Cain: Hey, we're back! It's been a while!
Raising-Cain: It's been absolutely impossible to get this chapter up sooner than today.
Mikami: Hey God, I'm in a fanfiction!
Cain: Good for you! That means we can bend your free will!
Raising-Cain: Do the disclaimer! :)
Mikami: Cain and Raising-Cain do not own Death Note, Burgundy wine or Saw. Can I see God?
*Brand new kick-ass lighting system starts, and applause*
Cain and Raising-Cain: Hello, and welcome to the fourth episode of HHC: Death Note edition!
Cain: You may be wondering why we haven't aired in two months. Well, here is the reason – it all started when I visited the dentist. He was all out of toothpaste...
*5 hours later*
Cain: ...When suddenly, the flesh-eating killer plant lunged! Thank God the werewolf blocked the attack...
Raising-Cain: Uhh, Cain?
*another 5 hours later*
Cain: ...and after that, we finally reached Mount Fuji. And the dentist got his toothpaste.
Everyone: O.O
Raising-Cain: What did you have before the show?
Cain: I don't know. But Mikami told me it was supposed to taste bitter, and that it would make me very very happy. Why are there fishies floating on Misa's head?
Misa: Argh! Fish! Get 'em off, get 'em off!
Raising-Cain: Umm, what actually happened was that Cain's computer was attacked by a Death Note hating Spyware, which caused it to die. All her hard work is gone, and she has only now sorted it out.
Cain: Even my iTunes vanished! First the PC, now my own Netbook! T.T
Soichiro: Can we save the technology angst for later? Let's get on with the show!
In the house
Matt: So...does anyone play Final Fantasy XIII?
BB: That's the 463rd video game you've asked about. No one else plays f***ing video games!
Matt: Oh, okay.
*awkward silence*
Matt: Does anyone play Runescape?
*BB draws knife*
Matt: *panicked* That was an Internet game!
BB: I know. I f***ing HATE Runescape. I got addicted to it, and didn't murder anyone for months.
L: So that's why there was such a gap.
Light: Can someone tell me what Mello and Near are doing?
*Mello and Near dancing 'Caramelldansen'*
L: *records video on cellphone* This will DEFINITELY go on Youtube. Imagine the hits from fangirls!
BB: We'll be rich!
*L and BB high-five*
Light: Yo, Einsteins! Youtube is a non-profit website.
Matt: Aww! I was gonna spend your money on Zelda games!
Studio
Cain: Dares! Dares! Dares!
Raising-Cain: Okay, stop jumping up and down, you idiot rabbit. God, I sound like Kanda from -man. First dare! By the way, Light is actually at the bottom of the score board, not Near. Cain can't do Math:
NP
Zomg you took my dare 33 Ily guyz. (yes, it was, apart from the der- it's ein, I think…)
Ich Habe der DARE for Near. I dunno why I spoke German. Was that even right?
Okay so here!
Near is in a dark cold room...the blood chilling in his veins...he is scared and alone. When he sees three lights...angels, even.
There is three robot toys, so yeah. Two of them have fire in them, when touched, they will explode. If Near picks the right one, he lives, if not...the opposite of live.
Love the show as always! Sorry for long review!
If you want guest stars I have too much time on my hands ;) I kid.
-NP
Raising-Cain: Wow, this is a really original dare! I love it! The technicians were organized, and have already made the toys. If it's okay with you, if Near picks the right toy, we're gonna let him keep it. And you can guest star next chapter! ^^
In the House
Near: I am tired from dancing. I have not done that much physical exercise since pushing my way through a line of 1784.7 people to get to the latest toy.
Mello: Near? .7?
Near: You had to be there.
*trapdoor release*
Near: Oh dear God, not again. If I have to watch anything, or eat anything, I am NOT gonna be happy.
*see the dark, damp room*
Near: I don't like this. It is scaring me. *shivers*
Ryuk: Awwww!
Matsuda: Wait, Ryuk – last time the audience said 'Aww!', you told them to 'get over it!'!
Ryuk: ...Don't judge me.
*lights (angels!) come on*
Near: TOYS!
*sees the sign that reads "Be warned, if you choose the wrong toy, it will blow you up. If you chose the right one, keep it. Be careful."*
Near: Hmmm, three identical toys *sits down* and two will spontaneously combust *twirls hair*
*thinks for a while*
Near: Really, this is problematic for me. I am too attracted to toys, so I cannot find the slightest distinction between these perfect works of art. I am 97.846% sure of that conclusion. That means, there is only one way to do this...
*points at the toys*
Near: Eenie, meenie, minei...mo!
*grabs the right toy, and finds the exit*
Raising-Cain: Did he use...eenie, meenie?
Cain: What happened to intellectuality?
Misa: The doctor said mine flew away with unicorns!
Everyone: We know -_-
Raising-Cain: Err, okay. Judges, do you have scores?
Near
Soichiro: Not exactly the smartest idea – 3.5
Misa: He the smartest! He the smartest! ^^ - 5
Matsuda: Okay, I could have done that – 4.5
Ryuk: No, you couldn't have – 5
(average: 4.5)
Cain: Matsuda, why do you think you could have picked the right one?
Matsuda: You don't know my specialised training.
Everyone: …
Raising-Cain: Let's move on:
xL-iz-After-BeyondBirthdayx
You guys should have Light and BB fall in a trapdoor together and fall into a VERY white room with a only one bed inside and wine included! :D
And have them become besties in a ...ROMANTIC kind of way ^^
Sorry, I'm a fangirl, :3
Cain: Umm, Liz, if that is your name? Did you not read the summary or watch the first episode? We kinda said no fangirl junk. Oh well, we might as well do this one. Modified.
Technician: How are we modifying?
Raising-Cain: *waves baseball bat* Why are you talking?
Technician: *whimpers* Gomen nasai.
Raising-Cain: Oh, you're gonna be sorry, Takeshi-san.
Cain: WHY DID YOU SAY HIS NAME?
In the house
*trapdoor release*
*BB and Light fall*
Raising-Cain: I'm pretty sure you pressed that button early.
Cain: I was bored. Dialogue gets tiring, okay?
BB: It's so white in here, it's blinding.
Light: Is that…wine?
BB: Burgundy! I love this stuff!
Light: I didn't know you drank.
BB: There a lot side to my life no one knows. Did you know I brutally murder people?
Light: Everyone knows that.
Everyone: Damn straight we do!
Cain: Okay, seriously, can you guys stop talking at the same time, it's annoying.
BB: Light, pour me some.
Light: I might as well know what all the fuss about Burgundy too.
*both drink*
*5 minutes later*
Light: I…love you…man. From one killer to (hic!) another.
BB: You have a VERY low tolerance.
Light: *giggles* Yep! I (hic!) love this s***!
BB: No more for you. *snatches bottle*
Light: If I seduce you, will you give it back.
BB: O.O What…did you say?
Light: I'm pretty good at it. Ask Misa or Takada.
*BB turns around*
*Light holds his arms out*
*BB plunges his knife into Light*
Light: Not…what I…meant…
BB: Are you sure? Cuz I did the same thing to everyone else who said that.
Cain: And modification is complete. *uses author powers to bring Light back to life*
Raising-Cain: Sorry Liz, but to write yaoi romance really does make us sick. We had to swerve around that part. Scores!
BB
Soichiro: That was totally barbaric to Light! – 2
Misa: I concur! – 1
Matsuda: It was an act of self-defense! – 2.5
Ryuk: *laughs raucously* He had what was coming to him! XD – 3
(average – 2.1)
Light
Soichiro: My poor son T.T – 2
Misa: My poor God of the new world – 2.5
Matsuda: Meh... – 2
Ryuk: Seriously, how can you guys not find this hilarious? – 1
(average – 1.9)
Cain: Is this episode a little short? Maybe people aren't adlibbing enough. Anyway, the last dare for today!:
HollowSanity
Great story so far.
Anyway,I have a dare for everyone,make them watch really bloody horror movies and for them to comment on it.
lol, I love this xD
Raising-Cain: LOL, I love this dare! Cain, you're the expert on scary movies – what can you recommend?
Cain: Hannah Montana the Movie. That girl scares me, and so does her voice.
Raising-Cain: No, I mean real scary movies, not your Montana-phobia.
Cain: Oh, fine. I think Saw is the most classic of bloody horror, so let's go with that.
In the house
BB: Light tried to rape me!
Light: It wouldn't be rape if you said yes! Plus, you killed me, three times now! Isn't that enough?
L: Light, I am concerned. You were never like this when we worked together.
Mello: That's because Light isn't like this. Something is controlling us.
Near: For once, I agree with Mello.
Matt: Duuude...
*trapdoor release*
Everyone but Near: DAMMMITTTT!
Near: OH NOOOOOOOOOO!
*thump*
Matt: Hey, it's a movie theatre! Let's watch!
*after watching 'Saw'*
Light: Oh my Kira...I mean God...so much blood...
L: O.O I think my retinas have been burned off.
Mello: Jesus Christ... save me...
Near: *just plain crying*
Matt: I am not playing bloody horror games ever again!
BB: Hahahahahaha! That was the BEST comedy I've ever seen! Like the part where that woman screams and then her blood is all over the floor? Hilarious! Oh, I'm tearing up...
Mikami: What is wrong with that man?
Cain: When did you get here?
Mikami: I found a hole in the box, and chewed my way out! I needed God!
Raising-Cain: Now do you see what I had to put up with? Scores.
Light
Soichiro: Why do people torture my son? – 2
Misa: He can't take a scary movie? – 1.5
Matsuda: Aww, Light's scarred for life! – 2
Ryuk: He is a wuss – 1
L
Soichiro: I understand his angle – 2.5
Misa: Not bad – 3
Matsuda: He could've stopped sucking his thumb all the way through it – 2.5
Ryuk: I don't have retinas! – 3
Cain: Yes, you do.
Ryuk: What are retinas?
BB
Soichiro: Somebody please lock this man up! – 3
Misa: I hate him for surviving this – 4
Matsuda: I am so glad I'm not in there – 4.5
Ryuk: Why are there no perfect scores? He understands the comedy! – 5
Mello
Soichiro: Keep praying, and He will get you out – 3
Misa: I second that – 3
Matsuda: I agree too – 3
Ryuk: Whatever, I like the number 3 – 3
Matt
Soichiro: He is too much of a game freak! – 2
Misa: Can't he think about other things for a change? – 2
Matsuda: I don't like bloody horror games either – 3
Ryuk: You guys are so biased – 2
Near
Soichiro: That went wrong – 1
Misa: Man up! – 1
Matsuda: Don't be mean – 1.5
Ryuk: No, we will be mean – 1
Cain: Okay, here are the final scores!:
Light – 25.4
L – 46.3
BB – 41.6
Mello – 38.9
Matt – 35.5
Near – 29.5
Raising-Cain: *le gasp* BB and L are eligible for release! But it's not that simple – you have to vote whether we let them go out, or keep them in. The only condition if you vote them to stay – you can't give incredibly bad individual dares. They are not allowed to suffer alone anymore.
Cain: So, review, and decide! Bye!
Raising-Cain: We do need those votes, and don't forget to R+R!
Cain: We thank all those who have reviewed dared, favorited us or the story, and have put us on Story Alert!
Mello: Don't forget to give me chocolate!
Cain and Raising-Cain: MY CHOCOLATE! *evil glares*