Title: How Can I Go On Without You?
Rating: Let's just go with PG-13 for this one
Disclaimer: I still don't own Lost or it's characters, but I continue to love them anyway.
Summary: Love, true love, is that which can give the most without asking or demanding anything in return. How can Kate possibly ever recover? How can she continue to live her life without the man of her dreams? This is the story of her learning to move on, and learning how to let go. Spoilers for The End. Gotta give Kathryn credit for the summaries. Thank you very much! :)

Part One: Leaving You Behind

Lying down in the bamboo field, Jack finally feels at peace. His pain is receding, barely noticeable anymore, though it is getting harder to keep his eyes open. Vincent comes to lie beside him, as if saying his work here is finally done.

It isn't until Jack sees the plane fly away, letting him know he's finally succeeded, that he sighs in relief. And, in the place where it all began, he closes his eyes for the last time.

Kate clutches the seat tightly, every nerve in her body screaming at her to turn around and go back for him, for Jack. She feels the air rush out her lungs, disappearing from the room, and she knows deep in her soul that it is too late. Claire sees the stricken look on her face and holds her close, telling her that everything will be alright as the tears run down her face.

Kate shakes her head softly, too lightly for Claire to feel, and cries harder. The realization constricting her chest as she understands that nothing will ever be okay again.

Every day is a living hell for Kate, each waking moment spent knowing Jack is dead, that he's died on that godforsaken Island. Deep in her heart, though she's certain it's true, a part of her is still in denial. Eventually that denial begins to take over and she wonders if Jack really could be alive.

She knows what the answer is, remembers feeling a piece of her die inside while she was flying away on the plane. But she's managed to convince herself that it may not be true; after all, she has no proof. Jack could still be living on the Island somewhere for all she knows. But that uncertainty is killing her.

Nothing can take her mind off him. Not Claire. The reunion so sweet between her, Aaron and her mother that Kate wishes desperately for Jack to have been there and seen it. Not Sawyer, who visits often and is the only one who really can relate to what she's going through. Not even Cassidy and Clementine, their life together reminding Kate of how much she's lost.

Everyone else's lives seem to be perfect, things just falling into place. Claire finally gets to raise her son and spend time with her mother again, though it takes a while for Aaron to accept Claire as his mother instead of Kate.

Even after three years, the ache of losing Charlie is still so fresh that Claire has yet to get involved in another relationship. But she's found a friend in Cassidy, whose daughter is already very close to Aaron, and the two spend time together whenever they can.

Sawyer doesn't even try to go back to his previous life, no longer wanting to be a con man. Instead he and Miles found a missing persons' service, using Sawyer's detective skills and Miles' ability to communicate with the dead to their advantage.

As the business grows, he continues sending checks to Cassidy until he works up the courage to actually visit her. She doesn't scream and chase him out of the house, but it is a long time before she lets him see Clementine. And when he does, he loves her right away.

Though he still isn't living with them, he's moved nearby and spends most weekends with his daughter. He and Cassidy grow closer and though she will never be a replacement for Juliet, Sawyer is thankful he has someone to talk to other than Kate.

Kate has to admit she's proud of everyone for moving on, but it hurts to see them continuing to lead their lives as though nothing life-changing has happened in the past three years. And no matter how hard she tries, she can't seem to let go like the rest of them.

Whenever she goes out on a date, usually someone Cassidy has set her up with, she winds up comparing him to Jack. Those men never match up and she knows she'll never be satisfied with anyone else.

Making trips to the hospital is torture for her, each time she expects Jack to walk around the corner, smiling in his lab coat or scrubs and ready to take her out to lunch. Now it's unbearable to realize he will never walk into a hospital again, will be a doctor no more. If he's dead.

There it is again, that question, the one that circles around in her brain night after night. Many days she wakes up feeling his lips on hers, remembering their last, sweet farewell kiss when she said "I love you"and he said it too.

Too often she'll break down crying for no reason, it doesn't matter where she is or what she's doing. And sometimes she doesn't even have the strength to get out of bed in the morning, there is no point.

She knows she's sinking into depression, knows her friends are concerned about her, but there is nothing she could do about it. Until Desmond comes to talk to her.

He knocks on the door to her apartment – she moved out of her old house a while ago, leaving it with Claire because there were too many painful memories – nearly five months after Kate and the others have left the Island. And what he has to say is more painful than anything she can have imagined.

He doesn't talk about how he's gotten off the Island, he ignores Kate when presses him about it, and moves on to his more important news.

Jack is dead. Desmond, Hurley and Ben found his body a few days after the Island stopped shaking. He was lying peacefully in the bamboo field, a soft smile on his face. Vincent was resting beside him, as if looking after his master until someone else found him.

They buried him with all the others, beside the cross everyone had lain there for Charlie – his body was never found – and Locke, the real Locke whom Desmond and Ben had gone to retrieve from beside the statue while Hurley dug the graves. They put up crosses for Sun, Jin and Sayid too.

Kate stares at Desmond with wide eyes while tears run down both their faces. Strangely enough she isn't surprised, she's been certain Jack is dead for a long time but she wanted desperately to be wrong.

Now that she hears the truth, she doesn't even feel any of the sorrow or heartache that she's been experiencing for the past few months. Instead all she feels is numb.

Desmond tries to make the news more bearable, explaining how much Jack cared about her. "All he wanted to do was make sure you were safe," he says. But how can anyone make the loss of a love easier to handle?

Kate, so tired of everyone trying to make her feel better, finally loses her temper.

"If he wanted me to be safe, he should have come with me!" she screams, pushing Desmond out the door. She curls up on the couch, clutching a pillow to her chest as the numbness begins to recede and sobs wrack her body.

A knock on her door brakes through the fog filling her mind. Wearily she gets off the couch, knowing full well who it will be. Seeing him standing there, tears in his own eyes, only makes it worse.

Overcome with nausea, Kate races down the hall to her bathroom. She barely makes it to the toilet before emptying the contents of her stomach. Heaving, her body shaking so much she has trouble propping herself up, Kate wants to die.

She knows Desmond is waiting for her outside, needing her to be strong for the both of them, but it doesn't matter. She's too far gone now to even care.

Lacking the energy to move, Kate lies still until Desmond opens the door and carries her to the couch. Amidst her daze, she notices the tears falling silently down his cheeks as well. A rush of pity goes out to her friend, only to be replaced by the jealous realization that he gets to go home to his family.

He still has a chance to be with his wife and child, the ones he loves, and her chance has disappeared.

"I know you loved him, Kate, but Jack is gone. You have to move on," he says gently.

She flinches as he uses the past tense verb. "How can I let go when I still love him so much. How can I ever live without him?" Kate asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

"It's hard, I'm not going to lie to you. But you'll get through it, because you know that you will see Jack again."

She blinks, trying to clear her vision. All she can manage is a confused stare in Desmond's direction.

"What if I told you that when we die, there's a place we go where we can see all our loved ones again? Jack will be there, trust me, I've seen it for myself." His thoughts turn back to the universe he saw after being exposed to the electromagnetism.

"I wouldn't believe you," Kate says sadly. Too much has happened in her life for her to have faith in those kind of fairytales anymore. Desmond only stares at her, sad to see how broken she has become.

So basically this will be a multi-chaptered fic (right now it's two parts, but that could change) and I'll try to post the next bit soon. Sorry if it's a bit depressing, but I need to get this out of my system before I can start writing any happier fics again.

Feel free to let me know what you think, I love hearing everyone's opinions. Thanks. :)