A/N: As several of you may suspect, I have applied for one too many jobs in the last six months... Many thanks to my inestimable beta Mathematica.

...

Darth Vader

Comlink: 666.666.6666

Holonet: darth . vader imp . nav . mil

202 Imperial Palace Blvd Quarters AA-23

Imperial City, Coruscant

Objective

To rule 100% of the known galaxy and a target 25% of the unknown galaxy with a selectively chosen Force-empowered sidekick (now accepting applications, Jedi need not apply).

Education

I) Mos Espa Technical Community Training Center

Certificate in Antiquated Machinery Maintenance and Droid Construction

Curriculum Vitae: POD110-PE (Introduction to Podracing), BUS112 (Basics of Bartering), HUT142 (Huttese – Human Dialect), ORS107-CC (Introduction to Outer Rim Studies), PHI103 (Survival of the Fittest), DES114 (Desert Survival Training), GAM321 (Gambling for Amateurs)

II) Jedi Temple: Academy of Holistic Force Studies

Training Advisors: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jd.M; Yoda, Jd.M; Mace Windu, Jd.M

Concentrations in Martial Arts, and Negotiation

Summa cum forte

Curriculum Vitae: LTS590 (Advanced Djem-So), LTS720 (Competitive Dueling), SPN530 (Orbital Combat I), SPN531 (Orbital Combat II), POS473 (Legislatorial Theory), DIP564 (Aggressive Negotiations), HUT630 (Exploring Classic Huttese Literature), PHI518 (The Jedi-Sith Conflict), PHI673 (Evaluating Non-Attachment Philosophy and Its Effects), SOC428 (Conflict and Change in Alien Cultures), SOC440 (Interclass-Intraspecies Relationships)

III) Republic War College

B.A. in Tactics and Strategy

Minor in Astronavigation

Practical Field Study Tours on Geonosis, Kamino, Virujansi, Felucia, and other locations

IV) E. Palpatine Institute for Unconventional Force Studies

Training Advisor: E. Palpatine, Sh.M

Concentrations in Advanced Martial Arts, State-Sponsored Violence and Dynamic Leadership

Minor in Strangulation Studies

Magna cum malus

Curriculum Vitae: ULTRA-CLASSIFIED

Work Experience

I) Pod Engine Scrubber (Watto's General Merchandise, Inc.)

Worked independently to achieve daily quota of repaired engine parts

Provided flexible support to other departments of store as needed

II) Loss-Prevention Officer (Watto's General Merchandise, Inc.)

Managed unusual financial transactions

Defended merchandise against potential theft on a daily basis

Improved knowledge of useful professional skills (gambling, embezzlement, fraud, et al.)

III) Caf Acquisition Officer (Jedi Council)

Personally filled Mace Windu's caf mug up to twelve times per day

Developed mental agility in order to remember twelve separate caf orders while running down fifty-two flights of stairs to Temple Cafeteria

IV) Shaak Traffic Controller (Naboo Ministry of Nature Preservation)

Directed and re-directed large herds of shaak in accordance with the directives of senior Nubian government officials, at great personal risk

V) Diplomatic Intern (Office of Senator Padmé Amidala)

Studied galactic-level political figures on a highly intimate level

Enjoyed extensive personal involvement in Senator Amidala's work

Capably and creatively met Senator Amidala's miscellaneous needs

VI) Tea Maker (Grand Army of the Republic)

Personally filled Obi-Wan Kenobi's teacup up to thirty-one times per standard day

Mastered art of brewing sixty-four varieties of tea efficiently while under fire

VII) General (Grand Army of the Republic)

Commanded crack infantry and starfighter squadrons in a variety of combat situations against extreme odds

Trained Jedi Padawans in the GAR Accelerated Officer Training Program

Won several dozen critical engagements. What.

VIII) Master (Jedi Order)

Learned to work with young people to the best of their admittedly limited ability.

Capably dealt with difficult situations such as temper tantrums, teamwork on battlefields, insubordination, "women's issues", etc, etc.

IX) General Manager (Imperial Jedi Extermination Services)

Coordinated and executed the elimination of ten thousand plus enemies of the state over the course of two years

Reduced operating costs by 62% through creative cost-cutting measures such as mass executions and use of energy-efficient weaponry

X) Personal Assistant (Office of the Galactic Emperor)

Personally filled His Imperial Majesty's hot chocolate mug at least fifty times per week

Assumed progressive responsibility for approximately 35% of all Imperial governing decisions, including but not limited to military operations, intelligence agencies, selective elimination of inconvenient persons, environmental disasters, charitable donations, and office supply acquisition for fourteen bureaucratic ministries

XI) Commander-in-Chief (Imperial Armed Forces)

Exercised direct, total, absolute, irrevocable, and unequivocal command of the Imperial Navy, Army, Marines, and Merchant Marines, comprising over seventeen trillion Imperial military personnel, fifty trillion droid personnel, and an estimated google of civilian adjuncts

Honorary President of Imperial Military Academy of Carida

De Facto Heir to Imperial Throne

Official hot chocolate-maker to His Imperial Majesty the Emperor

Honors, Recognitions, and Accomplishments

I) First recipient of the Shmi M. Skywalker All-Star Son Award

II) Winner of Boonta Eve Podrace

III) Recipient of the Nubian Royal Gratitude Award for Exceptional Services to the Cause of Freedom

IV) Junior Padawan of the Year

V) Basic Meditation: Most Improved

VI) Six-time All-Jedi Dueling Champion

VII) Voted "Hero With No Fear" by the Coruscant Times.

VIII) Coauthor of From Frontlines to Headlines: Reflections of a Jedi War Hero

IX) Author of Ten thousandAnd Then There Were None: A History of the Jedi Purges

X) GalactiVogue Weekly's Most Handsome Humanoid Award

XI) Two-time recipient of the Senatorial Medal of Valor

XII) DroidXTreme Magazine's Cyborg of the Millennium

XIII) First place, All-Core Freestyle Starfighter Modification Competition

XIV) Outside engineering consultant for Sienar Fleet Systems

XV) Number One, List of Chief Enemies of the Alliance to Restore the Republic; also voted "Most Feared Imperial Goon"

Languages

I) Basic

II) Huttese (Human, Hutt, Rodian, and Toydarian)

III) UBLSC-SN (Universal Binary Light Signal Code: Space Navigation)

IV) Standard Binary Code

Interests and Hobbies

I) Long solo flights in hyperspace

II) Superweapon construction

III) Terrorizing underlings

IV) Brooding

V) Stargazing

VI) Rebel hunting

Licenses and Certifications

I) Heavy Weapons Operator License; issued by Imperial Ministry of Licenses: Ordnance, Objects of Non-neutral Intent and Improvised Explosives (IML-OONIIE)

II) Unconventional Weapons License – Lightsaber; issued by Imperial Ministry of Non-neutral Objects – Jewel-base Energy Dependent Implements (IMNO-JEDI)

III) Concealed-Carry License – blaster, pocket knife; issued by Imperial Ministry of Light Offensive and Defensive Devices (IM-LODeD)

IV) Certified Droid Repairman

V) Astronavigation, Grade IV Space Pilot (Small, Mid, and Large Spacecraft), and Hyperdrive Operation Certifications

VI) Combat Medic, Paramedic, and Paranormal Medic Certifications; issued by Galactic Republic Advanced Medical Practice Association (GRAMPA), confirmed by Imperial Ministry of Associated Doctors, Orthopedists, and Clinical Technicians and Receptionists (IM-ADOCTR)

VII) Podracer Piloting License; issued by Jabba the Hutt

VIII) Master-grade Interrogator Certificate; issued by Imperial Ministry of Efficient and Violent Interrogation for Libertarians (IM-EVIL)

P.S.: You WILL give me an interview...you WILL give me an interview...