(Dez)

I stare at Charon. He smokes a cigarette, his eyes shining over as he remembers everything he just finished telling me. I don't know what to do. Obviously you can't say 'I'm sorry' or 'That must have been hard' to this kind of story. No, I can't, because if I said that I'd look like a dumbshit. Instead I just lean forward, and take his hand in mine. He looks at me, and I wish I could describe it. I wish I could describe the pain, the emotion, the sadness, the sincerity that flows through his eyes, but I can't. It's too much, and I can't put it to words.

"It's okay now, Charon."

I whisper in a soothing, motherly tone. As if by instinct, as if I know, I crawl over to him. Balancing on my knees, I take his head in my chest. For the first time since meeting him, even through all of our violent and intimate encounters, Charon is vulnerable. He is lost, and he is broken. He's hopeless, and he's lonely. My one gesture, my one calm movement, as I stroke his head, sends him into a whirlwind of sadness, that I've never seen before.

"Shh, it's alright, Charon."

I whisper, softly. I try to make it seem okay for him. I try to comfort him. I take the emotional wounds and burdens he carries, and I try to close them. I try to fill the holes that were left by his past. It's not my fault, but I want to fix it. I want to do everything I can, to save and comfort him. He tries to push me away, but I hold him tight. I hold him, and comfort him, like he's comforted me.

"Shh, shh, stop…it's okay, come here…calm down…it's alright. I'm here, Charon."

He stops fighting it. He stops resisting, and wraps his arms around me. Beneath the starry skylight, Charon breaks. For the first time in his life, he feels what it's like, to be exposed and vulnerable. And I bet, he feels just a bit more human because of that.

"Did you know her name?"

I whisper, as I gently stroke his head. He knows who I'm referring to.

"No. But she haunts me, every day."

"It's because of John, that you didn't kill me, isn't it?"

"…Yes."

I kiss the top of his head, holding him, cradling him.

"Then I thank him. I will thank him, every day."

"Why?"

"For bringing you to me."

Charon lifts his head from my chest. He looks at me, with his watery eyes, his moist face. He looks at me, and I realize now, what love means.

"He saved my life. I only wish I could have done the same."

He places his head back, and I continue to hum a tune, and stroke his head. My mind whirs, thinking, ticking. This person who meant so much to Charon, and eventually molded him, he's never told me about. Once, he did, but never like this. I feel I have to do something about it.

"When I'm better, we'll go to Vault 101."

I whisper, and he looks up at me. He moves from my grip, and kneels in front of me.

"Why?"

"There'll be things there, from him. From John. We can go, we can get them."

Charon nods, agreeing. I reach up and stroke the side of his face. A part of me is proud, happy that I could finally be there for Charon. Happy that for once, I got to save him from emotional turmoil.

"You didn't die that day in the Ninth Circle, because of him."

"I know."

"No, listen. When the gun was aimed at you, when I saw the look in your eyes, I knew. I heard his voice. For the first time, I broke my contract, an order. I listened to my former employer, to spare the innocent. Because of that, I gained freedom, and I gained you."

I smile at him. Not a cheery, bright, happy smile, but a small, sad one.

"I'm happy, you listened to him."

"I am, too."

He takes my hand from his cheek, and brings it to his lips. He kisses my hand, soft, tender, his ghoul lips never feeling more perfect. I decide right then and there, that I want to be with Charon. Forever.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

"I'm immune to radiation."

"I know."

"I want to be with you, for as long as you live."

"Dez?"

"If I'm immune, then all I have to do is become a ghoul. I ran away from you countless times, and each time you followed me. Save for New Vegas, but I came back. I don't want to lose you, us, anymore."

"What are you saying?"

"It won't hurt, you said. If I become a ghoul. If I can sit in radiation long enough, it'll happen."

"Don't talk about that, Dez. You're young, you have much more time with me."

I can't help but think otherwise. I don't want to die and have Charon live. I don't want to have Charon die and me live. Of course if that happened I'd off myself but…but I can't think of laying there, dying somehow, and seeing the grief on Charon's face. We've been through so much together. I can't…stand to lose him again.

"We can't stay here much longer."

Charon tells me.

"Why?"

"The Outcasts will come for us."

Fugitives once more. It reminds me of Megaton and getting kicked out. O the Jefferson Memorial and the old kick I had in my boots and the spark in my shotgun.

"Then we'll run away together, just like we used to."

I tell him, my voice soft, calm, persuasive. He leans in and kisses me. His arms wrap around me, and I fall into him. He holds me, close, strong. It's the safest place for me. I feel his eyes watching me, carefully watching me, and I look up at him.

He strokes my cheeks, looking at me, analyzing me, as if I'm some sort of statue in the Museum of History. It makes me feel pretty, but at the same time makes me feel uneasy. I pull away from him, not because I don't like it, but really just because I don't feel that adequate. After hearing his story, hearing how he was built and trained, there's a part of me that just feels…insignificant.

I mean, look at me. I grew up in the cozy livings of Vault 101. My biggest worry was…well, I didn't have much to worry about. I stayed alone, I stayed with Butch. It was depressing, but that's it at the very worst. It was lonely, since no one wanted anything to do with me. It hurt, that people I hadn't yet met or recognized scowled at me when I was a kid. Like I didn't belong. I felt bad, thinking I did belong and just like everyone else I was born there. I was lonely and sad my entire life there. Feeling neglected by my father, and unwanted by everyone else. Still, in comparison to Charon, that's nothing to bitch about.

"What are you thinking about?"

Charon asks me, noticing the look on my face. I glance over at him. We're still kneeling, and our hands are still holding each other's.

"My life in the vault. How…different it our lives were."

"You know what I remember, Dez?"

"Hm?"

"I remember, when we first met, we were in the subway tunnels. I conned you into telling me your story. Into admitting you were that girl from Vault 101. When you screamed at me, giving reasons for the things you did, defending yourself when I called you spoiled, I remember thinking I wanted to fix that. I didn't know how at the time, but I wanted to repay you for being kind to me."

There are things in our past, the past that Charon and I spent together, that goes ignored. Like that incident, I remember it, just simply got brushed off. I hadn't thought about it in a while, simply because I didn't feel the need to after so long. Hearing what was really going on in his mind back then, I guess, makes me feel better about marching up to Ahzrukhal and demanding his contract.

"That was the first time you hugged me."

I say, remembering. I remember that hug. How warm he felt, how comfortable and secure my world suddenly became. I take it for granted now, I think, whenever he wraps his arms around me. I forget, that there was a time and place when he never used to do such things. Sometimes, you can get so lost in the present and future, that you forget what was once so important to you in the past. Charon's kindness to me back then kept me alive, kept me going. The hopes that every night he would embrace me, or hold me, or gently smooth the hair from my face, made me want to live to see another night.

"Yes, I remember."

He squeezes my hands, and I blush. Yes, Charon can make me blush. Don't knock it.

"Charon? Do you remember Rivet City?"

"Of course I do."

"No, no I mean…do you remember…what I did there?"

He thinks for a moment, before the memory hits him. Then he looks at me, slowly nodding.

"What were you thinking? When…that happened…"

"I was leaving the boat. I was doing as you had ordered me to do, when I looked to my left and saw you. It was as if everything went in slow motion. I saw you falling, saw you hit the water, and then…I didn't see you come up."

"How'd I get out of the water?"

"I went in. Swam after you. Held my breath and dove down to the bottom. Lord knows how long you'd been under there, but no more than a few minutes. I grabbed you, and dragged you ashore."

"But what were you thinking?"

"…I wasn't thinking of anything. I simply acted. I was worried, terribly worried. I'd never felt the need to rescue an employer like that. If you died, I would be free to find another holder. It wasn't what I wanted."

"You cared about me then, didn't you?"

"Yes. I grew attached to you. I didn't know how, why, or what it meant. I simply knew that harming or losing you was not what I wanted."

I smile at him, taking one of my hands away. Tucking my hair behind my ear, I smile. Charon. The way the looks at me, the way he holds my hand, the way he does every single thing, makes me never want to leave. Makes me want to stay here with him, just like this. It makes me regret all the fights, the past, the angry disappearances, it makes me regret ever hurting him, in any way. I had always hoped this was real. Hoped that love was real. I never wanted to be alone, but I always was. I hated it. But, then Charon came. Picking up his hand, I bring it to my lips.

"I need you, Charon."

He sighs deeply. Not lustful, not angrily, but like a deep weight has been lifted from him.

"I know."

"Please believe me."

"I do."

I smile at him, and he stares at me. Not a blank stare, but one that says everything, and says nothing. I narrow my eyes, I focus on him, just him, and everything else turns black. Nothing else matters. My heart pounds in my chest, as Charon leans forward. He takes his hand from my lips, and cups my face. I smile, still, at him. He kisses me, passionate, slow, wanting. When he pulls away from me, he wraps his arms around my waist, and pulls me into him.

"You're stuck with me."

I whisper, my nose tracing his neck.

"I know."

We look at one another, with only the light of the moon to illuminate our faces. Charon runs his hands through my hair. In the distance, an explosion. The world is alive, the world is moving, but here, on this balcony, it's still. There's nothing but us, but him, but me.

"You'll never be alone again."

He tells me, as if I'm the one who needs saving. As if I'm the one who needs his help. Maybe in the past, that was real. That was true, so many years ago. But, I'm as alright as I'll ever be.

"Neither will you."

I whisper, as the stars brighten, as if they can reflect the emotions that pour silently from us. I'm not so scared anymore. Not so scared of what the future holds. Not scared if the world will end or begin again. Nothing else matters. Nothing is as important as he is to me, and as I am to him. Whenever I need him, if he's not with me, I'll look to the stars, and they'll guide me to him. They'll light the way. The way that I've been searching for my entire life. The way to someone who loves me, who cares for me above all else. The way into someone's life. The way I walked into his life, the way he barged into mine.

He kisses me, long, slow, passionate. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, clinging to him like if I let go, the balcony that holds us up will crumble below us. The night comes down on us, a silvery gray wisp of light and darkness all at once. I don't want him to stop. Just want him to kiss me, slowly, passionately, just like he is now. He makes my skin crawl with desire, with divine feelings, with a light I have never felt before.

"I love you."

I whisper when our lips part for a moment. For the first time, I feel truly alive. I feel, that I'm not alone. I feel the space that's been empty so long, being filled. It's always been Charon. I was too blind and stupid to see it before. He's saved me, in every way a person can be saved. Thinking of this makes me tremble. Tremble and shake, and he holds me tighter, kissing me. I open my eyes in time to see a shooting star behind his head in the night sky.

And on this balcony, the place we call our home, the place of safety and recluse, the consummation of true love begins. It's not our first time, it won't be our last time, but it is the first time such emotions have been magnified. We almost lost one another, lost the world we created for ourselves. We prove, to each other, to ourselves, that nothing matters more than what we have. The world could end, right now, at this very moment, and I would be okay with that. With Charon wrapped in my arms, with his lips sealed against mine. With our breathing shallow, passionate, defiant against the unspoken laws of the Capital Wasteland. I have so much to say to him right now, so much to speak and express. I say it for the first time, with such conviction and such emotion that I feel it makes even the coldest person smile.

"Charon…"