Almost Alice

By Hanabella Louise

Chapter 3- Unexpected

The knock on Alice's front door on a cold, rainy Sunday morning was unexpected, to say the least. Alice walked slowly down the stairs to open it. Helen had been staying with her daughter now for over a month, so Alice really didn't know what or who to expect when she slowly opened her front door.

"Margaret? What a pleasant surprise! I didn't know you were coming!" Alice said, shocked at the sight of her big sister standing at her front door with three bags at her side.

"Can I come in please? I'm freezing" Margaret said, shivering as the cold rain soaked through her clothes to her skin. Alice gave her sister a tiny smile before stepping aside to let her in. Margaret returned her sister's smile, picking up her bags and bringing them inside. Once she was inside the house, Alice shut the door behind her.

"I'm sorry. I know my visit is unexpected. I've been writing to mother, and she hasn't been replying, and I began to worry, so I decided to come and stay. I hope you don't mind" Margaret said, as Alice led her into the living room and lit the fire, sitting Margaret in front of it so that she could dry off.

"Of course I don't mind! I've missed you. I'll fetch some blankets from upstairs and tell mother you're here. I'd suggest you change your clothes. I'll dry them for you once you're changed" Alice said with a smile, before heading out of the living room and up the stairs, leaving Margaret to change. Alice grabbed a couple of blankets out of the dresser that was placed at the top of the stairs, before making her way to her mother's bedroom.

"Mother?" Alice asked, after knocking twice and waiting for her mother to reply. After a few moments, Helen opened the door. Alice could see that the tears her mother had been crying over the last month still stained her face. After Helen arrived, she had taken to the room her daughter had given her, and only left to have meals. Alice could tell her mother was heartbroken by her youngest daughter's pregnancy.

"Yes Alice?" Helen asked, her daughter trying to force a smile but failing. Alice looked at her mother for a moment, and thought about what it had been like before her pregnancy. Her mother had had so much hope for her future, and now that hope was gone.

"Margaret is here" Alice said with a tiny smile. As soon as Alice had mentioned her sister's name, she could see the smile her mother wore was no longer fake. Alice held back a disheartened sigh. Margaret would always be her mother's favorite child, no matter what. Helen didn't say anything else, just headed downstairs. Alice followed her with blankets as they both walked into the living room. Margaret had changed out of her dark red dress, and into a powder blue one.

"Mother!" Margaret said with a big smile on her face, running to hug her mother. Alice put the blankets down on the nearest chair.

"Margaret, you should have told me you were coming in your last letter" Helen said, moving a piece of hair that had fallen over her daughter's face away. Alice looked on from the doorframe. Helen acted caring and loving towards Margaret, something Alice needed right now.

"If you'll excuse me" Alice whispered, before heading out of the living room and upstairs to her room. Neither Helen nor Margaret had noticed that Alice had left the room till they heard her bedroom door slam shut. Alice sat herself at her bedroom window, resting her head against the cold glass, watching the rain fall. Resting a hand on her baby bump and feeling her unborn child kick, Alice couldn't help the tears that escaped from her eyes as her thoughts drifted from her mother and sister to the Hatter. She never stopped missing him, she never stopped thinking about him, and she knew she never would. She also knew she'd never love another after him.

"Alice?" Alice looked away from the window to find Margaret stood in her room. Alice must have been so lost in thought that she hadn't heard her sister enter the room. Margaret walked towards her sister when she saw the tears falling from her eyes. She sat next to her, and wrapped her arms around her little sister.

"Mother hates me, Margaret" Alice whispered, resting her head against her sister's chest. Margaret let out a small sigh, and kissed the top of Alice's head.

"That's not true. Come downstairs?" Margaret asked with a small smile. Alice didn't say anything, just wiped away her tears and nodded her head. Margaret stood up, and helped her heavily pregnant sister up, before opening Alice's bedroom door, letting Alice go first before following her downstairs into the living room, where Helen was sitting by the fire waiting for them.

"Come here, my child" Helen said after she'd stood up, opening her arms for Alice. Alice looked back at Margaret as she took a step towards her mother. Margaret gave her a reassuring smile before Alice took a few more steps to get to her mother, who put her arms around her youngest child.

"I'm so sorry, Mother" Alice said, sobbing into her mother's chest, as Helen gently ran her hand up and down Alice's back.

"Shush now, it doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done, and it cannot be changed" Helen said, keeping her hand moving up and down Alice's back as Margaret just watched in silence. After Alice had finished crying, Margaret, Helen, and Alice sat next to the fire in silence.

"Alice, I want you to come back to London with me and your sister" Helen finally said, breaking the silence that had settled between the three women.

"What?" Alice asked, shocked. Ever since her mother had arrived, Alice never thought she would ask her to come home to London.

"You heard what I said, Alice. I want you to come home with me and your sister" Helen said again, with a small sigh. Alice looked at her mother for a moment. Then she looked at her sister, before looking back at Helen.

"I can't. What will people say about me being an unmarried mother? I thought you didn't want me to come home, because you wanted to avoid the shame it will bring to our family name" Alice said, resting her hand on her baby bump as she spoke.

"You're going to give this child up for adoption. I'm sorry Alice, but you can't keep this child" Helen said with a small smile, going to take her daughter's free hand, but Alice pulled away, grabbing the table to help her up.

"No. I'd rather die than give away my child. I lost my child's father; I won't lose my child as well. If that means I have to do this alone, then so be it" Alice said, trying not to cry as she thought about the Hatter.

"Alice, I love you, but you cannot keep this child! Please, just come home with us" Helen said. Margaret stayed silent, mainly because she was stunned by the fact that her mother would abandoned her own grandchild to stop the family name being blackened by shame.

"I love you too, Mother. I love you so much. But I'm sorry, I won't abandon my child. I think it would be for the best if you and Margaret went home without me" Alice said with a sigh. Helen looked at her daughter for a moment.

"Suit yourself. We'll leave tomorrow" Helen said, gently pushing past her daughter and walking up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door shut, leaving Alice and Margaret alone looking at each other in stunned silence.

"You should go and pack as well, Margaret" Alice said with a sigh, walking back towards the fire, pushing past Margaret, who grabbed her arm gently.

"I'm sorry about Mother, Alice. She really does love you. It's just the fact that your child will bring our family great shame, and if I'm honest, I don't think she can cope with that. But I'll stay, if you'll let me" Margaret said with a small smile, gently letting go of Alice's arm.

"Why would you want to stay, Margaret? Aren't you ashamed of me like Mother?" Alice asked, trying to hold back her tears.

"Alice, you're my sister. I'll always stand by you, no matter what it costs me. You should know that by now" Margaret replied, giving Alice a small smile. There were tears in both their eyes as Alice hugged her sister.

"Thank you, Margaret, but I think it's for the best if you go home with Mother. You have a husband who needs you back in London. I'll be fine" Alice said with a tiny smile. Margaret wiped away the few tears that Alice had let slip down her face.

"Are you sure?" Margaret asked, wiping her own tears away. Alice just nodded.

"Okay, if you're sure. Please keep in touch. I would hate to lose contact with you. I should go and pack" Margaret said, kissing Alice's cheek before heading upstairs, leaving Alice alone in the living room. Alice took a seat in one of the armchairs, resting her head against the side of the seat and feeling heavy hearted over the events of the day. Her thoughts drifted between missing the Hatter and thinking of her mother's suggestion to give up her child.

"Alice?" Margaret said, gently shaking her sister. Alice had fallen asleep in the armchair. She woke to find that the sky was now a dark black, and that the stars were shining bright.

"Sorry. Being pregnant makes me get tired easily" Alice said, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Margaret gave her a small smile.

"Mother wanted me to let you know that we're leaving in the morning. She also told me to tell you that this is your last chance to pack and come with us" Margaret said with a sigh. Alice rested her hand on her baby bump as she felt her child kick.

"I wish she could understand. I can't give my child up. This child is the last piece of its father. I've already lost him; I cannot lose this child, Margaret. It would kill me" Alice said, getting up from the chair.

"I know. I can't possibly understand what his loss has done to you, Alice, but I can promise you that you will not lose your child" Margaret said, taking her sister's hand and squeezing it tight. Alice gave her a small smile.

"Thank you, Margaret. It's late. I'm going to bed. If I don't see you before you go, goodbye Margaret" Alice said, kissing her sister's cheek. Neither said another word, and Alice made her way upstairs to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her, undressing herself before slipping into bed, and letting her thoughts slip into dreams about the Hatter and Wonderland.

"Mariella Elizabeth Kingsleigh" Alice said with a smile, as the midwife placed her newborn baby daughter into her arms. Mariella was born four days after Margaret and Helen left for London. Alice studied her daughter. She couldn't see herself in her daughter's face. All she could see was the Hatter. Mariella had his eyes, his smile. Every part of her daughter was the Hatter, and though Alice was happy to have her daughter, deep inside Alice was a sadness and emptiness eating away at her, one that would never be filled.

Sneak Peek: Time to head back to Wonderland (Yes, it's a chapter based on the Hatter and Mariella, who at the end of the preface, was headed for Wonderland).