Disclaimer - Characters aren't mine, they belong to the official Marvel. And I also quote William Blake later on. Enjoy.
Shakespeare and Valentines
The clock on the wall ticks endlessly; I am aware of nothing else. Well, that's kind of a lie. There's a Hamlet test in front of me, a smooth sheet of goldenrod I stare at brainlessly, a pen in my hand. My mind's really in my backpack, where, tucked away neatly in the pocket of my binder, is a modest Valentine's Day card. I know it explicitly, a glossy white cover decorated by a plain red heart. No words, nothing fancy, unsigned. A card for Pietro.
"Ten more minutes," the English teacher says, gesturing towards the clock.
Jesus. In record time, I scribble the simplistic answers in all the blanks - Hamlet's mother is Queen Gertrude, Ophelia is manipulated by Polonius, the castle's name is Elsinore. And the hard one - what is Hamlet's tragic flaw? (Indecisiveness, according to my teacher, though are potentially dozens of perfectly good answers. But hey, why overcomplicate things?) After finishing, I use the remaining minutes to contemplate the card some more.
To send or not to send.
The bell rings, and I am free for the rest of the day. I haphazardly toss my test on the teacher's desk, not really caring whether it lands perfectly in sync with the other papers or floats down into the darkness, never to be seen again. I wish I could say the same about my life. As I walk out of the door Risty runs up behind me and grabs my arm. Involuntarily, I cringe.
"Rogue, come with me to my locker, okay?" she asks in her crisp British voice.
"Uh, okay," I say in southern voice.
"That test was really hard, heh?" She runs her fingers through her short violet hair and shakes her head. "I mean, we're only fifteen...how much can they expect from us?" Risty turns to me, suddenly watching silently for my answer.
In true test of dramatics, I laugh lightheartedly. "Oh, Ah know. Ah didn't even read the play. But at least if we all fail, she'll have to curve it, right?"
For some reason, her eyes narrow slightly before she replies with a smile, "That's true. I suppose I really shouldn't bother worrying."
"Yeah." But all I can see is the heart, oblong and cherry-colored. Why shouldn't I send it?
We stop in front of Risty's locker, and she spins out the combination expertly. "Sorry about this, but I forgot to give you something at lunch." She yanks the locker open, searches for a moment, then pulls out a small pink envelope. "Here," she says, and hands it to me.
"What's this?"
"A valentine!" Risty grins brightly. "Open it!"
Awkwardly because of my gloves, I break the seal and pull out the card. A smirking cartoon zombie graces the cover, holding out an apparently still-beating human heart. I genuinely have to laugh.
"'For You Valentine, My Heart,'" I read out loud. "Risty, this is sick."
"I know. I got it at the Hot Topic. So you like it?"
"It's great! Thanks."
"Fab. Well, I've got to run." She slams her locker closed. "See you tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
"Bye!" Risty turns and hurries down the hall.
"Bye," I murmur, staring down at the little monster. Then I remember my ride.
"Oh God!" I run down the corridor, the opposite direction of Risty, and burst out the door into the parking lot. Scott's little red car is gone, along with my hopes of avoiding the long walk home. "Dammit!" I stomp back inside, letting the huge door slam into place behind me.
And there in front of me is Pietro. I freeze as it all comes back to me. The backpack, the binder, the pocket, the card. The card that he will receive and will say everything with no words - that I appreciate him, that he's my friend, that I honestly care, all the things I have to much trouble saying. He'll know; he understands me better than anyone else, Brotherhood or X-Men.
But...he's laughing, talking with Tabitha. She watches him flirtatiously and places a hand on his arm. She's so much or what I'm not - pretty, open, fun, colorful, accessible...touchable.
I abruptly turn on my heels and head towards my own locker.
Why am I upset? Hell, we're just friends, not even that anymore since I went traitor - NO I am NOT a traitor, I have to stop thinking that. The X-Men are my only hope, they can help me, they care...well, at least I think...No. Just stop it, Mara.
I shouldn't be surprised either. I mean, I WAS at the dance. I saw him so arrogant, with four girls hanging all over him like cats in heat. He didn't even look at me except that once, fleetingly, as he first walked in. I am just the past to him. And to think I wore orange that night 'cause once he told me it was his favorite color.
Whatever, whatever, whatever. (Jeez, I sound like Kitty.) Just don't think about it.
I wish Graydon were here to give me advice.
I turn the dial on my locker carefully, but at some point I mess up and have to do it again. My mind's just not there right now, it's gone, floating, desperately avoiding the misshapen, bleeding crimson heart on the white that occupies the pocket, in the binder, in the backpack, on my back. It was a stupid idea anyway. Cards are stupid. Well, except the one Risty gave me - that one's pretty cool. Even though I'd never be able to tell her, she's probably my best friend, except for Pietro - no, he's NOT my friend anymore, doesn't even look my way...aw, screw it.
Finally, I get my locker open. As I rifle through the odds and ends I've got stuffed in there, I notice something small and ivory teeter for a second, then tumble off the top of a messy stack of papers. It floats silently to the ground and I stoop to pick it up. On the front, in a fluid scrawl, is my name, or one of them. Rogue.
Unlike Risty's, this envelope is not sealed, so with my gloves it's a little harder to pull out the card. The cover's picture is a lipstick smear of a kiss, the same scarlet color of the heart I shouldn't be thinking about. I open it slowly and find no syrupy-sweet Hallmark greeting, just words formed in the same sprawling script:
"'The look of love alarms
Because 'tis filled with fire;
But the look of soft deceit
Shall win the lover's hire.'
That's why I went to Sadie's with those other girls. And it worked, right?"
That bastard. But I continue reading.
"And you're pissed. So I'm not going to ask you to 'be mine', but so you know...I'm yours."
A sweet bastard.
"If you don't still hate me, meet me here after school tomorrow? I'll be waiting. Always, Pietro"
I press the card against my chest and sigh shakily. My eyes fill with tears, not with happiness or relief or any of the obvious emotions. My tears are salty with sadness, because even though this was what I'd been hoping for the whole damn time, I'm still torn. Should I be here for him tomorrow?
To trust or not to trust.
Dammit.
Indecisiveness really is the tragic flaw.
THE END...?
Author's Note - OK, not my best work. This was an attempt to get into Rogue's mind, but not totally successful. FYI, Mara is the name I use for her and Graydon is her half-brother. For more info, read "You Can't Go Home Again", but otherwise I think this fic stands on its own. I don't know if I should continue this...it ends decently right here, but with loose ends. What do you guys think? Please review, but please be gentle!!
Shakespeare and Valentines
The clock on the wall ticks endlessly; I am aware of nothing else. Well, that's kind of a lie. There's a Hamlet test in front of me, a smooth sheet of goldenrod I stare at brainlessly, a pen in my hand. My mind's really in my backpack, where, tucked away neatly in the pocket of my binder, is a modest Valentine's Day card. I know it explicitly, a glossy white cover decorated by a plain red heart. No words, nothing fancy, unsigned. A card for Pietro.
"Ten more minutes," the English teacher says, gesturing towards the clock.
Jesus. In record time, I scribble the simplistic answers in all the blanks - Hamlet's mother is Queen Gertrude, Ophelia is manipulated by Polonius, the castle's name is Elsinore. And the hard one - what is Hamlet's tragic flaw? (Indecisiveness, according to my teacher, though are potentially dozens of perfectly good answers. But hey, why overcomplicate things?) After finishing, I use the remaining minutes to contemplate the card some more.
To send or not to send.
The bell rings, and I am free for the rest of the day. I haphazardly toss my test on the teacher's desk, not really caring whether it lands perfectly in sync with the other papers or floats down into the darkness, never to be seen again. I wish I could say the same about my life. As I walk out of the door Risty runs up behind me and grabs my arm. Involuntarily, I cringe.
"Rogue, come with me to my locker, okay?" she asks in her crisp British voice.
"Uh, okay," I say in southern voice.
"That test was really hard, heh?" She runs her fingers through her short violet hair and shakes her head. "I mean, we're only fifteen...how much can they expect from us?" Risty turns to me, suddenly watching silently for my answer.
In true test of dramatics, I laugh lightheartedly. "Oh, Ah know. Ah didn't even read the play. But at least if we all fail, she'll have to curve it, right?"
For some reason, her eyes narrow slightly before she replies with a smile, "That's true. I suppose I really shouldn't bother worrying."
"Yeah." But all I can see is the heart, oblong and cherry-colored. Why shouldn't I send it?
We stop in front of Risty's locker, and she spins out the combination expertly. "Sorry about this, but I forgot to give you something at lunch." She yanks the locker open, searches for a moment, then pulls out a small pink envelope. "Here," she says, and hands it to me.
"What's this?"
"A valentine!" Risty grins brightly. "Open it!"
Awkwardly because of my gloves, I break the seal and pull out the card. A smirking cartoon zombie graces the cover, holding out an apparently still-beating human heart. I genuinely have to laugh.
"'For You Valentine, My Heart,'" I read out loud. "Risty, this is sick."
"I know. I got it at the Hot Topic. So you like it?"
"It's great! Thanks."
"Fab. Well, I've got to run." She slams her locker closed. "See you tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
"Bye!" Risty turns and hurries down the hall.
"Bye," I murmur, staring down at the little monster. Then I remember my ride.
"Oh God!" I run down the corridor, the opposite direction of Risty, and burst out the door into the parking lot. Scott's little red car is gone, along with my hopes of avoiding the long walk home. "Dammit!" I stomp back inside, letting the huge door slam into place behind me.
And there in front of me is Pietro. I freeze as it all comes back to me. The backpack, the binder, the pocket, the card. The card that he will receive and will say everything with no words - that I appreciate him, that he's my friend, that I honestly care, all the things I have to much trouble saying. He'll know; he understands me better than anyone else, Brotherhood or X-Men.
But...he's laughing, talking with Tabitha. She watches him flirtatiously and places a hand on his arm. She's so much or what I'm not - pretty, open, fun, colorful, accessible...touchable.
I abruptly turn on my heels and head towards my own locker.
Why am I upset? Hell, we're just friends, not even that anymore since I went traitor - NO I am NOT a traitor, I have to stop thinking that. The X-Men are my only hope, they can help me, they care...well, at least I think...No. Just stop it, Mara.
I shouldn't be surprised either. I mean, I WAS at the dance. I saw him so arrogant, with four girls hanging all over him like cats in heat. He didn't even look at me except that once, fleetingly, as he first walked in. I am just the past to him. And to think I wore orange that night 'cause once he told me it was his favorite color.
Whatever, whatever, whatever. (Jeez, I sound like Kitty.) Just don't think about it.
I wish Graydon were here to give me advice.
I turn the dial on my locker carefully, but at some point I mess up and have to do it again. My mind's just not there right now, it's gone, floating, desperately avoiding the misshapen, bleeding crimson heart on the white that occupies the pocket, in the binder, in the backpack, on my back. It was a stupid idea anyway. Cards are stupid. Well, except the one Risty gave me - that one's pretty cool. Even though I'd never be able to tell her, she's probably my best friend, except for Pietro - no, he's NOT my friend anymore, doesn't even look my way...aw, screw it.
Finally, I get my locker open. As I rifle through the odds and ends I've got stuffed in there, I notice something small and ivory teeter for a second, then tumble off the top of a messy stack of papers. It floats silently to the ground and I stoop to pick it up. On the front, in a fluid scrawl, is my name, or one of them. Rogue.
Unlike Risty's, this envelope is not sealed, so with my gloves it's a little harder to pull out the card. The cover's picture is a lipstick smear of a kiss, the same scarlet color of the heart I shouldn't be thinking about. I open it slowly and find no syrupy-sweet Hallmark greeting, just words formed in the same sprawling script:
"'The look of love alarms
Because 'tis filled with fire;
But the look of soft deceit
Shall win the lover's hire.'
That's why I went to Sadie's with those other girls. And it worked, right?"
That bastard. But I continue reading.
"And you're pissed. So I'm not going to ask you to 'be mine', but so you know...I'm yours."
A sweet bastard.
"If you don't still hate me, meet me here after school tomorrow? I'll be waiting. Always, Pietro"
I press the card against my chest and sigh shakily. My eyes fill with tears, not with happiness or relief or any of the obvious emotions. My tears are salty with sadness, because even though this was what I'd been hoping for the whole damn time, I'm still torn. Should I be here for him tomorrow?
To trust or not to trust.
Dammit.
Indecisiveness really is the tragic flaw.
THE END...?
Author's Note - OK, not my best work. This was an attempt to get into Rogue's mind, but not totally successful. FYI, Mara is the name I use for her and Graydon is her half-brother. For more info, read "You Can't Go Home Again", but otherwise I think this fic stands on its own. I don't know if I should continue this...it ends decently right here, but with loose ends. What do you guys think? Please review, but please be gentle!!