I Feel Pretty, a yu-gi-oh fanfic

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the songs in this fic

*Rated T for Teen

Summary: It's Semes vs. Ukes! But what happens when the losers get prettied up and perform in this musically inclined One-Shot! Puppyshipping and other Shippings included!

I Feel Pretty

"Kaiba, I swear that if you screw this up, I will kill you!" Yami roared at the CEO. That's what Tea walked in on afterschool in an empty classroom when she went searching for her friends.

"Um…what's going on?" she asked.

"Well, Joey somehow got it in his head to have this whole Seme vs. Uke thing," started Tristan. "Kaiba, Yami, Marik, Bakura, and I are on the Seme side while Joey, Yugi, Malik, Ryou, and Duke are on the Uke side. Right now, the score is tied."

"If Kaiba loses, the Semes will have to play a…penalty game," continued Duke.

"And what's the penalty game?" inquired Tea, curious.

"Uh, you see…the losers kind of have to get…dressed up and do a little song and dance kind of thing," answered Tristan.

"And who exactly is going to be coaching the losers?"

"You," said Tristan, cringing since he expected Tea to clobber him.

"Sounds fun," she exclaimed, grinning evilly.

"You know what? I'm switching sides!" Duke cried, pushing Tristan over onto the Uke side, taking Tristan's place on the Seme side. "You're the Uke!"

Tristan sighed and crossed his arms. Oh, well. At least he knew the Uke side was going to win. Joey was the master of Rock-Paper-Scissors.

Seto frowned at Joey, his eye twitching every now and then. It was up to him to win this. "Ready, Puppy?"

"Ya bet," replied the blond.

"Rock! Paper! Scissors!" they said in unison.

"Ha! I won!" Joey cried, jumping up and down. "Paper beats Rock!"

"No!" Seto exclaimed, horrified. "Best two out of three!"

"No way! A deal's a deal!" crowed the blond. "You're Tea's now!"

"I refuse!" declared Seto.

"If any of ya refuse," Joey said in a sing-song voice, wiggling a finger at the Semes, "all of ya will be deprived of sex…for a whole month."

Seto paled. No puppy wuvins for a whole month? Like hell! He rounded on his teammates. "If any of you are thinking of refusing, I will kill you!"

Duke raised an eyebrow. "Kaiba, can you really not last a whole month?"

"You…don't understand. I need my puppy wuvins. And if I don't get my puppy wuvins…for a whole fucking month, I will make all of your lives a living hell!" the CEO roared.

Seto saying 'puppy wuvins' would have been funny if he weren't so dead serious. The others on the Seme side gulped in response, giving into the conditions of the bet.

"Great!" exclaimed Joey as he made his way over to Tea. "Now let me fill ya in on what ya have to do."

The next day after school, Joey and the rest of the Uke side sat in the auditorium awaiting Tea's production of the Seme's Mini Musical.

"Good afternoon, everyone," Tea announced from the microphone in the center of the stage. "I hope all of you are ready for one great performance. The Semes have undergone quite a make-over and they've practiced their songs meticulously. So are we ready for some fun?"

The small audience hooted in response.

"All right. Let's reveal our Semes!" she cried as the curtain lifted.

And the Semes appeared, complete with new hairstyles, make-up, cute dresses, and heels! They were dressed as women!

Marik's hair was parted to the side and wore a skimpy purple dress with matching pumps; Duke's hair had been straightened and he had on a green empire dress with a pair of flats; Yami's hair had been pulled back in a ponytail and he wore a sleeveless gown—what shoes he wore remained to be seen; Bakura's hair had been braided in two pigtails and he had on a schoolgirl outfit and…a lollipop; Seto, however, wore hair extensions and he wore a snug black cocktail dress with similarly colored heels.

Overall, they looked pretty hot…but extremely pissed.

Suddenly, there were a few flashes of light.

"You better not have taken any fucking pictures, Puppy!" Seto growled.

"I didn't! I swear!" Joey responded, although, he smirked inwardly. He hadn't taken any pictures.

"Let's get on with the show!" announced Tea. "Each Seme will be featured in a performance all of their own with a song I have selected personally. While one Seme sings, the others will serve as the chorus when needed."

Joey and the others clapped, cheering madly.

'Cause I'm a Blonde by Julie Brown

[Sung by Marik]

Because I'm a blonde, I don't have to think.

I talk like a baby, and I never pay for drinks.

Don't have to worry 'bout getting a man

If I keep this blonde and I keep these tan,

'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I see people workin', it just makes be giggle

'Cause I don't have to work; I just have to jiggle

I'm a blonde, B-L-O-N-D.

I'm a blonde; don't you wish you were me?

I never learned to read, and I never learned to cook.

Why should I bother when I look like I look?

I know lots of people are smarter than me,

But I have this philosophy:

So what?

'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I see girls without dates, and feel so sorry for 'em,

'Cause whenever I'm around, all the men ignore 'em,

'Cause I'm a blonde, nyah, nyah, nyah.

They say that to make it, you need talent and ambition.

Well, I got a TV show, and this was my audition:

Umm…okay…what was it?...umm…

Don't tell me…Oh, yeah, okay.

"Duck, Magnum, duck!"

'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I took an IQ test, and I flunked it of course.

I can't spell VW, but I gotta Porsche,

'Cause I'm blonde, B-L-I-N-D.

'Cause I'm a blonde; don't you wish you were me?

[Marik Speaking – Imagine Valley Girl]

I just want to say that being chosen this month's Miss August

Is, like, a compliment that I'll remember for as long as I can.

Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA,

But, my goal is to become a veterinarian 'cause I love children!

[Marik Singing Again]

'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.

'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Girls think I'm snotty, and maybe it's true.

With my hair and body, you would be too.

I'm a blonde, B-L- ... I don't know!

'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.

'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah!

My Boyfriend's Back by Angels

[Sung by Duke]

[Duke Speaking]

He went away

you hung around and bothered me every night

And, when I wouldn't go out with you

You said things that weren't very nice

[Duke Singing]

My boyfriend's back, and you're gonna be in trouble

(Chorus: Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

When you see him comin', better cut on the double

(Chorus: Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

You've been spreadin' lies that I was untrue

(Chorus: Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

So look out now, 'cause he's comin' after you

(Chorus: Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

Hey, he knows that you've been tryin'

And he knows that you've been lyin'

He's been gone for such a long time

(Chorus: Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

Now, he's back, and things will be fine

(Chorus: Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

You're gonna be sorry you were ever born

(Chorus: Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

'Cause he's kind of big and he's awful strong

(Chorus: Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

Hey, he knows I wasn't cheatin'

Now, you're gonna get a beatin'

What made you think he'd believe all your lies?

You're a big man now, but he'll cut you down to size

Wait and see!

My boyfriend's back; he's gonna save my reputation

(Chorus: Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

If I were you, I'd take a permanent vacation

(Chorus: Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

Hey, I can see him comin'

Now, you better start a-runnin'

[Instrumental]

Wait and see!

My boyfriend's back; he's gonna save my reputation

La, hey la, my boyfriend's back

Man! I Feel Like a Woman by Shania Twain

[Sung by Yami]

I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright

Gonna let it all hang out

Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice

Yeah, I wanna scream and shout

No inhibitions-make no conditions

Get a little outta line

I ain't gonna act politically correct

I only wanna have a good time

The best thing about being a woman

Is the prerogative to have a little fun (Chorus: fun, fun)

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady

Men's shirts-short skirts

Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style

Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction

Color my hair-do what I dare

Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel

Man! I feel like a woman!

The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take

The chance to get out on the town

We don't need romance-we only wanna dance

We're gonna let our hair hang down

The best thing about being a woman

Is the prerogative to have a little fun (Chorus: fun, fun)

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady

Men's shirts-short skirts

Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style

Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction

Color my hair-do what I dare

Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel

Man! I feel like a woman!

The best thing about being a woman

Is the prerogative to have a little fun (Chorus: fun, fun)

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady

Men's shirts-short skirts

Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style

Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction

Color my hair-do what I dare

Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel

Man! I feel like a woman!

I get totally crazy

Can you feel it

Come, come, come on baby

I feel like a woman

Like a Virgin by Madonna

[Sung by Bakura]

I made it through the wilderness

Somehow I made it through

Didn't know how lost I was

Until I found you

I was beat incomplete

I'd been had, I was sad and blue

But you made me feel

Yeah, you made me feel

Shiny and new

[Chorus and Bakura Singing]

Like a virgin

Touched for the very first time

Like a virgin

When your heart beats

Next to mine

[Bakura Singing]

Gonna give you all my love, boy

My fear is fading fast

Been saving it all for you

'Cause only love can last

You're so fine and you're mine

Make me strong, yeah you make me bold

Oh your love thawed out

Yeah, your love thawed out

What was scared and cold

[Chorus and Bakura Singing]

Oooh, oooh, oooh

[Bakura Singing]

You're so fine and you're mine

I'll be yours 'till the end of time

'Cause you made me feel

Yeah, you made me feel

I've nothing to hide

[Chorus and Bakura Singing]

Like a virgin, ooh, ooh

Like a virgin

Feels so good inside

When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me

[Bakura Singing]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Ooh, baby

Can't you hear my heart beat

For the very first time?

I Feel Pretty from West Side Story

[Sung by Seto]

I feel pretty,

Oh, so pretty,

I feel pretty and witty and bright!

And I pity

Any girl who isn't me tonight.

I feel charming,

Oh, so charming

It's alarming how charming I feel!

And so pretty

That I hardly can believe I'm real.

See the pretty girl in that mirror there:

Who can that attractive girl be?

Such a pretty face,

Such a pretty dress,

Such a pretty smile,

Such a pretty me!

I feel stunning

And entrancing,

Feel like running and dancing for joy,

For I'm loved

By a pretty wonderful boy!

[Chorus]

Have you met my good friend Seto,

The craziest girl on the block?

You'll know her the minute you see her,

She's the one who is in an advanced state of shock.

She thinks she's in love.

She thinks she's in Spain.

She isn't in love,

She's merely insane.

It must be the heat

Or some rare disease,

Or too much to eat

Or maybe it's fleas.

Keep away from her,

Send for Mokuba!

This is not the

Seto we know!

Modest and pure,

Polite and refined,

Well-bred and mature

And out of her mind!

[Seto Singing]

I feel pretty,

Oh, so pretty

That the city should give me its key.

A committee

Should be organized to honor me.

[Chorus]

La la la la…

[Seto Singing]

I feel dizzy,

I feel sunny,

I feel fizzy and funny and fine,

And so pretty,

Miss America can just resign!

[Chorus]

La la la la…

[Seto Singing]

See the pretty girl in that mirror there:

[Chorus]

What mirror where?

[Seto Singing]

Who can that attractive girl be?

[Chorus]

Which? What? Where? Whom?

[Seto Singing]

Such a pretty face,

Such a pretty dress,

Such a pretty smile,

Such a pretty me!

[Chorus]

Such a pretty me!

[Chorus and Seto Singing]

I feel stunning

And entrancing,

Feel like running and dancing for joy,

For I'm loved

By a pretty wonderful boy!

"Thank Ra this is finally over!" exclaimed Bakura, throwing his sticky lollipop at Yami's head.

"Aw, come now, Bakura," said Ryou. "I thought you were cute."

Joey chose that time to stroll up to Seto.

"Don't you dare laugh," the brunet warned.

But the blond couldn't resist teasing his Dragon just a little bit. "So ya feel pretty, do ya?"

"That's it!" Seto screeched. "I'm going to pound you into next week!"

Joey visibly paled as he took a hesitant step back. He didn't think Seto would ever try to hit him! "Ya wouldn't dare lay a hand on me like that!"

Seto was taken aback for a moment, puzzled by Joey's reaction. Then it dawned on him. "Not 'pound' like that! The other one!"

"The other one?" Joey echoed. There was no other one…unless…Seto was referring to the 'in the bed' kind of pounding. "Waah!" he shrieked as he was thrown unceremoniously over Seto's shoulder.

"Come on, Puppy. We're leaving," Seto announced as he made his way out of the auditorium.

"Put me down! I don't want ya to pound me into next week! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" the blond wailed, wriggling back and forth in Seto's arms.

"Too bad. I'm getting all the puppy wuvins I can get after this whole thing," the brunet mumbled.

"Um…Seto? Ya do know you're still wearin' the dress, right?"

"Of course I do. It'll be off soon enough anyway," he hinted, squeezing his Puppy's ass.

"SETO!"

End