A.N: This is my first fanfic so please be nice. This story will mostly be in Edward's point of view. I want to thank OCDJen for her prereading and help and also dtav for betaing it for me.

Oh and obviously I don't own Twilight but a girl can dream


EPOV

For as far back as I could remember, I have always been plagued with feelings of isolation and insecurity . My mother would always tell me I was unique though I had a feeling she wasn't so happy about it, and was just being polite. Growing up in the small dreary town of Forks there was never a moment where I felt a sense of belonging. It wasn't as though I was strange or weird to look at, I just didn't seem fit in that well. I'm an impressive 6'2" with a decent build, dark brown hair with hints of red in it, almost bronze. I guess the only thing that looked a little out of place, even in Forks, was my pale white skin tone. It practically glowed in the dark. My pale skin, bronze hair and emerald eyes were inherited from my mother whereas my build and crooked grin had come from my father.

Both of my parents passed away in a car accident a little over two months ago. While they both were good people, I had a hard time relating to them and we were never particularly close. We seemed to have nothing in common apart from appearances and they always seemed to have an air of unapproachability to them. My mother, Elizabeth, was a classic housewife while my dad was Edward Masen Senior, the town's lawyer. Both were well respected in the small community.

My mother had my future planned out for me from the day I was born. The plan was that I would graduate high school and attend the university in Seattle. On the completion of my degree, I was to return home to Forks. On my return, I was to date and marry one of the local girls. Growing up I knew that this plan was not just a suggestion but rather what my future was going to be. My mother was a perfectionist and needed to control almost all situations and my life and future was one of them.

At the tender age of fourteen, I discovered that living my mother's plan was not going to be an easy task. Yet, not living it was not even an option. I discovered my attraction to the same sex while randomly surfing the Internet. There were moments before this day when my eyes had strayed during gym but I thought nothing of it. It wasn't until I happened to click on a link, not knowing what it was, only to find my computer screen filled with the image of two men in the throws of passion that I realized the significance of those gym classes. That day was definitely the first, but not last, time I jerked off to two men having sex. There was no doubt in my mind that I had to keep this side of myself hidden because neither my mother nor the population of Forks would respond well to me liking guys. It just was not something I would ever be allowed to pursue. I was to date and marry girls. Anything less would be unacceptable.

Despite knowing I was gay, I tried to please my mother and find a nice girl but the selection in Forks was rather dismal and none of the girls appealed to me in the slightest. In an attempt to fit in and please my mother, I dated a few girls. At seventeen I lost my virginity to one Jessica Stanley, not the greatest choice in the world. The few friends I had thought it was strange that I was the only one in the group still with my virginity so I thought 'what the hell' and gave it up to Jess at a party. It was a drunken, fumbling mess on the bathroom floor at the home of one of my friends. I can't say it was the most memorable experience, but at least my friends backed off for a while.

After Jess there were three other girls and the best word to describe those encounters would be awkward. Both parties got off, but once it was over I was still unsatisfied. My body was relieved but every other part of me found the experiences lacking and unfulfilling. Although having sex with girls was not something I wanted to do, I knew that I had too. Allowing my friends to question the reason behind my lack of interest in sex was too risky. In order to hide my secret I had to appear to be just like my friends so if they were out having sex with girls than that was something I also had to do.

As was specified by my mother, I moved to Seattle after I graduated to study Education and Music at the University of Washington in the hopes of one day becoming a music teacher. Starting university was a real eye opener. I spent the first couple of years studying and being as unsociable as possible. There was no desire to keep up the facade when I wasn't under the watchful eyes of my mother. To satisfy her I would phone home regularly discussing the new imaginary girlfriend that I had at the time. Coincidentally, we would always break up before I returned home for the holidays.

My last year was the best of my life so far. It was the year I met another gay man. Brad was a tall brunette with brown eyes and tanned skin. There was nothing feminine about Brad. He was a burly football player that drank beer like it was water. After a couple of months, we became really close friends. It started out just like any of my other friendships. We sat next to each other during a lecture and began talking. Deciding that I should be more social, Brad invited me to a couple of football games and we would regularly study together. I knew I was attracted to him but was unsure of how to go about approaching him.

Thankfully, Brad was the one to make the first move. Whilst studying for midterms in my dorm one night we decided to take a break and have some beers. Brad was the first person to ever give me a blow job and whilst more pleasurable than my high school experiences with girls, I was somewhat unsatisfied as I couldn't allow myself to enjoy it too much knowing I would be returning to Forks without Brad at the end of the year.

After about seven or eight beers, Brad and I were sitting on my bed laughing about something I'm sure wasn't even funny. Brad stopped laughing first and when I looked over to find out why, there was a look in his eyes I'd never seen there before. They were darkened and slightly hooded and rather than frightening me, his eyes seemed to excite me. Without warning, Brad leaned towards me and roughly joined our lips. This kiss was filled with passion. Eventually, we broke apart needing air. Not satisfied with this, Brad's lips started a path down my neck only pausing to remove my shirt. Once rid of the offending item, Brad's lips continued their journey downwards until they met the top of my jeans. In a move too fast for my drunken eyes, Brad had popped the button on my jeans and lowered my zipper. There was no time for hesitation when he quickly yanked my jeans down. In my beer filled haze I closed my eyes and allowed the sensations to wash over me. I could feel warmth and wetness coating my length. Mostly, however, all I could feel was pleasure and a sense of freedom at one of my secret fantasies coming to fruition. Too soon it was over and I was coming into Brad's mouth. When I came down from my orgasm, I glanced at Brad who seemed to have an expectant look on his face. I was not yet comfortable in returning the favor. Feeling as though he at least deserved an explanation about my hesitance, I explained to him that I would never be able to have a relationship with him beyond this year. He was quick to put my worries at ease telling me he wasn't looking to settle down and that we should just see where this year takes us. We would meet for three more "study sessions" before I was ready to return the favor. There was no way I was going to swallow but apart from that I have to say I definitely enjoyed myself.

Brad and I attempted a relationship which lasted around ten months. While I was happy, there was always my return to Forks hanging over us. About three months into our relationship, I figured once I graduated I would never again have the opportunity to be this intimate with a guy again so I decided to give Brad all of me. I hadn't ever been that satisfied or sore. Overall, I was happy for those ten months. Mostly, I felt alive and free. There was always a small part of me that was miserable and guilty knowing that we had an end date looming over us. After graduation, I stayed behind for a couple weeks to finish up where I was working. Brad had already left and I could feel my return to Forks already suffocating me so I decided to make the most of my remaining time. This was, after all, the last chance I would have to give in to my true desires. I visited a gay club four times over those two weeks. Those four visits resulted in four one night stands. From what I remember, their names were Mitch, Alex, Daniel and Jack. At least from these encounters there was no guilt because I didn't know them or owe them anything. I was able to let go and just enjoy myself.

My last year at university was one of my happiest to date. It was exhilarating having someone that I didn't have to pretend around and who actually turned me on. I cared for Brad, but I didn't love him. I knew I would miss him after graduation. At the end of the two weeks, I begrudgingly returned to Forks and back to my lonely and unfulfilled existence. Brad and I never spoke again after my return. I missed the friend and lover I had come to care for over those ten months but mostly I missed the person I was. It's hard enough returning to a life that you know you don't want but it's harder to return after you've had a taste of freedom and happiness. Trying my damnedest to suppress my thought of what I could have been, I returned to Forks and my mother.

When my parents passed I inherited their exceptionally generous life insurance and a weight was lifted from my shoulders. At the time I was dating Jessica Stanley much to my mother's delight. Practically from the moment of my arrival home, my mother had started pushing for me to date Jess. Apparently her mother was my mother's best friend and my mother thought we'd make a great couple. I managed to hold her off for close to a year before I caved and began a relationship with Jess. Jess and I were together for almost two years. The woman constantly droned on and on about getting married. Hell, I wouldn't have put it past her and my mother to have the wedding already planned and they were just waiting for me to propose to send out the invitations. When I heard of my parent's death, I felt both grief but also undeniable relief. It wasn't that they were bad people, they just wanted me to be someone else. Their death was my way out as I was no longer tied to this town or their expectations of me. Knowing I no longer had to please my mother, I ended my relationship with Jess.

Every spare moment I had was spent applying to schools all over the country. Only three weeks passed before an elementary school in Austin offered me a job. Tired and bored to tears with my monotonous and lonely existence, I decided to throw caution to the wind and packed up to move to Texas without a second thought.

Using some of the inheritance money, I acquired a two bedroom condo. Nothing flashy, just something comfortable that I could call home. I was eager to start my life. I was excited about finally not having to hide who I am and what gender I was attracted to. Moving to Texas was my chance at a fresh start, a new life. I would be able to lead the life I got a taste of during my time with Brad.

I had been in Texas for two days thinking and doubting my decision to move. In an attempt to get out of my head and calm some of the doubts, I decided to head to the bar down the road. It turned out that plan wasn't so great either as I sat at the bar thinking and doubting my decision. I was so used to having everything planned for me that I didn't know how to take advantage of my new freedom. So here I was staring at the door. I almost fall off my seat in shock when the doors opened. Picking my jaw up of the floor, I watched the people entering the bar.

The only words I had running through my head as I looked at the blond man walking through the doors were 'Holy fucking shit'. This man was easily 6'5", just a couple inches taller than me and blessed with a lean figure. His crisp white shirt accentuated the clearly defined abdomen and I could feel my mouth salivate with the desire to run my tongue over every indentation of that stomach. Eventually, I tore my eyes away from his torso and I felt my eyes water at the effort to stop them from wandering back to his abs. My eyes traced his lean creamy white neck until eventually they landed on his face. All the air in my body escaped me in what I could only assume was an audible gasp. His curly blonde locks peeked out from under a black cowboy hat. His vibrant blue eyes were watching me with poorly concealed humour and his delicious strawberry lips were pulled into smug smirk. I had struggled to keep my eyes away from his abs, but there was no doubt in my mind that I didn't have the will power to drag them away from those lips. Those plump, pink delicious lips that were begging to be nibbled on or, better still, wrapped around my cock. Really Edward, wrapped around your cock? What? No hello, just suck my cock? My heart raced as my mind conjured up ways of getting to know this cowboy. Now he could ride me like a cowboy anytime he liked.

Only now do I have enough brain function to realise that I have been inappropriately ogling a complete stranger. I was definitely attracted to Brad and he could get me hard, but it was nothing like what this stranger could do. My cock is as hard as a rock just from watching him walk into the bar, not to mention the fantasies flying around my head. If I kept this up, I might just start humping his leg like a dog in heat. I wonder if he would object to that? I shook my head and looked away in an attempt to break myself from the lustful stupor that his body caused. Unable to stop myself, I glanced back at the beautiful stranger.

My 'glance' at the blonde god turned into a full on eye raping again. It became apparent to me that around this man, my eyes and another piece of my anatomy, are out of my control. I noticed that he was wearing dark brown leather cowboy boots. The thought of this man and leather was going to keep me sitting on the bar stool for a little while longer. His lean legs were accentuated by tight dark blue jeans that clung to him in all the right places, places I would love to cling to. Okay Edward, you need to reign in your inner horny teenager. Honestly, you weren't this horny when you were a teenager. Completely ignoring that thought, my eyes traveled onwards and upwards to that damn white, crisp shirt. The same one that had me licking my lips from the desire to lick him. Only now do I realise there is a silver badge pinned to his chest. Oh holy mother of God, he's a Texas Ranger! Great, now my boner is beyond painful. I'm trying to think of anything to stop me from blowing my load right here at the bar. Would he have to arrest me for that? He could bring out the handcuffs. Yeah, Edward, that thought is so not helping your problem any.

I didn't even know his name and yet I was barely able to stop myself from launching myself at this beautiful man and molesting him. Thoughts of molesting him were not where my mind should be wandering to in my current state. While I was staring, I noticed him nod his head at the woman behind the bar. Damn, that made me guess he wouldn't be so open to any advances I made, although he didn't seem too upset when he noticed me practically drooling over him. I drank the last of my vodka and decided to take a chance. Calling the cute, small, spiky haired woman over, I watched as she bounced over to where I was sitting. She was making me just a bit scared with her unexplainable excitement.

"How can I help you?" She asked me with the biggest smile I've ever seen.

"Um, I was wondering if you knew the blonde guy in the white shirt and black cowboy hat?" I questioned meekly, embarrassed to be asking her.

"Of course I do," she chirped in her high pitched yet melodic voice. "That's my brother-in-law, Jasper."

Well, at least now I knew there was nothing going on between them. Jasper. I let the name run through my head liking the way it sounded. Looking back over to Jasper, I noticed he was sitting at a table with his friends. They all seemed to be partnered except for another blond man that looked about a couple of years older than Jasper. I was assuming that this was his brother as they looked almost identical.

Jasper must have felt my eyes on him as he looked straight at me with a goddamn cocky grin. Great, the bastard knew he was beautiful and what he did to spiky haired girl broke me out of my staring contest with Jasper.

"I'm Alice, by the way, and you see that blonde man sitting next to Jasper?" I just nodded my head, not sure what to do with her friendliness. "That's my husband and Jasper's brother, Peter."

At least that confirmed my suspicions about the blonde. Not wanting to be rude to this girl since she was obviously close to Jasper, I introduced myself. "Hi, I'm Edward. I just moved here from Washington."

"It's nice to meet you Edward," Alice replied with a small smile which was quickly replaced by one full of mischief. She turned to leave and serve someone else but stopped, turning back to me and smirking. "Oh and Edward? His favorite drink is Southern Comfort on the rocks. Would you like me to send one over?"

I think I'm really going to like Alice! So, with the biggest smile I could muster, I just nodded my head in the affirmative. She just smiled in return as I handed her the money before walking off to pour the drink for Jasper. The nerves set in now. What if he's not interested? Surely Alice wouldn't have encouraged me to send him a drink if she thought he wouldn't be interested. She's his sister-in-law, she would definitely know if he was gay. Breathe Edward, breathe, because if you fuck this up for us you will die of blue balls. I swear to God you will. Did my penis just threaten me? Not that I can blame it, Jasper is hot. Taking my penis' advice, I just took deep breaths with a small smile playing on my lips. I hadn't felt this alive since my college days with Brad.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Alice walking over to Jasper's table with his drink in hand. My eyes nervously followed her as I said a silent prayer to whatever deity there is out there that he didn't reject the drink. Alice leaned in and whispered something in his ear. Jasper's eyes flickered over to me and he tilted his head slightly while a small smile played on his lips. I watched him reach out and accept the drink. Embarrassingly, I almost jumped out of my seat and did a fist pump in front of the whole bar. Thankfully, I managed to reign myself in before showing Jasper what a tool I really was. I turned to face the bar trying to hide my goofy grin. Putting my hand up, I waved Alice back over for another drink because I knew there was no way I was going to be able to approach him, while he was surrounded by all his friends, without a little liquid courage.

"What would you like to drink?" Alice happily drawled out, her southern accent barely detectable.

"Just another vodka and coke thanks," I replied to Alice whilst thinking of how to ask her what the best way to approach Jasper would be. She smiled happily and started pouring my drink. Briefly, I wondered if she ever stopped smiling. Everything about her just seemed so joyous, that it was hard not to smile when she was.

Just as I was about to ask Alice her opinion on approaching Jasper, she giggled quietly. I was sure the look on my face was pure confusion about her random giggling. "Don't look now, but I do believe the blond cowboy you've had your eye on is on his way over."

There was no doubt in my mind that I looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He wasn't supposed to come over yet! I hadn't had a chance to plan out what I was going to say to him or gotten Alice's advice. I always felt more comfortable going into any situation with a plan even if it was only getting my hair cut. Growing up with my mother, you learned to rely on having a plan. Him coming over to me was not part of the plan. I could hear Alice's tinkling giggle which was probably due to the look on my face.

"Jasper, I would like you to meet my new friend Edward," Alice said trying to suppress another giggle. "He just moved here from Washington."

Friends? We had only just met and yet she claimed me as her friend. That Alice is a strange one. I wasn't sure I liked that teasing glint in her eyes or the way she was finding humor in this situation. But, I guess I could forgive her if it meant I had a chance to talk to Jasper.

"Hello Edward." Jasper's southern drawl was thick and sensual causing my mind to wander. "Thank you for the drink."

The temptation to fist pump the air reared its head again but I reigned it in. I couldn't stop the smile tugging at my lips as I replied to Jasper. "You're welcome Jasper. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Not yet it's not." Jasper mumbled so quietly I doubt I was meant to have heard. My heart raced as my mind wandered to the many ways in which I wanted Jasper to pleasure me.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I questioned with false innocence.

Jasper replied without missing a beat, "I said, it's a pleasure to meet you as well darlin'."

His voice was so sure that if I hadn't heard what he actually said I might have believed him. Jasper slid onto the stool next to me brushing against me ever so slightly. I could feel a warmth spread up arm my from where his brushed against it. There was no time to focus on that because my nose was filled with a smell unlike anything I've ever smelt before. I wonder what cologne Jasper wears? My mouth watered at the cinnamon, vanilla and musky masculine smell. Would it be weird to lean over and sniff him? What would be a good excuse for sniffing somebody?

Jasper's deep southern drawl broke me from my thoughts of sniffing him, probably for the best. "So what brings you to Austin, Edward?"

My dick twitched at the sound of my name coming from his lips in that accent. He asked me a question, now what was it again? Oh yeah, what brought me to Texas. I guessed that dead parents, feeling suffocated and having to hide the fact that I was gay in my hometown would not be a good conversation starter, so I opted for a much simpler answer. "I was offered a job at the elementary school and was ready for a change."

"Really, what do you teach?" Jasper seemed intrigued by this information.

"I'm a music teacher," I replied unsure about his interest.

Jasper just smirked at me and I had a feeling he knew something I didn't. He must have sensed my confusion because he said, "My mama is the principal and my twin sister teaches first grade."

I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. Good in the respect that the chances of seeing Jasper again were high, but bad in the respect that if things progressed between us but then didn't work out, it could get awkward at school. Fuck it, I moved once and if things didn't work out, I would do it again. I had been sacrificing myself too long for other people. Now, I'm going to do what I want and right now I want is to get to know Jasper.

"Well, I guess I'll be meeting them on Monday." I replied smiling at Jasper. Thoughts about Monday reminded me that I still had lesson plans to do. Showing up unprepared would not make a good impression and now I had an extra reason to make a good impression on Monday. My boss, Esme Cullen, had always seemed nice over the phone. I glanced at the clock, and realized it was close to one in the morning. I still had some unpacking to do, and then I had lesson plans to get onto tomorrow so I couldn't be sleeping all day. Though a much larger part of me would rather stay here with the gorgeous southern cowboy next to me, I knew I really should get going.

"I have to go home as I have to get up early to unpack some more and do my lesson plans before Monday, but would you like to meet me for coffee tomorrow?" Usually I wouldn't be so bold, but there was no way I was walking away from Jasper without planning another time to see him again.

"That sounds great, darlin'." Jasper replied with a smile that left me breathless. He then gave me his phone to program my number in and I gave him mine for him to do the same. I agreed to call him tomorrow morning to arrange a time and place to meet. Jasper then sweetly offered to walk me out. I waved goodbye to Alice who was still smiling. She waved back with a wink.

"Well I should be going," I mumbled softly once we were outside trying to prolong my time with Jasper.

"Mmm, you should," Jasper replied quietly from behind me sounding somewhat distracted. Curious, I whirled around quickly to find Jasper staring at my ass. The urge to fist pump was there again but I beat it down deciding to do it at home where Jasper couldn't see me. At least there was no doubt in my mind that Jasper was attracted to me.

Taking a chance and praying with all my worth that Jasper wouldn't reject me, I leaned into him softly pressing my lips to his. I only wanted it to be a quick peck but when I felt Jasper's soft plump lips start to move under mine, I lost all self control. Pressing myself closer to him, I ran my tongue along his bottom lip begging for entry which he quickly granted. I massaged his tongue with mine acutely aware of his arousal pressing against my thigh and knowing he could probably feel mine against his. Eventually the need for air caused us to break apart panting.

"Well, I'll talk to you tomorrow darlin'." Jasper replied breathlessly before gently pressing his lips to mine in a quick peck.

"Yeah." I replied just as breathlessly. "I'll call you in the morning. I really should be going. Goodbye, Jasper."

"Goodbye, Edward." Jasper replied before turning to walk back into the bar.

Standing there, I watched his ass in those jeans walking away from me. My painful hard on was twitching at the sight. Once he was out of sight, I took off as quick as lightning back to my house to relieve this damn painful problem that the gorgeous Texas Ranger created in my pants. Eager to get home, I practically ran until I was at my door fumbling in my pockets to find my keys. During the exploration for my keys, my hand accidentally brushed against my extremely hard cock simultaneously causing me to hiss and speed up my search. Eventually after what felt like an eternity, I made my discovery and unlocked the door faster than I thought possible. At this point, I was actually worried that I would spontaneously combust or cum on my front doorstep. I rushed straight past the lounge and up the stairs to the bathroom, all the while throwing my clothes off. Finally, I arrived naked at the bathroom and proceeded to run the shower barely waiting until the water was hot enough.

Jumping in the shower, I rubbed my hands over my face and then let them slowly glide down over my neck past my collar bone, pausing once to meet my erect nipples. I moaned as my finger nails lightly grazed my left nipple, then my right. As I lightly pinched my nipple, I imagined Jasper's plump, pink lips wrapped around it and his pearly white teeth ever so lightly grazing over it. Jasper's dark pink tongue darts out of his mouth and traces a path from my nipple past my belly button until he reaches my dark red curls. With such vivid imagery of Jasper, I may cum without having touched myself.

Closing my eyes, I can see Jasper's nose, then tongue, journey all the way along my aching length. Then ever so slowly, he parted those two plump, strawberry lips allowing the head of my cock to enter into the warmth of his mouth.

With three strokes I cum all over my hand and the shower floor. Out of breath and completely spent, I slide down the shower wall, strangely the most satisfied I have ever been after a sexual experience. Three strokes and thoughts of Jasper was all it took to blow my load. Could that have been any more embarrassing?

Oh hell yes Edward, it could have been much more embarrassing. Jasper could have been here and witnessed your inability to last. Just the thought of Jasper being here in my shower was enough to slightly harden my cock again. I jumped out of the shower,dressed and walked into my room flopping happily on my bed. I closed my eyes ready for sleep to take me over. Right now I felt nothing but happy to have an unplanned future and a date with a gorgeous cowboy. This sense of freedom completely overshadowed what I felt back in college. Now there was no guilt or disappointment about having to return home hanging over my head. I was finally free to have the life I wanted and I could only hope that it contained a beautiful curly blond cowboy.


A.N: Well how was it?