. It is my opinion that everyone involved would be best served by her returning home to formally present the information that we have gathered up to this point. I am confident that I can complete the mission on my own, even if it might take a little longer than we had originally planned. Say, another fifty, sixty Earth years?

'On a side note, there has been an Agent Mulder spending an unusual amount of time around the office of my cover job. I'm unaware of exactly what his job entails, but he has been asking some potentially dangerous questions. Perhaps it would be wise to arrange for a few distractions for him?

'Attached to this message, you will find several files regarding various flora that are currently being used in human medical experiments. If anything appears useful, I will make arrangements to send you samples. I have also enclosed a few of the Earthlings' movies, specifically ones pertaining to their initial reactions to 'aliens'. I believe that the commander in particular will be intrigued by the one entitled Mars Attacks.'

Spencer tapped the key to send his message, hid the tablet back in its drawer, and returned to the bedroom, where he laid down next to Derek, curled up against him, and fell asleep with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Dick: Mary, there's something I have to tell you. I come from another world.

Mary: And this is news?

~Third Rock from the Sun

Ah, welcome to my cracky Alien!Reid world. After this chapter, I'll be jumping back to Spencer's childhood.

Feedback is always appreciated.