What do I want? I want for things to be different. I want to wake up and to not have this decision.

People think having two men who want is a good thing and they would be grateful to have one.

Having two men who are completely different in every way possible is not only infuriating it's just downright impossible.

And really, this choice should be easy, right? I mean I have the only man I've ever been with, wanting me back and promising me a good life. Why wouldn't I want him back?

As soon as I ask that question, a man with burnished blonde hair and blue eyes pops into my head. He makes me feel things that I have never done before. He pisses me off, challenges me, makes me want to punch him and kiss him in the same breath, and he confuses me to no end.

I don't understand my feelings for him. I don't know why I'm feeling anything for him, considering how we started off. I hated him. He was the most arrogant, selfish jerk on the planet. It was like chemicals reacting when we were together. Spark flew, and whenever we touched, I felt something.

But the feelings of hatred and dislike were replaced by knots and butterflies in my stomach. I went from hoping I didn't run into him, to getting nervous and excited if I knew there was a chance I'd see him.

Then I purposely started going places I'd knew he showed up. I found excuses to run into him.

But there was still Noah, who needed me. He was going through something that was partly my fault and I couldn't abandon him.

And truth be told, I didn't want to. I still loved him, despite everything we had gone through.

But the feelings I have for Noah are nothing like what I feel for Reid. They are peaceful, warm, and safe. When we are good, it's so easy being with him. And what's so wrong with that?

But darker thoughts take over my mind. The thoughts of when things went bad with Noah. And they always inevitably did. But didn't every relationship have its up and down?

But isn't the testament of a good relationship, one that lasts? And we lasted, even despite our hiccups. All because I fought tooth and nail to keep us together and our love alive.

And suddenly I have an epiphany. I'm tired of fighting for Noah to love me back, think me worthy enough. I'm tired of chasing after a relationship that never works out. I'm tired.

For once, I want someone to fight for me, to chase after me, to want me as much as I want them.

Then I realize what a fool I've been. I threw away the man that did.

So I write these words to you, Reid. Hoping that you understand that I finally know what I want. Why I keep showing up at your door.

I want you as much as you want me, and I'm sorry for being too afraid to admit that I love you.

-Luke

Reid finishes reading the letter, his eyes filled with tears. He stands in the open doorway and looks up to see Luke pacing back and forth nervously waiting for his reaction.

Reid grabs him and pulls him close and kisses him firmly.

"It's about damn time, Luke."