Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, this disclaimer is back, bigger, better, and sometimes underlined. It still doesn't own One Piece sadly, although the chances of that are improving with mad underlining skills such as these.

The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 19- Say no to drugs, say no to victory

Chopper raised his arm just in time to 'block' another blow from Pearl, the sheer force of the giant man's attack still managing to push him back. This man was simply too powerful for his regular heavy point, especially with the damage fresh from his battle with those Marines earlier.

The man in question wore a large metal shield on both his chest and back, as well as smaller ones along his knees and elbows, with pearls inlaid in them. He had a somewhat handsome face for a Marine, a large pearl covered his hair as a hat, and flat pearls shined even on his boots, adding to his strange appearance. His gauntlets had the strongest, hardest shields, ones that were currently pounding the life out of Chopper.

Against this walking jewellery catalogue, there was no choice- he had to risk it and use another rumble ball and hope for the best. Chopper bit down hard, hoping this wouldn't be a fatal mistake.

Since he'd downed another pill just an hour or two ago (what was he, Sanji?), the side effects of two rumble balls stopped Chopper from controlling whatever he became. The half-man-half-centaur-barely-clad-in-a-leather-loincloth Ranged Point was good for long-distance fighting with its bow, but was useless against a close-quarters foe like this. His 'Super Gay Abs' form would be better, but brute force against brute force fights tended to leave huge injuries for both opponents, and he was lucky the unstable new form had worked properly earlier, let alone now.

Ideally, he needed the Sadistic Point, the super-fast and powerful version of his Heavy Point. That one was linked, however, to-

Chopper took another hit, metal shield slamming him in the gut. Dropping to his knees he desperately gasped for air, as another slamming attack came his way, sending the reindeer crashing into a tree. Stars and cotton candy danced across his vision, as he sat up dizzily. Snapping through some vines Pearl followed, screaming, "Throughout its career, Pearl Jam has promoted wider social and political issues, from pro-choice sentiments to opposition to George W. Bush's presidency!"

Chopper's vision went red, not unlike that James Bond movie effect. You know, where the first-person view goes dark red after he's shot in the head. Man, that movie sure was clever for it's time, even if it looks cheesy and over-used now. But the red was his own blood- dripping from a fresh laceration over his eye- as Pearl pummelled him yet again, edge the edge of a shield cutting him.

Chopper knew he should be worried; he was losing this fight, badly. But that was irrelevant, compared to how turned on he was . . . For the uncontrolled drug had chosen the Masochistic Point, and his body enjoyed the pain.

"Yes . . . please, more!" he cried, hoping his boner wasn't visible, all thoughts of fighting lost in the ecstasy pounding through his body, literally.

"Industry insiders compared Pearl Jam's tour that year to the touring habits of Led Zeppelin, in that the band 'ignored the press and took its music directly to the fans'!" laughed Pearl, sure of his win. Another blow sent Chopper's body flying into the air, past more vines and exotic flowers, until he could see the whole courtyard.

In the air, he glimpsed the Marine base for a moment, eyes widening and losing their trance-like gaze. That was right . . . he'd been fighting to help his friends! Shivering, he realised he'd fallen for the trap of this form, and nearly lost himself.

The reindeer's furred body landed heavily onto the lawn. The impact from the landing, along with the previous damage, made it hard for him to stand up; the man's sheer force had nearly crippled him. Wheezing as he looked at his foe, Chopper knew that he only had one chance left.

The 'pet of the Marines', -as Kaku had called him- was mindlessly charging towards Chopper, yelling more obscure trivia about overrated bands that had sold out, and weren't really cool enough to talk about anymore (no offence Pearl jam fans. All two of you).

The Masochistic Point was weak, but it absorbed the pain inflicted on it. When he released it, all of the damage inflicted on Chopper would be doubled and sent back at the man. That might be enough to beat Pearl, if he didn't miss and strike a shield. Taking a fighting stance, aiming carefully at an exposed part of his side, he readied for the attack, when-

A clicking noise reverberated inside his head.

"Not now!" he screamed, leaping to the side, barely avoiding a sweeping arm from Pearl. "No!" Chopper cursed, as he fled backwards, limping. His Masochistic point had changed, and now he was in the Sadistic Point, at the worst possible time. Pearl followed, keeping up his onslaught.

This form was faster and powerful, but that one hit he'd saved up for was lost, the damage pointless. Worse still, sadism was enjoying dealing out pain. Put simply, this form didn't take well to receiving pain, and had zero defences. With the resilience and defence of a sheet of paper, he franticly leapt and dodged every blow Pearl sent his way, not daring to guard even once.

But he couldn't keep this up for long; it hurt to breathe, and bruises crossed his body like spider webs. If he lost this fight Pearl would head in to tell the other Marines of his win. Then, Usopp and the others would be in even more danger! Chopper knew, without a doubt, one more hit and he was a goner.

Suffice to say, he'd had better fights.

-Wow, backed into a corner there. While I think of a plausible way Chopper could win this, here's some Sanji :D (note: I don't make this up as I write at all...)-

Sanji lashed out with his leg, aiming right for the glassy, shining patch he'd melted earlier. If Crocodile's body really had become glass, it was the most obvious weak point he'd ever seen since he played Conker's Bad Fur day on Nintendo 64 (Seriously, there was a big red button on his back, and he moved slowly; how patronizing could they make it? Ahem).

Re-focusing on the battle, his leg swept right at Crocodile, only to stop. Eyes widening with surprise, he saw the attack had been blocked by a muscled arm.

"How-" Sanji managed, before Crocodile threw him back. Hands out, he flipped and landed safely, eyeing the man.

"Hah!" Crocodile laughed at him, "It always surprises people when I block an attack. What a fool you are!" Sanji cursed inwardly; he had expected his attack to pass right through the man's arm. He'd become accustomed to fighting the sand-user, and hadn't thought of the possibility he could block without turning into sand.

"No problem," he muttered, leaping back towards the scarred man. "All I need is one good hit!" he yelled, darting to Crocodile's side. He circled his foe, briefly confusing him as to where the attack would come from, before leaping into the air, kicking out with both feet at different points of his body!

Crocodile's arm was up in time to guard, but the second kick struck his torso, near the glassy skin. The skin gave way under his business shoe. The scarred man winced in pain, unused to the feeling after so long relying on his powers, though he stood his ground. Sanji smirked, before his jaw dropped down in confusion.

Despite his pain, Crocodile had managed to turn his arm and torso into sand at the moment of impact, both of Sanji's feet sinking into his body! Sanji was helplessly stuck, unable to move his legs from his opponent's body, his body standing on a right angle from his Crocodile!

"Let's see how much of a man you really are!" yelled Crocodile, fist slamming forward in between Sanji's spread-apart legs. He had time to wince and curse his fate before Crocodile let the sand effect go, letting the blonde hit the floor where he curled into a ball.

Over by the side of the warehouse Iceberg winced in sympathy, while Robin covered her eyes with her hands, which sprouted more eyes to look on, which her next pair of hands covered, which sprouted more eyes themselves. She couldn't bear to watch this, but couldn't take her eyes off the scene- it was like watching a trainwreck, or reading this fanfic.

Sanji fell to the ground, surprisingly unhurt. He had just enough time to wonder why he felt nothing before the pain hit him, momentarily causing him to black-out. Eyes rolling back, intense pain -the likes of which no one could ever truly sympathise with until they had felt it themselves -shot through his very being. Sanji howled, his voice echoing through the large space, as every other part of his body went numb and tears gathered in his eyes.

"That," he stuttered as he got up on shaky legs, "was a low-blow, you shitty-!" he fell back to his knees, moaning as a second wave of pain snuck up on him. Crocodile merely laughed, amused by his reaction.

"So, ready to give up yet, kid?" he looked at Robin hungrily, giving Sanji an idea what he was in a hurry for.

"Like hell I am!" he roared, standing back up. Ignoring the pain with every fibre of his being, Sanji spun and twirled, legs alighting once more.

"Diable Jambe!" he roared, a barrage of kicks aimed right at Crocodile. The scarred man dodged them, riding up to safety as his feet turned into sand. Sanji leapt after him, a high-kick snapping above his head and caught Crocodile, causing the man's right knee and leg to melt into glass as they collided in mid-air.

Sanji landed heavily on one knee, exhausted. Shit . . . he wasn't sure if he could use that move again with how much it took out of him. Crocodile landed away from him, glaring furiously. They stared at each other for a long moment, before Sanji doubled over in a dead faint.

Iceberg –who had been watching intently- frowned. "Don't tell me you used your hook on the boy just now?"

"It was dragging on; I don't see why not, old man," grunted Crocodile.

"The name's Vanilla Iceberg, thug," growled Iceberg. "As in, 'cool as ice'." Crocodile groaned, not appreciating the pun.

"You mean you just want people to think of Vanilla Ice, the rapper, when they think of you. Idiot."

"It's a fitting name," denied Vanilla Iceberg in a completely serious tone. "I deal with 'ice' the drug, and never melt under pressure. Unlike you," he mentioned, glancing scathingly at Crocodile's glassy skin.

"Shut up!" Crocodile yelled, suddenly defensive. Robin watched this exchange in shock, wondering if she herself was on drugs. Weren't they serious just a second ago?

Looking towards Sanji, she saw him struggling up, a hand clutching his chest. A rip in his suit showed a cut, one dripping with a liquid of some kind. He must have sunk his hook into Sanji, so fast she couldn't catch it. They'd tumbled in the air for barely a single second when he kicked, but they were both quick enough to attack in that time.

"Robin! Hurry up and come back to the ship with me!" yelled Sanji, voice emotional. "I can't!" she turned away from him, voice hoarse with emotion.

"Why not?" he asked, confidently turning towards Crocodile once more. "This guy's as good as defeated, you can count on me!"

"Big words, brat. I doubt you could take on his pet mouse," snorted Crocodile, indicating Vanilla Iceberg with his thumb.

"This really is dragging out," muttered Vanilla Iceberg. "Hurry up and 'ice' him!"

"You're not helping!" yelled Sanji and Crocodile back, both simultaneously pissed off with the bad pun.

"Anyway," Crocodile turned back towards Sanji, "this fight really is over. Do you know what my hook just did to you then? I've injected your body with downers, some product I got off Pimp No Sense-Of-Humour over there. Your body is going to slow, your muscles relaxed; in five minutes you'll have the kicking strength of a jellyfish! Bwahahahaha!" His cloak billowed along with him as his body shook with laughter, the fight already won in his mind.

But Sanji was strangely calm, even for someone just injected with a psychoactive drug. The thing was, he already knew exactly how they worked. He'd used downers before himself many times, to recover from overdoses quicker and lessen the impact of other, more lethal, drugs. Basically any sedative or depressant, he figured Crocodile had given him something powerful enough to stop or slow his heart, which would definitely make fighting a lot harder. It was a pretty common thing to try for someone like him, so he knew exactly how to counter it.

Sanji reached into his suit jacket, pulling out a joint. Vanilla Iceberg watched with sudden interest, as the blonde breathed in deeply, as much as he could.

"Enjoying your last moment, huh?" Crocodile laughed. "Not that I blame you!"

"You don't realise, do you?" asked Vanilla Iceberg in an impressed tone.

"Realise what?"

"He's getting wet," he said admiringly. "With what he bought off me just this day! Oh my, that is the icing on the cake!" He began to chuckle.

"Getting wet? Explain right now!" snarled Crocodile, his anger at Vanilla Iceberg (and his latest pun) distracting him from Sanji, who had nearly finished his joint.

"You don't know? You haven't been a gangster for long, have you? I bet you're just hired help he picked up a few months ago," Sanji smiled at him.

"Phenylcyclohexyl-piperidine, PCP or Angel Dust for short. 'Getting wet' is what we call it when you smoke PCP, when a cigarette is dipped in the stuff at some point." He took a step forward, eyes noticeably bloodshot. "One of the effects of PCP works like a painkiller." He flexed forward, moving as if unhurt, walking towards Crocodile confidently now.

"While it's unconfirmed, people say you get increased strength and rage when under PCP, and even delusional!" he yelled as he kicked out at Crocodile, who barely guarded his glassy weak-point in time. "Or even aggressive!" he kicked out again, forcing Crocodile to duck and turn into sand, in order to avoid the strike. The sand-user's hook materialised in the air, swiping down towards Sanji's neck.

The chef leant to the side, avoiding it with ease. Sanji's leg lashed out once again, catching Crocodile in his melted knee, causing him to hiss with pain as he fell to one leg. Sanji continued his assault, kicking him again while he was down, sending Crocodile flying across the bare room.

"How. . . ?"

"It also works against downers!" yelled Sanji, as Crocodile slammed into the wall, the steel beams above them wobbling dangerously with the impact. The curly eye-browed cook took another step forward, cocky.

Robin watched in amazement, as Sanji almost instantly turned the tide of the battle.

"PCP is an upper?" she asked.

"Not quite, my plaything." Vanilla Iceberg's cold gaze met hers, as he turned to address her. "PCP is neither an upper nor a downer; rather, it leaves the mind void and blank, with drastic, mind-altering effects. He's obviously had enough to overpower whatever Crocodile used on him though. What an interesting man," he smiled to himself.

Robin listened in horror, as the man next to her continued.

"Of course, he's hiding it rather well, but the side effects are already starting to take their toll. I doubt he can concentrate or see clearly at this point. How much do you think he took?" She knew Vanilla Iceberg well, and was afraid of that look on his face, no matter how conversational he seemed. That was the expression he used when he was incredibly mad. But, as always, he never showed it directly. He would have seemed calm to anyone else, but she knew; whoever faced his wrath would wish they were dead. He was one pimp you never crossed and lived to tell of it. And right now he was watching Sanji-the boy who had just interrupted his discussion, tried to steal back Robin, and seriously injured one of his goons- very closely.

Crocodile struggled up, pissed off to the core, his body burning with pain.

"I'll show you what happens when upstarts get full of themselves!" he roared, a tornado of sand streaming along his body. Robin was forcibly dragged by Vanilla Iceberg to the corner of the room, as wind, dirt and sand tore across the warehouse. Sanji pulled his hand across his eyes, trying to see through the storm.

High above them the loose iron roof flew off, making a horrible screeching noise as it gave way. The wind grew even more intense with the open air, causing a few pieces of broken machinery to fly up into the storm.

"I'll make you suffer!" Crocodile roared, the sandstorm slowly circling towards Sanji. "Your body won't even look human when I'm done with it!"

Sanji shook his head to fight off a wave of dizziness. Vanilla Iceberg was right; the side effects were starting to kick in. Crocodile stood motionless at the centre of the storm; it was now or never. Running towards Crocodile through the waves of sand, Sanji moved faster then ever before, legs alighting with his signature attack.

"Diable Jambe: Anti-Manner Kick Course!" he yelled, leaping right into the heart of the storm.

A 180-degree vertical kick sliced upward, through Crocodile, before he had time to lay a hand on the chef. His entire body turned to glass, sand particles scattering around them.

And just like that, it was over.

The sand died down instantly, replaced with the light rain from above, the roof having been blown clean off during the storm. Sanji kneeled over the clear man that had been his foe just moments before. Unlike before, the kick had travelled right through Crocodile, turning all of the man's internal organs into glass. His entire body shined, like a sculpture.

"My my," Vanilla Iceberg slow-clapped Sanji, with a smile. "He looks just like an ice sculpture now, doesn't he?" Sanji cursed inwardly; though he had thought the same thing, hearing Vanilla Iceberg say it out loud pissed him off. There was just something about this man that he didn't quite like.

"You could kill him, you know. Based on his abilities, he'll stay like glass for a few days at least, I'd wager. Far better to smash him now, while you have the chance."

"I'm not going to kill him," wheezed Sanji. "We'll be gone by then, anyway. Including Robin."

Vanilla Iceberg raised his eyebrow at this. Robin shivered next to him in the rain, but made no effort to move.

"Robin! Are you going to help me beat this one, are you just gonna watch some more?" Sanji took an uneasy step towards the two, trying to ignore the delusions in the corners of his vision. Some of them were really messed up, although a few of the delusions were nice he had to admit.

"Sanji . . ." Robin looked down, unable to meet his eyes. "I ain't going back. I can't."

"Suit yourself," Sanji muttered. He didn't care about the story behind all this, Robin was his friend, and there was no way he'd walk away after all this. He just had to beat the short-haired guy with the bad puns, and they were outa here. That couldn't be so hard, could it?

"Such sentiments, and for an ice queen like Robin." A smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he advanced dangerously towards Sanji.

"If you think you can beat me in that state, then you're even more delusional then I thought."

Sanji merely grunted in response, ready to square off. Whatever happened, he was going to win this. Robin clasped her hands together tightly (all twenty of them) as she watched the fight, afraid of the outcome.

Vanilla Iceberg began to change, his body altering. He was going to use his horrifyingly, terrible devil fruit powers.

-meanwhile, back outside the Marine headquarters-

Chopper whirled and spun, ducking under yet another sweeping attack. Pearl seemed to have limitless stamina and energy, but his attacks weren't particularly creative. Chopper leapt over his next swing, landing behind the beast. Quickly he lashed out with his hooves, hitting an unprotected gap under the man's shoulder before leaping away to safety.

Pearl yelled with pain, spun and charged back at Chopper. The doctor escaped up a nearby tree, swinging up branches desperately as he avoided the barrage. His music-obsessed foe followed him up another tree, just as Chopper dropped down, striking him on the way. Pearl seemed hurt, but he wasn't even bleeding; Chopper wasn't sure if his attacks were making any difference at all.

Chopper considered escaping, and trying to meet up with one of the others. That would be the safest and wisest course of action, but something kept him here. Recklessly he rolled next to Pearl and lashed out at the man's legs with his hooves, as he realised what ii was; the Sadistic Point enjoyed the pain. He wanted to hurt Pearl over and over again, until he couldn't move. And not because of the battle.

Chopper shook his head, trying to regain control of his thoughts again. These forms were tricky. He looked up in time to see Pearl ram forward, aiming to head-butt him with the massive orb on his head.

Chopper just had time to raise his hooves to intercept the attack. Yelling, "No!"

"Alternative rooooooock!" Pearl yelled back.

The two met with a mighty clash. Chopper flew from the impact, slamming through a willow tree. Pearl collapsed backwards, body spasming and convulsing on a flower bed.

Chopper raised his head and blinked warily. What the? Groaning as he raised a weary hoof to his head, he realised he'd switched forms again, involuntarily. He was the Masochistic Point again! He must have (finally) unleashed all of that pent-up damage on the already injured Pearl. If it weren't for that, his ramming attack would have been a lot more effective on Chopper, and the doctor would probably be out cold right now.

"I . . . won?" Chopper stretched upwards, wincing when he heard the cracking noise his joints made, but otherwise ignoring it. "I won!" stretching up at the cloudy sky, he couldn't believe his luck. He'd made it, he had helped his friends.

-meanwhile, inside the base-

Zoro spun, swords flashing, as she dealt yet another attack. Wanze, the freakish chef of the Marine base, collapsed against a sink, holding his side in a feeble attempt to halt the blood flow.

"Had enough?" Zoro raised one eyebrow, expression bored.

"Never!" cried the white-haired man. Scrabbling to his feet, Wanze looked around the kitchen worriedly. The tiles were coated in sauce and small vegetables -the result of fighting with ramen as a weapon- but he had no noodles left to use. They had all disintegrated, thanks to Zoro's thunder blade, the Jishinkaminarikajioyaji Shigure.

"I'm weapon-less!" he shrieked. Zoro felt a vein burst on her temple; calling noodles a weapon was an insult to all real weapons across the world. She looked down at his grovelling, as Wanze bent down in front of her and started pleading for his life. Were all men this pathetic, or was it just chefs who were so weak? Zoro suppressed a grin at the thought of Sanji begging like that to her.

A mischievous look in Wanze's eyes alerted her to his next move. Thinking he had her lulled into a false sense of security, Wanze flailed his arms out, the noodles hidden in his jacket sleeves pouring out with wet slapping noises. The noodles snaked towards Zoro hungrily, if a noodles movement could be considered hungry.

Zoro effortlessly leaped over the man and the 'surprise' attack, spinning in the air as she did so. For a brief moment in time, as Wanze looked up, he could see her underwear perfectly beneath the green yukata. Eyes dazed, a look of pure happiness across his perverted face, Wanze was too distracted to defend himself at all.

Sheathing her swords with an exasperated, pained expression, the green-haired pirate calmly walked away from Wanze's smoking body. She concentrated on the sound her geta sandals made as she strode across the kitchen tiles, trying to push all thoughts of that man out of her mind.

As she'd expected, any man who called himself a chef would be hopelessly perverted, even more so then most men. Therein lied the only reason Zoro ever wore feminine outfits such as her yukata; weak-willed opponents were distracted, and lost quicker. It was still better then some of the whore outfits Nami wore, so she kept her dignity and saw nothing wrong with this style of fighting.

Leaving the kitchen -and the recently-electrocuted chef Wanze- without a backward glance, Zoro continued looking for the stairs. Usopp better still be alive after all this . . .

A/N: DON'T TAKE DRUGS, KIDS.

I was up until 6am writing this, I wonder if it shows... An entire chapter without Usopp? The next will be Usopp-orientated, now that most of the other fights are out of the way. Look forward to it~

And it's finally done... Sorry for my update times (or lack of), but I'm out of school now, so expect that to improve. I'm trying to have the changes in this dimension actually affect the plot, if that makes sense. So instead of 'haha, he's taking drugs' and 'oh look, Zoro's a girl', I'm making it actually affect what they do and their battles. It's hard to say if it makes for good, unique fight scenes or if it's just lame, so please let me know how I'm going~

Also: we're nearly at the 50 review mark! Please leave a review if you want a chance at that free oneshot competition I mentioned. I'll also throw in a free request oneshot for anyone who comes up with a good new summary for me; I'm in the mood for a change again.

Also also: a huge thankyou for the beta-work by UnrelentingNightmare, who may never lend me manga again if I don't tell you to check out their stories pronto. I owe you one!

-Sorry for such a long author's note ^.^;;