Title: Sanji's Prank Calls

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece nor do I make any money from this.

Pairings: Many!

Summary: Come on did you really think Sanji just cooked all day in the kitchen?

Series of Drabbles

Warnings: Minor bad spelling & grammar, and anything that could ever possible offend you will be here most likely! Yaoi-ish!

A/N's: For anyone that does not like my warnings don't read I guess …it's not like I'm forcing you to.

Made cause … yeah I have no life ^.^;

Title: Over 18

Victim/s: Smoker & Ace

Sanji sighed watching the pot of water on the stove waiting for it to boil. …of course a watched pot never boils.

"Time for a distraction!" the pervy cook smirked and danced his way over to the Den Den Mushi and then pulled a little black book out from his back pocket. "Humm who shale it be today?" he questioned to himself looking over the numbers in the book yet at seeing one of his newer numbers he just could not help himself and quickly dialed in the number.

...

Many miles away on a government ship Smoker was out on the upper deck of the ship resting back in a lawn chair smoking two cigars at once and just enjoying the peace and quiet…that is till Tashigi came running up the stairs only then to fall flat on her face having tripped on … so it seemed air?

Quickly the women righted her self. "Commander Smoker sir! An urgent call from headquarters has come in for you!" she informed and held out the Den Den Mushi she had carried.

"Great. What do they want now…" muttered the man but took the Den Den Mushi and answered, "Hello, This is Smoker here."

"Commander Smoker we here of the Government have a new dept. Minor Offences Bureau and they have gotten some reported complaints concerning your person that are rather a larger issues then what they are use to handling."

Smoker bit on his cigars frowning, "What kind of complaints?"

"Well to put it frankly it's been reported that you have been chasing under age boys around."

Smoker nearly gagged on his cigar smoke at that. "Excuse me?" he finally chocked out.

"Yes the first incident starting in Arabasta in a small café."

"N-now just wait one damn minute here! Those were pirates!" Smoker deafened himself.

"Sir we really do not wish to know about your sex role play games with children we just are calling out of courtesy due to your long outstanding service for the Government. Yet if this continues we will need to take action."

"Take action? This is outrage! It's my job to lock up pirates!" Smoker yelled very red in the face at this point.

"Sir please calm down. Again there is no need to give us sexual details on what you do with them."

"You little shit! I want to speak to your superior right now!" Smoker demanded sitting up straight now.

"There really is no reason for that sir I'm just calling in regards to ask you tone down your sexual predator ways. At lest make sure they are eighteen sir."

"You bastard! …." Smoker was cut off.

"As well we want to ask you to be a little more discreet about your mail ordering. The excessive gay porn magazines ordered in your name we can over look if it helps keep your deprived urges for little boys down but the packages of sexual toys are making us becoming a little worried over just who you are using them with…"

"My gay porn magazines?" Smoker yelled out furious they were trying to pin more crazy bullshit on him. "And stop insinuating I have sex with little boys!" Smoker then yelled.

If the first out burst from Smoker had not made everyone on the government ship deadpanned and freeze in place the second one most certainly did the trick.

"Well as long as you understand the error of your ways sir that will be all. Have a pleasant day and remember to check to make sure the boys are of age." click went the line dead as the other party hung up.

Smoker slowly turned his head around and saw everyone staring at him and a cold sweat came to his beat red face as he froze up in utter embarrassment.

Hina crossed her arms then and shook her head, "Hina is not sure if she should be creped out or turned on here."

...

Later that night many more miles across the ocean Ace was just settling down in his hotel bed when his portable mini Den Den Mushi went off.

"Talk to me!" The fire starter answered.

"You bastard you swore to me you were over eighteen!" came Smoker's voice in outrage.

A/N's: *bows deeply in apology*